I went to Oktoberfest with some friends of mine this afternoon... I've been trying to get out of the house more and be less of a hermit. Had a great time (I'm not a beer drinker by any means, but it was a great day to be outside) but just before we left, I had a guy come up to me (he was with 2 or 3 other guys, around my age or a little younger) and ask if my boyfriend was with us. I said no (I'm single, but didn't actually say that). The other guys were kind of laughing or acting embarrassed by his behavior, as he continued to attempt to talk to me about "his brother" (one of the others). I finally just cut him off and just said "no thanks, we're leaving", not really knowing what he wanted.
Part of me wishes I'd let him go a little longer, to find out what he was really up to (curiosity killed the cat...), but there was a part me that is still stuck in the "fat girl mindset" (sorry, don't know how else to put that) and was terrified that he was making of fun of me. The last thing I wanted was to be completely embarrassed in front of the people I was with.
Intellectually, I know my body is back to a relatively normal size. I know I looked good today... so why I am second guessing myself? why did i fear what those guys were going to say to me or about me? and why, 6 hours later, am I still sitting here thinking about it?
does this ever stop?
I have the same problem... Anytime anyone gives me a compliment I automatically assume they are making fun of me. I need to learn how to accept their compliments and just say "thank you" and if in fact they are making fun, oh well... it just shows how immature they are (even though it still stings a little, no one likes to be made out as a joke ). I also think that once I start to look at myself differently and present myself with more confidence it will be easier to believe their compliments.
After losing about 80 pounds I still feel very similar to you! Anytime a guy looks at me I'm just thinking "What, is there something on my face? Why do you keep staring at me??" I haven't had much body confidence for most of my life so far, so I'm starting to build it up a lot more now that I"m proud of how far I've come. I'm really happy for those people posting on here that they have a lot of body confidence, even at their heaviest - that's awesome! Some of us have to build it up over time though. Definitely still working on loving myself and my current body even more now!
I know me too It could be my age, and maturity as well. I'm accepting that people have different tastes as I increase my confidence I'm working for myself not what other people think.
Growing up fat, closed up, feeling unattractive, I had no experience in socializing and picking up subtle cues I always thought people were making fun of me
You know what's funny? I had that reaction as well. 90+ lbs later (mind you I am STILL big, I will ALWAYS be big, and will ALWAYS be built like a football player) I am relatively small for my weight. I wear about a 8 and a size M shirt (threshold to SM in stores like Banana Republic and JCrew).
I get hit on now, far more often then I have in my life. I have also disclosed to certain people I have met that I have lost a tonne of weight- you know some, lowly immature men will always be just that, lowly, immature and far below you. don't even consider associating. Before, (since fat chicks are supposed to be "Easy") If I didn't uh, put out it was always "well screw you, you're fat and ugly, go eat a burger". Now, it's more of a "you're hot, but you will always be dumb and ugly on the inside" (not factual AT ALL, they are just sad lowly souls). or the best one was "we'll you're a b**ch, and you may have lost 100 lbs but you will always be ugly on the inside and nobody will ever love you". - guess what bud? sit and rotate
thick skin ladies. those gentlemen who are willing to step up and be just that- GENTLEMEN, will never do that, ever.
I know me too It could be my age, and maturity as well. I'm accepting that people have different tastes as I increase my confidence I'm working for myself not what other people think.
Growing up fat, closed up, feeling unattractive, I had no experience in socializing and picking up subtle cues I always thought people were making fun of me
This exactly. How do you change this? I'm happy for those that have confidence now, and/or always had it. But what about those of us who never did? I can honestly tell you that I don't believe men are ever hitting on me, I have been told otherwise by bystanders, but I never get it.
Oh man, all I can say is that you have to be patient. It will take time. You're in the same boat as me, you lost weight before you came to terms with it.
I started getting hit on at around 160 lbs. Around 135 lbs, I started getting used to it. Now it's constant- like most girls I guess.
I also do still find it weird but now I'm not taken aback or suspicious right away. I'm starting to realize that I am attractive and that they're not talking to me just to pass time. I do still panic sometimes though- it's so tough to get used to when the status quo has always been 'nope, he is just being friendly'
A lot of this has to do with your self-confidence level. I know skinny girls who have been thin all their lives but still act strange when men hit on them.
). I also think that once I start to look at myself differently and present myself with more confidence it will be easier to believe their compliments.
