Have some confidence (or at least some tact), people!
It's something that's been bothering me my whole life--people who have to lose 10-20 pounds who complain to me about how much weight they have to lose or how fat they are. TO ME! How does anyone think it's okay to complain to someone who has been literally obese nearly her whole life (me) about being fat when you're clearly not even close to the point I've reached? I mean, when I'm feeling really hungry, I don't go to a starving homeless person and complain about how hungry I am--they are clearly worse off than me. When I'm tired or not feeling up to par, I don't complain about feeling down to someone who's got even more troubles and a more hectic schedule than me. When I'm wishing I had nicer clothes, I don't complain about it to someone who can't afford to even buy new clothes at all. When I'm feeling lonely, I don't complain about it to my friend who I know hasn't had a boyfriend (but has been wanting one) for years. So why would someone think it's okay to complain to me about how fat and disgusting they think they are when they are CLEARLY in a much better position than me already?
I guess it grated on my nerves a few things I've been reading on here lately. Women (of course women, since we're so much harder on ourselves than men) who complain about their chunky thighs or flappy arms or rolls around their waist or whatever, and yet they're half my weight. It really makes me wonder what a horrific creature they must think I am if they are so down on themselves, ya know? I mean, I understand that maybe weighing 150 is a lot for someone who has never weighed that much before, but to go on and on about how disgusted you are by your body when there are LOTS of people here who are so much worse off is kind of insensitive.
I'm not saying everyone should be Miss Susie Sunshine all the time. I'm just saying that sure, it's okay to be negative about some things--get angry for not eating what you'd planned, get upset about "letting yourself go," get down because you're heavier/bigger than you'd like--but being so negative about your physical appearance only reinforces to all of us that we should feel like disgusting pigs for being overweight, and I just don't agree with that line of thought.
I dunno--it's something that's been bothering me for a while, and like I said, it occurs both in real life and online. I'm sure we've all had that stick-figure friend who complained about her 2 pounds of body fat incessantly at some point--and didn't you just want to smack her and tell her to appreciate her body?
I complain about plenty of things and disagree with people about plenty of things (as many of you well know ), but one thing I try to NEVER do is complain to other overweight people about how disgusting I look. Of course I think about it, but even at 280 pounds, I can't help but wonder how it must hurt someone who's 400 pounds to read/hear my words because the whole time, she's thinking she'd give her right leg just to weigh as little as me!
I know weight loss is a very personal battle. I guess I just think there's a line between that personal battle and a group support situation where you need to remember that your words have an effect on others as well.
Maybe that all didn't make any sense...I just needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for allowing space in the world for my words
There's this little b***h we have in the family that without fail, during BBQ's and get-togethers with everyone, would make sure she stood within my earshot and complained to her friend how fat she was. This was, of course, when I was heavy. She made SURE I heard her complain about her "fat thighs" and her "fat ***" when the girl is drop-dead gorgeous. I wanted to punch her.
I'd give anything to walk up to her now. But we don't see that side of the family much anymore, since the two people whose house we all used to get together at have gotten a divorce.
Hey Jill - I just wanted to let you know I feel the same way. I hate reading post of 120 pounds girl complaing she is so fat and wants to lose 20 pounds. It makes me feel sick to my stomach and depresses me all day long
I think we all get so wound up in our own personal struggles that we sometimes forget about the circumstances of others. I try to be mindful of that when posting, but I'm sure I've been guilty on occasion. I think it's easier to be self-centered and feel you're the *only* one who's in this predicament (thunder thighs, bat-flap arms) when you can't physically see those with whom you're communicating (not an excuse, just an explanation).
I agree, it's even more highly annoying (infuriating, disheartening, and so on) when it happens in person. I'm right there with ya, just wanting to smack 'em!
Great post Jill. I can totally relate. My Mom has called me and told me how discusting she is with her rolls of fat and how hard it is for her to walk and all the time I am thinking - what must she think of me, I weigh over 150 pounds more then her
Jill~ AMEN Sister, I can see me stating the same thing you posted with my hands in the air, and butt on fire while having tears in my eyes...... you hit the nail right on the head,,,, I have a skinny Best Friend and she weighs 115 lbs. and is 5-7.. Since my healthy life change, she has been obsessed with her FAT BODY,, When I had lost 40 lbs. She said you lost Austin, referring to his weight being 40 lbs. well Perhaps.. but I lost 40 lbs,, not a mini person.. summing it up the way she did, and me knowing that I have ALOT more to lose, Well it took my happy excitement to a disappointed feeling of PIGGY discust for myself,, ughhhhhhhhhhhh,, Not all understand the mental anquish that comes with OBESE bodies..And she and others will comment obsessively about FAT people on TV. that may weigh 150 to 180,. and I too wonder just what in the crap the call me ...........................................
I think it's really insensitive for someone to do that in person, but online it doesn't bother me. Online I just shrug and shake my head at the 120 pounder who is feeling huge and struggling to get down to 110. She can complain away but she isn't getting any sympathy or a response from me, lol.
Oh Baby!! I feel quite the same, working with two "Skinny As*" women in my office. One of them says she needs to lose 10 lbs and she is barely 100lbs total herself.
When people like that complain about their weight it makes me want to say to them " Oh yes you are showing some bulges here and there, you definitely need to lose more than that".
But I also see the other side of what they may be feeling. It is a self confidence thing and some of those skinny women don't have the positive self image either.
