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Horrible situation. Ive been in the same situation but not in the workplace. I dated a guy that was 16 years older than me, we kept it a secret for a year then came out and told everyone. Everything changed! He split with me as he couldnt handle the difference in age (ie everyone judging him cause he was the older) and i was gutted. We hardly spoke and i thought my life was over... he then got back in contact and used me as a booty call until i actually realised that he was indeed using me and wasnt interested in being with me.
He met a girl a year older than me and married her. She left him and screwed him for thousands of pounds. I thought karma lol! But now hes happily married with a woman his age and i wish them all the best. Im settled now with my other half who's my age and i couldn't imagine being with anyone else....
My point is.. although it seems hard just now... it does get better AND there's plenty more fish in the sea.... Now when i look at him i couldnt even imagine being with him, he looks alot older hes now 43 and im 27.
Chin up hun
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mickeypnd
Sorry if this might be a bit long..
So there was this guy and we met at work. He was my boss. We started out as friends but when I was promoted we grew closer and it slowly led to us being more then friends. We became close (talking every day, hanging out and such) and intimate but never made anything official. (I think it was the age thing I was 24 and he was 39) well we stared working together again at the same office but we were still intimate even though it was against company policy.
Well someone it reached corp. that we were together and a lot of drama happened. The vice president pulled him into his office and told him if he even heard a word that we were so much as talking they would fire him.
I ended up quitting but didn't want to end our relationship. I tried to still talk to him but he ignored me and finally blocked my number for 90 days... its now been about seven months and I find that I still think about him daily...
Please help. I miss him so much but he refuses to talk to me..the last time I heard from a mutual friend he asked her about me a few times but me and her had a falling out so I no longer talk to anyone at that corp. anymore..
its effecting my mood and weight and I'm the heaviest I've been in a long time.. I just don't know what to do..
Why would you give a concern to someone whom from the very start never consider your feelings. If he loves you he would find a way to talk to you and explain everything, now that he finally avoid you just don't give a glance and move forward. Get a life and forget him so better to start anew.
I know most people will tell you, what are you thinking, why do you care anymore, stop thinking about him etc... But that is easier said than done. Love or the perception that you are in love will make a person do many things that are beyond rationality. That is something that needs to be kept in mind too. Especially those who do not have that overwhelming sense of self-assurance, self-esteem, self-worth or self-empowerment.
I've suffered a major heartbreak this year... After a decade & a half long relationship... my life imploded... The thing that helped me the most was not hearing all the uplifting, empowering voices of those who loved me & cared about me. Those telling me to move on that my life was better or would get better now without him. But a lady on another website told me to read a book... I'm not trying to promote anything or anyone but the book I found was actually a free pdf download of it online, so I'm definitely not trying to promote anyone... but it was one called Why Men Love B****** written by a woman... I read it & it began to change how I thought. I plan on buying it someday when I get my life out of the mess it is in these days, jobless, homeless & without assets because I trusted the life I was building was secure...
I just hope reading a book like this will teach you like it did me to value yourself, to embolden you femininity, to take care of yourself, so if you ever hope to have a relationship with him or anyone else ever again you will grow into the true person you are meant to be. It will give you new insights into what your relationship really was rather than what you "hope it would be". Anyways stay strong lady... each day find what you have to be grateful for even if you start out thinking you have nothing... there is always something. You are free to breath air, you can make your own choices, you can plan for a better future. <3
Best way to get over a break-up - with break-up music! Start with this song http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byEGjLU2egA "everything about you" by Ugly Kid Joe. I did a lot of angry exercising and dancing with my break-up.
i had an experience where i had been 'the happiest girl in the whole usa' and then basically instantly it was gone. like that without even a conversation. to this day. there is no getting over it.
This was me, four years ago... he disappeared out of my life, no explanation, no goodbyes... I was so happy, then all of a sudden it was gone. I can't even begin to explain how hard that hit me.
For me, there really is no getting over it, only learning to do without. It does get easier, though. Hang in there.
I was dating someone for two months and things were going fine. We went out this past Sunday and had a lovely day together and now nothing. Radio silence. I texted yesterday to say hello and ask how he was and got no response. My feelings are hurt of course but at the end of the day, if someone doesn't respect me enough to tell me they're no longer interested, I don't see how I can be bothered to get that upset. I can't fall in love with someone who clearly doesn't care about me.
Relationships can be hard work. At the very least, the other person has to want to be there. If they don't want to be there, you are much better off.
Last edited by ChickieBoom; 05-15-2013 at 04:39 PM.
This thing - heartbreak - is something that stalls my weight loss too. I fell for a guy I shouldn't have. He wanted a relationship. I turned him down. He had a new girlfriend quickly - like within a month. Some days i regret not taking the chance, some days I don't - but it's been almost two years and he's never gone away entirely. He always keeps popping up - I'm guessing for sex, but I haven't done anything with him for 9 months. I completely ignored him almost daily for 6 months and he never stops. Some days I think he likes me and some days I think he just needs "to win". I never think he's crazy. (Does that make me crazy?)
