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Old 12-24-2010, 02:35 PM   #1
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Unhappy Scrooged

I just realized that I am turning into Scrooge lol. The only difference is that I am happy for other people enjoying their holiday. I just feel like it is a holiday that I, as a single, childless women can relate to less and less with each passing year. I feel like that part of life was never offered to me. Like I wasnt cool enough to qualify for that club or something. lol I havent put up a single decoration this year and, while I bought a box of cards, I couldnt bring myself to fill them out. I actually intentionally sign up to work on Christmas eve and Christmas so I dont have to aknowledge the holiday. And it doesnt help that my heart was totally smashed by a man 2 Christmasses ago. Does anyone else just wish this holiday would go away?
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Old 12-24-2010, 02:58 PM   #2
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I'm not exactly enjoying this Christmas either. While I acknowlage the Reason for the Season I'm not experiencing much joy. I did decorate the house a little because my parents are coming over for dinner tomorrow and I wanted to create a festive atmosphere, even if I wasn't 'feeling it'.

A few months ago my closest friend for many years called me up and in not so few words told me she didn't have time for me anymore. We've been friends for almost 10 years and we have had a standing invitation to eat dinner at her house with her family every Thursday night for most of those years. She made this call from a cellphone driving down the street on her way someplace. NO ONE is so busy that they can't stop for 5 minutes to give someone their undivided attention while they cut them out of their life. I don't know the full reasons, I can only wonder and speculate, but she hasn't contacted me since. I did run into her at Walmart and she acted like nothing had changed. ??? But I am left feeling blindsided, confused and hurt, and still wondering what happened.

Obviously I can live without my friend, but after being friends for so many years I get reminded of her a lot in my daily life, and I am missing her this Christmas.
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Old 12-24-2010, 03:01 PM   #3
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wow!!! that is so sad. =0( I wonder what happened.
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Old 12-24-2010, 04:01 PM   #4
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I sympathize, katkitten and patchworkpenguin. I'm single (divorced nearly nine years) and childless, with no siblings and both parents deceased. I have a few aunts and uncles but I'm not in touch with them.

My situation is probably better than yours, though, since I was raised in a religion that doesn't celebrate Christmas. I have nothing against Christmas and I like the music and the spirit of the season, but it's not as emotionally loaded for me as it is for most people. The most noticeable thing about it, though, is that it's definitely a time for families, so things are REALLY QUIET.

While I'm considered to be a good colleague and I'm well-liked at work, I'm a loner and I don't mind spending time by myself. This might sound kind of twisted, but sometimes I take time to be grateful about the social annoyances I don't have to deal with. I sent about a dozen Christmas cards but I did no Christmas shopping. I've never had a Christmas tree and I didn't put up any decorations. I don't have to spend time making or buying food for gatherings, and I'm not being exposed to as many tasty temptations as most people. I'm taking this weekend to catch up on some TV shows, DVD's, books, and paperwork, just enjoying having things quiet and not being rushed (things were quite hectic from Thanksgiving until about a week ago).

I'm afraid I'm no help on the anniversary of the heartbreak, though I'm sorry you have to go through that. I haven't gone on a date since my divorce and can't really imagine getting emotionally involved again (though I guess it isn't out of the question). Also sorry about patchworkpenguin's lost friend. Just wanted to let you know that there's someone out here reading your posts.
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Old 12-24-2010, 04:20 PM   #5
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Thanks, Oboegal! That means alot. Sorry to hear you dont have any family around. It sounds like you enjoy solitude but hopefully you do have people you can rely on when you need it.
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Old 12-24-2010, 04:31 PM   #6
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I'm firmly in the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" camp when it comes to problems like this. If you're upset about your lack of spirit because you feel like you SHOULD have it, well, it may be time to let that go and celebrate in whatever way makes your life better.

If you are bothered by your lack of spirit (which is a situation I've faced several times), you may want to take active steps to get it back. For me, this has always meant doing nice things for other people...it always gets me back in a celebratory groove. I bake cookies, can jam, and distribute goodies. This year, I knit a ton of hats and donated them and several turkeys to the local homeless shelter, which had put out requests for donations for both items. It really helped me remember that this season was about giving to the world, and helped my spirit quite a bit.

But really, doing that is only a good idea if you're genuinely bothered by your lack of good cheer. There's no law that this season has to mean the same thing to everyone.
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Old 12-24-2010, 04:34 PM   #7
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Thank Edward Im not the only one!
I was beginning to nurse severe guilt over wanting to barf everytime I read one of my friend's overly, nauseatingly positive Christmas rants on Facebook! lol
Im a mother of 2, and have plently of reasons to be greatful, however, my husband and I are planning to separate after the holidays, so knowing that in the back of my mind, while we smile and put our best efforts forward for the sake of our kids, truley makes the season suck.
Not to mention all of the temptuous foods Ill be submitted to that my butt, clearly doesnt need!
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Old 12-24-2010, 04:37 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by katkitten View Post
Does anyone else just wish this holiday would go away?
Yes. But for different reasons. I find the material quality of wrapped-present, gift giving to be disgusting when there are so many people literally in my own city without the basic things. I usually spend the holidays volunteering and collecting blankets to pass out. To me that is what Christmas should be about but for many it really is not!

