Jill - I am right there with you. Even though sometimes I feel bad about it, when I see someone who is much smaller than me posting about her/his struggles I often can't respond.
I also think a lot of it is a matter of perspective. When I weighed less than 200 pounds I thought of myself as just as obese as I do now. I thought I was horrible and disgusting. I constantly tried to hide my body and I had zero self-confidence. In fact, I probably have a better body image now than I did back then because I really don't feel that way anymore. I had (almost) no problem going to the beach in a bathing suit as a 350-pound woman whereas when I was 180 pounds I wouldn't have been caught dead in a bathing suit. I had a different kind of click moment when I realized that what I looked like and what others thought of me were not the determinates of my happiness. Why was I letting other people and society tell me that I was lesser and that I should feel bad about myself for how I looked? It is my job to go out and grab hold of life and live it, no matter what my size. Now I completely realize that fat is a health issue and I’m not saying that people should want to be fat (although if they choose that, that is ok too – I’m not sure yet at what weight I will choose to land). I just think it would be so great if people could feel good about themselves no matter what they weigh.
I pains me beyond belief to read some of the things posted here and how horribly people feel about themselves. It also makes me want to give them a kick in the and yell, cut it out! Learn to love yourself for who you are, because in the end it really won’t matter what you look like. A thin woman with no self-confidence can just as easily be abused. Find the confidence, love yourself and you can still lose the weight. The important thing is finding your own happiness and comfort in your body.
I do sometimes think that way when I read other peoples posts, we all have our issues. I hope these people see how lucky they are that the are not dealing with some of my issues.. I just hope they are being healthy about it, this site is great for people who need to lose weight for health reasons but I just hope it does not send out the wrong message to those with body confidence issues. My body may only be 20 lbs lighter now but I still love the fact my double chin has almost disappeared and how sexy I feel again! My energy is already way up, and my mood has been great as well!
Good luck to everyone on 3FC is reaching and maintaining your goals!~
For some people being 20 lbs. overweight is a huge deal and they do feel like they need the support and encouragement to lose the weight.
Just to clarify, I NEVER said that anyone who only has a little weight (be it 5 or 25 pounds--whatever you consider to be "little") to lose shouldn't be here or that they don't need help and support just as much as someone who has to lose 300 pounds. I NEVER said it was EASY to only lose 5 pounds if that's all you have to lose. And I never said everyone should be perfectly happy with their body. Please don't put words in my mouth...err, post
Quote:
I think everyone has the right to be here and to talk about their problem areas or whatever happens to be bothering them.
I agree...but there is a difference between saying, "I hate that my arms jiggle," or, "I'm not happy with the shape of my butt," and saying, "I am so fat and disgusting!," or, "I can't believe how repulsive and gross my chunky thighs are!"
My point was simply that if someone who has a little weight to lose (though I know it is hard and discouraging and frustrating at ANY amount) comes and complains about how jiggly their arms are, how fat their face is, how horribly disgusting their body is, how does that make anyone who weighs MORE than them feel?
It IS possible to come here and get advice and support without completely bashing your physical appearance--I know, as I've been doing it for well over a year. Even at 310 pounds, I NEVER compained about my arm flaps, my roll holes (you know, when your shirt gets sucked in between your rolls ), my thunder thighs, or how disgusted I was with my appearance. If I mentioned any physical aspects at all, it was with levity and NOT negativity. I complain plenty about how disappointed I am in myself for not sticking to plan, for not exercising, for eating junk food, etc., but never about how gross or disgusting I am physically like some do.
I've posted plenty of supportive and helpful (I hope) posts to people who probably weigh about as much as my left leg I have nothing against them personally--I like to help people of all shapes and sizes whenever I can! In my TOPS group, there's a woman who joined who had only 13 pounds to lose to reach her goal, and she is by far one of my favorite group members. It's just when they get so NEGATIVE about their bodies that I get annoyed.
Hey Jill - I just wanted to let you know I feel the same way. I hate reading post of 120 pounds girl complaing she is so fat and wants to lose 20 pounds. It makes me feel sick to my stomach and depresses me all day long
AMEN!!!! Oh my god, that girl whose like 120 really wanted to lose 20 lbs!! Thats just a significant portion of her!! (Okay, I might be small BUT I"M NOT HERE ON 3FC TO LOSE WEGHT!!!) There's another girl who PMed me and told me she was a size 3 but wanted to be a 0-1 like me! I recently saw her ticker and SHE SWITCHED HER GOAL WEIGHT TO MY WEIGHT, and to top that off, she's taller than I AM!!! People do deserve a smacking on the head sometimes!
