Yesterday we went to visit some friends who are moving out of the country for a minimum of 4 years. So, I went with a heavy heart not wanting to say goodbye. Program has taught me how to not consume myself with thoughts of loss, and instead think on the joy and adventure coming their way.
But, it still sucks to lose a friendship. Especially one that both my husband and I enjoy.
So, there was food and drink from the moment we stepped through the door. Snacks placed around the table where we were sitting playing a game for 3 hours until dinner...
Husband next to me drinking beer-- beer bottles, beer breath...
Ugh. I was prepared. I brought my own diet soda. I had a good lunch. I requested that we eat at my meal time. But, I was still uncomfortable. I didn't want to be in the midst of the food and beer, and I especially didn't want to be there to say good bye.
When it was finally time for dinner, my husband made a comment about how now it was my time to eat. I was irritated by this and replied, "Yeah, it's been your time to eat since the moment we got here." Not exactly loving or forgiving. I did not like him pointing out that I had a specified eating time, or the fact that it had begun. I did not want an "audience" gathering around my food trough for an exhibition. I did not point out each morsel that he had swallowed-- so why did he need to bring attention to me?
Ugh.
To cap it off we ate outside. I really don't like being outside. The bees were attracted to me...only me.
I couldn't feel full no matter how much I ate. The yucky feelings of the day had created a bottomless pit in my stomach. So, after I had eaten more than what I knew to be my food plan amount, I had to mentally tell myself to stop. Just stop. I wasn't going to achieve a full feeling no matter what I did.
Hi Marny
I really admire how strong you are and how you get through situations. Sometimes God takes things away from us so that he can make room for something else.
You really inspire me, I always look to find your posts. You and your little one (I assume it is you) are just beautiful.
And you are right there is no amount of food to fill that whole in side of us.
Oh, I can relate to your feelings of anger with your husband over that. Mine has done similar things like asking in front of large groups, "can you have this, or is it not allowed?" Ugh. I remember thinking that he couldn't have drawn more negative attention to me if he wanted to. I spoke with him about this and asked him not to do that again. He's been pretty good about it since then. I love him a ton, but sometimes he is a bit clueless. He just can't seem to understand what the big deal is.
As you said, today is a new day. I hope you woke up feeling better. I'm so grateful for God that we have a fresh shot at this thing each and every day.
Thank you for your very kind words. You are so right about God bringing us even more amazing opportunities when he closes a door. He has shown me this over and over.
Ann-
Yep, I woke up feeling better yesterday and even better today. I too am thankful for starting each new day fresh.
Hi Marny,
You are awesome and I too often look for your posts. Those are tough situations when there is not any comfort anywhere and no one around to ask for it. Glad you made it through.
Bumps
PS I hate bees too!
You did the right thing to share those feelings with others. During a phone conversation with another member this afternoon we discussed times when we did not share feelings and they led to worse actions and feelings. Your honest sharing allowed us all to help you; we were able to practice the 12th step. There is nothing in this life that we need to encounter alone when we have program. The fellowship and our Higher Power is always available. Reading your responses reminded me of the 3 As - acknowledge, accept and action. I heard these concepts in the end of your post. Acknowledge that food will not fill the void; accept your friends are leaving; and finally take action by stopping eating and posting the response.
That does suck, Marny. You handled it very well I thought.
Hubbies....My husband gets low blood sugar and needs to eat every few hours so he often has a sense of urgency when he's feeling low. If we're out and about he wants to drive through somewhere, I don't. I don't want my kid eating a burger, fries and soda either when I can make him a healthy meal when we get home. It's been an issue for us that if one knows he has this then one should be armed with healthy snacks! When I bring snacks he has been known to say that my "rabbit food is not going to cut it." Hmph. He has been supportive of my program and I'm grateful for that but I don't do well with fast food. When they head out without me, they almost always get fast food which is fine with me
Krisana, I've never heard the 3 A's either. Thanks for sharing. Welcome, by the way! It's good to hear from you. I miss seeing you at the meetings but look forward to hearing from you on the board
Marny, congrats to you for acknowledging that the full feeling wouldn't come and making yourself stop eating. at the moment i'm incapable of doing that, but it will come.
Hi Krisana
I see that you are at goal weight. How long in program did it take you to reach goal? I am the same starting weight as you and find it encouraging to hear about other people's physical recovery.
Thanks KGB
A positive word about husbands and program. Over time my husband has grown to appreciate program and he works to support. It took many battles and frustration to get to this point. AND like anything it isn't always perfect. Progress, not perfection.
KGB,
I drastically changed my way of eating and was blessed with a speedy physical recovery. Our Higher Power knows what we need to experience the miracle of program. I need the physical to keep me working spiritually and emotionally. Having completed the steps (2 times) I do feel like the miracle has occurred with me. But without the physical recovery, i would have missed it. I lost 45 pounds in 4 months. I have since added working out into my routine and gained a few pounds back. But I much prefer my athletic weight to the smaller number on the scale. I have not been on the scale in 2 months due to the move, but I have been weighing and measuring my meals and my clothes feel fine so I am not concerned. Good luck!
Krisana
yesterday sucked
