We all need to be in this together... that's what this forum is for.
Misti, I agree with you, and thats why I try to tell the younger girls on this forum to be healthy when they diet. If they are going to lose weight, they should learn from those who tried,and not resort to drastic measures. TylerDurden brought a very good point- I should let them feel the way they feel about their body, but I just hope they "diet" healthily if they feel the need. I dont want another young girl starving herself. I've known too many that harm themselves so much they can only regret now.
I didn't intend for this to be an, "I get annoyed by people who don't have to lose as much weight as me," thread. That's not at all what I was saying. I even made the point that I try not to say negative things about myself like that--I have NEVER called myself names, said Iwas disgusting, gross, repulsive, or anything like that because I know people even heavier than me could be reading it and will just want to smack me and tell me to appreciate what I've got because they would LOVE to be in my position and only have to lose as much as me (even though I've got nearly 150 pounds to lose still!).
People of all sizes--those needing to lose half or more of their body weight and those maintaining and already at goal--absolutely have the right to complain, especially here. This is one of the most fabulous places for support. I just think people need to be conscious of HOW they complain. There are ways of saying you don't like your body the way it is without using such harsh words.
If my 115-pound friend came to me and said, "Man, I wish my butt were firmer," or, "I really need to work on my butt--it's the part of my body I'm most unhappy with," then I might suggest some exercises or help her research some exercise options. However, if that same 115-pound friend came to me and said, "Oh my god, my butt is so disgusting! It looks like a plastic bag of soggy corn flakes!" then I wouldn't want to help her because that's the moment I would want to smack her. So no, I'm not saying those who only have 2 pounds (or 0 pounds!) to lose don't need help or support--I just think people need to be mindful of how they say thing.
The above example works with someone of ANY weight. I (at 270-310 pounds, depending on the day ) always say things more like, "My arms are jiggly and definitely need toning," (usually followed by a confession of despising and not doing any exercise, but that's beside the point ) rather than, "Ugh, my arms are so flappy, I can't believe anyone can look at them without throwing up!"
Wow, what a monster of a thread! Good discussion, folks... Personally, I don't think that Jilly is wrong to feel this way, she has the right to be concerned or to comment on it if this bothers her. That being said....
One thing that I have learned in my time here is that our "skinny girls" really are in just as much pain with their 20 pounds as I am with my 120 pounds. It's all relative. It does kind of hurt to hear them call themselves disgusting, but I have to step back and realize that they are viewing themselves through the scope of their own personal **** - as I am viewing their comments from my own personal **** - if they saw me in person they would argue tooth and nail that while they are "disgusting" that somehow I am not, even though I'm way heavier than they are. (I have had this happen in person, no kidding!) I just try to remove myself from that equation because they are not including us "really fat girls" in their calculations. Their equation begins and ends with their own mental picture of themselves, with no judgement of anyone heavier included. There's no logic to it, it's just the way it is. Everything is relative!
Stay positive folks, we'll all get through this!
Jilly - I understand what you mean, by the way. I think your little thread has totally taken on a life of it's own, though! We're out of control!
-Lala
Last edited by dalai_lala; 05-13-2006 at 11:05 AM.
Jilly - I understand what you mean, by the way. I think your little thread has totally taken on a life of it's own, though! We're out of control!
-Lala
I don't think so. That's how discussion comes about. That's the whole point of it. This thread wouldn't be interesting if every single post was, "yep, I agree!" and that's it.
zzzzzzzzzz, lol.
Discussion is like rolling a snowball down a hill - Jill rolled the snowball and everyone else added to it by adding their comments and thoughts. We're all unique individuals, so our thoughts are unique as well
The thread may have gone off in several directions not originally envisioned by Jilly, but hey, it happens! The tangential discussions have been just as lively as the points of Jilly's original post.
"Out of control"? Not by a long shot! One of the most wonderful aspects of the threads here on 3FC is the ability for all of us to disagree (passionately!) without being disagreeable or disrespectful. I find that to be quite rare in message board communities, and very refreshing.
