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Old 12-07-2011, 10:29 PM   #1
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I feel like i am not doing anything with my life. I am a stay at home mom and i love being home with him. But I am getting ready to turn 22 on December 21st and i have not done anything other than be a great mom to my son and take care of our home. I am at this point where i feel i should know what i want to do with my life or something. I cant ever seem to stick to anything i cant seem to stick to working out and taking care of myself. There are more days then not that i sit around in my Pjs all day and play with my son. So i guess my question is how do i get out of the state of depression?
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Old 12-07-2011, 11:21 PM   #2
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hello

I am also a stay at home mom, so I can relate to the way you are feeling. I've said nearly the exact things to my husband!

"...i have not done anything other than be a great mom to my son and take care of our home" well, that sounds like something very important to me!!! No offense to people who put their kids in daycare-- I know it works well for a LOT of families, but I am so glad I don't have to drag my daughter out of her bed at 6am just to get her to daycare so I can get to work on time...
You are investing in his life-- and that is super important. He will grow up and think, "wow, I had a great mom who stayed home to be the one who raised me. She made sacrifices for my behalf." Taking care of a home isn't an easy task either..especially when you have little ones. My sister is a stay at home mom as well and she says she struggles with never having the feeling of "accomplishing" anything...to which I reply, "You accomplished another day in your daughter's life of loving her and making her feel important to you. That IS an accoplishment."

"I am at this point where i feel i should know what i want to do with my life or something." -- what do you WANT to do? is being a stay at home mom not the career you would like? I've never really wanted to do anything else, so I know what I want to do with my life-- it just sometimes feel unimportant or something.

"There are more days then not that i sit around in my Pjs all day and play with my son." oh, wow-- I SOOOOO know what you mean here. You hardly see anybody but the people at the grocery store, so why get dressed, right? I face this every.single.day. and I'll be honest with you; the days I get up, take a shower, get dressed, fix my hair, and put makeup on are the days that I feel the best....and I get the most done. I have found that such a simple action makes a big difference in the way I feel.

How old is your son? my daughter is 20 months old...the thing that kicked my butt into gear was thinking about giving her the food that I was eating for her daily nutrition. It HORRIFIED me. Thinking about giving my sweet baby girl fried everything, soda, cake, and a lot of other crap for her nutrition?! NO! I'd never do that on a daily basis...so WHY did I do it to myself? Thinking about my daughter picking up my couch potato habits instead of running and playing and getting exercise?! um, NO WAY!

as far as getting out of the funk-- you just have to make yourself do it regardless of how much you don't want to. "Get up, Get dressed, and DO something!" this is a phrase I have to tell myself all the time...and it really helps!!
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Old 12-08-2011, 12:09 AM   #3
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My wife was a stay at home mom. Tough gig, I couldn't do it.

I'd suggest you go get involved. There are tons of other stay at home moms and they get together and socialize.

I don't know how to find them but I'm sure someone around here does.

Goodluck!
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Old 12-08-2011, 01:43 AM   #4
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I think being a stay at home mom would also be tough. It sounds like it is becoming to isolating for you.

The only "cure" would be finding a way to be around more people that you can talk with. Also, I think it would help if you could find some sort of goal to work towards everyday.

You aren't alone - I often am alone at home working. It does easily lead to depression. I have to remind myself to get out and do these things to help how I am feeling.

Exercise (walking or jogging) is also an immediate fix.

Hang in there!
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Old 12-08-2011, 06:03 AM   #5
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I"m also a stay at home mom to 3 - have been for 8 years now since my oldest was born (youngest is 2 1/2).

THere are days that I ask myself what the heck I'm doing... kids are fighting, I'm shouting at someone... house is a mess... I haven't defrosted anything for dinner... AGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! But then there are great days too, when we do fun activities, people more or less get along, we laugh.. and I realize how lucky I am to have been fortunate enough to have this time with them. It goes so fast... my oldest two are starting to have a life outside of home that is more important to them (friends, activities etc).

So enjoy these days with your little one... you'll be glad you did in the end.

