I know I have already posted on here but have been thinking - I wonder if all the people that have been horrible to me over the years realise how they have really made me feel inside - am sure most off them (maybe all) don't - am sure they would have forgot about me and what they said/did to me - but for me its not so easy to forget it all, wish it was easy to forget all the pain. Sorry.
I remember how mean certain skinny girls were to me in middle school / high school when I wasn't even that big -- and then I saw them get big in college and I felt they got their "just desserts." I guess that is what I an most embarrassed about, that even now I am still so insecure that I don't really feel any compassion for them. They're probably completely different people now, too. :/
Location: from Canada currently living in Cairo, Egypt
Posts: 308
S/C/G: 380/ticker/180
Height: 5"9
Wow, this thread is intense.
I am so sorry for all of the painful memories so many of you have shared *hugs to you all*
And now I share my 'story'
In high school, I was pretty much fine... even though I was heavy. I had a large group of friends, and I was a nice person so people generally liked me. I was also really into theatre and a talented actress, and my school often competed and won in theatre festivals.
But grade school was horrible.
It was a small school, that went from jk-grade 8, and I was in it for all of those years.... and about 40 of the 55 people I graduated with were also in it for all those years.... grade 7 was the worst though... I got into a spat with my friend.... then the 'popular' girl found out and she forbid any girl in grade 7 or 8 to talk to me.... like for real. And people actually listened to her...
So for the next few months of Grade 7 none of the girls talked to me, I hung out watching the boys play soccer at recess or stayed inside. My 'friends' would sneak to tell me "If you only apologise to her, she will let everyone talk to you".... now I was stubborn, and still am so all I said to my friend was "It's none of her business. I will NOT apologise to her".
So the year ended... none of the girls talking to me...
My mum asked if I wanted to change schools, I said no as I was going to a different high school than the rest were and didn't see the point of 2 new schools in 2 years.
So |Grade 8 starts, popular girl has moved away..... the girls all come up to me to tell me how brave I was and how they all secretly hated her.... and admired me... and at that moment, I realised people were sheep.
I use this when example when I talk and teach about BUllying (I teach high school kids grades 9-12) and it's sad that most kids can relate... but a few remain impressed at my response.
I went through other things that made my life intense with suicide attempts, and years of counselling under my belt.... but I am here, stronger than ever and moving forward.
I live in a small town with small minded people. I was big girl and from pre-k to 12th I was incessantly bullied. I was the girl the guys would mock their friends with. I was the one no one ever picked to be on a team. Going to school every day was like running a gauntlet..... The thing that really stung the most however, was they'd do this in front of the teachers, the adults that were supposed to be there to help you. Never did a single one ever stand up for me or anyone else.... And my mother was a teacher at the same school!
In 6th grade, my current BFF, came to the school I was in from a private one in town. She was triple my weight. To this day I feel horrible that I felt relieved that they finally had someone else to pick on. My bullying didn't stop, but it was no where near as bad. In 8th grade, I saw her sitting by herself in science class. I had been there. I knew what it felt like to be ostracized, so I told my friend at the time I was going to sit with her.
BEST DECISION EVER!
We hit it off super fast and frankly, my life would be so different without her in it.
The sad thing is, small town, small class...... I still see these people around and now they all want to be buddy buddy and act like they didn't put my life through ****. I hold no ill will anymore, I've grown up and I have a pretty darn good life, but I haven't forgotten and no, I am not going to be friends with any of them.
The problem is.... the schools here haven't changed. The teachers, despite classes on bullying, still let it happen. My husband had to sit through them and he actually laughed at the way the others in the class totally blew it off. Now, add FB to the mix, and it's become such a massive problem. When we do have children, both my husband, who is a teacher, and I have decided not to enroll them in public school.
Location: from Canada currently living in Cairo, Egypt
Posts: 308
S/C/G: 380/ticker/180
Height: 5"9
oh man, I totally forgot a few things...
a boy I had a crush on in Grade 7 told me I ruined his life because of my crush...
In earlier grades some of the popular kids would go 'earthquake' whenever I walked by and act like there was one happening...
funny thing, after all the BS....
In grade 8 graduation my classmates voted me to win an award... the KER award (Kind ,Encouraging, Respectful) I was shocked when I won.... and frankly I kind of hated 95% of them and was extremely glad that I was going to a different high school then 95% of them.
Elementary school sucked.
I don't know if teachers were aware, but sometimes they were involved my grade 6 teacher hated me... not sure why, she accused me of plagiarism saying what I wrote was too intelligent for me to have written it (I had written it) and she just screamed all the time.... my mum nicknamed her Mrs. Hysterical (it kind of rhymed with her last name which I will not post here)...
Then in Grade 8 I made the girl's soccer team because I could kick the ball clear across the field and the only reason I made the team was because the boy's coach made the girl's coach put me on....she only ever played me like once for 5 minutes....she also didn't like me.
It kind of feels weird writing about these.... some of these things I don't ever think about (except when I teach about bullying).... but some have shaped me too.... weird.
FickleHearts - I love your story about how you met your best friend.
I was probably the most socially awkward child on earth. Seriously. For one, I always thought boys had a better life than girls and desperately wished I was a boy. I would even tell strangers my name was Mike. I dressed like a boy and had short hair. I didn't know how to do anything without drawing attention to how weird I was- I looked funny, I walked funny, I sat funny, I said inappropriate things. I did have friends in gradeschool, but only outside of school. In school, they pretty much ignored me and pretended not to know me. Not really shocking, looking back.
Junior high was probably the worst. It was the point where I wanted to be accepted, and I wanted to be a girl, and I wanted to be pretty. But I had no idea how. The thing that sticks out most about Jr High was the day Terry Potter, the most popular guy in school, came up and put his arm around me. I was so mortified that I just turned beet red, and kept walking, like I didn't notice. He walked that way all the way down the hall, then turned around and went back to his friends who high fived him because he had done that on a dare. I think what shames me the most is that I didn't have enough self-respect to slap his arm off my shoulder and tell him to leave me alone.
High School changed a lot of things for me. I stopped trying to be acceptable to the cool kids. Instead, I hung out with people who didn't judge based on appearance. I had stoner friends, skater friends, band friends, ROTC friends, Exchange Student friends, and people who were "geeks" like me. I actually had a pretty active social life in high school. I had a car, and noticed when my car broke down which "friends" disappeared until my car was running again. I swiftly ditched them. I guess you could say high school was when I began to develop a backbone.
Mostly my adulthood has been bully free. I did have a guy call me a Dyke a few years ago in a parking lot (I'm still a tomboy) and that shocked me. I mean, one, I'm not gay and two I couldn't believe people still said stuff like that. So I guess some people never grow out of being a bully, but I think we that are bullied can grow out of letting it bother us.
