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Old 07-17-2010, 09:39 PM   #1
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Default I need help...big time.

So when I stumbled across 3FC for the first time during my lunch break at work, I was mega excited. I thought, "YES! This is great -- I will now lose all the weight I have been dying inside to lose!" In just one day I found so much information and have gotten a new perspective on things. I told myself last night that today and the rest of my days were going to be different.

Well, it wasn't. Now the good part is that I was definitely more conscious of my decisions, however, I did not make the best ones. Unfortunately I am feeling guilty and kinda beating myself up. I want tomorrow to be better!

I had planned that I would take 10 minute walks to get myself started. It has been quite a long time since I had any sort of exercise and I wanted to start off slow. That was a no go. Then my husband, oooh my husband, said, "lets have chinese for lunch." I don't have it in me (yet!) to say no to these temptations especially because it's my favorite. I wish I could say I ate a little less of it than usual, but no. I did feel that guilt though.

I need some motivation. I told myself today that I want to set out a mini goal for now until the August 31st. I want to lose 10 pounds by August 31st. That seems do-able for me right now. I just don't want tomorrow to be like today. I feel really pathetic when I can't get myself to do these things that I want to do really bad.

I'm sorry for my sob story!
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Old 07-17-2010, 09:52 PM   #2
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Don't apologize. Most of us have had this experience. I certainly did.

You have to just DO it. Pick a plan, and stick to it. Tell your husband your serious, tell yourself your serious and WORK! You can do this, and your more than worth it.

Goal #1: Get under 300 lbs
Goal #2: Size 22
Goal #3: Size 20
Goal #4: Size 18 by Spring 2012
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Old 07-17-2010, 09:55 PM   #3
aka Vicky
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Don't be sorry for your sob story!!!! We have all been there.

The best thing you can do is to tell your hubby - don't offer to go and get your favorites. Chinese is one of my major weaknesses and my hubby used to offer to get it for me all the time (along with sweets, etc.) I pretty much told him that even if I begged for it, that he wouldn't go and wouldn't let me get it until I got my eating under control.

If you don't want tomorrow to be like today - change it! Get up first thing tomorrow morning, have your workout clothes waiting for you and before you have a chance to talk yourself out of it - go for your walk. If you start reasoning the pros/cons of walking, you will find something else to do instead. I REALLY didn't want to get up and run 3 miles this morning, but I told myself I had to do it, and I did it. Once you get going, you may find that you want to walk longer than 10 minutes.

Everything starts with baby steps, but you have the strength to get there. If you need motivation (since we are similar heights/starting weight), I will send you a PM every day to make sure you went for your walk. I find accountability is a huge factor in getting started.

Good luck and get walking!
Starting over since having my twin girls:

Long Term Goal

One for every 5 lbs lost:

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Old 07-17-2010, 11:08 PM   #4
3 + years maintaining
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Hi. I'm so glad you've discovered 3FC.

Count me in as another who was a big Chinese food fan. Notice the *was*. When I decided to lose the weight, certain things HAD to change. I could not go on the way that I was. A change had to occur. The price of eating whatever I wanted when I wanted was waaay too high.

So I made the decision to lose the weight - once and for all, NO MATTER WHAT and permanently.

Chinese food had to go. Though I do make some Chinese style dishes at home - delicious, healthy and waaay less calories and thoroughly enjoyable.

You've got to come up with some kind of plan, set yourself some boundaries and limits - and then stick to it. It's REAL vital to plan out your meals IN ADVANCE. This way you don't have to even consider eating something *off*. Map out your food schedule for the day and that is that. Much easier to stay on plan, when you've got one.

Calorie counting is another great tool. It gives you a budget. It's built in accountability and FORCED portion control.

It's real important to push through during these early stages. You just have to suck it up and do it. The *transition* period is the most difficult as you try to lose your bad habits and incorporate the new healthy ones. Luckily it gets easier and easier as those old habits die down and the new good ones kick in.

Keep in mind that this is nothing to dread. Adhering to a healthy lifestyle is no burden or hardship, but a joy and a blessing.

