If people ask you if you're (still) trying to lose weight, do you tell them you are, or lie about it?
My weight loss has been gradual (over the last 15 months) but the "paper towel effect" has really come into play the last 5-10 pounds. I'm just now starting to get comments like, "You don't need to lose anymore weight," and "Are you finished yet?" I generally find these comments annoying and intrusive, of course, and would prefer not to be asked in the first place. My family and close friends see that I'm eating well and exercising, and not going overboard, so I'm getting these comments mostly from work associates and other acquaintances.
I'm only trying to lose a VERY little bit more, but I don't really think that's anyone's business and I don't want to get into a numbers discussion. But, if I say that I done with weight loss and maintaining, I feel dishonest - I know many feel that there is a place for white lies in social situations, but I prefer to avoid dishonesty.
What is your method of dealing with this? I need a set response, because I don't think quickly on my feet!
Why do you feel that you need to answer such questions? You are right it is no one's business but yours. I try to avoid discusions of weight and weight loss especially as it refers to me. If I feel that I MUST repond I will say something like "I'm just trying to stay healthy". That is not a lie.
Why do you feel that you need to answer such questions? You are right it is no one's business but yours. I try to avoid discusions of weight and weight loss especially as it refers to me. If I feel that I MUST repond I will say something like "I'm just trying to stay healthy". That is not a lie.
I try to avoid discussions of my weight loss as well, trust me!
As far as why I feel I need to answer - direct questions need some sort of response. I'm not talking about indirect comments (easier to ignore/redirect) I'm talking about a direct question like, "Are you still trying to lose weight?" A response like, "I'm not comfortable discussing my weight loss," might be accurate and ok in some circles, but like it or not my work colleagues, in particular, will view that response as rude.
I think one of the best ways to point out to someone that their question is invasive is to reply with another question, like, "Why do you ask?". This forces them to admit their intention and can lead to you either answering their question honestly or them backing off.
What is the paper towel effect? I am intrigued! lol.
I have like 50 lbs to go and people ask ME if I am still going to lose more. I always say "oh just a few more lbs" and most people say "oh like 10 or something?" and I say "yes" lol.
In your case I'd just say "I'm pretty much done and now am trying to maintain my loss and stay healthy." I mean with 1 lb left you pretty much ARE done in their eyes so why not just avoid the confrontation?
well these types of questions are rude and not thier business anyways but a good response might be 'my goal is to eat well and exercise'. No lying needed.
Perfect time for this to come up as I was JUST dealing with this today. I attended my friends graduation this morning and saw some other friends that I dont see for weeks sometimes months at a time. So the last few times they have seen me I've been noticeably smaller than the time before.
My one friend KEPT commenting that I was " wasting away" and asking me " what are you trying to do, you must be a size 3 already." She obviously has no clue what a size 3 really looks like...
Funny thing is I STILL want to lose a good 15-20. So I told her Im about size 7/8 right now and I have a goal of being 5/6 and then Im stopping. She continued to make a few more comments throughout the day but at least she now knows I have a goal and stopping point in mind and wont continue to be shocked every time she sees me and Im noticeably smaller. I think its best to just be honest.
Last edited by skinnyelle39; 05-03-2011 at 02:20 PM.
Yeah, I have, historically, at two different periods in my life, and my lying has meant two different things.
1) When I had a raging eating disorder, and got down to 107, but wanted to reach 105 (or even lower -- I wanted to go as low as I could possibly go), people started taking me aside privately & having a word with me about my weight. Their manner of addressing me, particularly their doing it quietly & one-on-one, made it clear they were motivated by genuine concern. I lied to them & said I wasn't planning on going any lower. I really didn't want to engage in a discussion. I felt quite stubborn about the whole thing & also I was afflicted by that very common inability to see myself as thin, despite all the weight I'd lost. I really didn't know that I'd be okay if I stopped there because I just couldn't see it. Also, I felt caught up in the momentum of the habit of losing. I really didn't know any other way of living: Either I was eating "regularly," which was making unhealthy choices & overeating -- or I was losing. My dial simply didn't have an in-between setting. Anyway, lying to them was much simpler than explaining all this to them. Also I did not really want to be cured. I saw being cured as losing all that was "special" about me, since I had never gotten so much praise & attention as after losing lots & lots of weight. It was the first big project I'd ever succeeded brilliantly at.
2) When I lie to myself about it. When I say I'm done, and act as if I'm done, but really, I still look critically at my body & keep thinking that I'd like this or that to be a little smaller. But I don't allow myself to articulate this desire in terms of attaining a lower weight. I use euphemisms like "tightening up" or "toning" or "reducing," as if this could happen in certain body parts without affecting others. Exercise can do some of this, but I suspect to the degree I'm aspiring toward, we're talking fat loss, which means further weight loss. I really have to watch this part of me. To answer honestly, I'd probably have to rephrase the question in my mind, from: "Are you still trying to lose weight?" to "Are you still dissatisfied with your body & are you still trying to do something to reshape it, to make it look more like the ideal you're carrying around in your head?"
Last edited by saef; 05-03-2011 at 08:56 PM.
Reason: Meant to write "really" not "rally," though, rahly dahling, I do rally the troops
To answer honestly, I'd probably have to rephrase the question in my mind, from: "Are you still trying to lose weight?" to "Are you still dissatisfied with your body & are you still trying to do something to reshape it, to make it look more like the ideal you're carrying around in your head?"
And I shall be pondering this for the rest of the day . . .
This is, of course, my fear. One pound isn't going to change my entire body. I'm dealing with learning to love my body, even though a big loss hasn't magically turned me into a supermodel. I think at this point I'm sticking with 115 because I am STUBBORN. That was my 5 pound goal and doggone it, I'm going to meet it!
beerab - The "paper towel effect" is something I read about here on 3FC, and the image has always stuck with me. Basically, when you first start using a roll of paper towels, it seems like the roll never gets any smaller. Then, one day, you notice that there is, indeed, a smaller roll. And finally, with only a few paper towels left, every single sheet makes a BIG difference in appearance. So it is with weight loss.
I have this same issue. I have so many people, point blank, ask me if I am still trying to lose weight and do it in a aggressive manner, because they clearly feel I'm nuts if I think I need to lose anymore. Other people directly ask me how much I weigh, or what size I am. When I answered this question the other day, they then asked if I wanted to lose anymore weight...I said a pound or two but not really. They then very pointedly said "someone who is in a size 6 does not NEED to lose any more weight!!" as if it were their business! I have found this phenomenon very frustrating and annoying. I for one cannot IMAGINE commenting on someone else's weight or choice of weight goals or whatever. It's beyond rude, but I am not good with saying what I think at times. Anyhow I'm there with you! I need to develop a set response too, but it needs to be fairly neutral and polite because I am just that way, lol.
I lie all the time about it. I don't owe the truth to anyone but my doctor when it comes to my weight and health, and you gals when it comes to heartfelt questions. I'm so sick of people telling me not to lose anymore that I just tell them I'm done. Opinions are like a&* holes. Everyone has one, and most of the time they stink.
My dad says that about opinions all the time, lol!! And I totally agree...I usually tell people "maybe, maybe not," when they ask about my continuing to lose weight. That usually keeps them guessing. It's the truth. When I am done, I will know it. For now, I am done. But maybe next week, I will decide I want to lose a few more. It bothers us because at the heart of it all, it's none of their business. So I understand your rant!
Do you lie?
