This journey has such twists and turns that you can get caught off guard. Yesterday one of my friends came to town and she hadn't seen me since I started my journey. She said you looking anorexic and you need to stop loosing weight. I looked at her and said the problem is you aren't used to seeing me this size but I'm a ways off my goal and I am going to get there. So get used to a smaller me and you'll be fine. But I am going to keep loosing until I get to a size 10. When I started I was a size 24 and that's what she was used to seeing. Now I'm a size 14 and I think I look great but now as good as I will when I get to a 10, not to mention how much healthier I'll be. Well I thought that was the end of it. Well I found myself eating everything that didn't need to be cooked. She had gone to get her hair done and to church. When she got back to the house we talked way into the night and I didn't get a workout in. This morning I got up at 5:30 and got my workout done and while I was walking and evaluating last night's eating frenzy I began to wonder what set that off. Then I realized it was the anorexic comment that had me thinking I had room to eat all that I ate last night. Stuff like that is very damaging. How do you work through the comments and arrive at the proper response to the snackage beast? I am back on my game today but how do you deal with the mental stuff? I don't have body image issues at least I don't think I do but when people say I need to stop loosing weight it makes me think I can be lax but I'm not at my goal and I plan to be a lifetime maintainer after I get to goal.
If you read all of this and will take the time to respond, I appreciate it very much. THANK YOU!!
What an ignorant thing to have said to you. That's how I would get through it. I would tell myself I didn't have time wasting another thought on such ignorance.
The problem MAY be that your face looks gaunt. I don't if it does! It may not! But my face looks gaunt and I know a lot of folks who are losing do have that problem. I have a guess that it's because for the most part we aren't carrying any water in our faces. Have you ever noticed that everyone, no matter their starting weight, loses in the face first?
When stuff like that happens and what's done is done, I just pick myself up and move on. It starts again with the next meal. My problem is that if I eat too far off plan, I then have to fight cravings for at least three days to get myself "clean" again. Getting three days of clean eating under my belt can take a few weeks. It's hard!
I have to do exactally what you did. Examine what happened and learn from it. I've been fighting the same battle, people tell me that I look done, but I have a number in mind, and it's within my healthy body weight, so why not?
I think you did the only thing you can do. Learn a lesson and move on. I don't know that the mental thing ever goes away. After all, it was our brain that made us overweight, it'll want to get us back there too.
I'm not big on being concerned with what other people say... that being said - If my husband told me that I looked like I needed to stop, we would probably have a short conversation on why he felt that way and I would definitely take his feelings into consideration... but he's a very reasonable man. I only had one person tell me to stop losing weight and I know it was because she was jealous. I hate to say that, but she's been on an upward trend lately and I think my losses have gotten her feeling a little self concious. In the end, you just have to remember that as long as you're a level-headed lady (which you sound to be), then it's all about how you feel about yourself. Who knows, maybe at a size 12 you'll be happy... or at a size 8... when you're there, you'll know, I'm sure of that.
jigglefree (love the name!) Double ugh! Absolutes and passive aggressive. Passive aggressive comments like that almost always evoke a response like that for me. I have a friend who, for years, would say to me "You never eat." (As if I could still be alive if that were true.) It pissed me off so badly. It used to cause me to eat, like I had to prove something, but after I stepped back and thought about why she was really saying it, I took the control away from her. Now I just agree with her and nod my head in mock-amazement at how I could still be alive after never eating all these years.
I also think that a lot of times, it takes your body a long time to "catch up" and get used to its new weight. When one of my family members lost 135 pounds, people were asking her if she had cancer because she was so "gaunt." She really didn't look sick at all - but compared to her previous weight, yes, she was much more gaunt. The people around you just have to get used to your new face! You did great getting right back on track!
I had a family member harp at me on more then one occasion while dieting about the same thing ! It has been very hard for me to refocus on getting back on track but years later I still hear that saying ! It was like somebody gave me a license to overeat ! This time I am ocusing more of WHY I keep sabbotaging myself when I lose a little weight and I came up with the conclusion that the comment was made more to make me fail ( again ) to make herself feel superior ! I am not saying that is the case with your friend . Sometimes people just don't think before they speak ! By the way , I think you are doing FABULOUS !! Keep up the great work !
Your friends & family can comment on how your body looks all they want, but it's your body, you own it, and you get to make the decisions about it. They aren't driving that particular car anywhere. You're the one in the driver's seat & you've got the keys.
The problem is, you have to listen to the noises they make from time to time. Let them make their noises. Don't let what they're saying get inside your head.
You're right, it's like you're in the game, and they're just heckling & trash talking. Ignore them & play the best game you are capable of playing. You owe it to yourself.