Know that you CAN do this. You've got the ability to do it. We are all capable of it. You don't have to be fat if you don't want to be. Take the plunge. Make the commitment and get the job done. I'm certain that you won't regret it and wonder why you didn't do it earlier.
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Old 07-17-2010, 11:46 PM   #5
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I also used to love Chinese take-out. I also used to love Fried Chicken, Pizza, Whataburgers, french fries and Vanilla Milkshakes --large. I have given up those foods for now and hopefully will never go back to them.
Such is the price for being thin.

Today, I love size 10 pants, fashionable clothes, awesome shoes and feel so much healthier. Such is the fun of being thin.

You can't have it both ways (at least not when you are losing your excess weight. Find a diet and exercise plan you can easily live with. It is not necessary to starve or drop from exhaustion in order to lose weight. There is a ton of great information on 3FC and you will find all the support and advice you will ever need here. Post often and get involved. It will help you.
Good luck ... will be looking forward to seeing your progress!

"Every Day is a Gift."
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Old 07-18-2010, 12:41 AM   #6
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welcome! and as others have said, we've all been there, trying to make changes and then being frustrated when we don't quite stick to what we hoped to do. just don't give up. it sounds like you really want this and are ready for a change. your idea of baby steps and starting with shorter walks and working up to doing more sounds like a good plan. as others said upthread, maybe put your exercise clothes out the night before so you're ready to go in the morning. and also ask your bf if he could help by not bringing in the foods that might distract you. this is a good place for info and support, so congrats on reaching out to connect. and good luck on your journey!
Don't Let The Days Go By--Bush I will be healthy, too. 1st Goal 163 2nd Goal 136 3rd Goal 118

One for every 5 pounds lost
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Old 07-18-2010, 02:43 AM   #7
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I just want to comment on the Chinese food. That was, and still is, my favorite. And I still have it. You can have it too, but for now, try focusing on the mentality of "I am not giving this up. I am just not having it today." Eventually you'll be able to have the occasional Chinese take-out and you'll even want healthier options instead of the regular fatty, fried ones. It's a slow process of creating stepping stones to that ultimate goal and you don't automatically (or ever) reach points of not wanting something you love, but you can reach points of havings things in moderation and enjoying treats less often. Just make goals realistic and you will be fine.
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Old 07-18-2010, 04:35 AM   #8
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Some great advice there and I just want to echo what the others have said really. There comes a point where you just have to say "That's it, today is the day I change". If your husband asks you if you want a chinese, "say no thanks, how about a ......" You have to MAKE yourself do the exercise etc even if you don't feel like it because you know that once you've done it, you'll feel better in yourself that you didn't give in to the I can't be bothered demons. Good luck in whichever way you choose to change. We are all here for you whenever you need us.
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Old 07-18-2010, 04:46 AM   #9
Going, going, gone
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I went back and forth between wanting so badly to begin and actually beginning, and then "falling off" and ruining what little progress I had made, for about a week or two before this kicked in for me. Change takes time, and lasting changes are almost never made overnight, even if it seems that way. You've been thinking about this a lot--if you're anything like me, for years--and you know the time has come to do it, now you are becoming aware of what you are doing and doing the next right thing by posting here. All a person can ever ask themselves to do is to do the next right thing. Those small things will add up, and soon you will posting your weight loss, non scale victories and celebrations along with the rest of us. I believe in you because I believe in myself, and anyone going through the pain of being overweight and obese and wanting so desperately to change can do it too. Good luck and keep posting!

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Old 07-18-2010, 05:35 AM   #10
The name is Maria :)
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S/C/G: 325/291.9/170(for now)

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I think you just coming here and posting is a big first step... joining 3fc actuality was my big motivating factor when I started last year.. It's true the first day tends to be the hardest.. just pick a day and do i! maybe pick a day where you can be at home like a weekend.. plan out your meals a head of time and don't go out anywhere that day.. try to watch very little TV and just throw away YES throw away anything junky in your house.. if you really want to give it away to a friend or family member! but that's what got me started.. I threw out any junk food I had in my house.. went and did some healthy grocery shopping and spent all day inside or outside around the house and neighbor hood without the TV on so I wouldn't have to see commercials of bad food that I might want. before you know it,, the day will be over.. and you had a whole day filled with healthy eating choices.. you will wake up he next day and said hey I did it yesterday I can do it again today it wasn't so hard after all!