To make yourself feel better though, you have to be taking care of yourself. I know my weight makes a huge difference in how I feel... when I was slowly gaining and not in control of my eating, I'd feel irritable and miserable when I weighed myself. Now that I'm concentrating on my diet, I feel more hopeful and more positive.. I have more patience with my kids too.

So get yourself past that 200 pound mental hurdle - it's only 12 pounds away! This is something you can do despite having little time - it just takes a little planning. You'll see how much it will change your outlook.

GL! and
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Old 12-08-2011, 06:26 AM   #6
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Your story is familiar to me I am also a SAHM, my boy is 18 months, I suffered with postnatal depression (how old is your child?) and I am lonely/bored. Don't speak the local language, family/friends all far away.

It's hard because we don't see "immediate' rewards in our difficult jobs - no paycheque, our 'boss' is often ungrateful/tantrums, the job is mundane (how many times have we watched the same cartoon today?), no time for anything yet we've done nothing, endless housework, oh I could go on forever.

Do you have the option of joining a gym that offers childcare for an hour or so? I found that to be very helpful to my sanity. Exercise is good for depression. Do you feel "sad" or do you feel you may have actual depression? Actual clinical or postnatal depression is not something that you can just bring yourself out of. You may want to consider speaking with a doctor as well.

At 22, I'm sure most of your friends are still all about college, parties, shopping without a stroller, dinner without being home for bath time, etc. That must be very difficult. My friends are the same although I take secret pleasure in knowing I will be child-free at 40-45 and they may still have newborns/toddlers!

I still have my good & bad days with PND, mostly good now, I'm here for you
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Old 12-08-2011, 06:43 AM   #7
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Do you ever get "you time?" This could be the time you could get out of the house, see your friends, learn a new hobby, take a walk, attend an exercise class, etc. Find something you enjoy and helps you feel better. Some people find walking/running their own therapy, others dance, others hula hooping, and so on. There is so much out there and you can do it! And these will all help you lose the weight too?
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Old 12-08-2011, 07:36 AM   #8
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Hey I'm 40, on my third career, and still not sure what I want to do when I grow up.

The idea that you should know "what you want to do with your life" at 22 is hogwash - let go of it! When I look back at myself at 22, I realize my life was just beginning and I'd barely had time to get to know myself as an adult. And that was me - you've been all the more busy than I was, taking care of your child and putting the child's development ahead of figuring out out your own needs, interests, goals, strengths.

Do not fret about not being sure what you want from life - life is for learning and that is what you have ahead of you. Think about what you might want to do, try some things, don't feel you have to get it right the first time. heck, what is right today might not be right in a few years. Believe me - it may not feel like it to you, 22 probably feels very old and mature to you - but I promise, your adult life is just beginning and chances are the entirety of it will be growth and learning and change.
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Old 12-08-2011, 07:59 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Icey21 View Post
I feel like i am not doing anything with my life. I am a stay at home mom and i love being home with him. But I am getting ready to turn 22 on December 21st and i have not done anything other than be a great mom to my son and take care of our home. I am at this point where i feel i should know what i want to do with my life or something. I cant ever seem to stick to anything i cant seem to stick to working out and taking care of myself. There are more days then not that i sit around in my Pjs all day and play with my son. So i guess my question is how do i get out of the state of depression?
Is there anything wrong with being a great mom to your son? You ARE doing something with your life!! You're raising a wonderful boy to become a wonderful man. You are spending precious time with your son that other children do not always have the opportunity to have with their parents. There is nothing wrong with just being a mother and don't let anyone tell you differently. Personally I have the utmost respect for parents who choose to stay home with their children and have the opportunity to do that.

I was raised by a SAHM and I wouldn't trade that upbringing for anything. My mother was always there for me and my father worked and still works hard so that she could be there to raise us. She was able to devote precious time to making sure I had the intellectual stimulation I needed and I believe it's what made school so easy for me She's certainly proud to say she's got a daughter who has a Master's Degree and a Post-graduate certificate at the age of 23! I worked hard to get where I am, but without the sacrifices my mother and father made I know I would not be here. My fiancee and I really want the same for our children so I vow to work as hard as I can so he can be a stay at home Dad to our kids. I want that same experience for them.