It confuses me and common sense tells me that I am reading more into this than what it really is. But I've never stopped liking him and that's the problem. Sometimes it really brings me down. I did not get into a relationship with him because I know he is a cheater. ****, that's what he is doing right now - trying to get me to help him cheat on his girlfriend.
It's toxic. It's bad for me. He is not a good man, But I just can't seem to move on entirely.
Have you ever had those instances in life where you know the fire is hot. It's gonna burn you, but you just have to touch it to find out for yourself? That's what this feels like - I just need to do it. Get it out of my system.
People told me almost two years ago that everything would be better with time. Two years and I still think about him daily. Are people full of **** or is it a sign that I do need to explore this further?
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know how painful that is. But you have to face the fact that he just does not want you. If he did he would do everything in his power to be with you. You would come first, not his career. Guys (in my experience) are not that complicated, they want you they go after you. You deserve someone who wants you more than anything. Focus on that. It will help you see that this is his loss.
I really think you should just cut it off with this guy. Sometimes I think people get trapped by this "what if" cycle... If this guy is with someone else I do not think you should intrude. I think for certain he is one of those types that likes to keep his options open and to have a piece on the side (or multiple pieces). My best friend knows a guy like that... But if you do follow up with those feelings I think you will most certainly get hurt when he doesn't leave her for you. If he is single at this time but you know he is a cheater than I am not sure why you would want to be with someone like that. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior! You said so yourself that he is not a good man, he is bad for you, he is toxic- so why would you want to be with him? I think you need to occupy your life with other things (volunteer, join clubs, do new things, hobbies, etc.) and do not allow you to torture yourself by thinking of him daily and glamorizing what could have been... Ultimately you deserve better, in your heart and mind you know this, please do not settle.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I know how painful that is. But you have to face the fact that he just does not want you. If he did he would do everything in his power to be with you. You would come first, not his career. Guys (in my experience) are not that complicated, they want you they go after you. You deserve someone who wants you more than anything. Focus on that. It will help you see that this is his loss.
Dear Mickeypnd,
I'm so sorry that you're suffering all of this heartbreak. All who have replied to your posting have been there and done that, and we know your pain and are wanting you to not only survive this heartbreak but to thrive and to live better than you've ever lived before. I've just recently suffered a break-up after a 4-year relationship had run its course. What I've discovered through all of this is that my focus was always in the wrong place, and that I was not ready for a relationship during the entire time he and I were together. I quoted Joil's posting above because her analysis of guys is correct. They are simple, and we as women have a tendency to overanalyze them. When a man truly wants you, he'll move heaven and earth to get you and to keep you. Nothing outside of divine intervention can stop him. Men don't love often; but when they do love, they love hard. You deserve someone who wants you with his whole heart. Stop asking the question, "Why doesn't he want me?" If you get caught up into the "why's" of him, you'll never be able to focus on the person who really matters here-- You. The question you should be asking yourself is, "Why do I want a man who doesn't want me?." After you've been honest with yourself about this, you can then concentrate on developing your own life with emphasis on building your self-esteem, your self-worth, and your own interests. Most importantly, don't let LONELINESS and a desire for companionship and validation drive you to make poor choices that work against you instead of for you. I know it's difficult, but eat that last piece of comfort food, and then quit and tell yourself that you're coming out of this to claim your victory. The past is the past. Let it go and move on with building an awesome life for yourself. Right now you're grieving; go through the stages of grief, and don't get stuck there. Life awaits you; gird your loins and go out and get it. We are all on your side.
PS. Someone on another thread asked, "How do you love yourself?" That's a very good question. I think that loving yourself is sometimes mistaken for selfishness. I've concluded that self-love is the act of being one's own best friend, one's own best advocate, and one's own best loving parent. I definitely believe you are worth that kind of love.
God Bless You.
If he blocked your number then it means he doesn't care about you anymore. Stop holding on to a false hope. I know you are still waiting for him to call you. I know you're hurting, but he won't be coming back. You should move on, make yourself prettier and find new friends. Do some activities that interests you so you won't have time to think about him.
People told me almost two years ago that everything would be better with time. Two years and I still think about him daily. Are people full of **** or is it a sign that I do need to explore this further?
Help!
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I'm with you, girl. Unrequited love sucks!
I've been in love with someone for the past 3 years. I see him nearly every day. But he's married, and as my therapist so rightly points out, unavailable. Not only because of his marital status, but because he's emotionally unavailable and uninterested in me. Period.
These facts, though, do nothing to change how I feel. I think of him, and imagine what if almost every night. I doubt it will always be this intense. But until I meet someone else, I think I'm stuck with it.
I've accepted that I'll probably always have a soft spot for him, but it just can't be more that that. Of course, he's not trying to hook up with me, either, so you're definitely in the more difficult situation.
All I can say is that if you're not getting all of him, heart, mind, body, and soul, you'll always have that same longing, even if you're in a relationship with him. He doesn't sound like he has those things to give to you.
There's no need to explore this further. In your heart, you know where it leads. Wait for someone worthy of you.
He split with me as he couldnt handle the difference in age (ie everyone judging him cause he was the older) and i was gutted. We hardly spoke and i thought my life was over... he then got back in contact and used me as a booty call until i actually realised that he was indeed using me and wasnt interested in being with me.
