Oh Laurie, if we lived close to each other I'd say we ought to tie a rope around each of our waists so we can pull each other out of the mud. You know so well how much I've been struggling lately. It sucks. The dark clouds around you obscure where you came from, where you're going and what you are doing to yourself in the moment. The disorientation and frustration you feel in those moments is what makes you question why you're doing this and whether it's worth it. Surely going back to some of my old ways would feel a heck of a lot better than this, right?
Despite feeling like that a lot lately, there is a small voice inside that keeps telling me that quitting is ALWAYS easier. But that is what I've always done when it comes to controling my weight. Quitting is why I got to over 300 pounds. Quitting is why I've been struggling with my weight for 20 years. If at any point in those 20 years I had learned the lesson that nothing worth having comes easy, I may not have squandered all of those years encased in fat.
I guess, my fellow struggling friend, I'm trying to say that this sucks and it's hard and the alternative sounds so much better, but it is worth it and if you stick with it, you'll thank yourself later for not quitting.
So stay with it! I need you at the other end of my rope!
Yes, Laurie Dawn - It is just as worth it to keep going as it was worth it to get started in the first place. I was on a successful weight loss / health gain journey a few years ago, and was making great progress, but I gave up because it was too hard - or so I convinced myself. When I look back now at the things I've missed out on since then - things I wouldn't or couldn't do because I was too fat, or too tired, or too embarrassed, or too whatever - I feel very sad. But I am also eager to experience many new things this time around, and to apply what I learned, even from giving up and allowing myself to fail. Try practicing a little blind faith here - trust that it's worth it to keep going, just because all of your friends here are telling you so. And before very long, you will Know EXACTLY why it was worth it!
Here is what I think. For a long time... years... I looked at this whole weight loss thing as "something I had to do but hated and couldn't wait for it to be over." It was some kind of stand-alone process that, once completed, would result in a better life. Well, that kind of thinking just has not worked for me. Because the process gets old, I get tired of it, I want it to end, I want to quit. In effect, by wishing I it was "over" I was wishing my life away. I realize this is a different way of thinking, but this has helped me greatly. Weight loss is NOT a "thing" in my life. Sort of like when I was in college, it was not a "thing" I had to get through to reach the goal (a degree). My life was being lived. Eery day was my life. Every day IS my life, now. A year is GOING TO go by. I will weigh SOMETHING at the end of a year. It may as well be a healthier number. But it is incidental to living life. I incorporate the weight loss into my life, live in the moment, enjoy it. Its hard for me to explain, but to sum it up, I learned to enjoy the journey... the journey of life and all it includes. And since becoming healthier and losing weight along the way will enable me to enjoy more of my life, both in quality and quanitity, it IS worth it for me.
Robin tends to come right to the point, doesn't she? Robin, you ask "Why are you asking?" And that's a great question, and one I think deserves an answer. I worried about whether or not I should post, partly because I seem to post something similar to this every couple of weeks. Do I know it's worth it? Absolutely. Deep down in my soul, I do. But I've known it's worth it ever since I started facing the real consequences of my weight problem. Clearly, I also know that I'm not the only one who knows the worth of losing weight but struggles to actually do it. In my research for my last grant, I read study after study after study that pondered the question of why people who would gain so much from weight loss rarely actually lose the weight. Do they know it's worth it? How could they not? Every magazine, every doctor, every study screams it at them. Yet, it's a rare thing for someone to successfully lose weight, and far rarer for them to lose it and keep it off. Fat acceptance movements are gaining ground, and while I agree with so much of what these movements proclaim, it's not uncommon for fat acceptance proponents to rail against attempting to lose weight, saying it's unrealistic and unhealthy to even try. Rather than believe all of the naysayers, I wanted to come ask people who were successfully waging the battle and find inspiration to talk myself into working at this for another week - or two weeks - or even a month. Because I know that it is unlikely that I will reach a point where I do this instinctively or effortlessly. But I want to fight hard to win the battle, and when I posted the question, I was fighting hard to convince myself to even stay in the battle. I really wanted to rely on my 3FC mentors to push me back in there. I was not disappointed.
Colleen - You have so much wisdom. I LOVE reading your posts. Thank you for encouraging me to accept the inevitability of the lifelong nature of the struggle.