Being inside that body, unlike them, you know when it's hungry, when it's tired, when it feels powerful, when it looks good, when it feels like it could keep going for hours. You're the only one with that input & information. And so, since you're monitoring & feeling it every day, you are going to stop when you are darn well ready to stop. But not until then. And not because of anyone's ignorant remarks, however well-intentioned they seem on the surface.
Ugh. Its a shame that this is one more obstacle we have to deal with on our journey.
I don't know how you look - but I suppose there is no harm to evaluate from time to time if you are following a HEALTHY lifestyle. If you are eating an appropriate combo of protein/carbs/fats etc. and are exercising at a level that is appropriate for you, I see no reason for people to tell you to stop your efforts.
Some of us have been overweight for the bulk (ha! get it?) of our lives so its odd for people to see such a drastic change in us. Even if its for the better. It may take people a while to get used to it.
Also, someone mentioned above that sometimes people get jealous. Its not necessary that your friend in particular is feeling that way, but maybe she wasn't expecting you to look so good? And I know its hard for us to accept that those we love would resent us for that...but maybe she just needs some time to digest (!) the new you.
Turn the, for lack of a better word, "negative" comments and take satisfaction from that. Isn't that sort of reaction better than people telling you to stop eating or exercising more? Man! this is one of the things you've worked so hard for! Of course, I'm sure your prime objective was to be healthier, but you have worked hard to turn heads for the right reasons. And you are doing it now Congratulations
You made a promise to yourself that your goal is a size whatever. Stop when you, or someone whose opinion and input you value, feel necessary.
I know right where you are coming from. I have found myself doing the same thing and this time around I again am doing the same thing, evaluating why I do what I do when I do it. (my that sounds confusing hehe)
But anyways I have found myself when someone has made comment like that thinking "maybe I am done because so and so had this comment". But you know what, I realized I am not doing this for anyone but me. So I have learned not to let someone else's opinion effect me (huge lesson for me).
It is such a freeing thought! (after I got over the quilt )
I wish I knew that secret. When people start telling me I look thin I react much the same way. I find I eat with more abandon. Being a calorie counter has helped this alot. I know what I can eat up top that should he maintenance. And I know that even of I did want to stop losing weight now (which I don't) I don't want to gain any back. So even if I loosen up when I'm out with friends who are telling me I look skinny and can eat this or that and don't need to worry about it, I know that I have control. I know how much is too much. And if the compliments go to my head and I over indulge, I know how to get back on track immediately!
When confronted with this, I simply say "I'm so bored with my weight, let's talk about yours for awhile." Depending on my mood, I sometimes ask a follow-up question about what size they wear or whether they've put on a few lately.
It's amazing how quickly they find something else to talk about.
When confronted with this, I simply say "I'm so bored with my weight, let's talk about yours for awhile." Depending on my mood, I sometimes ask a follow-up question about what size they wear or whether they've put on a few lately.
It's amazing how quickly they find something else to talk about.
that is GREAT...we know how other people like to talk about themselves!
jigglefree (that is a great name), my mom will say to me 'you're wasting away!' and I will say, 'really, Mom? look at these arms and thighs, I am FAR from wasting away!' but then later I might think 'my mom thinks I'm wasting away, I can have a little something special' and that leads to more indulging, and then I'm mad because the scale shows it
best to just stick to your guns, and don't let anyone sway you, until you also think you're 'thin enough'.
The mental stuff is a big issue for me, too. I have no answers but I do want to say that you've gotten great advice and I'm so happy you are doing so well. Keep it up, girl!
ETA:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Robin41
When confronted with this, I simply say "I'm so bored with my weight, let's talk about yours for awhile."
I have similar problems to this. Being in the midst of a weight loss process it's hard to know what your body looks like sometimes since you're in a murky "in between" zone. So when someone says "lose more weight and you'll be one of those Nicole Richie lollipops," even though I know that's BS I'll think "huh, maybe the all you can eat buffet (they're very high quality food in Japan, I'm not talking the Golden Corral!) is a good idea today. After all, I've worked hard."
It's dangerous and I don't think a lot of people realize how vulnerable people who are losing weight can be in terms of body image and temptation.
How to win the mental game?
That's how I would get through it. I would tell myself I didn't have time wasting another thought on such ignorance. 
I only had one person tell me to stop losing weight and I know it was because she was jealous. I hate to say that, but she's been on an upward trend lately and I think my losses have gotten her feeling a little self concious. In the end, you just have to remember that as long as you're a level-headed lady (which you sound to be), then it's all about how you feel about yourself. Who knows, maybe at a size 12 you'll be happy... or at a size 8... when you're there, you'll know, I'm sure of that. 
Congratulations 
that is GREAT...we know how other people like to talk about themselves!
