[BerkshireGrl]

Hello all,

I was wondering if anyone out there has felt like cutting off their therapy?

Here's my situation:

I have been in therapy for bulimia/alcohol abuse/depression since October 2005. My first therapist I felt I could be really open with, but she moved to Florida in December, transferring me to a coworker.

Drug history: I was on Prozac for 6 weeks but stopped it when I felt it wasn't helping... then I decided to go on Antabuse, and was on that for 2 weeks, and "dry" for a month off alcohol, since started drinking again in mid-March, after waiting for the 2 weeks of Antabuse to clear my system.

Anyway... after getting transferred... Her coworker is similiarly qualified (Master's in Social Work) and was once a bulimic herself. The first therapist had not had an eating disorder.

I'm not sure if having had an eating disorder makes a therapist "more qualified" but it makes me feel a bit better to know my second therapist knows the struggles it takes to overcome it.

I am coming up on my 8th hour with Therapist #2 next week. She is radically different than the first woman - more "Spock-like" - very logical, analytical, rather chilly, doesn't smile much, but she gives me what I think are good exercises to do and things to think about.

My problem is that I recently went off a drug I asked to take (Antabuse to prevent me drinking) and I have not had the courage/openness to tell her I went off it and have been off it for 5 weeks.

I actually lied and said I was still taking it during my last appt. with her... which now I'm feeling horribly guilty about 1) lying about quitting the drug and 2) drinking.

I just feel dread about seeing her again and either being 100% honest or continuing a farce.

The Antabuse worries the crap out of me: I am scared to take it because it can cause liver damage/failure even in those who are only moderate drinkers like myself. I average 1 drink a day, some days none, but other days, 3-4 drinks is no problem, which worries me a lot since I come from an alcoholic family. I justified the risk because I wanted to see what being forced to stay sober was like - now I know, I liked it, but I fell off the wagon, as the saying goes, and I feel too cowardly to take that pill again!

What really got me panicked were my liver test results - higher enzyme levels ON THE DRUG than when I was DRINKING. Urgh! And heck, the 2nd test was when I'd been off the drug for 2 weeks!

But at the same time, I am worried I am using this all as an excuse to ditch therapy and become best friends with the bottle again...

But I... argh! just don't feel friendly with her... I feel like she is judging me, is not a warm person...

Should I just suck it up, be honest, and let the chips fall where they may?

Or start over again, with my 4 months in with her, and try someone new? (Am I just being chicken?)

What's your experiences been like with the head shrinkers? Or... what do you think I should do?

HELP!

[sweet_pea]

hi there only you can decide what is right but the important things here are:
1. your safety
2. trust

as far as your safety is concerned you need to open up with someone about the situation, if not your current therapist then a new therapist, a doctor or the hospital. Because as you have already identified things aren't going well for you and it's in your best interests to have that looked at

it is essential that you trust your therapist and feel comfortable with them. in this case it may be that the therapist is challenging you and you are pulling back or there could be a genuine lack of connection between you. a good therapist will ask you if you feel comfortable with them - it's an essential part of the therapy that you trust your therapist, alkso that the therapist can turst you to be honest. listen to your intuition but my gut feel is lay everything out and if you don't feel like you trust her enough to continue tell her the therapy is over and that you will find someone you have a better rapport with. tell her everything - that you think she is judging you etc etc.

if you don't come to an understanding you are happy with then you need to seek another therapist or go back to your doc

i've been to lots of therapists that have changed for one reason or other. sometimes insurance money runs out, sometimes they decide they can't cope with me or a don't like them or we mutually agree it's not working. last time i moved to a different area. you will need support of some description however so that's why it may pay to talk to your doc or any family or friends that cna help


good luck

[sweet_pea]

p.s. i lie all the time to the doc about my meds cos i hate taking them. i'm not saying that makes it right just that i know how it is easier to lie than to deal with being "told off" or questions LOL

[Leenie]

Hi Sarah, it good to see you.

I think you should be honest with the shrink because your only hurting yourself. I know its hard, and I know its embarassing but remember, she is there to help you. Thats her job. She's not some one who should judge you but help you. I don't blame you for being afraid of the meds. Is there something else on the market you could try? Maybe she could suggest something else.

Be brave lady, go to therapy and tell the truth..... and remember she is there to help, don't be afraid of her.

I think I would rather have a doctor who knows what its like to have the problem than one who pretends to understand the problem.

Good luck sweetie

[ellis]

Sarah, I've totally lucked out with my own psychiatrist (he's a psychotherapist, an older hippy-type, and we have some hearty laughs together about behavior), but we've had therapy problems with our daughter. Her first child psychi retired, and then we got this total quack (with no kids of her own) who wanted to use all kinds of creepy behaviour therapy. We stuck it out for three sessions before dumping her.

If you're not comfortable with this therapist, I would get rid of her, but not before you've found a replacement. It's too easy to think, "I'll be fine... I can deal with this... etc." I don't think we're strong enough for that, and we're apt to slip back into bad habits.

While you're looking for a replacement, I would tell this therapist about the meds. It's embarrassing (been there, hon), but Leenie's right... she's there to help.

Can you talk to anyone about recommending a new therapist? I have a ton of friends with therapists, and a lot of name-dropping goes on when someone is looking for a new one. I know how important it is to find a good fit.
Love and hugs, sweet Sarah... keeping you in my prayers...

[BerkshireGrl]

Thanks to you all for your thoughts

After pondering my options, I decided I'm going to come clean on my Monday appointment about the Antabuse and the drinking... and see what happens.

Maybe I'll go back on Antabuse, or some other anti-alcohol drug, or I'll go to more than one AA meeting. I don't consider myself an alcoholic, I'm not "alcohol dependent" - that is, I don't go into withdrawal if I don't drink - but I can't seem to quit it. I just keep coming back to buying it and drinking it by myself, even when I can't really afford it, financially, physically or mentally.

In retrospect, yes, I'm scared and embarassed, but the suggestion of me backing away because I feel challenged sounds right on. While she is not a warm and fuzzy therapist, she certainly has the ability to see to the root of a problem. It's... unnerving

Update to come...

Thanks again for your replies!

[Leenie]

Yeah Sarah !!!!

[ellis]

Good luck, sweet Sarah... I'll be thinking about you tomorrow while I'm seeing MY psychi.

[liz321]

Best wishes Sarah!

L