Jillybean - I competely understand what you are saying. It's not the fact that they want to lose weight, it's what they say about themselves. I try not to let it get to me. I've been plus size since like junior high and overweight since 3rd grade, so I don't know what it's like to just have 10 lbs to lose. I can't even imagine myself without the rolls or flabby arms. But just like you, I don't come on here and complain about my body. There are more important things to complain about.
I have enough problems trying to stay on track with eating and exercising. I don't need to add unintentional insults to my stress.
People that complain in person I feel sorry for. They don't realize how much better off they are than half the people in the country. I think your self image gets better when you've previously been bigger. So someone who has lost weight to get to the weight they are have more self confidence than when they first reached that weight (on the way up). I think it's because we know it can be worse and have lived worse. Or it's because we've finally realized other people's opinions don't matter.
Now what really gets to me is seeing people complain about being in a plateau for 2 or 3 weeks and act like it was the worst thing ever. I've been in mine 9 weeks. I've even been to a nutritionist and we can't figure out why I'm not losing. Now that bothers me.
Now what really gets to me is seeing people complain about being in a plateau for 2 or 3 weeks and act like it was the worst thing ever. I've been in mine 9 weeks. I've even been to a nutritionist and we can't figure out why I'm not losing. Now that bothers me.
I just want to clarify that I am happy for these people, but at the same time I am jealous. So I just don't want to hear about it.
I empathize with anyone who feels bad about themselves, no matter what their weight is. A 120 pound girl could feel just as bad (or even worse) about herself as I do, it is all relative. And it sucks to feel bad about yourself, so I can relate.
Oh, I totally agree. I remember thinking I was fat at 125. So I perfectly understand. But there's a difference between that and, say, the girl in my story who purposely complained about being fat in my presence just to make ME feel bad about myself. You just know when someone is doing that. And she did it all the time.
What bothers me more is someone complaining about not losing pounds, but saying in the next paragraph, he/she is not willing to work for it. I have worked very hard in the past few years to lose my 42 pounds, and continue to work at losing the last 12.
A friend of mine who was over 300 just started at the gym. She has only lost 20 lbs so far, but I make sure I offer her support to continue. Even though she is using the in-house trainer, I told her that if she is ever in the weight room without the trainer, anyone, myself included, will be willing to help out. So far, she's been afraid to come into the weight room, but I don't hold that against her, because she's there almost every day for aqua fitness.
I guess i am one of the people who frustrate you bc i weigh 126lbs, (that is alot for me). I am short and and 5 lbs on me is like 10 on a taller person. But i guess technically i am not overweight. When i post about my frustrations or about feeling bad about myself for eating crappy or not fitting into my clothes, it DEFINITLEY isnt to hurt anyone's feelings, and if i did that i am sorry. But sometimes i need support. I try not to actually complain about my body, but i do get frustrated with myself for not working out, or bingeing on candy and i like to come here for support and bc i know i can talk to people who have been there. Alot of people with wieght issues also have self image issues, i know i do and it is something else i am working on, trying to learn how to love my body, but there are still moments when i feel down on myself. Anyways, just another perspective hope i didnt offend anyone.
I guess i am one of the people who frustrate you bc i weigh 126lbs, (that is alot for me). I am short and and 5 lbs on me is like 10 on a taller person. But i guess technically i am not overweight. When i post about my frustrations or about feeling bad about myself for eating crappy or not fitting into my clothes, it DEFINITLEY isnt to hurt anyone's feelings, and if i did that i am sorry. But sometimes i need support. I try not to actually complain about my body, but i do get frustrated with myself for not working out, or bingeing on candy and i like to come here for support and bc i know i can talk to people who have been there. Alot of people with wieght issues also have self image issues, i know i do and it is something else i am working on, trying to learn how to love my body, but there are still moments when i feel down on myself. Anyways, just another perspective hope i didnt offend anyone.
I haven't read your posts, but I don't think you would frustrate anyone by talking about eating crappy or not fitting in your clothes or whatever. What I'm saying is annoying is when anyone (at ANY weight, really, because everyone weighs less than someone else out there) says things like that their body (or any part thereof) is "disgusting," "hideous," "repulsive, "gross," "sickening," or any other of the multitude of extremely negative terms. You can say you are unhappy, frustrated, angry, whatever, but those are feelings you have, which are fine, but saying you are something like "repulsive" is what gets me because people who are even bigger may read that and think, "my god, if this person is repulsive, and I weigh even more, then I must be purely vomit-inducing!"
What bothers me more is someone complaining about not losing pounds, but saying in the next paragraph, he/she is not willing to work for it. I have worked very hard in the past few years to lose my 42 pounds, and continue to work at losing the last 12.
Again, that all depends on the situation. I think many people just 'get tired' and want to throw in the towel. That's perfectly normal. They're sick of exercising, they're sick of eating bean sprouts and salad, they're sick of this and that. That's going to happen.
