Finishing Day 1. Having another semi-anxiety attack because I haven't eaten since dinner. I'm not hungry, just ANXIOUS. I don't why this happens! Why do I need food to relax?
I have been fighting with my body for 2 decades, but I should have been fighting my mind as thats what causes my issues. Now I am challenging the mind, the body is coming good of its own!
I had a set back..okay... few of them. A binge, not eating healthy or exercising. But today I'm starting again. staying away from the scale for a week or two so I can focus on eating healthy, exercise and not binge. I focus on that the scale will follow.
I'm fighting the "snackies," which means it's not quite the feeling to binge, but I can definitely see it coming if i don't get a grip. So for breakfast I'm "splurging." Chai Oatmeal with 1/2 serving of almonds crushed in and 3 egg whites with a small amount of low-fat cheese on top. It's indulgent enough without going off plan too far (the almonds were going to be 1/2 my snack later) and I think it'll kill that feeling to snack. I woke up VERY hungry, so I'm looking forward to breakfast. First I have to drop my son off at school!
somehow i managed to control myself last night... i did have 200 extra calories but not a binge... i enjoyed every bite... it was sooo hard not to binge... i kept saying "my bf will call at 9 so i have until then to stuff my face" but instead i put my laptop on my lap and my remote in my hand and didnt move until the phone rang...then when we finished and were about to say goodnight, he said "you sound distracted" (his is SOOO observant) and i said "yes, i am trying to decide if i am having some toast before bed (aka a binge!!! not just a piece of toast, i could literally taste 4 or 5 pieces of bread and cereal and and and) but somehow, saying "but i am not hungry so i should just go to bed" made me accountable and realise what i was planning...
today is hump day and day 8 .... focusing on healthy eating and know the scale will respond when my stress is down and my eating plan maintained... i just need to be patient (ya... cause i am soooo good at that! not!)
I guess I will call today DAY ONE - Yesterday I had a mini-binge of 2 bowls of yogurt w/ cereal and then a bowl of icecream with chocolate chips - Hopefully recording here isn't triggering anyone - So this AM instead of going straight to breakfast I read my bible, wrote in my journal and prayed before eating - just ate a bowl of cereal and have no desire to eat another one - So the obvious habit I need to break is food first - get my quiet time in first and THEN I can eat my breakfast in a calm state.
Been so depressed but I'm praying for recovery - today will be the first time I've exercised since last Thurs and that's a hard thing for me to admit - Usually I'm 5-6 days a week but just have to take it for today and be grateful that I'm going to the gym TODAY. It's about living TODAY in the present not about yesterday or tomorrow or WHEN the weight finally comes off. I haven't been living and I'm tired of it. Funny how I just ate and this post is bringing up feelings of "hunger." I was just thinking about wanting to be happy - the happier me - the lighter me doesn't equate to the happier me but the "in control" "on plan" me DOES mean a happier me. I believe that I'm ultimately not in control, God is in control and food is a pre-occupation in my life that keeps me from living in God and just living my life in general - Our charge is to be healthy and take care of our bodies - That's it - Our job is not to have flat abs and look good in a bikini.
That's my morning rant - Weird how my brain is equating all these feelings I'm having right now to hunger -
Kim: Way to go last night!!!! Way to stay strong, girl! Sounds like bf really had his "listening ears" on last night! Great job resisting and getting some (much needed, I'm sure!) sleep. And a BIG congrats on making it past a week for the first time in a while. YOU did it!!! YOU did.
Sarah: That was an excellent post. Trust in God and he will lead you down the right path. I've learned that path is usually the more difficult one and definitely NOT the "easy road" but the rewards and the feelings of accomplishment that you get from it seem to last much longer than any of the "quick fixes" would. You're off to a great start today! Keep that momentum going!
Make it great today, people! We're all in this TOGETHER!!!!
Got home, made my oatmeal, and decided to go ahead and eat the almonds instead of crushing them. I ate 20, which is 4 less than a serving. Good thing I measured them out and had them in a bowl, or I would've just been eating them out of the bag!! Anyway, I had 3 egg whites with ketchup instead of cheese, the oatmeal with cranberries and the almonds. Total was approximately 470 calories. Just slightly more than what I had intended, but since I ate my snack, it should all work out in the end if I remain on plan (minus the snack).