I'm not sure if you have picked a plan to follow yet.. but I found what worked in the past for me. and what is working for me again.. is NOT being on a "diet".. and by that I have found a plan that is a new lifestyle change for me.. it is the way I will eat for the rest of my life and i am perfectly fine with that thought.. I am a calorie counter.. and Am so blessed I learned fro ma friend how to count my calories! It allows fro anything and everything.. there is no restrictions..NOW THAT is a plan I can live with! I agree with the above commenter molly. who said she still has chines. I do as well! I don't' believe you should have to give up anything..The catch with this is.. You must find NEW ways to make your favorites foods. and Learn portions control and moderation if it cannot be made healthier.. the point I believe is to eat 99% clean good wholesome food. and allow yourself 1% of your food intake to eat something that feels indulgent.. I for example have dessert every single night! I love sweets and I'm not going to give them up.. but I can exercise moderation, and portion control and or find a healthier way to make a sweet treat. I have an ice cream bar. and 100 calorie pack of cookies, a rice crispy treat or a homade dessert I've made every single night! and guess what I still loose! but 99% of what I've eaten through out the day has been good wholeness nutritious foods for my body. I make sure the empty calories I eat are only a very small portion of what I eat in my day.

If you want Chinese find a way to make a yummy healthy stir fry at home.. or even get a lean cuisine it will be portion controlled (a bit high in sodium) a modest calorie count and will help curb your craving. or go online research your local Chinese restaurants and see if they have nutritional info. for example we have a panda express near me I eat there quite often.. i get their chicken and mushroom with a side of steamed veggies and it's only
200 ish calories! or if there is something you really want and it's been awhile and you feel you can control yourself get something full fat like sweet and sour chicken get the smallest size they have split it with hubby and eat steamed veggies on the side to fill up for the rest of your meal.. if you don't' feel you could stop with a small portion like it could trigger a binge then of course this isn't something you should allow yourself.. full fat non healthy version foods should be eaten like I said modestly and few and far between and preferably split with some one but IT CAN be done. .and you CAN still enjoy ALL the foods you love.. getting healthy does not have to be miserable it' is not a punishment and you don't' have to eat food you hate to get thin... find something that works and that is something that's enjoyable for you to do long term.. other wise you a re only setting yourself up for failure. Enjoy this time it is a time to be proud of and it does NOT have to be miserable! I can honestly say I have learned to enjoy new foods I never thought I'd like I'm eating lots of fruits I'm eating things like Hummus and barley and spinach and laughing cow cheese..LOL things I'd never even heard of or would have thought to try.. but you know what I LOVE them now! and.. some times when I allow my self a modest portion of something off plan 9 out of ten times.. it honestly doesn't even taste as good as I remember it and I really don't want it.. but by not restricting myself and saying anything can be on plan as long as I plan for it.. helps me.. I find when I put limitations and or tell myself I CANT have something it is only setting myself up for failure we as humans tend to want to rebel and break the rules.. when there are none it makes this way of life much easier the only rule with calorie counting is that it must fit with in your calorie "budget" for the day" you eventually learn you can get more bang for your buck though picking healthier choices and filling up on things that that are healthy for you.

hope this helps! good luck!

Current Mini Goal- to get out of the 290's

said good bye to the 320's 1/30/2012

said good by to the 310's 3/28/2012

said good by to the 300's 5/20/2012

I can't loose a 150 lbs but I can loose 10 lbs 15 times! one for every 10 lbs lost!Start date 1/24/2012=weighed in at 325 lbs

2/18/2012 3/28/2012 8/29/2012
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Old 07-18-2010, 07:34 AM   #11
3 + years maintaining
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Lots of us, have a BIG problem with moderation. I tried it that way for years, decades and I was never able to lose weight steadily and consistently. The definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. That moderation thing just doesn't work for many - just ask any alcoholic. Nobody would dream of telling him to have *just* one little shot or a half shot. I had a BIG problem stopping to eat certain (many) foods once I started. My solution - don't start. Problem solved. 165 lbs shed and kept off for 3+ years.

