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Old 10-28-2013, 06:31 PM   #1
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Default Self Sabotage / Afraid to be thin?

Hi everyone,

I usually lurk and don't often post, but I have noticed a pattern and wanted to see what you all think.

I have been a yo yo dieter for the past 10 years. I lose about 4-10 pounds and then I put that weight on and then some, as soon as I realize I am starting to see results. It's really weird. It's like I look in the mirror and start to notice a difference and then I freak out and start to binge eat a lot. I wonder why I always do this. It's like, I am so close to being where I want to be and then I just destroy ALL of my hours working out and eating healthy. It's actually quite sad. Can anyone else relate to this? Anyone have a theory as to why some people who want to lose weight do this?

I need to make changes this time FOR REAL and I have been doing great all of October No binges, healthier eating, consistent exercise, and I am starting to see a little change (my scale doesn't work), so I go by how my clothes fit. But my point is, I am so scared that I am going to fall into my same pattern. In this current moment, I don't feel like it could happen, but it's literally happened maybe 20+ times, so based on my past behavior, I am worried. I just want this so bad, and I have always wanted it so bad, so it's not like this time is any different. Or maybe it is? But if it isn't any different and I always want it bad, what is keeping me from binging away my success?

Last edited by truehappiness; 10-28-2013 at 06:35 PM.
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Old 10-28-2013, 10:39 PM   #2
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I find myself doing the same thing....I get in better shape and then just find reasons to pig out or eat too much etc...eat junk...ive kept off 40-50 pounds for well over a year because I don't ever gain more than a few pounds before I buckle down again...lose a few pounds and it starts all over...I feel complacent with the weight that i'm at, where I don't feel horribly fat so I slack off a lot on eating....im really good about the gym though...I haven't found the answer either
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Old 10-29-2013, 06:02 AM   #3
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I think that the fact that this time you have identified the pattern and made a decision that you don't want to repeat it will help you this time.

and once more in pounds.

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Old 10-29-2013, 07:26 AM   #4
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It's a pattern for a lot of people and there may be numerous reason for it. One reason may be that people are afraid to shed their fat suit. Becoming thin comes with a whole lot of problems, namely being exposed and noticed - that can be hard to handle for someone who's felt invisible for a long time.

Another reason might be that you reward yourself with food, like oh I've been so good at my diet now I'm going to reward myself with a few binges.

I think what's most likely is that we've worked very long and hard to establish terrible patterns and those wrongs can't be righted with a snap of the fingers. I doubt that I will ever wake up one day hating cheetos no matter how hard I work to not eat them. I'll always love junk food, therefore there will always be a chance that I succumb to it.

"If you pay attention to when you are hungry, what your body wants, what you are eating, when you've had enough, you end the obsession because obsession and awareness cannot coexist." - Geneen Roth
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Old 10-29-2013, 09:59 AM   #5
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I have this issue to some extent. Who knows, maybe when we were kids and were sick, our parents forced us to eat and we equated food with nurturing, health and comfort? But as Bindii stated, knowing you have this problem will help you get over it, without necessarily figuring out the underlying reasons (which could take years of therapy). That doesn't mean you shouldn't try to figure it out, but you could certainly do this and overcome the behaviors before you determine the actual source. Believe in yourself and follow through on your goals...make them specific.
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Old 10-29-2013, 12:01 PM   #6
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I think the answer is a lot more Primal and bred in the bone.

Humans/primates are programmed to eat a lot of food when they see it. That's how we survived the lean years! And there *were* Lean Years. Type in "Famines" in Google and there's one site which lists the history of famines around the world ~ hundreds of them, everywhere.

And primitive hunter/gatherers have/had to eat all of whatever they find.

DH and I actually had an argument about it, which ended when I retorted, "Excuse me, are YOU an evolutionary biologist? If this wasn't an issue, why would we even *need* will power or discipline?"

I could be wrong, and it's not an excuse, but it's the simplest answer without therapy!
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Old 10-29-2013, 12:26 PM   #7
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I completely relate to this. I have talked about this issue in therapy before, it helps me to vent about it but I would like to stop sabotaging myself. I notice that I sabotage myself in other ways too, not just weight. I agree with Bindii, being aware is a good start.

Take care, good for you for wanting to take good care of yourself.

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Old 10-29-2013, 12:40 PM   #8
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Sounds like it is possible you are not comfortable being slimmer. Could be a sub conscious blockage and you need to dig down and see if you can find the root of it. Like someone mentioned maybe it happened in your youth.
A good therapist could help you look for it.

Last edited by breakonthrough; 10-29-2013 at 12:40 PM.
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Old 10-29-2013, 12:50 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Inkrid View Post
I think the answer is a lot more Primal and bred in the bone.

Humans/primates are programmed to eat a lot of food when they see it. That's how we survived the lean years! And there *were* Lean Years. Type in "Famines" in Google and there's one site which lists the history of famines around the world ~ hundreds of them, everywhere.

And primitive hunter/gatherers have/had to eat all of whatever they find.

DH and I actually had an argument about it, which ended when I retorted, "Excuse me, are YOU an evolutionary biologist? If this wasn't an issue, why would we even *need* will power or discipline?"

I could be wrong, and it's not an excuse, but it's the simplest answer without therapy!
I agree with this. I don't think that most of us "snap" because we secretly don't want to be thin. I think we snap because restricting calories is unnatural. If we force ourselves to go against biological instinct, it's not surprising that instinct would seek to assert itself after some time.

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Old 10-29-2013, 11:51 PM   #10
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This time of year, I can totally agree with that primal thing. My body is like, "eat, eat, eat!" It's gonna be long cold winter, you need to bulk up!