If you can't motivate yourself to workout, think of your son. Do you want to be able to play and run with him? Do you want him to have a healthy lifestyle from a young age? Learn the tools to be healthy now so that your son learns from a young age and doesn't have to struggle later in life because these things come naturally to him.

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Old 12-08-2011, 08:52 AM   #10
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How old is son? Have you been checked for "regular" depression or post partum depression?

I'm a SAHM, and the early baby years can get a bit cabin fevery. Depending on where you live the weather can add to that. But as he gets older you can do more things, volunteer, etc.

On the flip side, if you are not depressed, and you are no longer feeling fulfilled with the SAHM gig, reach out to changes -- perhaps a job or more schooling or...?

GL!
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Old 12-08-2011, 10:23 AM   #11
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On the flip side, if you are not depressed, and you are no longer feeling fulfilled with the SAHM gig, reach out to changes -- perhaps a job or more schooling or...?
That was my thought too. I'm not a SAHM because I didn't have the resources, but I later realized that I'm not cut out for it. I think I'm a great mom, but without the structure that working outside of the home gives me, I can easily become depressed and unproductive (which happened in the maternity leave months after my daughter was born).

When I went back to work, I felt that my self-esteem was spilling over into the household, and I related to my child better.
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Old 12-08-2011, 01:49 PM   #12
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Check and see if there is a http://www.mops.org/ (Mothers of preschoolers) group in your area. I don't know much about them, but looks promising.
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:03 AM   #13
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Thank you so much guys this helps. Dont get me wrong i love being home with my son who is almost 16 months old, and i love being able to watch him grow and learn. A few of you said something about PPD (postpartum depression) and yes i had it very very bad, I was on meds till my son hit 7 months old then i took myself off of them. But i just feel so alone I only have a few friends up here all my family is in Florida, I think that is a big part of my problem I have not seen them in 2 1/2 years. I dont ever get "me time" the end of November was the first time i got to go out and do anything since before i had my son. I had a great time when i did go out i went to see a movie with my sister in law, while my sons dad and my brother in law took care of Aj (my son). Heck i cant even go a walk or anything outside because it is far to cold this time of year. I do love working out, and i feel great after it is just sticking to it. I have started reading these 2 books one is called Unlimited by Jillian Michaels the other is Are you ready by Bob Harper they are helping a lot to help me get my thinking going in the right way.
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:09 AM   #14
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Hi Icey,

If I had known, I would've been a chat buddy. My son is 18 months and I too suffer(ed) quite badly with PND (I have my days, but mostly better), and went through it the same time as you. Also very alone/removed from family friends due to geography.

I would suggest going outside for a walk daily, it's so important. It's not too cold - bundle your boy up nice & warm (I live in Quebec, it's snow and freezing here) - maybe just go into your backyard and watch him play. Sometimes, I just wrap him up and take him to the mall & run around. It's nowhere near the life I used to have (heading downtown for the **** of it!) but it's something to do. A great book (like you have), a great workout program during naps, is good.

Have you thought of trying out any local mother's groups? What about a gym with childcare?
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:24 AM   #15
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Being a stay at home mom is the HARDEST job in the world and I am so envious that you get to do it. Because you aren't missing out on those special moments. Running a household and being with your son is the most important job you will ever have, he's only little once, you can always figure out what to do when he's in school (if you want to work, find yourself, take courses etc) Cherish it now. I missed my first son's first steps cause he did it in daycare I missed my 2nd's son's first words cause he was daycare being a stay at home mom you are not only a mother you are a teacher, a doctor, a nurse, a cook, a cleaner, a counsellor, a nurse, a driver etc. You are so much to that little boy I too had PPD, getting out helps A LOT! When I had my kids I was in a city with no family and friends and it was VERY hard. I found a local mommy's group and joined and made friend's with other mom's. It really pulled me out of my funk. Try and see what resources your city provides for mom's, it will help! You are doing such good worthy work, a stay at home mom's job is never done! xoxo
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