I'm struggling with the notion of a food plan. My sponsor wants me to report my daily food plan to her. I've done what she's asked of me, but it's just not feeling right. I have discussed it with her, but I wanted to get some opinions from others as well.
I guess I just feel like if I've made a choice on what to abstain from (for me its sugar and white flour), why can't we leave it at that? Having to plan out my food, weigh and measure, etc makes me feel like I'm back on a diet. It makes me feel like I have no freedom of choice when it comes to food. I was trying to move away from the strict, disciplined, regimented feeling of a diet and to concentrate more on emotional and spiritual issues while abstaining from trigger foods. I just feel like writing up a food plan and strictly adhering to it brings me back to feelings of deprivation and dieting.
I had originally written up a list of abstinent breakfasts, lunches, dinners, and snacks. I thought I could look at this list when it was time to eat and select one of them. For example, when I wake up in the morning, I could determine if I was in the mood for eggs, oatmeal, whole grain cereal, turkey and cheese rollup, etc. I thought this would work for me, but my sponsor feels that it is best to do a more definite food plan.
Can I get some opinions from you all? Did any of you struggle with the notion of writing and adhering to a plan? Am I the only one not feeling like I have freedom of choice when it comes to what I eat?
I'm not trying to be difficult or to question important aspects of the program, but I am looking for a solution that will make me feel more comfortable. Perhaps I am being closed minded. I'm just not sure.
I'm still very early on in my recovery, but I've found the method of selecting a meal from a list of suitable options to be best to me.
My tastes change a lot, and if I planned my breakfast the night before, there is a high chance that I'd end up eating cheerios when I really wanted cornflakes.
I do think that structure is good - I do stick to set meal times and regularly review what I'm eating to make sure it isn't slipping.
Personally, I think that if you ask yourself HONESTLY, you'll know what is right for you.
Ann I can relate to your struggle with a food plan. Sometimes my head would be going a million miles an hour trying to know the right thing to do.
I find it strange in a way that my sponsor gives me so much lee-way – I’ve shared about her on your other topic. I find it strange because I’m the kind of 12stepper who takes her programme very seriously, when it came to alcohol, I followed all the suggestions to the letter of the law, as I was TERRIFIED of relapse. My sponsor said jump, I said how high!
With food, I’m finding I need to take a slightly different approach. I’m lapping up the literature and the wisdom of OA just like AA. But my food plan seems to work best when I hand it over to my HP and trust my intuition. And my sponsor’s on the same page in regard to that.
Like you, I need variety in my food plan, even at breakfast time – especially then, because I seem to need different foods different days. I do try to eat some protein for breakfast, like many OA’s. So if I have oatmeal, I’ll have a small enough portion and follow that with about 3ozs plain steamed (broiled?) chicken. Or I’ll boil my chicken in with some celery and an organic veg stock cube so I’ll have broth for later over my rice or something.
My sponsor is not interested in me reporting my food. We seem to talk about the building of self esteem a lot – and I think this is where doing 12 written steps around food will copper-fasten my abstinence. At least I hope so!
It’s very clear from reading your posts that you have a great spiritual desire to be well and available for the richness of life. I find your posts very helpful and inspirational – it’s working for you right now. I think you’re doing really well.
Your ideas are very inspired – like your list of abstinent meals. I would trust you if I had an issue I needed help on!
I can see where your sponsor is coming from – there is safety in structure – it’s just that for me, I tend to take that to extremes a bit and use structure to avoid responsibility for my own recovery. But that’s just me.
I have structure, mind you. I eat 3 meals a day and a small snack – nat yogurt and fruit in the evening.
Last Saturday, after the OA meeting, I went for lunch with a member to a great vegetarian place run by some Buddhists. They say the food is treated in a spiritual way. Anyway, I was hungry, I usually have the same options here, very safe, very abstinent – I have a little of this, a little of that – all healthy veggie stuff, low carb.
To my horror, they had new options. A lot of potato etc. I stood with my tray and actually felt panicky. I know I was with a member but I could not speak up! My heart was racing. For a moment, I did not know what to do. Just look at my thought processes:
Oh God, I’m holding up the line, I have to pick SOMETHING. QUICK.
What kind of fool am I that I can’t make a decision.
I can’t keep the girl waiting to serve me.
Maybe I’ll just have what’s there, not make a fuss…..
I said a short version of the serenity prayer, and I found myself saying to the girl – sorry, I’m just taking a moment. And I took my moment, and then I asked her very very calmly was there salad options. Of course there was. So I had one hot greeny veggie bit and crunchy salads on the side. Sanity had prevailed when I gave myself permission to take my time and stop worrying about everyone in that room except myself!
In these ways I am shown I am to be trusted, and I am on the right path FOR TODAY. Bear in mind though, I'm new to this myself. I'm no experet. This evolving food plan is working really well for me today - but it may evolve again. I'm striving to be open-minded and honest and willing. And you people are helping me every single day.
Thanks to you both for your responses. I don't want to fight what works, but I also know myself well enough when it comes to food-related issues. I know that if something starts to feel too restrictive or too much like a diet, I'll bail. Not a good thing, but it's me.
