Thanks everyone for the support and also for letting me know that I'm not the only one that has these thoughts.
You have all given me a lot to think about. Yes, what type of person would I have been if I had been fit all these years? I work as a counselor - would I be not as good at my job? You know, things like that...
I should be celebrating getting close to goal, and hopefully this will be a temporary feeling and I will just be able to be glad I made this change and be happy about it. For now I just have to try to not be so hard on myself....
Listen, I am sure we all have regrets similar to what you have posted. I was small in my 20's and I was a runner back then, but now I am 40 and not small and not a runner. I aspire to be that again soon, but I refuse to let those old ugly thoughts of regret get me down. I could have spent the last 20 years in shape. I didn't and now I have to start over but the great thing is there is lots of years left to enjoy this new found freedom you have. The insight you have. I was reading a post the other day about the difference's between what you know in your 20's 30's and 40's. For those of us who are in their 40's we are just late bloomers and now because you know who you are in your 40's and you realize that you are in control of your life 100% you have the knowledge and power to keep realizing your dreams and controlling what you do and what you don't do. I wish sometimes someone would have told me this when I was younger, but honestly I may not have listened and I wouldn't have really understood what it all meant. I get it now and I can't have a second of regret or sadness because those two feelings are something I can control and if I let it - they could eat me up and put me into a place I may never recover from. You did an excellent job getting where you are. Live every single day without letting those regrets creep up on you.
Atleast you get to enjoy it now and will be healthy and fit into old age. Some 40 years olds are still struggling with weight or just have begun struggling with it. some people grow old and are still obese and that's when alot of the health problems start creeping up, atleast you won't have to deal with those issues. My point just is, it could of been worse
Listen, I am sure we all have regrets similar to what you have posted. I was small in my 20's and I was a runner back then, but now I am 40 and not small and not a runner. I aspire to be that again soon, but I refuse to let those old ugly thoughts of regret get me down. I could have spent the last 20 years in shape. I didn't and now I have to start over but the great thing is there is lots of years left to enjoy this new found freedom you have. The insight you have. I was reading a post the other day about the difference's between what you know in your 20's 30's and 40's. For those of us who are in their 40's we are just late bloomers and now because you know who you are in your 40's and you realize that you are in control of your life 100% you have the knowledge and power to keep realizing your dreams and controlling what you do and what you don't do. I wish sometimes someone would have told me this when I was younger, but honestly I may not have listened and I wouldn't have really understood what it all meant. I get it now and I can't have a second of regret or sadness because those two feelings are something I can control and if I let it - they could eat me up and put me into a place I may never recover from. You did an excellent job getting where you are. Live every single day without letting those regrets creep up on you.
I have so many regrets. When I hear this topic I always think "I have so many regrets." And I did not handle everything well in my past some times out of ignorance and some times on purpose but would sure do a lot of things differently. So glad for this topic. I often think that past can sure affect the now to some extent.
You make it sound like a whole life has been wasted...cheer up, you're still young! ****, looking at your old weight and the absolutely amazing progress you've made, you've probably even gained a few years on your life expectancy. Look at it that way...it makes you comparatively younger! You're healthy now, and have many years yet to enjoy.
Asking "what if...?" only undermines how much you've accomplished, both with your loss and in your life. Everyone has things that they wish hadn't happened or that they wish they'd done, but on the other hand, you might not have the things that make your life awesome (or the same appreciation for them) if you had been thin from the start and not been forced to overcome the obstacles you've faced in your life.
40 is not too late! Ok, so maybe you won't earn the high school track record, because there is an age limit for that. As far as I know there's no sports with age limits unless they have specific brackets for ages. It's all about how much your body can do.
We've all seen people competing well into their sixties - especially in running. Regret does nothing healthy for you at all. Do your best to let it go and look towards the future.
Congratulations on your success! You have come a long way. If you didn't have that journey under your belt it would be hard to appreciate where you are now. Now you can appreciate where you are and have empathy for others who are where you once were and can help others through your experience.
why not embrace this? you are just now discovering what people have taken for granted for a long time, you know. you deserve to enjoy it, really enjoy it. its a great thing especially after 40. it might give you that extra energy you need to stay healthy and strong far longer than your peers.
You have all given me a lot to think about. Yes, what type of person would I have been if I had been fit all these years? I work as a counselor - would I be not as good at my job? You know, things like that...
You know... I'm nowhere near my goal, but I do think that being overweight has made me a more understanding and compassionate person in general. I hope to hit my goal weight by 30, but thinking that I won't experience my teens and 20s as a normal weight person is sad. But it's not the end of the world.
But I do think it's better late than never! Just keep telling yourself that things happen when they do for a reason. You weren't ready for awhile, and as soon as you were, you made a huge change for the better. You still have a lot to experience and look forward to, and you are now doing it as a thin, fit person!
You're healthy now, and have many years yet to enjoy. 
