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Old 01-31-2011, 06:03 PM   #1
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I am such a mess right now. Completely freaking out. I don't know what I am looking for but thought maybe just posting here and letting it out might help.

I just broke down crying my eyes out in the middle of my workout and had to just stop. Give up. & now I cant stop crying and the only thing I want to do is order a pizza and just stuff my face and cry my eyes out. and it is taking everything I have not to do that.

I've been staying in touch with my sisters and mom to keep each other motivated and I admit it I am jealous and it is making me feel horrible about myself every week. I can rationalize that it is silly and not to compare and that I should be happy for them but I feel like dr jeckal where I have this other side just losing control and being angry and hating myself. I am working my *** off & trying so so hard and inching by. and yet they can tell me how oh no they messed up and drank pepsi all week, ate nachos & ate out 3 times and they are losing 2-3+ lbs every single week. I work out 6 days a week and count every calorie and they work out for like 30 mins on the weekend or take a walk around the mall 1-2 a week.

My one sister has not lost LESS then 2lbs every week. And then complains that she hasn't lost 5 when I am losing .4lbs. I know she is heavier then me but it just feels so unfair. and my mom was told she was normal weight to being 10lbs underweight and is talking about how fat she still is...

At first I was ok but then every single week it just started to eat at me. I want to be this wonderful loving sister/daughter who is supportive and happy for them and I am letting my own self hatred & emotional ickyness spread.

and to top it off I am fighting with my husband badly. & I just feel so alone & hopeless. Yesterday I just cried so much and didn't workout, didn't count anything. I am just trying so hard right now not to binge. not to give up and just stuff my face.

It is just so hard to get focused and to be in that right frame of mind when I feel so sad. I did so good last week lost 1.4lbs and that brought be to a total of 15lbs lost. I should be ecstatic. and yet I feel the opposite.

I just feel like I don't know what to do right now. I need someone to shake me out of this so I can clear my mind.
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:10 PM   #2
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Wow -- you are getting hammered on all sides! I really feel for you. Best thing to do at this point is say screw it and do this ONLY FOR YOU!! You are changing FOR YOU -- for YOUR HEALTH, for YOUR FUTURE - FOR YOU! Put up the blinders and put in the ear plugs when others talk their talk and walk their walk - you've got your vision, on your OWN time...all FOR YOU!!! Hang in there -- YOU CAN DO THIS!!
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:12 PM   #3
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I don't have any specific advice for you and your situation. This is just as an emotional ride as it is physical. Buckle your seatbelt and hang on.

What I can tell you is that if my calories get too low, I have total and complete meltdowns. Tears. Snot. Swollen puffy eyes. It's not pretty. There's no magic caloric number either. There have been times that I've been a mess at 1600 calories and fine at 1200. The solution for me is to eat something--usually something high protein, and I'm much better in 30 minutes.
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:17 PM   #4
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wow u have done sooo welll congrats . \ive been struggling with 7lbs bouncing back and forth. ive just seen your weight bar and we have very similar start weight and goals so feel free to add me as abuddy and chat now and again i totally understand your struggle.

I know the frustration when u try hard and its a slow process. i am the type that everythng goes on my hips.

Take your self away from your work out ad chose somithing health rather than pizza.........make ur own. and calm down..........tomorra is a new day. it is more improtant for you to find your focus right now as that will hold your motivation. and im in same place as you. ive had a good day food wise but havent exercised im starting that again tomorro and me to am having crazy cravings for food. so im making myself some pasta n im not gona feel bad about it as its better than a pie or somthing really fattening.

Dont beat yourself up , i kno what i have found that if dont drink enough and i can work out and work out till cows come home but if im not drinking enough water the scales dont bugde. So try that try and drink more than you u sually would.

hope that helps x
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:21 PM   #5
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Stop discussing ALL numbers with your family - weight, pounds lost, food eaten, calories burned, etc. Tell them it's off limits, not up for discussion and taboo.

Just concentrate on yourself. You can't compare bodies with other people or you'll go mad.

If they start bringing it up remind them that it's off the table and if they continue then hang up/leave the room/unfriend them/etc.
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:26 PM   #6
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I don't have any words of wisdom or advice, but I can commiserate as I have been there, feeling just like you are, many times on my journey.

I can say that you are doing great! Don't give up! Use any mantra you have to, but get past this point and move forward.

tons of hugs your way. We are all in this together.
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:33 PM   #7
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Oh man I am so sorry that you feel so bad. But I agree with the other posters. Stop and do it for you and don't talk to them about it. Or if they want to, do it less like once every week or two weeks. That way, it isn't an everyday thing that builds up.
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:38 PM   #8
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*HUGS*

Girl stress is going to make it harder. You are working out 6 days a week how much are you eating?