I understand where you are coming from and I do try and be mindful of my words. However, I will say that now that I've been on both sides of the fence, I don't hear thinner people's words as harshly as I once did. One thing that I have learned is that our body images are tricky things and being a certain weight doesn't change that. And, it doesn't matter if you have 80 pounds to lose or 5 - it is HARD. Hind sight is 20/20 as they say and I know now that trying to lose 20 pounds at 145 is much, much harder than trying to lose any amount of weight at 215 (which is where I started). I'm not discounting the struggles of anyone who is heavier than me. But, at my highest weight I was really only contending with eating right most of the time and exercising some. At this point, I can eat perfectly all of the time and exercise my heart out and I might still not see the scale or tape measure move. And, in the meantime, I still have to make an effort to remind myself of how far I've come. I put on a size 8, look in the mirror, and still see 215 pounds of me.
I've talked about this subject with friends who have never really struggled with their weight. I haven't found anyone yet who complained about needing to lose 5 pounds to make themselves feel better around someone who needs to lose more. In fact, many of them have such negative images of themselves that they aren't even aware that the rest of us are as heavy as we are. When you weigh only 110 pounds 5 pounds makes a big difference - and it can impact how they feel about their bodies.
Good thread Jill. It totally makes sense to me.
I deal with this in every aspect of my life. With my family, my friends, at work and online.
I do agree with Quirky, it's easier to deal with online. If I read something online like that I simply shrug my shoulders and say whatever and then move to the next topic.
Face to face conversations is a whole nother story. It definitly is frustrating, heartbreaking and sometimes very embarassing. I think a lot of times people are unaware that they may be hurting other peoples feelings.
Thanks for posting Jill. I know that it has now made me more concious of what I say and who I say it to.
I don't think anyone on here is trying to be mean or hurtful. For some people being 20 lbs. overweight is a huge deal and they do feel like they need the support and encouragement to lose the weight. None of us are perfectly happy with our bodies or we wouldn't be here trying to lose weight. I think everyone has the right to be here and to talk about their problem areas or whatever happens to be bothering them. I'm not an insensitive person, but I have been struggling with my weight for 13 yrs. When I talk about being unhappy with a certain area of my body, it's just that. My own unhappiness with me, not a reflection of anyone else. I know there are people here that are much thinner than me too and people who are heavier as well. When I first came to this website, it bothered me to see people my height trying to reach a much thinner goal than me. After a while, I realized that I just had to pay attention to my own personal goal, not everyone elses. I can be supportive of others even if their choice is different than mine. As I've posted before, I'm here for health reasons, not just to look skinny. I hope this makes sense. Please try not to get offended if people are just looking for support.
[COLOR=indigo]I mean, when I'm feeling really hungry, I don't go to a starving homeless person and complain about how hungry I am--they are clearly worse off than me.
I like what you say Jill.....have some confidence. man...is that an important part of weight loss and self image.
I know what you are saying...but there will always be people smaller than someone else who feels they are huge. i remember when i had dropped 50 pounds in highschool and weighed no more than 100 pounds...and still having the mind set that i was fat. it took along time for my brain to catch up with my body. and magazines don't help with their airbrushing technics and the fake tans.
since dropping 30 pounds, people at work pick on me about my new "attitude". i laugh and try to shrug it off. but i notice i swing my hips alittle more than i used to....i walk alittle more sexy and dress a little more sexy...maybe more than i should. it comes from the confidence of knowing that i have lost 30 pounds. i still have 35 more to go to get where i want but i am still proud of what i have accomplished....that is until i look in the mirror and there is all that fat hanging around my midsection. but i don't let it get me down...because i know i am changing things.
maybe my post is not making any sense form what you were saying...but i guess i am just saying....it is hard to hear someone who is thinner than us talking about needing to lose weight. but everyone has to look at themselves in the barest of forms...from the outside and the inside.
anyways....we should all love ourselves for who we are and not so much for what's on the outside. I can't say that i don't like a mate for his outside appearance...but i can say i love a mate for his inside appearance. i look back on some of my past boyfriends and not all of them have been thin. granted alot of them were, but i didn't date them because they were. i dated them because i liked the way they treated me and who they were on the inside. the guy i am into right now...is not fat, but he is not a stick person either. i consider him "healthy". i hope he feels the same about me. because i am not a stick...i'm actually alittle more than healthy...but i think i look okay. and i feel like i have a lot to offer a person.
okay...i'm going to end this post now. it's not really making alot of sense.
I empathize with anyone who feels bad about themselves, no matter what their weight is. A 120 pound girl could feel just as bad (or even worse) about herself as I do, it is all relative. And it sucks to feel bad about yourself, so I can relate.
I hear ya Jill--some people just do not pay attention to who makes up their audience when they talk! I try to give 'em a little grace, but dang, it is hard!!
Have some confidence (or at least some tact), people!
), but one thing I try to NEVER do is complain to other overweight people about how disgusting I look. Of course I think about it, but even at 280 pounds, I can't help but wonder how it must hurt someone who's 400 pounds to read/hear my words because the whole time, she's thinking she'd give her right leg just to weigh as little as me!
it comes from the confidence of knowing that i have lost 30 pounds. i still have 35 more to go to get where i want but i am still proud of what i have accomplished....that is until i look in the mirror and there is all that fat hanging around my midsection. 
