Was I too serious about his remark?

Since early November I have been chatting online with a fellow from Scotland. I live in Canada (obviously). We have become somewhat close through our online chats and emails and enjoy talking to each other a few times a week. We are both in our 50s and single.

We were chatting the other day on Facebook and I asked him if he had seen this neighbourhood cat that he likes and feeds when he sees her. He said he had not seen her for roughly 10 days so I then said....

1) Maybe her owners were keeping her in.

2) Perhaps she had a procedure done at the vets (such as getting fixed) and now had to wear a cone so her owners were keeping her in until she heals.

3) Maybe the owners moved and took her with them.

Perfectly valid reasons for him not seeing her so I thought.

Then he says......

"When in the h ell did you turn into Miss Doom and Gloom 2013?"

His remark took me by surprise and did hurt my feelings a little. I could not and did not want to continue the conversation at that point so I told him I needed a few minutes, he said take as much time as I need and then I shut the laptop down for the day.

The next morning I emailed him and told him this.......

" I don't know how to put this but when you said that to me it did hurt my feelings.

What I said about Kitty being kept inside, moving away or having a procedure at the vet's was not meant to sound negative and that was not how I meant them when I said them. I thought they were pretty valid reasons why you might not have seen her for as long as you did. They were just as valid as the reasons you came up with yourself.

What I didn't expect from you was to be called Miss Doom and Gloom 2013. I tried to continue talking to you after that but I could not so I had to go. It just killed any desire that I had to continue that conversation right then and there. I know afterwards you said that you were kidding but if you were kidding then why say something like that at all?

Yes, it hurt my feelings. Yes, it made me a little bit angry. Yes, I will get over it. Yes, I will still talk to you in the future because I enjoy talking to you....and I just don't know what else to say. "

Today I got this response........

"Wow!

Jaime, you’ve taken that remark way too seriously…"

Now I ask.....

Did I take his remark way too seriously?

I have not contacted him yet nor do I plan to until I figure this out.

Yes.

Talking online can be frustrating because you can't always tell how the other person means what they're saying. It sounds like that may have happened here. I think my husband would say something like that to me either
1) to get a reaction (i overreact to everything, and he thinks it's funny. that might not work for everyone, but it kinda does for us) or
2) as an attempt at flirting.
I don't know if this guy was trying to do either of those two things, but unless he told me he was offended by the cat comment, I would just assume he wasn't.

Yes.

Sorry but yes, I think you definitely took it too seriously.

My reply would be "Of course I took it too seriously! How else am I supposed to keep my title of Miss Doom and Gloom 2013? They don't just give that crown to anyone, ya know! I have to earn that!"

Make light of it. He will laugh.

Totally, yes and yes.

He would probably love that. Thanks.

Thank you for your unbiased opinions everyone. I really needed those.

Looks like I have an email to write.

Good luck! Sounds like you know what to do

I don't understand his remark - nor do I understand your response to it. Neither one makes any sense.

You weren't being doomy nor gloomy.

His remark shouldn't have been enough to upset you so much.

He apparently thought I was when I first said it. He thought it was quite negative until I asked him if what I said was so bad and then he admitted that it was not. He really loves this cat. He would keep her if he could but she has an owner.




No, I shouldn't have gotten so upset but I happen to have an achilles heel when people make remarks about the way I speak. I've been like that since childhood.

Online chatting is hard because you can take things the wrong way sometimes. I have even been told that I type like a man? WTH? I didn't know there was do's and don'ts for guys and girls on the way they could online chat. With that said, at least you were truthful about the way you felt. Some people aren't big enough to do that.

I don't think u were being gloomy at all, completely sounded like valid reasons. If u woukd have said she was kidnapped or run over by a car would have been a different story. But maybe u did overreact a bit, but I might have too then realized it later after rationalizing it. Too bad u can't see someone's face over Facebook, that's how u could tell if they were being serious or just trying to make u laugh. Just let it go and move on, but if he says a couple other things that rub u the wrong way, well then let that go too or stop chatting with him.

To me, I think he was just poking fun, and it was meant in a light hearted way. I would have just laughed it off.
But you are the only one here who knows him, so if you truly think he was doing it in a mean way, then you should address that. But judging by his reply to your email, I really don't think he meant it that way.