So, thanks Jilly for opening up a good, hearty discussion, and thanks to all who've read and responded (even if you've only responded in your mind and haven't posted your thoughts... yet!).
I have read this thread with great interest and I can see both sides so don't really have a lot to add - except to say that even very thin people can have distorted perceptions of how they look and genuinely believe that parts of their bodies are truly disgusting - even though anyone else looking at them would completely disagree. These same very thin people would very possibly look at a larger person and think that they look great, because its only their perception of THEIR OWN body that is distorted - when they look at other people, they see them differently and maybe even wish they looked like them because in their heads, they see themselves as huge! BUT having said that, I do see how comments like Jilly has quoted could make other people feel bad.
Not really much insight there - just my personal thoughts! Great thread, by the way!
This thread has been quite an interesting read - I enjoy threads that really get a discussion going, even if it gets a little 'warm' in here.
I understand completely what jillybean is saying and agree with her for the most part. I've had the very same conversation with my family - we are all trying to lose weight together, but I clearly have 80lbs more to lose than them. One day when we were discussing weight loss, they got into a spiel about how disgusting and gross of their bodies were, and I could handle it for awhile because I understand the feeling, but eventually I had to speak up and ask them to stop because I was feeling worse and worse and my self-confidence was taking a nose-dive. I couldn't help but wonder how they really felt about *me* after hearing them talk to negatively about themselves. They made it clear that what they felt was just a matter of perspective and that they don't mean to imply anything about how *I* look, but their comments were still difficult to hear.
However, most of the time I can recognize that it is quite likely that they *don't* think vile thoughts about my body when they are feeling bad about their own. I recognize that they are struggling as well, but generally I deal with it in such a way that if I don't think that I can truly relate to a person's issue or understand the issue, then I don't respond and let the people who *do* relate and understand offer advice. Also, on a personal note, as I read this thread, I began to realize that I quite likely do the same thing, except instead of it being about weight, it's been about intelligence/grades etc. I've probably complained about grades and doing poorly on exams (when my sense of 'poor' is probably very different from another person's sense of 'poor'), or complained about people doing idiotic things in a way that likely made people who had poorer grades than mine feel completely rotten. For that, I'm sorry and now feeling a bit bad about that. I'm going to try and be more observant about that from now on.
Hey all. I just wanted to say I'm sorry if my previous post was insensitive. After reading this thread I can see both sides of the issue and I'm sorry if I made anyone feel bad. This weight loss stuff is hard for everybody. (Now where is that "group hug" smiley???)
Hey all. I just wanted to say I'm sorry if my previous post was insensitive. After reading this thread I can see both sides of the issue and I'm sorry if I made anyone feel bad. This weight loss stuff is hard for everybody. (Now where is that "group hug" smiley???)
I'm in
And it's okay, hon. Anything any of us have (has? lol) said can be taken the wrong way. It's not always easy expressing yourself to people online.
And again, this is what I love about this community. We can voice our opinions and still be accepted by those who understand that some subjects are going to be a little touchy. But I personally like those subjects at times because it causes us to explore not only ourselves but each other as well.
To any of you who have apologized for not having as much weight to lose (which is crazy, but somehow that's a message that's come up) or who think you don't get the same support as others who are heavier, they've created a new subforum last night here called "Featherweights" for those who only have a little to lose. Maybe it's an idea that had been in the works for some time, but maybe this thread gave it the push to be created, so if anyone can benefit from it, then hooray! It really is easier to discuss things with people in a similar situation to yours--which is why I LOVE the 100 lbs and the 300+ sections and even the 20s section
I empathize with anyone who feels bad about themselves, no matter what their weight is. A 120 pound girl could feel just as bad (or even worse) about herself as I do, it is all relative. And it sucks to feel bad about yourself, so I can relate.
) always say things more like, "My arms are jiggly and definitely need toning," (usually followed by a confession of despising and not doing any exercise, but that's beside the point 
) rather than, "Ugh, my arms are so flappy, I can't believe anyone can look at them without throwing up!" 
