I am so sorry for your loss, your struggle, and your grief. Even knowing it was the right thing to do, and what she wanted, the pain must be overwhelming.
You were gave your mom the most selfless gift a person can give...You took all of her pain and suffering upon yourself. You were courageous enough to suffer for her, that is real love. People say all the time, I would do this for you, if I could. You could and you did, you stopped her pain, which caused a much stronger pain for yourself. You did what she wanted and you did it at a cost to yourself. No matter how hard it gets, take comfort in the fact that you gave her the best gift of all...your love!
I will keep you in my prayers...May God bestow His peace upon you, that you may know His quiet and everlating love.
I am so so so sorry for your loss. And I'm quite sure that nothing anyone can say right now will take away the pain and grief that you feel. But, you must know that you did not kill your mother. You did the best that you could in an attempt to help her. Without the second round of chemo the cancer would have just grown and killed her for sure, only it would have been a very painful death. What you did was give your mother some dignity and peace. Your mother is still with you, only now you can just show her everything in your heart.
I hope you find peace.
~melissa
I agree with what Melissa and everyone else here have said. You DID not kill your Mom. you made the best decision you could have with the information the medical peoples gave you. You Mom is in a better place and is no longer suffering and thats great! She is now your guardian Angel and will watch over you for the rest of your life. She knows you loved her and she also knows you did what you thought best and followed her wishes.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
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Originally Posted by bargoo
I agree with the others, she is free of pain and in a better place. I will add this, there is nothing like losing your mother , no matter how it happens. Please do not blame yourself and I would recommend counseling.
I also agree that this was/is very hard for you and I think Grief Counseling will help you al ot. Good luck.
I am SO sorry for your loss
There are no words that I can give you to make you feel better, only time can heal this pain.
You gave your Mom the greatest, most selfless gift that you could ever give her.
The monster that is cancer killed your Mama...NOT YOU. You gave her freedom from pain, freedom from the monster, and she will be with you forever. I absolutely believe that she is thanking you right now. Close your eyes and feel your Mamas' arms around you...she's there...
I just read your post and the tears are streaming down my face. I am so sorry you are going through this. I know words may not break through your grief right now but you did not kill her, you tried everything you could for her then released her from all the pain. You did it with the love only a daughter can have for her mom.
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Czarria, please do not feel that way. The decisions you made were made with love in the hopes of her best interests. You were there until the end, holding her hand and somehow, I think she knows that in spirit even as she left the physical body.
We all have our time on this earth - nothing you could have done would have changed things in the end. Come to peace with yourself and focus instead on the things she meant to you. I'm sure she would have wanted it that way.
You let her go to a peaceful place - now you have to make your own journey to find peace for yourself.
Your decisions did not kill your mother. You helped her fight the cancer and then let her go when the fight was too much for her. Please find someone who can help you through your grief. There are somethings that we are not meant to do by ourselves.
You helped your mother, you did not kill her (cancer did). I remember watching my Dad die slowly, taking his last breath (lung cancer). If I could have helped him end the suffering sooner I would have. Cancer is evil. I have no doubt your Mother is so proud of you and happy that you helped her because where she is now, there is no more suffering, no more pain, no more tears.
I'm deeply sorry to hear about your loss. But you did not kill her... you made the best decisions based on what you were able to do, and you did everything with love for your mother. You did NOT kill her.
I can tell you this from experience- I know where you're coming from, and believe me, don't do this to yourself! My Mom filled out a DNR form when she first went into the hospital before she died. It was painful, but my sister and I followed her wishes, to the horror of my brother, who felt holding onto her was going to provide a miracle that just wasn't going to happen. She had cancer, it was spread all throughout her body and her lungs were filled up with fluid. Absolutely no chance of surviving, and any attempts to keep her alive would have just prolonged the painful, but inevitable death she went through.
Ask yourself this- if you hadn't tried that second round of chemotherapy, would she have been around this long? If you hadn't let her go so she was no longer in pain or suffering, would it comfort you more to see her in that same condition right now? Would she have a better quality of life at this moment if you didn't do either?
Honey, you didn't kill her, and if she could tell you herself right now- she is better off in a better place without any suffering or pain and would thank you for being a great, loving, caring, and nurturing daughter! Many times when we feel helpless, we blame ourselves for not being able to save our loved ones, even though the medical doctors and nurses couldn't do it, either. Please don't beat yourself up over something you had absolutely no control over. One way or the other, she was going to die, and no matter which decision you made, the end result would have been the same.
If you need to talk, PM me. I feel your pain and know what it's like. Just remember, you did what you did out of love and caring, and it's not an easy decision to let loved ones go when we're not ready to part with them.
to you, and my condolences on the loss of your mother. She's in a much better place now, no longer suffering the wrath of an awful disease that takes far too many loved ones away from us.
I'm so sorry for your loss! Don't blame yourself, you did the right thing! You saved your Mama from pain and suffering! My thoughts and prayers are with you!
I am SO sorry for your loss 
