There are certain questions that truly are none of the other person's business. Weight is one, age is one for some people. Asking why somebody never got pregnant. I don't think there's a thing wrong with saying whatever you feel like. I have a friend who, when asked something she doesn't care to share, says "what prompts the inquiry?" very sweetly. And then doesn't answer.
If you have lost 100lbs and don't want anyone to know you were ever that big just tell them you have lost somewhere around 30 or 40 lbs or whatever numbers you are comfortable with .You want be lying because you did lose that much weight . Does anyone agree?
Girl, if you lose 100 lbs, shout it from the roof! That is something to be so proud of!
Saying that, I know what you're saying about it being hard. I have a hard time admitting what my starting number was ( 278 ) I think I only told my sister, who replied, Wow, I never would of guessed you weighed that much! BUT when ppl ask me how much I have lost, I always tell the exact number. Nobody has asked me what my starting weight was, and I have been upfront with everyone I know about my efforts to lose weight. I'm sure they know that my starting number is a personal thing, so they don't ask, and or don't care, but saying I lost 40 instead of 60 lbs somehow seems to take away A LOT of hard work on my part. ( at least that is how I see it )
Keep up the good work though, you are doing wonderful!
Like you, I pride myself on my honesty. Setting boundaries has been and continues to be a challenge: This is where your right to information ends and my right to privacy begins. Owning your life and your personal information isn't the same as being rude. I've begun to think of it as helping society by encouraging people to recognize when they're being too invasive.
If you think it would be helpful to tell someone the real numbers, don't feel that you have to judge yourself for them. Do you judge other people on this board for their numbers? For me, I'm amazed and encouraged when I see the weight loss. There's a whole lot more that goes into weight than simply eating too much, and weight loss is a huge accomplishment. We should treat each other and ourselves gently. It isn't like you shot someone in the face!
If you don't want to tell anyone, you don't have to. It's your body, not theirs. I like humor ("I lost 2,715.4 pounds, but I just can't seem to shake the last 1.2 pounds.") or even completely and openly changing the subject. ("How much weight have you lost?" "That's an interesting top. Where did you get it?") Or try just simply not answering. Silence is one of my new favorite responses.
I agree with the suggestion that you practice. Or maybe even practice with you being the one to ask the rude question and the other person give you some sample responses, to see which ones you like the best.
If it makes you feel bad about telling a lie, then don't do it. You have a right to your integrity as well as your health, and neither need be sacrified because of rude people.
Last edited by Ufi; 09-14-2008 at 12:07 PM.
Reason: Forgot to say something
I've begun to think of it as helping society by encouraging people to recognize when they're being too invasive.
Lord knows it sure needs that help!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ufi
I like humor ("I lost 2,715.4 pounds, but I just can't seem to shake the last 1.2 pounds.")
"How much weight have you lost?"
Or try just simply not answering. Silence is one of my new favorite responses.
I love all of these. Just strong enough so they figure it out for themselves, just gently enough that they maybe learn something instead of getting defensive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ufi
If it makes you feel bad about telling a lie, then don't do it. You have a right to your integrity as well as your health, and neither need be sacrified because of rude people.
I read this post the other day and can't get it out of my mind. I have lost almost 70lbs and have been telling anyone I can. I want people to know how hard I've been working - BUT - after reading this I'm thinking about how it may sound. Several times that I've told people they act shocked and say "I had NO IDEA you had that much to lose"! What?!? Are they blind?!? - LOL! No really - maybe it is too much to tell people I lost 70lbs. - maybe 20 does sound better............
I tend to be very open about my weight, and will answer almost anyone who asks. For me, I refuse to be ashamed of who I am, or even who I was. There were a lot of reasons I got to be as heavy as I did, and some of them were out of my control, and some of them were based on choices I would make all over again if I had the opportunity. Weight wasn't the first priority in my life -- my career, family, and education were. Good choices, but I wasn't taking care of me. That was a mistake, but nothing to be deeply ashamed of. Embarassment for being short-sighted, maybe but not ashamed.
Personally, I dislike the pressure put upon women in our culture to be dishonest regarding weight loss and age. I always say that if I am ever tempted to lie about my age, I will lie "up" so that people think I look good (rather than thinking I'm lying or look horrible for my age). I'd say that about weight, accept when I tell people who ask about my weight, they think I'm already doing it. I've been accused of lying or being sarcastic when I tell my true weight.
I think the reason for the disbelief is how common lying about weight is. No one knows what over 300 lbs looks like, because they've never met a woman admitting to weighing that much. No one knows what losing 100 lbs looks like, because few people admit to having lost that much.
Personally, I'd rather see someone say "none of your d*d business," than lie when asked how much they weigh or how much they've lost. But I understand the pressure to "fudge" the truth. I just wish it weren't there.
I think people asking how much you have lost are generally trying to be nice. So if you are uncomfortable sharing that information, I think one of the polite ways of conveying that is a good choice (rather than lying or slapping down the person who asks). I think the suggestions like "More than I'd like to admit," and "Not as much as I'd like" convey that message but keep the conversation upbeat.
I once heard a comedian on this topic. She put her hands wide apart and said "why do women think this is 110 pounds?" She then wiggled her little finger and answered herself "Because men think this is six inches."
It still makes me laugh! And my driver's license has my weight at 16 still listed. No one has ever questioned it.
I've done so many flip-flops as far as how I feel about telling people IRL about my journey that I'm starting to feel like a pancake..
When I first started losing, I couldn't wait for someone to notice - seemed like it just took forever for anyone to finally say something. Then, when they finally did, I would get all bristly when they asked how much I honestly think I wasn't so much embarrased about how big I had been, or still was, but more worried that I would either not lose any more or gain it all back and they would all start shaking their heads and either pitying me or laughing at me for being such a failure. Now that I'm even closer to goal, and feeling even more committed than ever to clean eating being a total lifetime change (and am actually starting to look pretty good ), I'll brag about how much I've lost to anyone who'll listen - even some who don't really want to listen
LOL! No really - maybe it is too much to tell people I lost 70lbs. - maybe 20 does sound better............
I honestly think I wasn't so much embarrased about how big I had been, or still was, but more worried that I would either not lose any more or gain it all back and they would all start shaking their heads and either pitying me or laughing at me for being such a failure. Now that I'm even closer to goal, and feeling even more committed than ever to clean eating being a total lifetime change (and am actually starting to look pretty good 
), I'll brag about how much I've lost to anyone who'll listen - even some who don't really want to listen 