Carbs, fat, protein, carbs, carbs, fat, protein.

Sheesh, I'm not a grizzly bear for the love of Pete! I'm not going to hibernate! I have a secure job, I have a paycheck, I have heat and plumbing that isn't going anywhere. *rolls eyes*

At the same time, my Mother, who has for the better part of her life been obese, and her weight has gone up and down, when she gets down to something *almost* healthy, she freaks out and eats back on her suit of protective fat.

When she was 37, she had lost a considerable amount of weight and was doing well. Then my dad died in a bad accident, and within 1 year, she gained back the 100 she lost and then some.

Over the the last 36 years she's been up and down. Sometimes on purpose, sometimes health issues.

After all this time, and watching her, I see, just for her, she wears her obesity as a protective thing. It's like she does not want herself or anyone else to expect anything of her because of her weight.

The sad thing is she is a very artistic and intelligent woman, who is wasting her talents, hiding in her food addiction.

In all reality, obese, thin, healthy, fit, or whatever, life is still life. Some days it's great, some days it bites! The weight will not protect us from life. It's going to happen anyway.

So, we should embrace it and live it! Mud wrestle! I did many moons ago, young and silly. Hey, out of 5 of us who did it, I was the only woman, and the only one who won any money! Would I do it now. NOT. But at the time, hey, it was fun!

Life, is meant to be lived. We only get one chance! Make the most of it! Dance, sing, be silly, make home made noodles with your kids, who cares how much flour you get all over the house! Rescue a frozen cat! (didn't think he was going to live). Darn cat scattered my yarn all over the house, even in the ceiling fan.

Sing in the car. Get a bottle of bubbles and blow them out your car window when you are sitting at a stop light!

Ok, I'm rambling now, but, relax, be healthy! Enjoy the ride, it's the only one you're gonna get!

5+ year maintainer.
The human body is capable of amazing things! But without the mind, it is nothing. Get your mind in gear and the body will follow!

Be selfish about caring for yourself, you deserve it!
Weight Watcher leader! But always a Member first!
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Old 10-30-2013, 01:03 AM   #11
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I had totally relate on the whole "Fat suit protection" comment. that's my problem too. I don't want to be visible in the sense that it might actually do me good. I have a very complicated home life and I don't want things to change for worse, but then I have to think "I can't live for other people. I can't let people guilt me for being happy for myself".
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Old 01-15-2014, 05:38 AM   #12
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As soon as I notice--or others notice--I do the same. It's nice to see I'm not the only one. I thought I was nuts!

I think I've realized why I do what I do, and one part of it is that men will notice me when I lose weight. I hope that a friend's advice will help, if I drill it into myself enough. "If I'm not ready to date, I don't have to."
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Old 02-19-2014, 02:15 AM   #13
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Hi grumpycat. I can totally relate to your feelings. I would lose 20 pounds and then everyone notices and everyone comments on it. I'd feel like I was on display very uncomfortable. So I'd gain it back. I recognized that I did this and how I felt about it which helped and then found strategies for dealing. I struggled with being able to accept a compliment so I found a way to do that as far as men, I figured that they can look, they can ask and you can be confident and in control there. It used to make me uncomfortable getting attention but not now. I can't let others opinion (good or bad) have control anymore.
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Old 02-19-2014, 02:55 AM   #14
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I do this too. Part of me feels I do this because when I was in school, it was my way of "rewarding" myself. My roommates and I after eating pb &j for a week during finals would plan to eat a nice meal (usually comfort food) to "relax" I know the satisfaction from that is what makes me still go in that direction. Of course they were tiny and never really had an issue with it, me on the other hand...

I actually love losing the weight, nothing feels better than loose clothes, but I hate that my rewards are constantly food related. I need to find a good thrift store where I can spend a little money buying cute stuff to help my weight loss, maybe that would be more of a motivator?

Starting measurements
8/23/12--->42-37-45 (200lbs)
10/4/12--->41-37-44 (190lbs)
4/09/13--->40-36-42 (180lbs)
5/18/13--->40-34-42 (170lbs)
3/01/14--->40-34-42 (170lbs)
9/15/14--- (173lbs)
1/8/15---> 40-35-43 (179lbs)
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Old 02-19-2014, 09:15 AM   #15
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I can definitely relate to this. I think I even mentioned it already somewhere on the forum.
Mine is as follows. I start to diet, I lose 20 pounds (always), look at myself in the mirror getting thin and I self sabotage. I think somewhere deep inside myself I'm scared of looking thin. I've been thin before (in my childhood) and in my puberty I wanted to get some fat on my body because I was too skinny and that's how I entered the non ending sequence of fat-diet-fat-diet.
I also think that when I start to lose weight, I feel like I'm entering a territory where I do not belong. Like being thin is reserved to a happy few and I'm not allowed in that circle and I shouldn't force myself to enter that circle. I tell myself, deep down: "Look at yourself : Everything, your scale, your body, your clothes, food, everything is letting you know that you are you and you'll never be anyone else so why even try? Just stay like that, you look just superb! What makes you feel like you'll still look this good when you enter that territory?"
Unfortunately,I never stay like that. I always take all the pounds back, and add a few more than the previous time.
I also think that being fat has come to be part of my personal identity and of my mental perception of myself.
I also identified this problem before this diet, which I think is a good thing because now I'm expecting it and when it comes I'll be aware of it.
I'm turning 30 this year and I'm sooo ready in my mind. I'm gonna lose the weight, keep it off and claim my prettiness back.
SuN - ViSiTeD sKiN

Last edited by thirti4thirty; 02-19-2014 at 09:24 AM.
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