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Old 01-11-2014, 02:14 PM   #1
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So, hubby and I lost a bunch of weight 4 years ago (he did more than I did), slowly but surely he's been putting the weight back on. So this morning he realized that he is at where he was 4 yrs ago... No good!

He wants me to get rid of everything in the house that could be a trigger for him.... Which is completely understandable... BUT!! I have two school age kids that are not on a diet.

I don't buy crazy stuff for them, yogurt is a must for them, I buy waffles for weekends and some snacks that they can take to school. He wants me to get rid of EVERYTHING! No yogurt, no waffles, no snacks that he might like (all) no bread (I make lunch for them - pb&j) no PB... No nothing.

I would tell him to deal with it but he can't! Sometimes he can't sleep and be would eat anything and everything... (I'm sure he is a binge eater)

So what can I do??? I need to have food for the kids in the house, but I really want to be supportive and help him too...

Ideas? Advise? Everything will be appreciated it.


PS: he needs help and is asking for it (which is hard for him) telling him to suck it up is not going to work...
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Old 01-11-2014, 02:34 PM   #2
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Is there some place you can put these foods that he would not know they were there?
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Old 01-11-2014, 02:47 PM   #3
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I could hide the "pantry" staff, but my biggest problem is the fridge things: yogurt, milk, cheese sticks, and some frozen goodies - I would have to buy a separate fridge and he will know about it anyways...
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Old 01-11-2014, 04:30 PM   #4
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If he can't even sleep because he's thinking about food then he needs to see someone professional. You can't stop buying food for your kids, not realistic if he thinks all they're going to eat is vegetables with water. Otherwise buy a separate fridge and put a padlock on it.
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Old 01-11-2014, 04:53 PM   #5
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That's a tough situation. I've had similar issues in the past, depending on where I was living and with whom. It gets rough sometimes.

Maybe you could add a mental component to it. Like, section off / close off a section of the fridge and have a sign on it that clearly labels it as your children's foods. Then agree that you won't eat it and he won't eat it. Just the kids eat it for school lunches, etc. The idea that some food belongs to someone else has stopped me in the past because it feels unethical to take it. Basically establish that it's not an option to eat it.

If that doesn't work, maybe a separate small fridge that locks. They sell them in stores (my friend had one that he used because his roommate stole his beer). Then hide the key. Depending on the brand and such, a mini fridge with a lock is usually $100-200. Here's an example that's ~$180: http://www.amazon.com/Compact-Freeze.../dp/B000RHWT3M

Also, he could have ready and easy healthy options for him to grab whenever he feels the urge to eat. Getting really hungry and having nothing prepared is an easy way to overeat.

It's good he's asking for help, though. Good luck!
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Old 01-11-2014, 05:26 PM   #6
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Hmmm I agree that the situation sounds extreme and therefor may need extreme measures, the locked fridge. You are in a tough spot.

I understand having kids and their foods and the tempt to binge first hand. If it were one item that triggered him, I'd say try to maybe stop buying that one item and encourage other snacks...but the list you gave is pretty much everything, and they aren't "bad" foods for kids. It's not like you are saying your kids need their oreos and cheese puffs...

For me I can sometimes still have an issue with peanut butter, though I'm mostly triggered by sugar...we buy the natural PB (no sugar added) but I can still binge on it. If I lived alone I would not keep it in the house, but the kids L.O.V.E. it and my 3 year old sustains life on it I swear...so I do kind of suck it up. Just parent of being a parent.

Yeah so short of locking the fridge, IDK what to say...
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Old 01-11-2014, 07:09 PM   #7
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You might consider trying to go paleo as a family, at least for a couple weeks as an experiment. There's some compelling research that suggest it may be the healthiest way for people of all ages and sizes to eat.

Carb addiction can be even more difficult to control than hard drugs. In Kessler's book, The End of Overeating, he talks of research that found that cocaine addicted rats chose sugar over cocaine more often than not.

Not all foods are addictive. High glycemic carbs, especially in combination with salt and fat have very strong addiction potential. It can be very difficult, especially in the first couple weeks to avoid the temptation.

I think a couple weeks in a "clean, grain-free, relatively low-carb food environment could be good for everyone, and might give your hubby enough blood sugar control to be able to resist the temptation more easily after this "detox" period. Good blood sugar control can make it easier to say no, but it takes a couple weeks of abstinence to get good blood sugar control.
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Old 01-11-2014, 07:27 PM   #8
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Your husband is trying to make your responsible for his behaviors. It is not the world's (or our spouses') jobs to remove all triggers. It is our job to build the tools to deal with them. And honestly, staples like dairy products and bread are not "triggers." They are food.

I would suggest that you will be happy to make sure there are no sugary treats in the house and in turn talk with him about the actions *he* is going to take to help himself - seeing a nutritionist, talking to a professional therapist with experience in eating disorders (yes, if you are being triggered by foods to the extent that you are trying to rid the house of foods that your children need to eat that is a disorder), making a plan for when he feels like he wants to eat those things (is he planning on never carrying money with him or stepping foot in a grocery store?)

You don't need to tell him to suck it up, but you do need to have a conversation about what his plan is for himself, and then you can add in small things that you can do. But the first steps need to be his.
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Old 01-11-2014, 07:33 PM   #9
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I love kaplods idea of going paleo as a family as I think that is probably the healthiest possible way to eat. But I know that my kids would fight that tooth and nail. If hubby supported me in it, I'd do it in a heartbeat, but if he's taking them out for pizza and ice cream every other day, it doesn't feel worth it... So, I guess I'm saying it's a great idea, but I'd totally understand if it sounds out of reach.