Are you seeing your sister's? Could they be lying? How much bigger are they than you?

Take a deep breath, remember this is about you. If you are losing slowly that's fine at least it's coming off and I bet all the working out you are doing is paying off more than you know. I am sure if you all did blood work yours would be fabulous!

You know honestly you may be eating too little and working out too much. You mind letting us know what you are eating and how much time you work out? Maybe you could ease up on the workouts or up your protein intake?
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:39 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jls0867 View Post
Wow -- you are getting hammered on all sides! I really feel for you. Best thing to do at this point is say screw it and do this ONLY FOR YOU!! You are changing FOR YOU -- for YOUR HEALTH, for YOUR FUTURE - FOR YOU! Put up the blinders and put in the ear plugs when others talk their talk and walk their walk - you've got your vision, on your OWN time...all FOR YOU!!! Hang in there -- YOU CAN DO THIS!!
I couldnt agree more honey do it for you and you will succeed.
Think of when you are feeling good and looking good all the *****ing is nothing compared to big fat slap in face they are going to get when they see the new you
Me and my sister fight over weight all the time she put on a tone of weight lately and now she is only 3lb lighter then me when i pointed this out she was like no......... im not........ so i jumped on the scales to show her. she got the hump and I was delighted.... Sisters will always fight like this and get nasty just let it ride and carry on what your doing it really is all about you. now i am determined to get lower weight then my sis and its given me a little spur on
Along the way there will be people who are jealous but you just got to style it out and just remember you must be looking better for them to be jealous you got the bootie they want

use this site more the people here are lovely and even if like me have only lost 2lb in 2 weeks they are supportive and share ideas to perk up your following week

Good luck darling I hope you dont feel down for much longer and remember that exercise makes you feel happy esp once you have done it and you can have a nice cup of tea
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Old 01-31-2011, 06:55 PM   #10
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I posted on your blog after seeing your menu there
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Old 01-31-2011, 07:17 PM   #11
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It's gonna be okay. As long as the weight is coming off, how much does it matter the speed? I mean, you've lived this long with the weight, so you can hold out losing slowly for a while. I know that doesn't stop the frustration and the psychological damage that can be caused by constantly comparing your body to others'. I don't know how understanding and supportive your family is, but if you think they'd be the kind to listen and not hold it against you, you could let them know the problems that you're having with all this. It sounds like you're being super supportive of them, and they don't know what's going on with you. If you don't think they'd listen or care, I agree with what seagirl said--stop discussing numbers with them! This is ultimately about you. There's always going to be someone slimmer than you, always going to be someone with an easier time. So what? That doesn't mean you don't also deserve happiness.

In the meantime, take a breather. Drink a cup of tea, relax in a bubble bath, take a nap--do something nice for yourself that does not involve food. (The fact that you want to eat the pizza is telling me that you are craving a form of comfort, and, like most of us here, that means you want to turn to food for that. Good job fighting that instinct and coming here instead!)
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Old 01-31-2011, 07:17 PM   #12
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How much bigger is your sister? If she is a lot bigger than look no further for your explaination. Believe it or not fat cells burn calories and when you do any exercise you're moving more weight and therefore burning more calories.
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Old 01-31-2011, 07:53 PM   #13
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It is hard when other people get what we want, even if they work for it. When someone I know loses a lot of weight, part of me is happy but a part of me still wonders - why not me? Why can't I get it together and make that happen for myself?

It's especially difficult when it's family because there's so much old baggage there anyway, especially mothers and daughters and sisters.

Forgive yourself for having some not so pretty feelings and keep working hard. You will get there.
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Old 01-31-2011, 08:08 PM   #14
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I really feel for you, moonkissed, and even though I don't have any specific advice, I'd like to share a quote that I encountered in my calligraphy lessons a few weeks back. Sorry if it's a weird translation from Japanese:

"Step by step, tread the Earth with your arms swinging. Move forward in good spirits, without rushing and without resting."

You've made it to 15 pounds! That's an awesome achievement that you've clearly worked for. I'm confident that you can tune out the noise that's throwing you off course and get back to thinking about yourself and your journey in a positive and sustainable light.
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Old 01-31-2011, 08:48 PM   #15
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First of all.. 15 pounds is a fabulous accomplishment! Way to go!!!

Second of all... Please forgive yourself for having a bad moment. Emotions take over sometimes, and that doesn't mean that you're doing anything wrong. Allow yourself the chance to feel how you feel, accept your feelings as your own personal truth in this moment, then forgive yourself and move on. Don't let it stop you from success! If you need to find another way to find your success, do what you need to do to change it to work best for you.

Lastly... I want you to remember something that has helped me when things have been tough for me: "Ruin is the road to transformation."
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