Had a mini mental breakdown last night...
 

Why why WHY do people think it's okay, just because I'm losing weight now, to say things to me like "yah when we met you we thought you'd be dead by 30 of a heart attack"

You know what? I am NOT at the point in my journey where I can hear that. What that MAKES me want to do (for a half a minute) is PROVE to them that I can be 300+ lbs and NOT die. It makes me want to eat everything in sight. It makes me want to cry into bed and cry.

Even if it's true. Even if they are thinking it. It hurts.

I want to be seen as more than my weight.

So anyways I cried and talked my way out of this for about 2 hours last night with my hubby. And he pointed out how strong I am and how I don't THINK I am strong. That it's been 45 days totally on plan and yah... anyways it's okay.

I can do this. I AM doing this. It's just taking a while for my brain to catch up with my body.

I don't have any other reason for posting this other than to just share. Thanks ladies. I've tried out many other forums on here but this one... this one is "home"

:hug: I'm sorry.
But I feel you, my best friend is always making ignorant comments about me at my highest weight. Constantly.
I'll give you some examples of things she has said...

The most hurtful thing she ever said was, "Back in the day you used to have NO neck, I'm serious Sherri, NO NECK. Your chin just hung down to your boobs. I always wondered how you got hickies on your neck. Now a guy could actually kiss your neck."

"You used to just look like a big huge blimp. You had no shape to you."

"Your stomach was so big you couldn't tell if you had boobs or not."


She's rude. I'm not that far into my journey to be hearing things like that either. It actually hurt my feelings a bit the first time she said something. Mostly because *I* don't really notice change yet. Mostly in my face, thats it. And I know she isn't saying these things to hurt me, I think SHE thinks it incourages me to lose more weight... She's mistaken.
I think people should just keep their mouths shut, and make NO rude comments at all. Ever. I personally wouldn't do that to anyone.

People can be cruel. My grandma always tells me "if you lose weight, you'd be a beautiful girl".

What about now? Why can't I be pretty now? And the thing is, she's far more overweight than I am.

wow, i can't believe people would say those things to you. i'm sure people might be saying it behind my back, but nobody has ever said it to me. i'm not sure how i would react, although i tend to believe (knowing how i am) that i would probably shoot back with something. i wouldn't stand there and let them say things that bothered me. maybe you should say something so they know that they are hurting you, they probably don't even realize they are.

Congrats for getting past the insensitive remarks. :hug: People just don't think about what effect their words can have. You are more than your weight, and any person with class will recognise that.

Reminds me of something that happened to me years ago. After separating from my ex, folks fell over themselves to tell me they'd never liked him anyway! :foot: What? I was with him, and loved him, for 15 years! :lol: How little they thought of my judgement!

Usually I am the one that has a witty comeback for people who make terrible comments but I do want to put it out there that sometimes people don't know what to say and they want to be supportive and they think what they're saying is helpful.

There is a person in my life who is super competitive in her own weight loss so she thinks that is what everyone needs. I actually have the same reaction to her own competitiveness. So I said to her - I think you're trying to be supportive and helpful and I appreciate that. It means a lot to me. But I am just not competitive. I will lose weight at my own rate and I'm not interested in comparing notes on how fast we lose weight. It's not a race to me.

When someone in your life makes a comment like that, let them know that you appreciate that they've noticed your big change but those comments still hurt. I think you said it best when you said: I am not at the point in my journey where I can hear that. It's simple and very true.

I have a friend who told me that my boobs were not just big they were HUGE!!! This was when they were huge, but I couldn't believe she would be so shocked by them. Now she sees me about every three to six months and her eyes pop out of her head and she calls attention to my huge weight loss in front of a whole group of people. She's always been a skinny little thing, so she doesn't have any clue how it feels to be on the receiving end of those kind of comments.
Then there is the friend who just doesn't edit herself. She once told me that if she was overweight her husband wouldn't be attracted to her sexually. That one really hit hard, and I cried and cried over it. Since then I've come to know her better and learned that she just doesn't think before she speaks.
Then there is the friend who told me that a nurse told her that fat people were just lazy. This friend used to be anorexic, so she has plenty of weight related issues herself. I've had men tell me that I'm just lazy too, that if i'd get out and work hard I would lose the weight.
People can be so mean! I used to get mad and decide to not lose the weight to show I didn't care what they thought. Now I've decided what really matters is what I think about myself and to take care of my health.
Those people make those comments, but rest assured they don't really give much thought to our weight or how we feel. Take care of yourself for you, your peace of mind and your health.

So many people have no concept anymore of, you know, manners. It really disturbs me.

My favorite response to stuff like this is to look mildly surprised and say "You do realize that you just said that out loud??"

Usually people get really flustered and embarrassed and try to back out of it. And usually they can't. And then I just smile and walk away.

I've found that rather than getting upset or trying to "talk" about it or teach them or whatever ... that little gentle reminder that not every thought is suitable to be spoken aloud, works wonders.

.

cfmama~ :hug::hug::hug: My dad once told my bf that if I lost a hundred pounds I would be beautiful... I was happy to hear my bf respond that he thinks I am beautiful the way that I am... but it still really hurt to hear my dad say that.
cfmama, we're here for you!!!

Yea, some people sux and at times they don't even know they do. That is why I'm glad we got each other. Thanks for posting getting it out there. Maybe someone who's never had this problem will think twice before being so rude. Hugz to all.

I'm sorry. I would have been hurt, too.

I am so sorry! Some people just don't get it. Keep up your hard work. You are worth it and you are doing a fantastic job!

I think Jessica made a really good point - many of our friends make comments that hurt us because they are trying to be supportive and don't know how. I think it's easy for me to think a friend is being rude but it's also up to me to let them know they hurt my feelings. If I don't say anything can I blame them the next time they make a comment that hurts my feelings?

I do understand how painful it can be to be on the receiving end of rude comments. And I am often surprised at strangers who believe they can make comments about my weight without even knowing me.

My main point is just if it's a friend hurting my feelings and I never tell them it hurts then it's just as much my fault as theirs the next time they say the same thing. I can't expect them to understand or read my mind if I don't help them.

So if you've never clearly communicated to a friend when they hurt you try it next time. A true friend won't think less of you for being honest. They might be flustered or embarassed for a minute but in the end I bet you'll both be closer.

That had to be hurtful. I get what you mean about not being ready yet to have people say things like that to you... I don't know if those kinds of negative comments are ever easy to handle.

Personally, I can't count the number of times I got the: if you lost weight, you'd be pretty... if you lost weight, the boys would like you...... let alone the time I was working at a grocery store and a man (customer) came up to me looking for a product and I didn't know what it was so I asked my 'skinny' coworker beside me... Apparently it was a diet product because the guy blurted out, "No, don't ask her! I wanted to ask a FAT person!"... Or the customer who insisted my weight (stomach) was resting on the scale when I was ringing up her produce, arguing that it increased the weight and I was charging her too much. Yea...

People just don't know when not to speak sometimes... and other times I think they think by saying harsh comments it is encouraging you not to eat or something.