[PatLib]

I don't know if any of you had/have friends that you went on binge eating trips with (we use to drive around to all the fast food places and get our favorites and take it back and eat all of it).

But I have one friend in particular that I use to do it with. She managed to lose all of the weight in college but slowly gained it back plus 100 pounds. I am going back home and I wanted to see her but she is making excuses which means she gained more weight because when I went to graduate school she did the same thing and that's when I saw she gained the 100 pounds plus my parents saw her and told me she is now at least 75 pounds heavier. Which also means she has been lying to me about her weight loss. We talk about once month and she told me her weight loss has been going well.

The thing is I feel guilty about my successful weight loss. I have finally reached size ten something I haven't been since jr. high. The truth is, I wasn't totally supportive about her weight loss when she did it (in my defense I was 19). I didn't sabotage her like I never suggested to go the fast food but I wouldn't dissuade her when she suggested it.

Anyways, I would love to see her because we have been friends since I was 10 and I live across the country and only see her once a year but I am not sure I should force the issue. Has anybody been on the other side of this? Or have any suggestions?

[TamTam]

Well this is a difficult situation. I say don't force the issue. I can tell you that if she has not done well with her weight loss and you have, it will make her either resent you or make her hate herself more, or both. I say maybe wait to see her next year. Or the best thing tell when you will be down for the visit the day you get there and the day you leave and tell her to call you when you can get together and that leaves the decision up to her. Hope it works out for you and her.

[PatPat]

You don't have to feel guilty.
If it comes to weight loss no one is in charge except you (well her...) self.

If you can invite her over, don't talk about the topic until she wants to and if she wants to go on a trip say you can't because you are on a diet, but not more.

If she wants to talk to you about it (she might even just want tips) she will come to you.

Other than that I guess you might both like to see each other, so why not? I guess you gals had more in common and have more to talk about than just this one thing

[tinneranne2]

I don't think there is anything wrong with telling your friend what you told us: You miss her, you'd like to see her.

Also, you may want to consider the possibility that she has something going on, unrelated to weight, that is causing her hesitation. Unlikely, but you never know.

I hope you are able to spend time with your friend.

[Palestrina]

There is no need for tension or guilt about weightloss. Coming in contact with an old friend can be daunting if you've gained weight a I understand her apprehension. But all you can do is tell her that you want to see her, invite her out somewhere and hope she comes. That's not being pushy. If she chooses not to come don't hold it against her.

And whatever you do, don't bring up weight. There is so much to talk about than weight, focus on making new memories with her.

[PatLib]

Thanks everyone! I just let her know that I wanted to meet up and to let me know a good date. Hopefully she takes me up on my offer!