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Old 01-16-2006, 10:46 PM   #1
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Default Need some serious help

I have a situation that I need advice on. I obtained some information about 3 of my collegues from another collegue. The collegue(we'll call her Suzy), requested I not tell anyone as no one to know this info. I did not tell anyone in the unit but my BF. I asked her not to tell anyone, but she told someone.Then this person told someone and now the word is out. Well, the person who the information was about asked me this am if I started a rumor about her and I stated no, because I didn't. My manager then came to me to ask me about this rumor and where I had recieved my info and I wouldnèt tell her because this sitaution involved her. Anyway, she guessed the person, but I did not confirm. This person is on vacation. So, yes I am furious with my BF, but is my reputation worth losing a friend over. Do I let me manager know about this new info, related to BF telling someone. And do I call the person who originally told me the info and give her a heads up before she comes back to work and explain the situation to her.
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Old 01-16-2006, 11:26 PM   #2
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Sounds like a big mess if you ask me I'm sorry you can't trust your BF. That's crap. I'm assuming BF is best friend in this situation and not Boy friend? In any case I'd re-evaulate my relationship with her since she can't be trusted IMO.

It's best to stay out of office/workplace gossip for this reason alone. It always comes back to bite you in the butt. I would be honest and upfront with "Suzy" and tell her ahead of time so she knows what's about to hit her when she gets back from vacation.

In the future when someone tries to "gossip" to you tell them you're not interested. I do say "gossip" because it was supposed to be a secret about someone else. Anything that isn't general knowledge amongst co-workers (besides personal matters) and is being talked about is gossip.

Good luck!
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Old 01-17-2006, 12:00 AM   #3
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Default so sorry to read your dilemma

I have to agree, however, with the message above. I feel for you and hope what ever course of action you choose works out.
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Old 01-17-2006, 12:05 PM   #4
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I wouldn't be too harsh towards your best friend - she didn't do anything that you hadn't already done by confiding in her. And I'm not saying that as a slight - this is the nature of gossip and rumors and a perfect example of why it is always best to stay out of it. If you do get involved, keep it to yourself. Don't even discuss it with best friends because you are only putting yourself at risk, ESPECIALLY in the work place. This is a professional environment and people's livelyhoods are at stake.

My opinion is that your best bet is to come clean. Call the person who gave you the information so that she isn't blindsighted when she gets back from vacation. Admit you spilled the beans and then make your apologies. Not just to your informant but to your manager and any co-workers who might have been impacted by this information being shared. You made a mistake and the best thing you can do for your career is to take responsibility for it and make clear that you've learned your lesson. Otherwise, this is the kind of behavior people will expect from you from here on out.
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Old 01-17-2006, 05:28 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucky
I wouldn't be too harsh towards your best friend - she didn't do anything that you hadn't already done by confiding in her.
Exactly.

You can't really be mad at your friend because she wasn't supposed to know this information in the first place.

I agree with lucky, come clean. I learned long ago that when someone asks me not to tell anyone whatever it is I'd been told, I keep it to myself. "No one" means no one. Not even your best friend. She did no different than you did, sweetie. If I was to be mad at anyone in this situation, it would be myself. And believe me, you're not alone, I've been there plenty of times.

I hope things work out for you.
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Old 01-17-2006, 05:54 PM   #6
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Default This will probably make you mad.

I have a situation that I need advice on. I obtained some information about 3 of my collegues from another collegue.

Ah, the good old work rumor mill. Much as we all *hate* to participate, we just can't seem to help ourselves when a good, juicy tidbit comes along... I'm taking it that you didn't solicite this info? She just came along and shared--too good to keep?
The collegue(we'll call her Suzy), requested I not tell anyone as no one to know this info. I did not tell anyone in the unit but my BF.

Duh. Re-read what you typed here.

I asked her not to tell anyone, but she told someone.Then this person told someone and now the word is out. Well, the person who the information was about asked me this am if I started a rumor about her and I stated no, because I didn't.

Technicalities . . .


My manager then came to me to ask me about this rumor and where I had recieved my info and I wouldnèt tell her because this sitaution involved her. Anyway, she guessed the person, but I did not confirm. This person is on vacation.

And NOW you're worried about how you'll come across? Is this person gonna kick your a$$ because she knows you're the one who spilled?

So, yes I am furious with my BF,

Why? Because YOU couldn't keep a secret? I agree with lucky and LLV--how can you blame her for telling something when she wasn't supposed to know in the first place?

but is my reputation worth losing a friend over.

What is your reputation? Someone who tries to make their self look better by passing the buck?

Do I let me manager know about this new info, related to BF telling someone.

See above

And do I call the person who originally told me the info and give her a heads up before she comes back to work and explain the situation to her.

At this point the damage has been done, I think I would let sleeping dogs lie, try to stay out of it, although it may be too little too late at this point. The next time someone comes to you and tries to spread stuff, no matter how tempting it is to listen tell them you have to make rounds or something equally improtant. After you blow off the gossip chain a couple of times they'll get the idea and leave you out of it. You won't enjoy the soap-opera aspect of work, but, from this post, it doesn't really sound like you're getting that much of a thrill out of it anyway.

Believe me (if I haven't totally pissed you off and you've read this far), this will blow over and there will be a new rumor before long. You'll be OK if you keep your head about you and think before you talk.


Help

Sorry to be so blunt, but I wish I'd gotten this advice a couple of years ago when I was in a VERY similar situation!
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Old 01-17-2006, 09:39 PM   #7
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Good thing you didn't tell me...I can't keep secrets....gossip...I love it! But boy oh boy, you really shouldn't! Good lessons learned come hard sometimes!
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Old 01-17-2006, 11:29 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Im A Loser
Sounds like a big mess if you ask me I'm sorry you can't trust your BF. That's crap. I'm assuming BF is best friend in this situation and not Boy friend? In any case I'd re-evaulate my relationship with her since she can't be trusted IMO.
Why? Simply because she blabbed something she should have never known about to begin with?

I hate to say it, but the fault here lies with Shannon, I'm afraid. She was sworn to secrecy and broke it. To be mad at her best friend for telling something she should have never even known is kind of pointless, don't you agree?

I hate this situation just as much as the next guy. Because I've been there. But just like a couple of the others have said, sometimes a good hard dose of reality and blunt opinions is what's needed to see the real light. Sugar-coating it does nothing. I mean, she did ask us for our opinions, did she not? And we're simply complying with her request.
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Old 01-18-2006, 12:22 PM   #9
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Ouch! But don't you just love it that you get Honest and True opinions here! No suck ups just to make you feel better! I love all you guys!! Rock on!!!
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Old 01-24-2006, 12:09 PM   #10
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So what happenend?

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Old 01-24-2006, 02:08 PM   #11
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Shannon,
Sorry you are in this situation. Man you got some harsh replies! Everyone makes mistakes, you did too by telling your best friend. Try to relax, it will blow over once someone else does something to start up some more gossip
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