I have been rolling with the failure to believe and mostly I come up with, I don't need to eat my emotions, I can confront my emotions. This has led to some days where they lie close to the surface. I spent one morning sitting in my office crying. I am as always and imperfectly failing to believe in ED, he has no place in my life and never did.
I do want to share something that did cut my portions back yesterday and first I want to say I am not judging, because when I see obese people I see emotional pain being worn on the outside.
Here I am shopping and its past lunch time and I am over hungry. Along comes this woman 50ish, approx 5'-5'2, somewhere around the 400 lb mark, huffing and puffing, with a walker. She sits down at a table and can't scoot her chair up, in fact her belly is pushing it further away. At this point I can see her skirt is not zipped. With much frustration and more puffing she pulls the table towards her. She makes me want to cry. I hear ED screaming inside me in disgust! Eat your food and you will be just like her! GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT NOW!
I breathe. I said fear is not a good reason to purge, besides I don't do that I confront my fears and emotions
Am I full? In another 3 bites I was.
I wanted to talk to her, to comfort her, to tell her there is hope and she didn't have to hide behind her body. I had no words. I bought shoes.
Today I will include her in my prayers, she has no idea how much alike so many of us are.