So yes, I for one DO restrict myself. I did ban certain foods. But that was good. It took away that should I?/shouldn't I? equation that always led to disaster. I banned them. I no longer had to think about them. At least I did during the losing portion of my journey. Since hitting maintenance I now add in the occasional indulgence. Restriction/rules/boundaries/limitations are a GOOD thing though. Discipline feels marvelous. Who knew? The ability to tell oneself no is delightful in and of itself. But though I restrict things - I don't find it restrictive - I find it freeing. It's freed me up wear size 2's and 4's. It's freed me up to have more self confidence, self esteem, self worth and self respect. It's freed me up to never having to worry about fitting places - lawn chairs, amusement park rides, airplane seats. It's freed me up to have boundless energy and stamina. It's freed me up to discover who I was meant to be. Turns out the only thing that was super restrictive - was being super morbidly obese. I love that I am a choosy and particular person, who just doesn't put any old thing into her mouth. Me? Love it. Because the truth is, when I was eating that way - I wasn't happy. The food didn't make me happy. I was miserable, underutilized, lethargic, sad, worried, unhealthy.

And of course I've discovered OTHER foods that I now think of as treats. I no longer settle for foods that just taste good. They have to taste really good AND BE GOOD for me - long after I'm done chewing. I've raised my standards. These new foods do take time to find though. So you've got to be patient and creative! Once I gave up the junk, I had no choice but to look for healthy delicious substitutions and I have - in a big way.

Cglasscock1 used one line that I've used dozens of times - you can't have it both ways. You just can't. There IS a *restrictive* component to adhering to a healthy lifestyle. And it feels fine. Just fine.

Last edited by rockinrobin; 07-18-2010 at 08:21 AM.
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Old 07-18-2010, 08:51 AM   #12
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May I recommend you change your goal from losing 10 lbs. by August 31 to instead be not to deviate from your plan AT ALL until August 31?

When in the past I set specific weight-by-a-certain-date, there's a little voice then in my head that says "oh I can just eat XX today and make up for it before my goal".
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Old 07-18-2010, 09:29 AM   #13
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Height: 5'9''


Good morning, everyone -- I just want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for your understanding and advice. I woke up this morning feeling much better and ready for a new day and then I felt even better after reading the replies left on this thread.

I am just going to take it one day at a time and make priorities. I KNOW I can't continue this way and I know somethings gotta give because the way I have been living the last 26 years just isn't working.


Thanks again, everyone -- I will keep you updated!
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Old 07-18-2010, 09:39 AM   #14
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SusietheQ, great to see another St. Louisan!

One of my favorite books is The Beck Diet Solution by Judith Beck. It's not a diet, but, instead teaches you how to stick to the diet of your choosing. She has you spend a full two weeks planning, preparing, and practicing skills before she has you start. So, give yourself a bit of time to figure out how this is done -- don't expect perfection over night. It takes experimentation and planning and new ways of shopping, cooking, and eating. That's a lot of things to change, and you can do it, just not overnight.
My goal story: Fifty and feeling fabulous!
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Old 07-19-2010, 10:20 AM   #15
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re: Chinese food

I still love having Chinese food! When we do Chinese, we do Chinese BIG. We get close to $100 of takeout and have family & friends over. We now replace the white rice with brown rice (each entree comes with one box of rice) and I always get a large order of steamed chicken with mixed veggies.

I'll have:
1/2 c. (or so) of brown rice
A big helping of steamed chicken with mixed veggies
2 fried chicken fingers

It's more than usual, but no real cause for alarm. We have Chinese every few months, so I don't mind the minor indulgence.

Plan, plan, plan.

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