My dear missunshine -- i am writing this to you as much as i am writing to myself. i won't cooment on the psychological impact it has on you or undermine how the excess weight makes you feel. from experience, it is a terrible, terrible thing, relatively. i won't tell you that it'll get better and in a few weeks you'll be fine. we both know that is true but at the moment, it hurts, we feel ashamed, and we feel unloveable.
what i will tell you is that how we look does not define who we are. sure, it affects how we present ourselves to the world (personally my head hangs, i'm meekish, embarrassed, slouchy) so you must repeat to yourself over and over that you are not your flesh, your soul is what matters. this is VERY difficult to understand, let alone embrace. i am not so sure i have done it myself, judging from my foul, defeatist mood lately.
i commend you for taking this as a learning experience -- take what you can from it, and apply it in the future. it doesn't need to be a big lesson...just something so that this suffering is not in vain, and that most importantly, it doesn't repeat itself to fuel the vicious circle. when you lose the weight will things become better? probably, on the surface it will. as you said yourself, the underlying problem is the one that needs to be addressed and evaluated; and yes, a psychologist can very much help you with that. i applaud you for your courage in admitting you/me/us have a problem.
last but not least...i can 100% guarantee you will have another boyfriend. lean on your family for support, if you have to, ask for help -- i know some families can be tough. don't avoid them...you'll feel even more isolated. and as always, keep coming back here to hang out with all these fantastic women for encouragement.
here's to the day (soon, i know it) when you can zip those pants back up again
PM me if you'd like to chat about what you're eating, exercise habits, etc. i'm here for you. xoxo.