I hope it's ok to share my car crash of a story here. If not please let me know and I will stick to discussing purely weight issues. I just feel the other stuff I am facing will affect my journey to lose weight.
I have a lot of weight to lose, at least 5 stone, and really struggle to get up and running with changing my habits. I have tried to get going a few times in recent years but never got past day 1.
I have a lot of health problems, both physical and mental. I also had an addiction to cannabis (only 1 at night to sleep) for 20 yrs. I hope I am ok to write that here. So to change I had to quit that as of course I got terrible munchies on it. Life has been pretty bad for a long time and I just settled into a self destructive pattern. Smoking, cigarettes too, 40 a day. No exercise, comfort eating, you name it. Then take into account my PCOS and Bipolar meds and I just ballooned over the years. Also life had pretty much ground me down to nothing.
On top of getting diagnosed with bipolar 2 and severe anxiety and social phobia, then losing my job cos I was unfit to work - my wonderful husband cracked and had a short affair with a co-worker. I have never seen anyone so devastated by their actions so we are working on reconciliation. We have been together nearly 20 years and I am not throwing away a previously solid marriage because of one screwed up period of time when life got too much for him. It's completely floored me though. I tried to commit suicide so things really were as bad as they could get. I can't help but be jealous and compare myself to her. Of course, she was slim..... I understand he did it cos he turned to her as a friend at a bad time and bit by bit they got closer.
I am writing so honestly because I really need support to make these changes. I have recently had some health scares and decided enough is enough. Life has to change. I need to focus on me and my health, as well as my self esteem. I have a lot to face.
I started in May gave up smoking in may and switched to vaping, I did continue with my evening smoke though. That stopped on Thursday (5days)when I started the diet. It may not seem like I have got far enough to be proud of myself but the fact is I have only ever managed day 1 of no cannabis and dieting a couple of times. I always panicked and put it off. It was a huge change to face and the resulting insomnia was a huge deterrent to change. It's horrible lying awake every night for weeks waiting for your body to learn to sleep naturally again. It also affects my mental health when I lose that much sleep. I can't have sleeping pills regularly, only a few days worth when things get really bad and in a way I am glad cos I would just be switching one addiction for another!
So I saw my gp and she was so happy I was going to address this stuff, she gave me Orlistat very enthusiastically. My sister is on it but she keeps cheating and suffering the side effects. I was determined if I was going to do it, I would do it properly!
So here I am, on day 6 and SO proud of myself for finally getting off the starters block. My previous history shows that if I can get wk1 out of the way I can smash this! I lost 3 stone once before and it only went back on, plus the same, when I got ill.
I have had NO side effects as I am rigidly sticking to less than 30g fat a day and around 1500 cals, which for someone with a bmi of 40 is about right.
I AM going to do this! I had a sneaky weigh in and have lost 3 3/4lbs so far!
I'm really needing someone to talk to during this journey as no one knows the whole story of what I am battling. Quitting cannabis, quitting smoking - even if I am vaping, the affair and all my health problems.
It's not going to be an easy road.
I really do 'mean it this time' though!
Please feel free to guide me if I have shared too much or am in the wrong place.
ETA - very nervous about posting this, maybe i should have just said hi first and asked if i could join you all? I have between 5 and 8 stone to lose.