I totally identify. When I was gaining weight I had put my blinders on, now that it is starting to come off I am hyper aware and hyper critical of everything. I have made myself look at all my self talk as if it was being said to a friend and not to me. Then I make myself rephrase it the way I would say it to a friend. It helps.
At times. And I think it's normal because to me it means that I'm trying and that I'm pushing myself, and for that reason I want to see results. When I wasn't dieting I was complacent because "oh well, this is me" and I wasn't doing anything to change it.
Oh god yes. I laid in bed yesterday and was almost in tears over my massive belly. I went a good 7 or 8 years in total denial, and now all I see is flaws.
It doesn't help that when you start to lose, you get really jiggly. Everything jiggles on me. I hate it.
Let's do a thought experiment. What if it was physically impossible to lose weight once you had gained it? How would you treat yourself? You probably wouldn't beat yourself up about it because there's nothing you can do about it. We beat ourselves up because we think we are morally culpable for our unhappiness. "Why didn't I stop myself?" "Why was I such a pig?" are thoughts that ring and ring. They are harmful and destructive. There is nothing wrong with being overweight. You may not like it and you may wish to change it but there is nothing inherently wrong with it. Treat yourself like you aren't going to get better. Be gentle, and honor your health and yourself.
Harder as in expecting more of yourself? or more critical? Either way, it might be related to a developing ego. In a good way.
Perhaps you are harder on yourself AFTER losing weight because you have proven that you CAN and your confidence in the ability to change is taking over.
Being hard on yourself is a way of testing the boundaries of what is acceptable to you, now that you have the proven skills and tools to change. Whereas before, perhaps you did not have the tools and confidence and therefore was a bit complacent.
Just remember you can be hard on yourself because you are the boss. Just don't be mean to yourself
I think it does having everything to do with actually caring. I have said it over and over again that people do not get obese by accident and no one gets obese who actually "care" about themselves. If they did, they wouldn't have gotten so flippant about their weight. We simply go into denial or just don't look.
At least I'm guilty of this and so are most people I know who have been obese.
Thanks for this reminder! It's an excellent one.
I'm also very guilty of this, and it leads us to disappointment. I think once we start to lose quickly we expect it to continue that way and we expect all the weight to fall of as smoothly.
Good to remind ourselves where we're coming from!
Like the previous poster said, I think some of it has to do with how "easy" it comes off at first. I mean it requires effort, but at bigger weights it is a faster loss. I know for me I'm getting to a weight were I do see a slow in weight loss, and a few days of over doing it, which once didn't matter at all really, now can cause a stall. So I feel like I need to be harder on myself to maintain the same speed of loss.
I try to remember it is not a race! That whether a pound down or 2, its down and that's all that matters.
I think for me the other reason is this fear that I will revert back to old habits and gain it back. I will always have that fear, so being hard on myself makes me feel secure that I will not allow me to gain it back.
I've experienced a similar feeling lately though it's mostly related to lifestyle changes that are because of the weight. I haven't been a mountain in a year and a half, haven't been practicing BJJ... the list goes on. You're severely restricted in what you can do when you're out of shape and so the question pops up in my mind "Why trade all that for cheese burgers and ice cream?".
And so it goes...
I think when you start any activity, your initial goals tend to be pretty low in order to avoid disappointment. Once you achieve some success, you set your goals higher. Kinda like running--at first, all you want to do is cover a certain distance (I just want to finish!), but after awhile you set time goals. The harder the goals, the harder the work. And if you don't meet those goals, you will blame yourself at least partially.
I mean, look at the athletes from the most recent Winter Olympics. Seeing those who did not win gold but rather the silver/bronze, you'd think they failed at life.
Interesting topic, the psychology of loosing weight and how it effects everyone.
I agree with some of the comments. I know I feel excited that I'm loosing weight and wow I can really do it then I gain a pound and I feel awful. But I try and pick myself up and regroup. I know I can do it.
I think for me its impatience, I want to get that goal body and goal weight, I agree with the blinkers thing. i think i just didn't realise how large I was, sounds stupid but it's true, I lost 3 stone and I am still overweight and in some ways feel better for being most of the way there but worse because I finally understood how bad it was before and how much work I am going to have to put in to get to where I want to be. I refused to look at myself before whereas now i actually look at myself in my knickers and bras and scrutinise myself.
Before it was only about getting the weight down but having had a good look has motivated me to try to build some muscle and get a but fitter. I think i've realised that I can do more than I thought I could so perhaps its just trying to have and maintain higher expectations of myself.
harder on ourselves when we're losing weight
