I was really in the same boat as you...
I went to college and 'dated' a couple guys. Really it just involved me hanging around guys that really liked me but if they tried to get too close, then I'd dump them. I went out with one guy for 3 months without kissing him, then he tried to kiss me so I dumped him.
After college, I found it hard to meet people and ended up dating a friend at the age of 28. It was hard to start the relationship because uhh it took me months of not getting cues and he had to really put himself out there for me to get it. The relationship lasted a little under a year and after that, I didn't want to really date any more. I ended up going out on a couple dates that just didn't feel right to me.
Then at the age of 30, I started dating another long time friend. Again, it took months of cues from him and really him saying "I think we should date" for me to get it. I was so oblivious
We ended up dating for a little over a year and then getting married.
Honestly, I never really thought I'd get married because of how I was. I was shy and really wasn't open to other people.
I think you do have to put yourself out there a little bit. Yes, you may get hurt. It happens. It is ok though, you will survive and learn from it. Also, feel free to express your feelings. Tell whoever you are dating that you need to take it slow at first. A lot of things that people seemed to have learned in high school, us shy girls need to learn later on in life and that is ok.