[Mrs Mac]

Hi all,

I hope it's ok to share my car crash of a story here. If not please let me know and I will stick to discussing purely weight issues. I just feel the other stuff I am facing will affect my journey to lose weight.

I have a lot of weight to lose, at least 5 stone, and really struggle to get up and running with changing my habits. I have tried to get going a few times in recent years but never got past day 1.

I have a lot of health problems, both physical and mental. I also had an addiction to cannabis (only 1 at night to sleep) for 20 yrs. I hope I am ok to write that here. So to change I had to quit that as of course I got terrible munchies on it. Life has been pretty bad for a long time and I just settled into a self destructive pattern. Smoking, cigarettes too, 40 a day. No exercise, comfort eating, you name it. Then take into account my PCOS and Bipolar meds and I just ballooned over the years. Also life had pretty much ground me down to nothing.

On top of getting diagnosed with bipolar 2 and severe anxiety and social phobia, then losing my job cos I was unfit to work - my wonderful husband cracked and had a short affair with a co-worker. I have never seen anyone so devastated by their actions so we are working on reconciliation. We have been together nearly 20 years and I am not throwing away a previously solid marriage because of one screwed up period of time when life got too much for him. It's completely floored me though. I tried to commit suicide so things really were as bad as they could get. I can't help but be jealous and compare myself to her. Of course, she was slim..... I understand he did it cos he turned to her as a friend at a bad time and bit by bit they got closer.

I am writing so honestly because I really need support to make these changes. I have recently had some health scares and decided enough is enough. Life has to change. I need to focus on me and my health, as well as my self esteem. I have a lot to face.

I started in May gave up smoking in may and switched to vaping, I did continue with my evening smoke though. That stopped on Thursday (5days)when I started the diet. It may not seem like I have got far enough to be proud of myself but the fact is I have only ever managed day 1 of no cannabis and dieting a couple of times. I always panicked and put it off. It was a huge change to face and the resulting insomnia was a huge deterrent to change. It's horrible lying awake every night for weeks waiting for your body to learn to sleep naturally again. It also affects my mental health when I lose that much sleep. I can't have sleeping pills regularly, only a few days worth when things get really bad and in a way I am glad cos I would just be switching one addiction for another!

So I saw my gp and she was so happy I was going to address this stuff, she gave me Orlistat very enthusiastically. My sister is on it but she keeps cheating and suffering the side effects. I was determined if I was going to do it, I would do it properly!

So here I am, on day 6 and SO proud of myself for finally getting off the starters block. My previous history shows that if I can get wk1 out of the way I can smash this! I lost 3 stone once before and it only went back on, plus the same, when I got ill.

I have had NO side effects as I am rigidly sticking to less than 30g fat a day and around 1500 cals, which for someone with a bmi of 40 is about right.

I AM going to do this! I had a sneaky weigh in and have lost 3 3/4lbs so far!

I'm really needing someone to talk to during this journey as no one knows the whole story of what I am battling. Quitting cannabis, quitting smoking - even if I am vaping, the affair and all my health problems.

It's not going to be an easy road.

I really do 'mean it this time' though!

Please feel free to guide me if I have shared too much or am in the wrong place.

ETA - very nervous about posting this, maybe i should have just said hi first and asked if i could join you all? I have between 5 and 8 stone to lose.

[apo9]

You are handling a lot of problems at once and I really understand if you feel overwhelmed.However with help and determination it can all be done.
Take 1 day at a time...or even 1 meal at a time and get through that.The days will add up and good things will come.
You already have a positive spin on things and keep being positive.
Follow a diet plan that you are able to do.I have a lot of faith in whey protein shakes to help curb hunger and provide amino acids to produce good brain chemicals.Perhaps you could look into using melatonin to help you sleep.Good luck and keep posting because we will try to help you.

[luckymommy]

Welcome Mrs Mac! You're posting in the right place, so please don't worry about that part at all. I'm so glad you were brave enough to post!

I also am dieting with obstacles and although mine are different from yours (I have chronic daily migraines and a son with some difficult challenges), I also have anxiety and sleep difficulties.

What I've realized over the years, as I'm sure you have as well, is that overeating doesn't help things in the long run. It only makes us feel better very temporarily and then it just makes matters a whole lot worse.

It sounds like you're making great strides toward your goal. It is a long journey but it is SO worth it!

Keep up the great work and I look forward to more of your posts!

[Mrs Mac]

Thank you so much for your replies. Your support means a lot.

I am feeling quite good at the moment, the weight's coming off and I'm not hungry. It's the mental side that worries me, staying positive. I think the more time that passes the more confidence I will have that I can do it.

The melatonin was a great tip. Sadly my gp won't prescribe it anymore. Rules in the Uk have changed I think. It makes no sense cos I was given it once before and it was great!

Hey ho, the insomnia isn't quite as bad this time round.

It's definitely right that over eating doesn't really help anything. I can see that. I'm just scared of backsliding but at the same time pretty confident I won't. Does that make sense? lol.

I'll keep you all updated as I move along and thanks again!

[cruiter]

Will start another thread re. vaping and blood sugar levels, which might interfere with weight loss, but to the OP, vaping too close to bedtime will cause insomnia. Don't vape for at least 45 minutes before going to sleep as nicotine is a stimulant which will keep you awake!

[eate]

thanks