I also have a new reason to hate the holidays. THE FOOD! lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by mandalinn82 View Post
If you are bothered by your lack of spirit (which is a situation I've faced several times), you may want to take active steps to get it back. For me, this has always meant doing nice things for other people...it always gets me back in a celebratory groove. I bake cookies, can jam, and distribute goodies. This year, I knit a ton of hats and donated them and several turkeys to the local homeless shelter, which had put out requests for donations for both items. It really helped me remember that this season was about giving to the world, and helped my spirit quite a bit.

.
I need to quit posting before I read the responses. This is a beautiful idea what you do mandalinn.

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Old 12-24-2010, 04:42 PM   #9
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I'm single and childless but I find the older I get, the more I enjoy Christmas. For so many years I felt a total failure because I didn't have a significant other, didn't party. I am so much more resolved in my life (mostly) that year on year, it does get better.

Again for most of the last 15 years I've been involved with churches where the week up to Christmas was absolutely manic with additional services, a huge amount of pressure to "get it right". Now coming to the end of my 2nd year here, everything is so much more laid back. I'm going across in about an hour to get ready for the Midnight Mass. There won't be many there, we're only small, tho the building is massive; it won't be perfect in any way but it will be heartfelt.

So provided nothing terrible happens (natural pessimist, the dogs are nearly 15, mother's 90, one brother and his family have to travel up from the south, another down from the north), the faith side of my Christmas looks calmer than ever before; the family side of my Christmas I'm very calm about and looking forward to; but many people would think it very dull - no partner, no children, no parties ~ but contentment.

I'm sorry for anyone who's feeling very down, I really have been there. I don't know if knowing that age brings contentment helps.
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Old 12-24-2010, 04:52 PM   #10
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I also think the idea that you must find the right man before you "find" the right child is preposterous. There are so many wonderful, beautiful children waiting to be adopted and lets face it....good men are getting harder and harder to find, lol.
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Old 12-24-2010, 05:02 PM   #11
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For me it is more about this season always making me feel sorry for myself. I see all of these families and, even though I am genuinely happy being single alot of the time, I feel like what is wrong with me that no man ever wanted that with me? It makes me feel like a failure or something.
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Old 12-24-2010, 05:04 PM   #12
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I loved your answer, Man. I've had lots of moments at holidays and otherwise where I wish someone would reach out, a relative or friend, or a stranger. And really it starts with reaching out to other people, who are feeling the same way. It was difficult when I started doing it because I was so sensitive to not getting a response. But with time, I have gotten to a place where I feel happy about giving to others.
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Old 12-24-2010, 05:10 PM   #13
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Kat, You are NOT a falilure.

I went though those feelings about my friend, too. I started thinking 'what did I do wrong to make her hate me?" but what I decided was SHE had the choice to open up to me about what was wrong and she CHOSE to end the relationship without trying to fix it, if it was broken in the first place. ?

Now her Hubby has stopped responding to texts sent by my Hubby, and they were friends before she and I became friends.
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Old 12-24-2010, 05:30 PM   #14
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People are so strange sometimes. Thanks for telling me I'm not a failure! The truth is that I know some of the most amazing women who are smart and beautiful and funny and interesting and yet continually passed up by men. And I don't see THEM as a failure so I guess I'm not either but I really do wonder what men are looking for if it is not those things in a life partner. Maybe most men just aren't looking for a life partner anymore.

On a different note, I just got cancelled at work. I guess I should be bummed that I'm not going to make all that shift differential but really I'm just relieved that I wont have to talk to people about Christmas and continually say "no" to all the pastries that would be shoved in my face. lol. Even though I wanted to work tonight now I'm glad to be called off so go figure =0)
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Old 12-24-2010, 05:30 PM   #15
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I’m with Oboegal, my husband s religion doesn’t do Xams, I myself don’t miss it. And while I have plenty of kids that were brought up the same, only about half celebrate it, mostly to go with the flow. There is no stress, and worry, that most people seem to have. We do get together quite a lot over the holidays etc I am taking today to work out the difference between flex and the new plan WW have come out with . Think I will stick with flex the new one has more sugars in it from fruit and I LIKE MEAT lol
Sorri I can’t help take away some of the pain for you over lost friends etc.
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