Mary - Thank you for your kind words and your never-ending support. Your ability to get up, dust yourself off, and move forward always inspires me.
Robin - You're one of the reasons I go to 3FC every day. I actually tried to adopt your housecleaning suggestion to some extent this weekend, so my husband is quite impressed by your wisdom as well.
Barbara - Your characterization of this journey as a "hero's journey" is something that I've remembered several times since I read it.
Jay - I love reading your posts as well. You are so direct and practical, and I admire both of those characteristics. I have actually tried the strategy you suggested before, and it doesn't work for me. I cannot wrap my mind around the idea that more food is good, but too much food is bad. It really is a completely mental struggle for me, and when I increase the food beyond what I need to take away my hunger, I almost always binge.
Pita - Glad to hear your gym is better than Curves. Thank you for reminding me how important the attitude is to this whole thing.
Lisa - I loved reading your goal post, and have loved watching you achieve so much. Not only to finish your half-marathon, but to have placed so well - you are SO amazing. Thank you for your confidence in me. It means a great deal.
Cheryl - You are so right on with all of your advice. It's not a struggle for me to accept that you're right - it's just hard to actually do it. Thank you for providing me a daily example of how it can be done - even if I am not yet sure how I can do it.
Sharon - I would love to return the favor of a pep talk - though it's hard to believe that you'll actually need one. I have been so impressed by your ability to hang tough through your plateau and so excited that you'll finally broken through it.
Archy - Thank you for your fun list. You live such a cool, exotic life. I love the unique cultural insights your posts provide, on top of the wisdom that you always share.
Amber - Thank you for noticing that I'm over half-way! Not quite to Saturday, but I do feel like it's Thursday morning!
Glory - I have read your story and looked at your progress pics several times as I looked for inspiration - and am always amazed by how great you look and how great you continue to look. I have not decided yet on a specific strategy to "fix" my mental problems, but I do think consciously including super foods every day might be a great inclusion. I eat many of the foods frequently, but making sure I eat each category every day may be a good strategy instead of focusing on calories.
Rhonda - I'm all about honeymoon phases, and in fact, posted here because I hoped to get enough inspiration to shove me into another honeymoon phase. Thank you for your constant example of how to recommit every day, and I loved hearing about how inspirational your dad is as well.
Trazey - You were so succinct when you said "come on over to EATING," and I love, love, love how you phrase it. It finally made me realize that I'm not where most of 3FC'ers seem to be. I watch newbies come, talk about some crazy form of severe restriction that seems to be working for them, and disappear in less than a month. I am them - just more stubborn, apparently. I want to come to your side!
CC - I am so thrilled that you've found your way back to your on-plan self! Thank you for allowing me to be part of that - I know it can happen for me, even if it has to happen again and again and again. I'm so ready for that rope around our waists - and the good news is - it can be a much shorter rope than would have been required several months ago!
Miss Lili - Blind faith is actually a great suggestion right now. I know the rewards are there, but I absolutely need some blind faith that I am capable of achieving those rewards!
Lynn - Incorporating this into my life as you suggest is EXACTLY what I need to do right now. It's interesting - you mention college, and I have to tell you that I approached college exactly this way, and I think I missed out on so much. I completed almost 60 credits in the past 18 months, and will be graduating in the next month or so, and I don't think I ever really just enjoyed the experience. Maybe that's exactly what I need to do here.
I suspect that the answer to the question of whether it's worth it or not is different for everyone and dependent on what their current diet/exercise habits are. I'm unsure I could ever function on 1000-1200 calories per day (not happily, anyway) so it wouldn't be worth it to me, but if it's something that makes you feel good, then you'd probably have a different answer. If I do make it down to a particular weight (even if I'm still considered "overweight") and find that the only way to go lower is to reduce calories beyond that level, I might just tell society/media to take a hike (of course, since I'm not there yet, I can't say with 100% certainty what I will say at that time). If I'm eating as nutritiously as I can and getting plenty of exercise, then how can I be faulted? I am not certain that optimum weight (according to BMI/society) will intersect with the healthiest diet (i.e for me to get to a certain BMI may require a diet that I feel is not as healthy as it could be).
This is an old thread, but THANK YOU to everyone who posted in it. It really helped me think about what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, and to focus on the positive rather than the negative. I am so glad I found 3FC.
I think you have to have a certain number of posts before you are able to send Private Messages.