There's a difference between someone whose already lost a tremendous amount of weight and is getting tired of fighting than someone who comes in, says they weigh 250 pounds, but aren't willing to change their habits and lifestyle. I've seen that here, I've seen it on other boards as well. You'll see it everywhere. And really, who WANTS to have to change everything to lose weight? Nobody wants to do that. We HAVE to do it, but we don't always want to. I remember years ago, hating how fat I was, but I wasn't willing to change. So I stayed fat. Then I finally got off my duff and did something about it. I may not run marathons and I may not lift weights like a few people told me I SHOULD be doing, but I haven't lost 80 some pounds just by sitting on my ***, either.
I understand where you are coming from but you have to understand that alot of people are uncomfortable with their own bodies. Take my best friend for instance. She looks fine to me...she's about 5'6 170 pounds...but she's been 120 most of her life. She's always complaing about how fat and gross she looks. I think of myself as alot larger then her. When in reality we both have about the same amount of weight to lose for our body frames and weight. She is always telling me how I look good at my weight and she never thinks of me as being fat. I think we all just see ourselves different then other people see us. It's kinda like someone being upset they have blue eyes when they want brown eyes...and visa vera!??! I dont know if this made any sense. Sorry.
I think the reader of these certain threads should also have confidence. If some little 120-pounder thinks she looks absolutley hideous or disgusting, that isn't going to make me think "Gee, if she's disgusting, then I must be 10 times that" If you have the mindset that "hey I'm overweight but I wouldn't go as far as to say I'm disgusting", then what anybody else says shouldn't bother you. I have never felt bad about myself when reading that a person smaller than me says she is hideous. I actually feel sympathetic towards the person because I know how it feels to not like how you look. It doesn't really matter what terms they use because we all feel the same way.
I think it's really insensitive for someone to do that in person, but online it doesn't bother me. Online I just shrug and shake my head at the 120 pounder who is feeling huge and struggling to get down to 110. She can complain away but she isn't getting any sympathy or a response from me, lol.
And that ISNT insensitive???
Why is someone who is struggling with only or, quite possibly, the last 10 pounds less deserving of sympathy or a response (or support, which is what most of us come to this site for no matter how much we have to lose), just because that person has less weight to lose?? I find that really...hurtful.
Why is someone who is struggling with only or, quite possibly, the last 10 pounds less deserving of sympathy or a response (or support, which is what most of us come to this site for no matter how much we have to lose), just because that person has less weight to lose?? I find that really...hurtful.
I don't think people really MEAN to be hurtful, I think it boils down to envy, for lack of a better word.
I remember during my weight loss journey, when I was still about 180, talking to a girl who was also complaining about her weight. This wasn't the typical little brat trying to make me feel bad for being fat, she really was serious. She was just plain disgusted with herself that she couldn't get down to 130 pounds. I asked her, "Well how much do you weigh now?" And she said, "142."
Now that I look back on that, I'm in the exact same boat she was in then. I'm struggling to get the last 10 pounds off. And it's not fun. But I remember feeling sympathetic, yet envious. In my head I kept thinking, gads, what I'd give to weigh 142 pounds.But now that I'm just about where she was at the time, I know what she was talking about. I know what she meant. I didn't know it then but I know it now. My point is sometimes you just have to be there to know how it feels. And there's a very good chance that once I make it to 130, I won't be happy with that either.
Do I complain about these last 10 pounds? Yes, sometimes. Does it REALLY bother me? Honestly, not that much because although I'm not exactly where I'd like to be, I'm comfortable. Everyone I know tells me I don't need to lose anymore weight. And maybe I don't. But it's a personal thing, a comfort level we're all looking for. And like I said above, it's very possible 130 might not be good enough for me once I get to that point. I might settle or I might try and take it further. I don't know.
I'm rambling now, so I'll shut up. But yes, we're all deserving of support, whether we need to lose 100 or 10.
and yell, cut it out! Learn to love yourself for who you are, because in the end it really won’t matter what you look like. A thin woman with no self-confidence can just as easily be abused. Find the confidence, love yourself and you can still lose the weight. The important thing is finding your own happiness and comfort in your body.
), my thunder thighs, or how disgusted I was with my appearance. If I mentioned any physical aspects at all, it was with levity and NOT negativity. I complain plenty about how disappointed I am in myself for not sticking to plan, for not exercising, for eating junk food, etc., but never about how gross or disgusting I am physically like some do.
I have nothing against them personally--I like to help people of all shapes and sizes whenever I can! In my TOPS group, there's a woman who joined who had only 13 pounds to lose to reach her goal, and she is by far one of my favorite group members. It's just when they get so NEGATIVE about their bodies that I get annoyed.
