Disconnecting my emotions with food...

Jessyjay · 01-31-2012, 08:25 PM

I've recently realized that i have an unhealthy relationship with food where it had become the one thing i really looked forward to everyday. Now that i've found the route of the problem and i'm slowly disconnecting my emotions from eating, i find that there is nothing very enjoyable about my day anymore and i feel more so depressed. I've been single all my life so i've pretty much excepted the fact that i'm going to be the old lady with 20 cats. I just don't know how to get out of my funk that i'm in. Food was my emotional fix and now i don't have that anymore.

Vex · 01-31-2012, 09:50 PM

Disconnecting yourself from food and realizing is a great accomplishment! Some people are never able to do that. You've got the hard part down.

What sort of things do you do during the day? I'm assuming you like cats, although 20 might be just a bit too many. (although it might be fun to try being the crazy cat lady)

Sometimes, when I get a bit down, I just come to this board and poke around. The goal progress pictures really seem to pick me up. Maybe you too?

screamingfatgirl · 01-31-2012, 10:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jessyjay

I've recently realized that i have an unhealthy relationship with food where it had become the one thing i really looked forward to everyday. Now that i've found the route of the problem and i'm slowly disconnecting my emotions from eating, i find that there is nothing very enjoyable about my day anymore and i feel more so depressed.

This is exactly how I felt at first as well. I think that part of what some of us have to do is know that we are losing something which cannot be exactly replaced by other things. For some people (me included), nothing "tastes" as good as food does and it is a pleasure that cannot be substituted for. None of the platitudes about food not tasting as good as thin feels work on any level for me. I've lost over 200 lbs. and none of the doors that have opened during my changes in my relationship with food have had anything behind them that was as comforting or pleasurable as food was.

I have disconnected a lot, and continue to disconnect a little more each day, and feel the loss every time I move a little further away. Like you, it's depressing to strip away a source of pleasure, especially when life can often feel devoid of similarly pleasurable experiences in such easy reach.

That is not to say it's a good idea to "go back" or "hang on", but rather that it's absolutely reasonable to mourn and recognize the loss of what food does/did for you. If you suppress it or pretend there's something wrong with feeling that way, you can't face it and get past it.

I would say expect nothing to fill the void in the same way. Eventually though, it does get better. Instead of that one tremendous "high" from food, eventually a lot of more moderate highs will fill your life. It takes time (years for me), but it will get better as you work through it little by little. Be patient and forgiving toward yourself and slowly the balance of your life will shift and you will find a newer level of peaceful happiness.

Jessyjay · 01-31-2012, 10:06 PM

I'm actually allergic to cats lol i'd probably have dogs instead. Right now i'm in my last semester of college, i'm not a fan of school but i want to get my degree. I started going to the gym and doing zumba twice a week which i really like. With the new diet it's helping with my weightloss. I think my biggest issue is i feel like there is a void in my life. I'm not sure if its from being single forever or what lol

nicolebug · 02-05-2012, 03:14 PM

i am glad u realized that!!!!

aliasihaya · 02-05-2012, 04:15 PM

Yeah, I totally understand what you're going through and I'm a lot older. So I'm closer to crazy cat lady than you are (dogs for me too actually). Giving up the food high for me has been the hardest. There are a lot of good/healthy things for me to eat, so it's not like I hate the better foods. But there's no fulfillment like there is with the unhealthy stuff. Sugar, salt, and fat are just that wonderfully processed drug that makes us all addicts. And just like addicts we're going through withdrawal and need to find something else that we can live with. It may not always give us that high, but some way to find some fulfillment. But someone said this to me one time, the difference between us and drug/alcohol addicts is that you don't have to do drugs or alcohol. But we need food to eat. So really we do need to disassociate ourselves from the emotional responses of eating while still eating. It's a tricky change to make. But the good thing is that you realize it now. However, I'm still struggling with the change as well so I don't have much good advice for you. But try to find something to fill the void. And you're eating better and working out. All great things. Plus you're young. You have awhile before you should consider yourself close to crazy cat/dog lady.

swissy · 02-07-2012, 09:27 PM

I have done the same since Christmas, the hardest part was the next time I feel really stressed or low there was a weird panic because I wasn't going to go out to the shops to binge I had to find something else and let it pass.

