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Old 01-07-2012, 06:07 PM   #1
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Default Husband pain in the butt on support

I have been trying to lose weight forever..
up and down..
Never fails.. My husband always tells me ,I love you just the way you are.
and I believe him. But the extra weight on me, I HATE IT!
He pushes me along to excerise. But as soon as I lose 5 pounds.
He will come home the next week with a candy bar.
:Babe I got this for you, because of the GREAT job you been doing you deserve it "
When I lost in the past 20 pounds, I heard.. ( now my muscles are big so if I lose 20 pounds looks 25 or more) --- Dont you think you lost enough? who are you trying to impress?

People I need to lose a minium of 50 pounds!

and im stupid enough.. I think oh he thinks i look good .maybe i can have the candy bar just this time.. then before you know it..
bang .. im cheating and the weight is back..


Does anyone else have this issue. ? DRIVES ME CRAZY!



Grace
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Old 01-07-2012, 06:09 PM   #2
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Yes. People close to us are threatened when we change; it's a natural human reaction.

Can you make him part of the process? Maybe tell him what you WOULD like as a reward, instead of food?

And reassure him that you're not losing weight to look good for anyone else, but for your health, so you can grow old together with him
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Old 01-07-2012, 06:14 PM   #3
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My husband is against any form of excerise for him. wont walk with me, wont run,bike, anything. He lost 50 pounds last year when he was hurt and couldnt walk. so he thinks excerise is not needed..
oh thats another story in itself...
I try to keep to myself not flaunt any weight loss anymore..
sad.. i know.
lol I guess thats why im here for encouragement
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Old 01-07-2012, 07:52 PM   #4
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If you are looking for excuses you can find them everywhere.
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Maintaining for two years and I eat whatever I want - just not however much I want. Details here.
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Old 01-07-2012, 08:07 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LOSINITWITHGRACE View Post
I have been trying to lose weight forever..
up and down..
Never fails.. My husband always tells me ,I love you just the way you are.
and I believe him. But the extra weight on me, I HATE IT!
He pushes me along to excerise. But as soon as I lose 5 pounds.
He will come home the next week with a candy bar.
:Babe I got this for you, because of the GREAT job you been doing you deserve it "
When I lost in the past 20 pounds, I heard.. ( now my muscles are big so if I lose 20 pounds looks 25 or more) --- Dont you think you lost enough? who are you trying to impress?

People I need to lose a minium of 50 pounds!

and im stupid enough.. I think oh he thinks i look good .maybe i can have the candy bar just this time.. then before you know it..
bang .. im cheating and the weight is back..


Does anyone else have this issue. ? DRIVES ME CRAZY!



Grace
That is actually normal. When you are embracing change, you will also meet obstacles. The environment wants you to stay and don't ever change.

Still, after you change, you will feel better.
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Old 01-07-2012, 08:16 PM   #6
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Men are so insecure, they think if you lose weight you might look good to someone else, and you might but that doesn't mean you are going to leave him. Try to impress on him that you are doing this for health reasons and remind him of some of the possible dangers of obesity. stroke, heart attack,high blood pressure, diabetes just to name a few.
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Last edited by bargoo : 01-07-2012 at 08:17 PM.
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Old 01-07-2012, 09:42 PM   #7
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I used to have this issue. My husband insisted on doing the cooking. He wouldn't listen to me about healthy alternatives. He was also always baking and making goodies. I finally had a "serious" talk with him, explaining I was moving toward a healthy life style, and would love it if he would join me. He insisted he made me cakes out of love, and if I loved him I would graciously accept his cooking/baking gifts.... I considered that blackmail. I cooked my own food (and always offered him some), which became a major bone of contention. After 20+ years, I eventually realized my healthy lifestyle could no longer accommodate his lack of support (sabotage!), and I moved on.

We're good friends, but he's continued to gain weight, and gets winded walking across the room.

I don't suggest you leave your partner, but I can't tell you how good it feels to declare one's intentions of moving toward health, regardless.
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Old 01-08-2012, 12:18 AM   #8
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I have this same problem!!! It's so hard and emotional! I have tried to just think of myself really. It's hard to be selfish sometimes, but I really think this is the only way for me. He can do whatever the heck he wants! I'm moving toward a healthier & more positive lifestyle! Believe me you're not alone! I'm hear if you need support or to vent! I've been venting to my mother about it & it really helps!!
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Old 01-08-2012, 12:29 AM   #9
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what his true motives may be..anytime you "change" something in your home environment, it usually signals "red flags" to anyone who is paying attention. He may be honestly oblivious to his sabotage and feel is actually encouraging and supporting you by giving you a treat, he knows you will like...I wouldn't hold it against him but the next time he does it..push the candy bar away and tell him gently that you need to get healthy so you can take better care of yourself and your family and if he wants to help and support you he will do (ie give him specific things that you will appreciate instead of FOOD)
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Old 01-08-2012, 01:43 AM   #10
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How does DH know what you weigh or even if it changed or not?

Mine's not all that observant. I also don't talk about my weight much. So he has no idea what I weigh when or if it went up or down.

It isn't like I lose weight like I get a haircut. TADA! Big change all at once! It's so gradual.

Maybe just not share the news with DH so it takes the pressure off? Then he's not getting you candy or commenting on progress.

A.
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Old 01-08-2012, 08:24 AM   #11
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To the folks who seem to feel , Its my fault. I just should ignore it basically and go on with my plan. I 100% agree. My point is. Why does he even have to be like that. --- Its like a drug addict and your bringing drugs to somenes house. --- If i have a weak moments. he swoops in. lol.
PLease if i wanted to make up excuses I would. I have a ton of reasons why I shouldnt.. but I keep trying..So believe me. its not an excuse..
But thank you for replying anyways.

My husband knows when i lost weight. because I wear differnt clothes. Im not as down on myself.. I dont have a chart on the fridge saying I LOST 30 pounds lol.. just how differnt i am..
Plus sadly i have no children. So I cook only for us. So I cook differntly when dieting.. we eat together he sees what I am eating..

I guess what it comes down too. is men are afraid of change. so they try to halter progress even if they dont realize they are doing it..
Hey I guess IM just too good of a thing for him to loose. LOL

Thanks for all the replies!!
have a wonderful day!

Last edited by LOSINITWITHGRACE : 01-08-2012 at 08:29 AM.
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