Now look quick at that avatar on the right. It will be posted for about 24 hours. This is a photo of me at around 30. I think I was about to blink, but never mind.
Jay
I know that you aren't fishing, but I wanted to say that
I think you are very pretty, anyway!
I prefer to blend in - Im not a loud person in manner or dress Unless I'm with my very close friends - then I can be a little rambuctious - but only in their presence.
due to my job i have to look the part...now you may think...aw poor you. But i don't mind. I am a veterinarian...and dr's should look professional...majority of society WOULD not take me seriously and listen to my advice if i had loud crazy shirts on, or weird colored hair. Yes it is sad that society is like that...but i want people to listen to what i'm saying when i'm talking about medicine...not what i'm wearing. I do try to "have fun with my conservative clothes". For example i have an outfit that is black slacks and a black and white top that i wear with a fun cute pair of red shoes. SO at work i stay conservative but still try to have fun with eiter nice hand made jewlery or fun funky shoes. At home i dress how i feel...i find that some of the alternative styles look like crap on my body style..so i stick with what looks good for my body type. But i feel that my personality is what stands out and that's really what matters. I don't really feel the need to dress different to show that i am different. but everyone expresses themselves in a different way
This made me chuckle... In my high school, there was a group of kids who dressed in a kind of punk-goth style and then screamed at people for staring at them and loudly lamented how misunderstood they were and how looks aren't an indication of personality, etc. I have still not gotten over the irony. Last time I checked, independent thought didn't have a uniform.
I've always considered how I dress as a tool to teach people how to treat me. Do I want people to respect me? Absolutely. Do I want people to treat me as an intelligent, successful person? Of course. Can I achieve that in a Hot Topic wardrobe? Sure, but it takes a lot more effort than I am willing to put into just getting decent service at the average retail shop, restaurant, etc.
Big surprise... I'm over 30 and have always dressed tailored and professional, even in jeans. My pink-haired best friend teasingly called it "professional country club." I feel confident and attractive in my clothes, hairstyle, etc., and have never lamented how misunderstood I am due to my appearance. I prefer to slightly overdress and leave myself with the option to go anywhere and do anything. I care how I look, I care how I'm perceived and I certainly care how I am treated.
As for how people dress, I think it says a lot (although not everything) about a person. Cleanliness, poise and confidence will shine through any outfit just as insecurity, lack of self respect and hostility will destroy even the most expensive, well-tailored suit. In the end, it's the person wearing the clothes, not the clothes, that make the impression.
NightengaleShane, I don't think I got old and stopped caring!
I have always said punks don't grow up and that when I'm 40, I'll still have my fashion sense, but I wonder what will REALLY happen then and if I will one day begin to understand.
Well, I am in my thirties, and I still have mine.
I would have to say, that if I had to choose one of the two choices...that I stand out-not blend in.
But, I think that the REASON someone chooses to stand out or blend in, is more important that if they do, or if they don't.
I think it is perfectly fine to have normal hair, and wear t-shirts, etc. and not really care, if that is who you are. On the other hand, you have the popular high school girls who all have to have a certain brand of purse, lip gloss, and jeans because "everyone else is wearing it". Buying a certain brand of jeans or purse, even if you don't really like it or it doesn't flatter you, just because it is "in", isn't a good thing.
I also think that there are the young kids who try to be emo, punk, goth, or whatever to "stand out", when it really isn't them, either. They want to make a statement, but they don't know what kind of statement they want to make...so they go to Hot Topic (the Wal-Mart for goths, LOL) and get the black and silver stuff that all of the other teenage goths have.
I think that if you stand out, because you are being yourself, and doing what YOU like, is a good thing.
I have tattoos-4 of them. I got them because I like them, they are tattoos that are personal to ME, so I think it is a wonderful sort of expression. I don't think a tattoo is a good thing when you get one because all of your friends have one, and you go in and pick a piece of commonly done work off the wall with no thought-like the ever popular tribal arm band on men, and the butterfly on the ankle for the woman. For instance, the tattoo on my back is an Egyptian Eye, with a pyramid behind it-all inside of a sun...the Egypt theme is because I belly dance-so it is personal to me, and shows one of my interests.
I also dress differently than most...but it isn't anything to do with fitting in, or trying to make a statement. I really like henna/mehendi, so yesterday I was wearing a black t-shirt with two hands on the front of it that are decorated with henna, with black loose, wide leg palazzo pants. I have a lot of wide leg palazzo pants, and mainly it is because I can wear them to teach dance, as well as for regular wear, and I like multi purpose clothing.
I wear a lot of concert t-shirts...everything from Prince to Ani DiFranco-because I have varied musical tastes. I have no interest in current pop and rap music though...so you'll never see me in a shirt with Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, Celine Dion, Sean Combs, etc.
It isn't uncommon for me to get stares in stores/restaurants...I am a pale skinned with bright red hair, wearing a lot of black and artsy clothes...nose pierced, and sometimes with henna on my hands or feet...but look the way I do because I have no desire to get blonde highlights, suntanned, and wear what everyone else is wearing. There isn't anything wrong with clothes at Eddie Bauer, etc. but they just aren't "me", and I don't think I look good in them. For one thing, I wear a lot of black because of my hair color. Lots of things like bright purple, fuschia, pink, etc. look really bad on redheads...so some things I just can't pull off.
