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I desperately need help.

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Old 01-27-2006, 12:37 PM   #1
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Default I desperately need help.

I am a disgusting fat ugly b***. I hate myself and I am at the end of my tether. Basically I am 16.7 5'9 and an obese size 20. Since the start of November I have been going to the gym almost every day, I have been watching what I eat almost obsessively...I've cut out chocolate, crisps and everything else that is thought to be calorific. My typical day consists of a banana for breakfast, 4 cracker breads with low fat cheese spread and salad for lunch and then for dinner something like a portion of fish or 2 quorn sausages with vegetables. Plus 2 hours of exercise EVERY DAY.

I have not lost a single lb. Why? I have been to the doctors and they've tested me for everything and it all came back clear. I have a 5 month old son and had to give up breast feeding after 2 months and was told by the doctor that my weight would go down. I hate myself so much. People stare at me and shout abuse at me in the street. I am so grossly obses that if there were bras in my size I'd be a 40 N.

When my son looks back at photos of me when he is older he will be shocked, horrofied and disgusted to have such a fat obese ugly grotesque mother. I really fear about him being bullied at school and on the street and it will be my fault because I am so disgusting and such a loser that I canot lose weight. He may even get to the point where he has nothing to do with me and who could blame him?

I am the fattest person I know. I stick out like a sore thumb at the gym and have so far ignored all the glances as I push myself as hard as possible to lose just one little single lb. I just don't think I can carry on like this. Please please please someone tell me how to make things better?
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Old 01-27-2006, 12:49 PM   #2
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Well I'm fatter than you so that makes me feel good. You are not disgusting or a loser for one thing. I don't know why you are not losing weight, maybe you should stop dieting and just try to eat when you are hungry and vary your food and calorie amounts daily. Give it a go it may shake things up.
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Old 01-27-2006, 12:51 PM   #3
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love, first of all i have no idea what your weight is b/c i am a stupid american who never learned the metric system BUT i knwo taht it isnt as bad as you perceive it to be.

First and foremost, your son will love you no matter what you look like.
Second, DONT GIVE UP
Third, read all the posts here and just when you think you CANT do it know that you are not alone and that you CAN do it.
Fourth, you need to assess your eating and find a plan that works for you and your lifestyle and there are so many choices
And finally, and dont think im trite, your self esteem is so very low, and maybe that needs to be addressed as well.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
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Old 01-27-2006, 01:37 PM   #4
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It sounds like you are on a very low calorie food plan (maybe you could post approx. how many calories you are eating each day). This, coupled with the high amount of exercise you are doing, could be the problem. Your body may be in "starvation" mode. Try keeping a food log and make sure you are eating a balanced diet of not less than 1500 - 1600 calories per day. Some people have success by varying the amount of calories, having a couple of hundred extra calories a couple of days a week.

By the way - a banana is not a breakfast! You need to start the day with a balance of carbs, protein and fat. Perhaps you could have some oatmeal with your banana and a boiled egg (or scrambled egg substitute). Some chicken with your salad for lunch would be a better choice than cheese and crackers. Your dinner choice sounds good. Try this for a week and see if you feel better.

I had the same problem, thinking I'd NEVER lose a pound, even though I was exercising and watching what I ate. Unless I keep a food log, I tend to grossly underestimate how much I'm eating.

It may seem illogical, but larger bodies need more calories to function. If you try to go too low, your body will hang on desperately to every calorie.

Everybody's metabolism responds differently. You may need to try different things until you hit the right combination of calories/exercise for YOU. You are on the right track by exercising regularly - keep it up

Don't be down on yourself - believe me, there are fatter people than you out there and people at the gym are thinking about family problems, paying bills, grocery lists or how others are perceiving THEM rather than having *****y thoughts about overweight people.

You are worth it - your family needs you - you CAN do this!
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Old 01-27-2006, 04:24 PM   #5
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I was 19 stone last year, and I'm only 5'4'' and I was a size 26. I think penpal is right, and you are cutting way too far down on your calories. When you are bigger you need more, and then reduce your calorie intake as you lose.

I say this all the time, but losing weight is so much easier if you try to do it from a position of self love rather than self hatred. You have a beautiful, capable body, that has given you a beautiful baby. Mine has let me down on that score, twice (miscarriages) so give yourself a great deal of credit.

Just think how proud your son will be when he sees your before and after pictures!

If you haven't already, find yourself a helpful trainer at the gym. My trainer is young, very cute, male, (and free with my gym membership) I was sure he wouldn't get me at all. But he has been fabulous, and has given me so much help and advice, with nutrition and exercise.

There's loads of help and support here, and in real life for you. We've all been where you are. I cried and cried when I found out just how fat I was.

Once you learn what helps you to lose weight, this will get easier, promise.
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Old 01-27-2006, 09:35 PM   #6
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I agree with what everyone said. You are not eating enough. Instead of eating so little, try to cut 300-500 cal a day.
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Old 01-27-2006, 09:52 PM   #7
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I agree with everyone here, and don't be so down on yourself! Even the skinnest person on the street has self esteem issues themselves. The important thing is loving yourself and your family. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks. You do that and you'll be batty within a month.
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Old 01-27-2006, 10:00 PM   #8
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Hey Tammy YOU ARE STARVING YOURSELF! I've just checked the daily needs calculator and someone of your weight and height needs 2460 cals to survive..and thats with just sitting on your @rse all day you said you exercise so you need over 3000 cals and you're probably getting 800-1000!!! Your body will not let go of the extra pounds because its in survival mode and thinks its starving..you must EAT MORE We know that sounds stupid but you must give it a try. Try having 3 well balanced meals a day with a morning and afternoon snack of fruit or something try it for a week i'm sure you'll see the difference
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Old 01-28-2006, 03:39 AM   #9
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Hi Tammy

I promise you that your baby will love you no matter what you weigh. You sound like a very careing Mum to me.

