Quote:
Originally Posted by Michou
I wrote something about the saboteurs in my life this week end about the constant comments, the way they try to push food down my throat but after thinking about it a little more I realised that they were the same way before I started loosing weight. The only thing that change is my answer.
Before I would cave in and could always blame them for saying yes but the truth is that I was the one lacking controle I wanted the food. Now I can blame them also if I cave in since they keep insisting. The reality is different it is my weight and I am fully accountable for the choices I make, those are my temptations and I must face them, same at the store, same when choosing food at the restaurant or at home.
People surrounding me do not need to adapt to my weight loss, it is my decision to lose weight and even if they are overweight and eat unhealthy it is there choice. So after a few days of thinking on the subject I decided to just say: no thank you and not to justify my answer and change the subject if they start talking about my diet.
|
This is definitely how I look at food offers now (even insistent ones). In the past, every time someone who knew I was dieting offered me food, I'd get angry and consider it "sabotage."
However, if they offered food to everyone but me, I'd get just as mad that they were playing "food cop."
If they didn't comment on my weight loss, I'd feel like they were being nonsupportive, and if they did comment on my weight, I'd also feel unsupported - because the comments either seemed critical or insincere (or too pressuring, or not pressuring enough)...
I eventually realized that their behavior wasn't the problem, it was my interpretation of their behavior that was the problem.
When I stopped seeing sabotage, and stopped blaming people for my response to their words and behavior, I stopped feeling pressure to eat.
No one can make you eat. No one can make you lose weight or stop you from losing weight. Just as they can't make you do what they want, you can't make them do what you want.
In most cultures there are food hospitality taboos. It's often seen as terribly rude not to offer a guest food, and just as rude for a guest to refuse. There's just as much social pressure to offer food, as there is to eat what's offerred.
As hard as it may be for you to decline food, it's probably just as hard for them not to offer it.
As to uncomfortable subjects, if you don't want to discuss a subject, just refuse to. Change the topic every time they attempt to lead it towards the subject you don't want to discuss. Tell them it's a topic you won't discuss, and if they press - leave the room every time they raise the topic. Walk away.
It works, if you're consistent. If you do it every time. I had to do this with my mother to the point that I would leave her house and go home (an hour away) every time she refused to let up on a topic I'd told her was off limits.
She talked about me behind my back to my sisters "Colleen's so sensitive about her weight, you can't say anything to her," but she stopped talking about it to my face, which is all I needed (and I told my sisters I didn't want to hear what Mom had to say behind my back. I didn't need or want to hear it).
I don't believe most people are intentionally unsupportive. They just do what they've always done. They don't even think about it. Your health and weight is never going to be anyone else's top priority, so they're not going to remember what you want and need from them (you can tell them as many times as you want to, but there's nothing you can do to make them learn and do it to your satisfaction, especially since you may not even always know what you need).