I look nothing like the soccer moms that I see at my kids school...who have haircuts that match the latest soap opera stars and drive SUV's and have Coach purses. It just isn't "me". If I came home in a color coordinated jogging suit and Keds like one of my neighbors who looks so cute dressed like that, I think my husband would laugh his behind off...because it isn't me.
It isn't really even just with how I look...but with my interests, movies, music, etc. I am a woman who actually hates chick flicks like movies with Meg Ryan and J.Lo...I would much rather watch a fantasy film, sci fi film, or X-Files reruns.
My husband is the same way...he is a 33 year old in Converse All Stars or rockabillly black and white wing tips.
***I also 100% agree with the poster who mentioned standing out for the WRONG reasons. I am a parent, and I hate it when we have our kids at the mall, or at a restaurant, and someone is cussing/swearing up a storm in front of them, or a woman has her butt cheeks hanging out of too short shorts, or her breasts falling out of a spaghetti strap tank top...or excessive public affection by a couple in public, where they are groping and making out in front of everyone. I think that people should be respectful of others around them, and realize that no one wants to see all that.
Good points made in this thread. I agree with you, Aphil and Jayell. I'm an insurance "professional", so I definitely dress the part. I'm in my 40's and, yes, I think I am still stylish!!
When I was much younger, I was one who dressed a little wild. What I remember from that time is that my friends and I used to joke about "conforming to nonconformity". I think about that when I see all the tattoos and piercings. They used to be so very different, but now are very typical. I think you just have to do what is right for you. If making a statement is important to you, then do it! If you really don't feel the need to make a statement based on style, that's your choice.
I agree with making a statement based on what you do and who you are rather than how you look. Although, with what I wear for work, I do try to make a statement that I am a professional insurance advisor. Darn.... conforming again!! ha!
I love the phrase "conforming to nonconformity!" A good friend of mine always said, "Be a rebel, or just look like one" as she heavily applied her black eye make-up... she was an otherwise well-behaved, honor roll student.
i don't approach my life with a decision to "stand out" or "fit in". I am what I am. I do what feels right for me to do...
I don't make an effort in either direction, nor a conscious decision to be one or the other. I just AM me, and components of that me blend in or stick out. And as long as I am being true to what I am and what I want, I don't really have a preference - if "Me" blends in, thats ok, and if "Me" sticks out like a sore thumb, thats alright too.
I was trying to figure out how to answer the question but you said it perfectly for me, mandalinn. I'm pretty much a "live and let live" kind of person. Differences of opinion, lifestyles, appearance, etc., don't bother me if that's who people genuinely are. I say, do, wear what feels comfortable or right to me. If all my friends or colleagues at a table are drinking alcohol, I'll still drink Diet Coke because I simply don't like alcohol so why should I order it? In a room full of people wearing capris and flip flops, I'll be the one in jeans and sneakers. I don't spend $100 on a handbag because to me it's just something in which to carry things. I'm not trying to make a statement. I'll spend that $100 on something else. I never got married or had kids because I never wanted to. Some folks still consider that an oddity. There are very few people around me who aren't married, have been, or want to be. I just don't want to be bothered. I walked away from a corporate job (big airline, suits, benefits and everything) because I was miserable. I now work at a place where I wear jeans most days, my "commute" is about 3 blocks, I have to pay for my own medical because there are no benefits and, as crazy as things get, I love it.
Life is too short to spend it not being true to yourself.
Last edited by trekkiegirl; 09-15-2007 at 12:34 PM.
good thread!!! i've enjoyed reading all your opinions i don't really know what to say myself, i haven't really thought about whether i stand out or not, so i guess i just don't. It's not like i want to be in the background, i just think i have the same style/tastes as many girls my age but i don't try to, it just happens!
Trekkiegirl, I agree with a lot of what you said. I would not be happy if I had to dress a certain way for work. I wear my mis-matched socks with leggings and T-shirts and no one cares. I don't put a lot of effort into my appearance. If that makes me look odd, fine. If it makes me look unremarkable, fine. Also, I'm older, but, I always felt that way. I never tried to look cool, hot, or room temperature. I don't think anyone is looking at me. They are all too busy thinking everyone is looking at them!
I also don't try to make a statement of status with my car (I chose it for its energy efficiency) although maybe I do make a statement on the side of oddness with my license plate holder which I had made to read "The squeaky wheel gets the worm."
BattleAx said "At my age, this is a non-issue" - HEY Girl, I'm probably your age and when I Get this weight off, I'm going to stand out!
That's what my answer would be - defintely "fit in" "hope to become invisible" or whatever with this added weight. But back in the day when I was thin and beautiful I dressed the part and loved it! So look out! I'm going to stand out next year at this time no matter what my age!!
Lori
But! Now they are going downhill again! 
Unless I'm with my very close friends - then I can be a little rambuctious - but only in their presence.
I don't spend $100 on a handbag because to me it's just something in which to carry things. I'm not trying to make a statement. I'll spend that $100 on something else. I never got married or had kids because I never wanted to. Some folks still consider that an oddity. There are very few people around me who aren't married, have been, or want to be. I just don't want to be bothered. 
