Hello all, I was a little bigger than I currently am now when I got married in 2003. Then I lost my grandma, ex- MIL, little brother, sold a house, bought a house and had an 11 lb 5 oz baby all in a year. I gained a ton of weight, I was 245 when I went in to have my baby boy. I was at 220 for 3 years. I would get to 199 and then go right back up. I finally got everything under control and I am now 150, have been since 2007. I am 5'7 and in the best shape of my life, I have arms like Madonna and my lower body is firming up slowly but surely. So what is the problem? I have no boobs, I am barely an "A" cup now. I never had big boobs, even at my heaviest I was barely a "C." The problem is my husband likes chunky and big boobs, he always has and it never really phased me before. Now I really sense he is not attracted to me anymore. I am so proud of the firmness and when I point it out, he feels it ( for example, my waist) but then says, "I like a little muffin top." Today I told him I was number 8 out of 45 in sprints (boot camp class) and he said "Why were there so few people there?" I am not about to go back to having muffin top but considering fake boobs. I was close to getting them when I was younger (long before hubby was in picture) but I got pregnant and shelved that idea. I am starting to wonder if this is the beginning of the end for us. I really am hurt by his obsession with boobs and chunk. I did some searches but it seems like most couples have the opposite problem, the man is turned off by the fat. He is not going to change and I am obviously not going to either (physically.) He is in good shape. He lost 70 lbs 5 years ago. He has a bad back so he can't do a lot of physical things. Anyone else out there work through this type of issue? I am tired of crying over this.
Last edited by LYNNEGAL22; 07-28-2010 at 10:50 AM.
Oh I'm so sorry but honestly it isn't unusual for couples to have issues after one of the people in the relationship loses weight. A lot of it has to do with insecurity of the other.
Have you noticed the high fashion models don't have boobs and they get paid big money. I think your husband is being shallow . Wouldn't we all want a perfect figure. Even at goal my figure is not what I would prefer but it is so much better than when I was over 200 pounds. Your health is most important . You have done a great job, on your loss. If you decide to get a boob job get one that is appropriate to your height and weight. Don't come out looking like a stripper ! Good luck.
Thanks ladies, yes I am thinking counseling might be in order. I don't know that the fake boobs would work for me and actually hubs likes the natural big ones, so it might be an epic fail.
I don’t think it’s shallow of anyone to have a certain preference of body type in a mate. We’re all attracted to different things and that’s ok.
My boyfriend is the same way…he prefers bigger, curvier, thicker women. I don’t think I’ll ever be a beanpole, I’m just not built that way, but I am definitely getting slimmer and he doesn’t seem crazy about it. He told me I was on the verge of being too thin and losing all the “good stuff” and I can kind of see what he means. I don’t hold it against him.
The difference is that he doesn’t make me feel bad for losing weight and I am absolutely certain of his attraction to me. I think he realizes how important this is to me and how much of a shock it would be to me to have worked so hard to lose all this weight and then have him tell me he doesn’t like it. He’s a pretty sensitive guy. Also, his attraction to me is not solely based on my body…he likes a lot of things about me. Do you feel like your husband appreciates other things about you?
Even if your husband would prefer you heavier, he should be able to put that aside and enjoy the new you and celebrate your success. He should be able to see how important this is to you…it concerns me that he seems very disinterested in your accomplishments…and maybe almost resentful?
Good luck.
Last edited by ThicknPretty; 07-28-2010 at 11:13 AM.
Great points ThicknPretty. The funny thing is, I am attracted to tall, dark, fit with a hairy chest and he is 5'10, pasty, not muscular and no hair on his chest. We have always joked that it must be love. Perhaps I should start going on and on about those types of guys and see how it make him feel. But I would never do that because I know it would kill the confidence he has built in himself since I have been with him.
I am sorry you are going through this. No one can help what they are attracted to, but I think when it comes to marriage, there needs to be a lot more than just physical attraction. I mean... we're all gonna get old and wrinkly. Parts will fall down. Hair will fall out.
I think counseling is a good idea. Maybe there are other things going on there that you guys aren't talking about (like maybe your hubby is worried that now that your are fit you won't be as attracted to him).
But I would never do that because I know it would kill the confidence he has built in himself since I have been with him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SCraver
Maybe there are other things going on there that you guys aren't talking about (like maybe your hubby is worried that now that your are fit you won't be as attracted to him).
^^ I think these two comments say a lot.
Hope you two can work things out; you've achieved a lot.
I can understand the lack of boobage. Me too. In my clothing though, no one knows but me and hubby and of course everyone at 3FC. LOL! At one point in my journey I was going to have my stomach done and boobs done. Hubby was completely supportive. As time has progressed, I have been less interested but still haven't ruled them out all together.
My weightloss caused some upset in my house. All I can say is to reassure, reassure, reassure--in ALL ways. Also, don't discuss your successes with him if he isn't supportive. You don't need any negativity. At one point I had to flat out tell my hubby to, "like it or lump it!" My fitness, my health, MY CHOICES are ALLLLL about me. Nothing to do with him or really anyone else.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 07-28-2010 at 11:57 AM.
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I agree that some marriage counselling may help. If he won't go, individual counselling for yourself can help you sort out some of the things you're going through, as well. As far as breast implants goes, any cosmetic surgery you have done should be done because YOU want it, not because it might make someone else happy. I had a breast lift done because it was something I wanted, though hubby was supportive, he really had no say. Best of luck to you and congrats on a job well done with your weight loss!
My ex husband used to like skinny girls, until he got with me, and at 250, he loved me. Now that we are divorced, and I'm 120 lbs less, he says I'm disgusting and anorexic looking and his current g/f has meat on her bones. It's amazing how people change. I really hope you all get through this, it's always a catch 22. If it were me, I'd probably wear pants a size too small to give me that "muffin top" look! haha, but i'm silly like that. I've never been a great advice giver, but I am a great listener! Best of luck to you and yours, congrats on your success!
My boyfriend initially freaked out when he realized I was dead serious this time(with my weight loss). He told me his worries and fears, and honestly if he got crazy fit I would be more territorial as well. I think weight loss affects lots of relationships.
I'm sorry you are in such a rough situation, and think its wonderful and brave of you to share it. I bet a lot of women need to hear that they are not alone here. Counseling does sound like a smart path, I would love to hear how this all works out for you, if you are comfortable sharing with us.
Thanks everyone, I just stumbled across this forum today while doing a google search about the subject and I really do feel a lot better knowing there are others with the same struggles. He has never said anything mean and has always loved me no matter my weight. It is just a feeling I have picked up on the last few months since I started doing this bootcamp work out and getting some impressive muscles. I am proud to be a good example for my kids and I might just have to come to terms with the fact that he does not share in my excitement on this. I wish I had been present on the day they handed out self esteem, the small amount I have found is so flakey-- can't depend on it!
Lynnegal, I can so relate with that statement. DH and my sex life has been non-existent pretty much since I reached goal. I finally flat out asked him if he didn't like me fit and thin. And before he answered I said I didn't care regardless because I wasn't going to be fat for him. Turns out it is him (medically) that was the problem. So the advice given to you for counseling is right on target. Open communication is the key to your happiness.
Marie
Hubby doesn't find "Fit me" attractive
But I would never do that because I know it would kill the confidence he has built in himself since I have been with him.
Best of luck to you and yours, congrats on your success!