Your hormones will be all of a jumble after the baby. I know you said you went to your doctor about your weight but have you just mentioned feeling so miserable to him - it sounds to me like you might have the baby blues. (I had it and I know how miserable I felt about everything ALL the time). The thing is that if you HAVE got the baby blues then cutting back on your food so radically will make you feel a whole lot worse.

Try going to your doctor again or talk to your health visitor or to someone at the baby clinic and see if they can help with the post natal depression and once you've got that under control and then try tackling your weight. In the meantime just eat healthily - like the others have said, eat a proper breakfast, lunch and dinner and have fruit snacks in between to keep your blood sugars up, try not to go for more than 3 hours without eating anything.

Good luck and come back and tell us how you're getting on.
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Old 01-28-2006, 04:41 AM   #10
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I just wanted to stop in and offer you a hug If you could just turn around your attitude towards yourself you'll already see and feel a big difference. Please don't starve yourself, it never works. These ladies have offered great advise. I hope you see some improvement soon.
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Old 01-28-2006, 05:20 AM   #11
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Time to be kind to yourself, love. You should be proud of yourself for the effort you've put in so far and the fact you haven't given up the minute you didn't see the numbers on the scale go down. Whatever you think of yourself, you've proved you're not spineless! In fact, you're a fighter.

Check out Paul McKenna's *I Can Make You Thin* book/CD or TV show. He has worked for years with overweight people and noticed that the first thing most of us do every day is look in the mirror and say something hateful to ourselves - our internal dialogue consists of insults we'd never take from any other person but take freely from ourselves. He has helped a lot of people lose weight by showing you how to think positively about yourself. So long as you're imagining yourself forever overweight and negatively, that's a self fulfilling wish. You can turn it round and start to feel good about yourself not when you weigh less, but right now. Even if you think that sounds nuts, just try it out - and you'll be amazed. The weight only started coming off me when I finally felt good about myself. OK so I'm fat but I'm a good person, kind of thing. I know you don't believe me now but suspend your disbelief long enough to try it.

Your little un is so young even if you lost weight very slowly, by the time they're starting school you can be slim. What's your earliest memory? Being a few months old? Being 5?

Be kind to yourself love. I put on ALL my weight breastfeeding - it's rubbish when folk say you expend more cals so lose weight breastfeeding... I've done it for 5 years of my life. I put on more weight with each year breastfeeding a baby than I did during pregnancy. It makes you so hungry you do over-eat - and it whacks your hormones out of kiltre badly not just while you're doing it but for MONTHS afterwards.

Finally, on a practical level - you're doing too much exercise. Your body's prob gone into panic mode and is storing everything you eat as fat! I'm eating slightly more than you and exercising only half as much and I'm only losing 1lb or so a week, but it is going - slowly. I think you could halve that exercise - and maybe mess about changing the intensity of what you do, too - til you find what works for you.

Lots of love and positive thoughts winging your way! You have shown some spirit... and I admire you for keeping going since Nov with no positive reinforcement. You're a star.
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Old 01-29-2006, 07:09 AM   #12
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dont be so negative, it makes losing harder for some reason, mix up ur diet, get rid of the banana for breakfat or at least have a lowcal gd 4 u cereal,
I recommend sultana/raisin bran w/semi skimmed as well as the banana if u like, kick start the day like that.
why not alternation the days u have canned salmon or tuna on the cracker breads?
which one are you using? I use original ryevetas and boy do they do the trick,
mix up what u have for dinner try weight watchers soups! and having a low fat/cal yougart?
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Old 01-30-2006, 07:06 AM   #13
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maybe its what you're eating have you been tested for food allergies?

If you are in the UK Holland and Barrats do free testing days if you ask in the stores.
I know one of my teachers at school (you can guess this is a while ago lol) had massive weight problems and that turned out to be wheat and lactose intolerence once he got put on a special diet to rectify this he lost tons of weight. Its recognised as a problem alot more now.

Alternately are you not eating enough you could ask at the gym or doctors for that matter for them to put you on a food plan and try that. its worth a shot.
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Old 01-30-2006, 07:47 AM   #14
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how fatastic exercise everyday you's a hero


but need to be a bit more clue'd up about food

your not eating enough hunny, and no you wont lose a damb pound if you carry on eating as little as you do.

breakfasts need to be ich in protein to give you power to get through your day and all the exercise you do.

and you just need ti eat more or your body wont let go of the fat.

good luck hunny bet you loose this week if you take all of our advise



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Old 01-30-2006, 08:39 AM   #15
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Thank you so much for your advice everyone. I really wasn't expecting to see as much encouragement as you've given me and it has made me feel alot better. It's such a horrible feeling when you think that you've been trying your hardest to lose weight and then you step on the scales and see that you've lost absolutely nothing. I think this is what really felt like the final straw for me the other day. (plus I've just started my periods again!)

I really can't thank you enough though and I feel so much better from reading your replies. I think I'm definitely going to give it a week of scrambled egg breakfasts and chicken salad lunches to see if it makes a difference. I shall definitely be keeping you informed!
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