I've been away for a while... last Nov/Dec, I was posting the "day 1 day 2, day 1, day 2" shuffle, really struggling. Then I realized something pretty frightening -- that I didn't want to give up bingeing. I'd see some of you with such high numbers and secretly think to myself, "I don't want to stop for that long." I was really in a downward spiral.
Well, now I'm feeling much better. And I do want to stop bingeing. I think that's important -- that I know in my head that I want to recover, where before I was giving it lip service but still clinging to the comfort of bingeing.
After three months of really frequent bingeing, I've got 5 days under my belt and I'm feeling really good.
Hola amigas -- on day 9 today (I think.) Had the bingeing urge all day yesterday but I didn't succumb...had little pieces of dark chocolate a few times which helped quell that "I can't eat anything good" feeling. After dinner, though, I did have an entire mini Whitman's Valentine's Day Chocolate box with three pieces in it -- total of 210. I bought it for my BFF but didn't have the chance to give it to her so I celebrated early with myself
The good news is twofold: I stopped at that and didn't run out to the store to get more junk like I would have in the past (I really wanted to login here today and let you lovely ladies know I stayed OP); AND, I managed to consume under 1,500 calories for the day.
But here's the bady news...the scale was back up to 125 this morning. Yesterday I was 124 Oh, how I long to get back to my upper-limit of 122 which is where I was before my last binge. I just don't get it. I have worked out 7 out of the past 9 days, have been SUPER healthy with my meals and snacks, even shaking it up to include more protein. So what the heck gives?! I really don't understand my body sometimes; it's as if she's thumbing her nose at me. Interesting thing is, I don't FEEL 125 -- for those of us who are hyperaware, you know how you can just take a look at yourself and think, ah, today I'm 120, or 124 or whatever? It doesn't feel horrible, but I'm just frustrated. I am doing things differently though this time around..."letting" myself eat the naughty stuff and get back to my maintenance weight instead of racing to crash down to my goal weight, which in the past gave me the green light to binge again. I'm determined to break the "goal weight achieved--pat on back--OK to binge" mentality. Argh.
Whew. I just barely made it through lunch. The leftover pork chops I had planned to have were scarfed off of the counter by my yellow lab. I started poking around for something else to have, and made my daughter a turkey and cheese sandwich. It sounded good so I made myself one using half a slice of bread, but the full amount of everything else. Then I decided to get the sliders down (small cheeseburgers)- both of them- and have both. I hadn't even taken a bite of my turkey yet. I stopped myself, slowly ate the turkey and cheese, and then put the 230 calories per burger sliders back in the freezer. The turkey sandwich was only 175 calories.
Today is going to be rough. That snackiness I felt earlier IS starting to turn into a binge-wannabe. >.<
Leblebi, it always takes me a few days to lose the water weight from binging. Think about it this way: You gained 3lbs after your binge. You would've had to have eaten 10,500 calories OVER your maintenance level, so let's say 12,300 calories. If you didn't eat 12,300 calories during your binge, the weight you are carrying is mostly waste from the food and water weight. It's not fat-weight. Watch how much sodium you're consuming, and drink lots of water.
Last edited by Pint Sized Terror; 02-09-2011 at 12:27 PM.
Pint Sized Terror (love your nickname, BTW!) thanks for your input. I purposefully didn't weigh myself after the binge so am not sure what the actual weight "gain" was...I waited for a few days of clean eating before I got back on the scale so prevent a nervous breakdown But, I did think about it rationally like you said, and really do no think I consumed anywhere near 12,000 calories to have actually added 3 lbs. And you're spot on: it does usually take time to get rid of the water/sodium but somehow I feel this is taking longer. One thing your post reminded me of is that I did have 6 or 7 little sweet pickles last night, which may be the culrpit...I usually don't have things that are so salty so that may be it. Thanks again.
But today I'm starting again.
staying away from the scale for a week or two so I can focus on eating healthy, exercise and not binge. I focus on that the scale will follow.
And a BIG congrats on making it past a week for the first time in a while. YOU did it!!! YOU did. 