That is a very diverse list of foods he's saying can't be in the house. I totally get feeling like triggers cannot be in the house, but those are really basic foods. What sort of diet is he going to do? If he was doing low carb he could have cheese, peanut butter, and maybe even yogurt. Maybe he could come up with a short list of serious problem foods he can't be around? Or change his weight loss method to accommodate being able to have some foods in the house?

I have a 4 yr old and a 10 yr old and I have this problem myself. It's very hard for me to lose weight with all of their yummies around. I have less yummies for them (which is probably just as well, iykwim) and then I think I do cheat at times I might not have if they weren't here. So, I kind of do a little restricting for them and a little bending for me. It's not perfect at all but I have managed to change my weight drastically.
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Old 01-11-2014, 08:13 PM   #10
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That is a tough problem. On the one hand, I totally understand his point of view. My daughter really likes some foods that I find it hard to resist. She also has no weight problem so these foods aren't an issue for her. Part of me wants to just refuse to buy them.

I do think, however, that imposing my food choices on the whole family isn't really right either. It might be different if I was talking about really small children. But, older children and adolescents do have food preferences and I don't think it is really fair to just ignore their food preferences - particularly if the food in question is healthy - just because it is a trigger for you.

I personally don't eat beef, but I sort of think it would be unfair to refuse to buy it for the 3 other people in the house who like beef.

How old are your kids? Are they old enough to try to bring them into the solution? For example, there have been occasional foods (non-perishable) that I've asked my daughter to just keep in her room out of my sight.

I guess where I come down on it is that if DH didn't want junk food in the house I would say OK. I would have more problem with not wanting foods that are nutritious, but that are trigger foods. That said, I might try to figure out for a time other foods that I could serve my kids that weren't triggers for him, but that they would like. I might put a time limit on this. The idea would be to help DH get to a point where he didn't have the cravings so much and then could later tolerate having them in the house (although maybe stored where he couldn't easily see them).
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Old 01-11-2014, 08:36 PM   #11
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What helped me in the past and is something I am thinking of doing again, is getting a storage container. Put the snacks in there and put it somewhere out of sight. Then maybe use one of the crisper drawers to put all the kids cold snacks and tape their name on the front. So that way it won't be mixed in and eventually he won't even open it.
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Old 01-11-2014, 09:57 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by novangel View Post
If he can't even sleep because he's thinking about food then he needs to see someone professional. You can't stop buying food for your kids, not realistic if he thinks all they're going to eat is vegetables with water. Otherwise buy a separate fridge and put a padlock on it.
No, no. He can't sleep for other reasons (he's always been a bad sleeper) but when he is up he will eat.
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Old 01-11-2014, 10:23 PM   #13
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Thanks everybody for your ideas.

LiannaKole: that sounds like a good idea and I could "hide it" in the guess bedroom.

GlamourGirl827: that's exactly my problem, he will over eat anything: sandwiches, yugurt, cheese, almonds, even the cereal - those things are tasty and even when they are "healthy" you can totally binge on them.

kaplods: I completely agree with you, if I could get him to be grain free for two weeks everything would be so much different. I like Paleo but not sure how will that work for the kids, all they eat is dairy, whole grains, some veggies and lots of fruits (I know!!! Not the best but trying...) I thinking he might have a severe carb addiction and that's why even a simple piece of bread will send him into a binge.

seagirl: I do agree with you and this has been my response till now, obviously it's not working, he needs help from us. He just can't do it himself, maybe after a few weeks he could be fine, but he can't seem to be able to start.

rubidoux: right now he wants super clean: lean meats and veggies, nothing else.
Paleo for the whole family? As nice as it sounds I can't, my two DD would not eat anything!
The reason he doesn't want those foods in the house is because he will eat them and over eat them. Yes, a full fat yugurt is 170 calories, one is great, 5... Not so great. Then he will make himself sandwiches (bread, turkey and cheese) all good and healthy but he will make 4-5 of them... And that's why he doesn't want anything for now...

Koshka: my kids are 6 & 8 (almost)... We talked about this many times, and it has come down to this. He just can't do it - my house is pretty much junk free: no chips, no cookies, no sodas...

sheramama: the storage is great idea.. The crisper container not so much, he WILL open it regardless of what name is in there...

----------

Overall, than you guys for the ideas. I think I will hide the shelf stuff and get a little locker fridge for the cold stuff... If I can get him into clean eating for at least two weeks I know he won't have the cravings....
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Old 01-11-2014, 10:27 PM   #14
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He's a grown adult. The kids are just kids. I'm sorry but I'd be saying no to that. In my opinion, that's too selfish a request. I'm on a diet, my hubby is not. I don't expect him to have to change what he's eating just because I've decided to. How many women on here have husbands and children who are not on a diet and they cook for their families and then cook a separate meal for themselves? I assume he doesn't even have to do that, so I'm sorry but I think he does need to suck it up. He's a grown man. Somewhere along the line he's going to have to learn to deal with temptation. But that's just my 2 cents!
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Old 01-11-2014, 10:34 PM   #15
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Quote:
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He's a grown adult. The kids are just kids. I'm sorry but I'd be saying no to that. In my opinion, that's too selfish a request. I'm on a diet, my hubby is not. I don't expect him to have to change what he's eating just because I've decided to. How many women on here have husbands and children who are not on a diet and they cook for their families and then cook a separate meal for themselves? I assume he doesn't even have to do that, so I'm sorry but I think he does need to suck it up. He's a grown man. Somewhere along the line he's going to have to learn to deal with temptation. But that's just my 2 cents!

In a perfect world that would be ideal, but some people do really need help. He tried, I cook for him healthy, but when he is up at night, stressing over work he will grab whatever is in there. If the stuff is not there he won't eat it...

This will only be temporary... Till we kick his addition to carbs out.
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