[beautifulmess]

Hi, I'm new here.
I'm 20 and well, fat.
I want to change that!
I've been trying to lose weight for about 3 years now and lost a lot...but then gained about 17 lbs back! for that I'm very disappointed but life's too short to be disappointed forever...so I'm starting it up again. Starting up the exercise once more and trying to get back into that focus I had back when I started. I fell off the wagon once, but won't let it happen again. My ultimate goal weight is 130! but right now I'm taking small steps. I hope to reach 150-160 soon. My current weight is....174
~Because of my weight I've been depressed pretty much my whole life, made fun of the whole lot. I've ignored the people who talk but it still doesn't make the hurt go away. We live in a world where beauty is power. Beauty is everything. I think it's wrong. I'm not doing this to be a model. I'm not doing this to get guys. I could care less. I'm doing this to FEEL beautiful, to FEEL worthy, to FEEL strong. I want to look in the mirror and smile for once. I want to go outside without a jacket on in 80 degree weather. I want to be comfortable in my own skin. I want to be able to go up a flight up stairs without feeling like I have to stop because I think I'm going to die. I want to win this. I want to beat the battle with fat that I've been having for my whole life. My self esteem is dirt low. I want to feel confident for once. I know I can do it. I won't let myself get as big as was. I just have to be patient and hopefully it'll happen for me too. Hopefully someday I can be happy.


START: 210
LOWEST WEIGHT: 159
WENT BACK UP TO: 174
WANT TO GET DOWN TO: 160
ULTIMATE GOAL: 130

I've been reading stuff on the people who reached their goals and am so happy for them! and of course very envious! I hope I can reach my goal just like them. I want to post a goal story also. I just want that feeling of being happy. I want to feel whole in my life. Good luck to everyone, hope we can help each other out. One fat chick to another

[wantstoloseweight]

I know how you feel and i can totally relate... Best of luck to you!

[Delphi]

Hi! Welcome to the 3FC community. Keep your head up...you can do this.

[chickiegirl]

Welcome to the site!

I totally empathize with how you feel, but I hope you don't really think beauty is everything. It's not. And it also varies widely depending on perception. I really, really believe that.

I also used to think being thin would make me happy, and I still think it will, but I don't think that if I am thin it will solve all the problems in my life. I'm pretty sure it won't.

There's tons of support and information on this site, including a forum for those with depression. I hope you check it out if you find the chats suit you.

I also hope that as you lose more weight you really do start to feel better. You've already started, and been successful (give yourself a pat on the back for that) so all you have to do is just keep going. And we're here to encourage you to do that.

Good luck beautifulmess.

[beautifulmess]

Thanks guys for replying back

and chickiegirl, yes of course I agree beauty isn't everything! actually beauty is really nothing. It's just an outer shell. It's the inside that matters. I truly believe that if you're ugly on the inside, you're a beast on the outside. I'm not doing this for beauty (as I mentioned in my post)

"We live in a world where beauty is power. Beauty is everything. I think it's wrong. I'm not doing this to be a model. I'm not doing this to get guys. I could care less."

I'm doing this to feel good about myself. I don't feel confident and once I shed the pounds and I know I'm healthy and that I can run without having to stop every 2 mins, I know everything will be different. I'll have confidence. I just want to be able to feel good about myself, to feel beautiful but most important healthy.

Good luck to you too!