I noticed I've been crying a lot more I guess the food suppressed that quite well, its like I can feel my emotions now im not dumping them into food.

surfergirl2 · 02-13-2012, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by screamingfatgirl

This is exactly how I felt at first as well. I think that part of what some of us have to do is know that we are losing something which cannot be exactly replaced by other things. For some people (me included), nothing "tastes" as good as food does and it is a pleasure that cannot be substituted for. None of the platitudes about food not tasting as good as thin feels work on any level for me. I've lost over 200 lbs. and none of the doors that have opened during my changes in my relationship with food have had anything behind them that was as comforting or pleasurable as food was.

I have disconnected a lot, and continue to disconnect a little more each day, and feel the loss every time I move a little further away. Like you, it's depressing to strip away a source of pleasure, especially when life can often feel devoid of similarly pleasurable experiences in such easy reach.

That is not to say it's a good idea to "go back" or "hang on", but rather that it's absolutely reasonable to mourn and recognize the loss of what food does/did for you. If you suppress it or pretend there's something wrong with feeling that way, you can't face it and get past it.

I would say expect nothing to fill the void in the same way. Eventually though, it does get better. Instead of that one tremendous "high" from food, eventually a lot of more moderate highs will fill your life. It takes time (years for me), but it will get better as you work through it little by little. Be patient and forgiving toward yourself and slowly the balance of your life will shift and you will find a newer level of peaceful happiness.

I feel the same way! Sometimes i just don't understand how food can taste so good, and how to get past that. But i have tried to focus on the fact that the food DOES taste amazing for the first bite...but it no longer tastes that good once you're binging. (Binging is a big problem for me). Last night i was binging and the whole time i was thinking, "this doesn't even taste that good." So i think realizing that was a good first step.

Learning 2 Live · 02-13-2012, 07:42 PM

JessyJay,

If you are still in college then you are too young to believe that you will be single forever. Although, to be perfectly honest, I was in the same boat as you when I was in school. I had been single all my life. I didn't have a boyfriend until the age of 24. Yes... that's what I said. I literally had friends calling me up singing about how I was going to be a cat lady spinster. Let's see what were some of the lyrics, "Should I be a bitter hag.... surrounded by a million cats... " Yes, thank you friends, you're wonderful. Anyway, it's been 5 years since I met my bf and we are still together. And let me tell you: A boyfriend will not solve any of your problems. In fact they might actually create problems.

Anyway, what I want to tell you is this. Our attachment to food is "in response to" the life we lead. If your bored and depressed and food is exciting and yummy, then you're going to lean on the food for that "pick me up." The goal is not to focus on the food, but rather to find out what you can fix about your own life to make it the kind of life you want.

Today I was talking to a friend about something that made me upset. At that moment I realized that I wanted something to eat (specifically something sweet). And I didn't eat it because I realized that this was a habit I had developed to combat bad feelings. And eating half a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread with 3/4 of a jar of pumpkin butter (which was what I was thinking of demolishing) wasn't going to make me feel better. What it would do is "distract" me from feeling bad. This creates two problems. The first problem is that you never actually deal with what is upsetting you because you are avoiding it. The second problem is that you end up with an excess of calories that will eventually make you feel bad about yourself (since you won't lose weight) which will make you feel bad and then trigger your problem avoidance mechanism (eating junk food). It's vicious cycle. Anyway, what I learned was "Never eat when you feel anything negative." If you are sad, scared, anxious, or angry, don't eat. Deal with your emotions head on. It will make you stronger and will ultimately help you get to a healthy weight.

freelancemomma · 02-25-2012, 06:22 AM

<,I think that part of what some of us have to do is know that we are losing something which cannot be exactly replaced by other things. For some people (me included), nothing "tastes" as good as food does and it is a pleasure that cannot be substituted for.>>

I love your whole post, SFG -- so honest, accurate and refreshing. My skepticism radar always gets activated when someone claims that giving up overeating left no void in her life. My way is the same as your way: face the loss head-on and accept my current reality as a tradeoff.

Freelance

Huzzahforska · 02-25-2012, 06:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Learning 2 Live

Anyway, what I learned was "Never eat when you feel anything negative." If you are sad, scared, anxious, or angry, don't eat. Deal with your emotions head on. It will make you stronger and will ultimately help you get to a healthy weight.

This is wonderful advice... I need to stop eating when I feel negatively.

I've really noticed since I've been trying to disconnect my emotions from food that I don't feel like I have anything worth doing anymore. I know that I can sew something, or make something for someone, or I can read, or anything else I feel like doing... but all I feel like doing is eating, and nothing really makes me feel as good as delicious food does. I suppose it's just time to explore other options.