I'm glad you had a great time!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ailidh
...because I'd come across the phrase 'martyr mommy' a few weeks ago, I think it may have been on 3fc somewhere, I was able to really stand outside her constant, gentle, self-effacing martyr murmurings, rather than feel guilty about them, as I have usually done for 50+ years.
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I learned a LOT about aging and elderly people during the last year of my Mom's life. Between all the doctor's appointments (daily for 3 months and then a couple times a week after) and living with her 6 days a week, my main association with people was pretty much in the 70+ range. I learned a lot.
My Mom was always very strong willed and independent but during that last year (after my Dad died) she often put herself down. She was just different. I know she was heartbroken and I didn't realize that she would miss my Dad so much. My Dad did all things financial so I took over those tasks.
Being around so many elderly people made me realize that I don't think many elderly people are cranky or cantankerous. I think many of them are scared...life as they knew it is changing rapidly nowadays, they can't do what they used to do and there is uncertainty about the future (as in how much longer will I live). Many are hard of hearing (I think the ladies in the neighborhood thought she was a snob...they didn't know until AFTER she died that she just couldn't hear anyone and she only wore her hearing aid when she went out). And many have various pains and/or ailments. I guess I might appear cranky sometimes too but I think many of our elderly just want to be loved and have some assurances that everything is ok.
I learned to listen to what my Mom was saying that last year...really listen. It helped me to move past things that I would have normally done the mental eye roll thing. It gave me patience to put up with things that drove me right up the wall for 50 years. We had a wonderful last year and the last week of her life was superb. I am so glad I took the time to be with her (and not blow her off like my brother did). I have no regrets...just wonderful memories. And an inherent sadness that she's gone.
Thanks for "listening."