ODAAT--I'm glad you're experiencing success with a similar plan (the selection method). I just want the option of eating what I feel like eating on a particular day (within my plan of abstinence, of course). It's hard to plan ahead when I don't even know what I'll feel like eating the next day.
Searsha--I can relate so much to what you're going through with learning to listen to your intuition. I am trying to clear out all the other clutter so that i can hear my HP speaking to me through my intuition. It's incredible how much clearer it is some days than others. It's also amazing to me how much "stuff" I have whirling around in my head that can often mute that intuitive voice. I'm learning that the writing, reading, phone calls, online posting is what seems to open up the space in my head so that the intuitive voice can come through.
I agreed with my sponsor to give the food plan thing a try for a month and see what happens. My style is to question and rebel and fight structure sometimes. After some thinking last night, I decided to try it in the way that has worked for so many others. I don't see myself planning out my food for the long term, but for a month it'll be a learning experience. She also said that I can feel free to change meals if I feel like having something else, but that I should call to report those changes.
Hi Ann,
Thank you so much for posting this very important topic. My Sponsor wants to know my food plan, I tell her and then move on. I keep it pretty routine and keep my choices to a minimum so I am not tempted. Then my Sponsor wants to focus on working the steps with less focus on the food. I also ask her how she thinks I am doing with my thought process because the steps help us develop the food plan. I desire less focus on food so I can move on with the day and work my steps.
I like accountability but I am more like you I want to have the learning process of making choices.
For example, on our return trip from our vacation, a 2 day drive, we stopped at a fast food place and I selected a chicken sandwich and diet coke. I got by mistake a hamburger. So I ate half and discarded the rest, had my quaker rice cake and water. Done! no fuss no muss. What I did not have was any red foods, fries, shakes, onion rings, fried chicken tenders...
I never want to eat anything I would not eat infront of my Higher Power or my Sponsor.
Bumps
Thanks to you all for the way you all emphasise the spiritual aspect of food recovery – I needed to hear that right now.
Ann, great to hear about your decision re. your food plan/sponsor etc. I find that once I have a decision made – about anything – I become calmer. And being calm enhances my abstinence and helps me stay in my precious new binge-free world – day at a time.
Odaat, I love your focus on the 'honesty'.
Bumps, ta for reminding me that I have a 'thinking' problem as well as an eating problem! And my thinking, unchecked, will take me right back to binge-eating!
Thank you all for sharing here. I needed to read this today as I head into the weekend - which for me means unstructured time, more food choices, social situations, etc... I have been abstinent for 8 days.
For me (and for now), I find that a structured food plan works. I eat 3 small meals and 2 snacks a day (my binges are all about the white stuff - never real food). I bring all my food to work with me during the week so I'm never in a situation where I allow myself to make the wrong choice.
Unfortunately, I don't have the same structure on the weekends. Tonight I have dinner planned with a friend, tomorrow is lunch with family and then a BBQ dinner with friends. This overwhelms me. I'm trying to stay calm and let my HP guide me through these challenges. I know this is a learning experience.
TTL--Congratulations on 10 days of abstinence! I can so relate to your struggles with those unstructured weekends. For me, I hate that feeling of feeling out of control! I just always feel out of control on the weekends because we're often out at restaurants and other people's houses for meals. At restaurants, I usually know what the right choice is. At someone's house, you do not have much of a choice.
My solution (so far) is to plan ahead. When I know we're going out, I try to find out ahead of time what restaurant it will be. I will research their menu (online or by asking someone) and know ahead of time what the best choice is for me. It takes off a lot of pressure when I know what I will order. I also tend not to get as tempted by the stuff I shouldn't have.
As for as going to people's homes for BBQ's, etc., I usually offer to bring something. Lately, it's been a big salad and a fruit bowl. At least I know I'll have that with whatever protein is being served and that I'll be OK.
Hope you survived the weekend. Just take it day by day and you'll get through.
Ann,
I think that it is great that you have worked through these issues. My food plan has changed over my time in program.
One thought, food is about nourishing our bodies, not about gaining satisifaction or filling us up emotionally or spiritually. That is why we need the fellowship and our HP.
I think your willingness to research restaurants in advance is admirable. I found that in that process I was able to focus on my friendships instead of the food. I had less worry knowing my food would be available.
Initially I committed my food every morning and called my sponsor if I needed to change anything. I have spent my life manipulating food and then I had another set of ears to know if I was starting to manipulate. I diligently worked the steps (more than once) and have grow spiritually. I have experienced the miracle of program. Now I do not call my food into my sponsor, however, I still follow the food plan amounts given to my by a licensed nutritionist and weight and measure all meals that I eat at home. The sturcture of committing my food to my sponsor has taught me how valuable my abstinence is to me. I wouldn't have learned that without the sturcture. In not committing my food, I have had to rely more on my HP; I would not have been ready for this initially.
Congratulations on your decision to committ your food 30 days.
Krisana
Food Plan questions
