LOL, I don't care if he wants to want to do the dishes. I don't "want" to do the dishes either, but they have to be done.
We have several trashcans around the house. 2 in the living room, 2 in the office/family room and one in each of the other rooms, even in our kids rooms. He says he just "forgets" they are there. He doesn't even use the one in the kitchen when he's standing right next to it.
I'm definitely going to have a sit down talk with him about counseling. We had a wonderful time last night as a family. Came home, planned a romantic night, then he came home, took his pain pills and fell asleep in his chair. This morning he didn't bother waking anyone else up (took the alarm clock and fell asleep in his chair) and instead took his place in the tub sometime before 7. I woke up on my own at 7 and hurried to get things done. At around 20min after, I still hadn't so much as used the restroom and neither kid was dressed. The dog had eaten my son's breakfast and I was making him some more. I popped my head into the bathroom and asked if he could at least come out and keep an eye on the kids while I got myself, breakfast and lunches ready. He said "You get an hour of 'me time' bath at night. This is my hour of 'me time.'" And told me if I wanted to b***h at him any more, I could text him like I did yesterday. (He didn't take out all the garbage, and I texted him asking him why he didn't, definitely not a b****y message, just asking him) He's totally clueless, and beerab you're right, I resent him VERY much for this. I've talked my face off to him about needing help in the past, or at least that he needs to clean up his messes, and he just blows it off.
Things are getting critical. We haven't...er... done anything in a month or longer. It's not for a lack of me trying either! I feel like a live in maid at this point. I'm so frustrated!!!!!
Last edited by Pint Sized Terror; 11-10-2010 at 08:59 AM.
And he just told me he's going to be leaving for 4 days next week for work. It's also over his birthday. I don't know why he would be going away. He's not allowed to fly right now, which means no training. I'm trying not to be paranoid, but my mind is really going crazy right now. I really really hope this isn't something he's doing to go away and party or worse, that he actually has someone else. I need to talk to him so badly.
And he just told me he's going to be leaving for 4 days next week for work. It's also over his birthday. I don't know why he would be going away. He's not allowed to fly right now, which means no training. I'm trying not to be paranoid, but my mind is really going crazy right now. I really really hope this isn't something he's doing to go away and party or worse, that he actually has someone else. I need to talk to him so badly.
You know, as cathartic as these posts can be, sometimes they bring out paranoia too, or make us look more at the bad when we should be trying to pull up some good. Just a thought. It felt good to vent, but it's more productive when I build my husband up in my mind instead of tearing him down. That sounds so 1950's of me, but hey, isn't that what this whole thread is centered around?! If I tell myself how wonderful he is in other ways, I usually end up feeling better about the whole situation.
Has your husband ever taken anti depressants? I'm sorry if I missed it somewhere, but when you said he's the same at work, his lack of joy/motivation in all areas of his life speaks volumes. This really sounds beyond someone not respecting you or being motivated to clean. I"m guessing he would not be too receptive to you asking him about seeing a psychiatrist, but maybe when you start counseling, your therapist can help you with that. You deserve more than this, but it really sounds like he needs help
Last edited by pinkflower; 11-10-2010 at 10:39 AM.
Ok, hubby came home for lunch and we talked while my daughter was asleep. He said he's felt totally apathetic towards pretty much everything since they upped his medication. He says he's still attracted to me, he just has no sex drive. None. I didn't know it, but yesterday he called and made an appointment about how the meds have made him feel, but they can't see him until later this month. He said he feels incredibly guilty about all of it but can't seem to do anything about it. I was put on Paxil for a short time 8 years ago and it made me feel the same way. I thought it was working for him better than it had for me since he wasn't saying he felt apathetic and "meh." His pain medications aren't working as well anymore and he's concerned about that. He doesn't want to take more of the medication, but that's where it is heading and that worries him.
Also, the 4 day training thing isn't over his birthday, which is good since the kids and I had planned a party. He had the dates wrong. He laughed when I asked if he was seeing someone else. I almost started tearing up and he goes, "Oh my God. You're serious." He told me he is not seeing anyone and that I'm still the only one for him. And it is training. His commander and doctor gave him some kind of training pass so he can go do flight simulator training. He is SO excited. This is the first time he's gotten to do anything flight-related in months. A simulator is like a giant cockpit of his airplane with screens on all the windows so it looks like you're flying.
He agreed that we should go to couples counseling, and also suggested finding a regular babysitter so he and I can have more one on one time. He said he would make more of an effort around the house if I would agree to work out a kind of schedule with him so he knows what's expected when.
That is great. I need to do this with my husband. He has been unemployed over a year (we are now calling it early retirement) and he does very little.
Part of it is my fault because I can't stand listening to him gripe about not being able to find things that have been stored in the same place for the l past 10 years.
i hope it helps! I've had similar discussions with my husband that lead to a month or so of good behavior before it slips back to what it was.
depression can be a major factor in all of these problems though. and if he's on the wrong medication or dosage?! oh i've had that problem- once on effexor for like 3 weeks and i could not even get myself to move. it was scary.
I need to spell it out with my live in BF. We're students. We do kind of live in a mess.
Reading this reminds me I'm really not ready to balance children in my life yet. I wish you well, Pint, things definitely sound like they're looking up!
I am so glad you guys were able to talk!!! I knwo a few guys on anti-depressants and they have no drive either, so I think that is a typical side effect. Good luck!
I'm so glad you guys talked- but PLEASE don't forget to set up the counseling- it's very important and will do you both a world of good- it's best to go now while you guys WANT to make it work and love each other- not when one of you has checked out completely.
I think a few sessions will really help the both of you
When I was on zoloft I had zero sex drive, I didn't even want to look at his penis when I was on it. So lack of sex drive could definitely be because of his anti depressants
We had a wonderful time last night as a family. Came home, planned a romantic night, then he came home, took his pain pills and fell asleep in his chair. This morning he didn't bother waking anyone else up (took the alarm clock and fell asleep in his chair) and instead took his place in the tub sometime before 7. I woke up on my own at 7 and hurried to get things done. At around 20min after, I still hadn't so much as used the restroom and neither kid was dressed. The dog had eaten my son's breakfast and I was making him some more. I popped my head into the bathroom and asked if he could at least come out and keep an eye on the kids while I got myself, breakfast and lunches ready. He said "You get an hour of 'me time' bath at night. This is my hour of 'me time.'" And told me if I wanted to b***h at him any more, I could text him like I did yesterday. (He didn't take out all the garbage, and I texted him asking him why he didn't, definitely not a b****y message, just asking him) He's totally clueless, and beerab you're right, I resent him VERY much for this. I've talked my face off to him about needing help in the past, or at least that he needs to clean up his messes, and he just blows it off. 
If I tell myself how wonderful he is in other ways, I usually end up feeling better about the whole situation.
And it is training. His commander and doctor gave him some kind of training pass so he can go do flight simulator training. He is SO excited. This is the first time he's gotten to do anything flight-related in months. A simulator is like a giant cockpit of his airplane with screens on all the windows so it looks like you're flying. 
