I'm single. Yup. Have been for 19.75 years. And I'm only 20 years old. And even that brief fling didn't count because we never labeled ourselves 'together'.

About two weeks ago, i was asked out at work by some guy that I don't know..but he works one level above me, and we've only seen eachother for literally 30 seconds.

The situation:
He was walking out of the elevator. I was sitting at the desk next to the elevator. I said something about weather . He gave me his contact to add on my chat list.

So what's a girl to do? Add, right? Politeness, I suppose.

And now it's killing me...he's emailing me long letters, asking me to party, drink etc and i can't because:
-I'm insecure about the way I look
-I can't drink because I'm on Wellbutrin
-I've never been to a 'party' ... ie. club, pub, loud music and strippers
But I can't tell him these things.

I just don't know what to do.

My first priority now is getting healthy again...not dating...but I'm one of those people who's never said 'no' to anyone.

Sorry to rant.

Any help here from you lovely ladies?

well i think you just solved your own problem!! you are being very smart. you have to put yourself first so... just say no thanks, or not my thing! you can also block him on your email and ignore him at work. you don't need to justify your decision, say no and leave it at that

as far as buddies are concerned i suggest you join in the chats here. there are daily chats plus a monthly chat for april where you will have online buddies where you can share what you are up to and chat about their lives - people just like you who are dealing with mood and depression and getting on top of things and supporting each other.

how are you for real life friends?

I agree with Sweet Pea. If you let him bully you into going out with him, he will take it to mean he can bully you into whatever he wants. NO! You are your own person, and if you don't want to party with him, just say no. No explanation needed. That is your right.

Saying no the first time might be hard, but it's so important. You said you have never said no to anyone. Trust me, that is no way to live. I am 34, got married at 19, and am still with him because I let myself be a doormat. Now I am finally growing a spine, but it's so much harder once it's a lifestyle!

So girl, you decide what YOU want. And then you stick to your guns. We are all here for you!!

If you are interested at all.......try chatting in person instead of the chat room thing.........you never know you might like him......I wouldn't go drinking or clubbing or to strippers on a first date.......maybe a walk in a park where there are lots of people, or for coffee........positive relationships are also good therapy........everyone needs support.......it might last one hour,or one date or one week, but each relationship brings good and bad......and it gets easier every time.

If you aren't interested......of course you shouldn't do anything with him.......just send him a note or tell him in person not a good time for a relationship......a smile, or a friendly how are you if you see him on the elevator is good therapy too!

Have a great day........and let us know how you are doing!

L

Yep I agree with Liz. And even if you go out, you do not need to drink, you can order diet soda or something like that.

*sigh...and I was hoping for an easy solution

Marciet-I am a doormat...always have been. And you're SO right...it's SO hard to say no. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Unless I can be sure that guys like him don't have feelings, hehe.

Liz-I would love a walk in the park...but I dunno if people who party literally all the time are into conversations. I don't have any experience in the 'people' field...although I'm considering sending an email saying i'm not interested. I considered quitting my job to avoid awkwardness>i'm a huge loser, aren't I?

Sweet-pea- I didn't know there were chats is there a designated time when everyone's on?

Leenie-diet soda!!! hehe I like that ^.^

I think the main point is: do you find him interresting/nice/good looking ? Just go and talk to him IRL! I know it's hard, especially if you feel insecure, but you just have to see that as experience time. You might learn some stuff! (and I mean conversation skill, nothing else, lol !)

And I don't think he's going to take you to a stripper club, especially for a first date !

Ohh I'm so embarassed. I don't remember what he looks like. Not even vaguely. *sigh*
I guess I don't find him interesting...but then again I rarely find anybody interesting.
TRL...hmm...it could be possible if we bump into eachother again.

I know what you mean about not being able to drink. I hate alcohol, but this summer I'll be going to Germany. I'm actually happy because it gives me a good excuse not to. If you think you want to go out with this guy sometime, just tell him that you don't drink for health reasons. If he asks why, say it's personal. He doesn't need to know any more than that.

Good luck

You do NOT want to go through life being a doormat. Try to make some small changes now, and work up to bigger ones. Simple things like doing what you want to do, not what someone else expects of you. Believe me, after being married for 15 years, they sort of come to expect it! It's not a fun way to live, and can be **** on your self esteem. I'm only speaking from experience, and I really don't want you to have to go through the same things I have. Keep your chin up. You are definately worth it!

Thanks for the kick, Marciet. You're right. I'll start with small changes. Yesterday night I was pretty assertive with an annoying customer.

WHy does it seem like the depressed are treated like doormats....

It could be a "vibe" that you send to people that make them think to treat you like a doormat. Like they can get away with anything with you because you are "so nice". I used to be this way and after getting used by so many people, I decided that my health and my life has to come first. I know that may sound selfish to you, but it is your life and you have the power to choose who you want in it or not. You have to find that balance between being nice but also being able to stress to people what you will put up with and who you will allow in your life. You can seriously cause harm to yourself by allowing those that are not good for you into your life just because you don't want to say no! He may be a good guy, but if your inner instincts are telling you to say no to him, then just kindly tell him that your not dating right now. YOu don't OWE him anything! YOu don't even know him! It's good to open ourselves up to new things, but only if your comfortable with it. Just be careful. Consider this a test for yourself. IF you don't want to go out with him, just say no. YOu may feel a little bad about it at first but eventually you will be glad you did it and it will get easier with time. You are so young and you are going to be faced with these situations for the rest of your life. It is better you learn how to say no now, rather than end up in a dangerous situation later because you didn't say no. I'm telling you, people can tell when your not confident and some will take advantage of you because they know they can get away with it. Just be careful and learn how to say no, for your own future and possibly safety.

I absolutely agree with cruisin!

Cruisin, you're so right. I think I just give off 'unconfident vibes'.

But you'll all be proud of me, see...

because I told him that I have too much going on in my life at the moment,
and I thanked him for inviting me,
said he could leave me in his book if he likes,
and I'll let him know when I'm ready.

I'm SOOOO prouddddd of MYSELF !!! Thanks for making me realize this early, ladies...

Doormat I shall not be!!!

Ciao!

Way to go, Peanut!!! I am so proud of you. Doesn't it feel great?