...I saw it. I was wearing a cute outfit that made me feel really confident, and I happened to be in a bathroom with a really long/wide mirror, and I stepped away from the sink while I was washing my hands, and--I saw a normal-sized girl in the mirror. I SAW her!
It was so surreal; I can't think of a better word to describe it. I literally thought to myself, Who the heck is THAT?! I have never seen HER before! This girl looked pretty darn healthy and normal, or even - dare I say - kind of thin! Her legs/thighs didn't look ridiculously massive, and her skirt showed them off pretty nicely. Her arms had some seriously loose skin going on, but who cares?! She looked confident, and happy, and cute!
...Of course, it was only for one itty-bitty little moment, and then my vision shifted back to normal, and I saw Meredith again. But still... It was kinda cool. It completely blew my mind to think that what I saw just for that one second might actually be what other people see ALL the time! I mean, d*mn--I knew I had some body dysmorphic issues, but I didn't think it was THAT bad... Is it possible that my view of myself is really that warped?! And now I feel kind of cheated that 99% of the time I'm still seing this fat chick staring back at me, when other people get to see this normal girl--I wanna see her, too! Y'know?
Eh, whatever, I'm sure I will see her again eventually. It's just gonna take some time...
[Sorry for the total randomness of this thread, heh. I haven't even posted in this part of the forum before, but I have flipped through every page of it and read all of the threads, because all this body image junk is becoming my biggest problem lately. But I'm hoping that if I keep on staring at this picture I took afterwards, maybe eventually I'll be able to see that girl again!! ]
Meredith I've been noticing your posts lately and I just want to tell you, you look absolutely fantastic! Seriously, there is no doubt about it YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!
I've seen your progress pics and your posts are always uplifting you are an inspiration to me *thanks*
I'm sure your mind will catch up with your body in time!
You do look awesome! and yes "thin". your waist is so small! I am happy for you. I'm sure it will take time for it to sink in that you are actually a "normal" size now. congrats
Other people are definitely seeing a 'normal' sized girl- I am. In fact, that is one TINY waist you've got going on there. I hope you get to really 'see' that again SOON!
Meredith, you are just too cute! So here is what I think happened: We have a picture of ourselves in our heads that doesn't match what's on the outside. My image of myself was that I was tall enough that I carried my weight well. It was only when I saw a picture of myself that I could truly see how heavy I had gotten. I think that you have a picture of a heavy girl named Meredith in your brain. She's got nothing to do with the real Meredith, the girl that you glimpsed in the mirror. So for just a brief moment, your mind's guard was down and you saw the real Meredith, like looking at a picture of yourself.
Maybe having more pictures taken, both alone and with other people, will help your mind to understand that your shape really has changed and you really do look different!
PS--I'm envious of your tiny waist, and I know lots of women would KILL for your arms. They look great from here!
Yes, you WILL see her again!! It does take a while for our mental image to catch up with reality. Unfortunately, it worked in reverse too, when we got to be WAY heavier than we realized.
Here's a way to help -- pull out one of your "before" photos and keep it handy. When you're not sure that you are looking at yourself the way you truly are, just take that photo and compare with you now. What a shocker that is!!! You'll look at the "old" you and think, OMG, was I really THAT heavy?! It is a great reality check.
You look absolutely wonderful and need to believe that, down in your innermost self. Over time, the new you will just become "you", the way you are. Enjoy that!!
Look at that tiny little waist girl!! I love your outfit too!
You'll see the true-you more and more often as time goes on. One day, and likely sooner than you think, you will start to internalize the little hotty in the mirror. She'll be all you see with no shadows of your former self to cloud your vision.
Anyway, it does just take time. I'm a lot more used to the way I look now than I was in, say, December. I used to have moments exactly like you describe. Now, I have moments where I'm surprised to realize just how used to my size I have gotten
Not only do you look normal but you are super cute! Trust me other girls/guys that see you see the "normal" girl!!! She's there!!! I'm sure you are getting the jealous looks too!
Just remember that feeling today and start replacing negative thoughts with what you felt today. I'm right there with you, I'm trying my best to start giving myself compliments in my head instead of criticism. I've said it before, it's going to take time for your mind to catch up with your weight loss but you/we will find our balance! HUGS!!!
Last edited by daniela; 05-22-2009 at 01:13 PM.
Reason: stupid emoticon doesn't want to work
Meredith, you are drop dead gorgeous! Seriously, you are doing awesome! I really do love that outfit too. I am having the same problem with how I see myself. I still see myself as being over 220 lbs even though the scale is finally showing under 180. The loose skin is really scaring me and I'm finding more stretch marks when I thought I've seen them all already. I hope I look that good when I get down to your weight!
Meredith - you look amazing! I remember that moment, mine was in the glass of a door. And yes, you will start to recognize her in the mirror. I don't think it ever gets old though
Meredith, I hate to break the news to you my dear, but you are without a doubt a "normal", regular, ordinary, average - sized person, regardless of what you may think. You saw her for a split second, you even said so yourself. I know it's hard to remember and recognize sometimes, all the pain we went through when we weren't "normal", but you're there - you're THERE.
You will have more and more of those moments, a glance in a mirror, a look down at your hands, fitting easily into tight spaces, running to catch a bus, shopping in those regular sized stores - eventually it won't seem quite as "odd".
You have worked so hard for your body, and boy do I admire you for doing it at such a young age, it's time to enjoy it and reap the benefits.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 05-23-2009 at 05:52 AM.
Today, just for a split second...
But still... It was kinda cool. 
It completely blew my mind to think that what I saw just for that one second might actually be what other people see ALL the time! I mean, d*mn--I knew I had some body dysmorphic issues, but I didn't think it was THAT bad... Is it possible that my view of myself is really that warped?! 
And now I feel kind of cheated that 99% of the time I'm still seing this fat chick staring back at me, when other people get to see this normal girl--I wanna see her, too! Y'know?
But I'm hoping that if I keep on staring at this picture I took afterwards, maybe eventually I'll be able to see that girl again!! 
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