I always feel that when I try the scale moves higher and higher like some stupid test of will.
I feel so frustrated.
Objectively... It's probably ham, probably salt, probably too little water and I need to move my body more plus when stressed and under the pressure of deadlines my body also seems to stall. All that is happening too.
I was supposed to spend the day working but instead chilled in front of the TV. I did go to the guild this morning so it wasn't a completely sluggish day.
Anyway just really whiney today. Tomorrow will be a new day. Have a good night.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Eating was on plan, CREDIT moi, with larger snacks than I've been having lately - Ouch. It started when I was transferring some nuts into a container and popped a few. I then had more nuts at a friend's house while we sat around the coffee table laden with snacks. The good news is that I had far less than I could have - I ignored cookies, cheese, and crackers. I did stop. The total probably equals my planned three snacks for the day. Nevertheless, I'm more fond of no-snack days. Ham sandwich for lunch - my plan until the slices of leftovers are gone.
Re Cricket Flour: Yes, it is composed of exactly ground crickets and nothing else. DW is convinced that this planet can only feed 7 billion humans if folks start getting their protein from insects - as some of the world does now. She'd bought some granola bars last year that contained cricket flour but cricket flour itself wasn't on the market then. Minor walking, CREDIT moi, since I had to catch up reading the book for a discussion group this afternoon, Waking up White. In my next life, I plan to do my reading weeks ahead of deadlines.
onebyone – Ouch for the occasional sluggish with Kudos for bouncing back as you so frequently do. May the scale jitter give you a few encouraging downs.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Yep, Super Kudos for going to a dairy and leaving without ice cream.
maryann - I, too, am touched by that statement from your DS - what a neat kid. Love, love, love, "Noon will always come." DW says that she and I both need new money belts for Italy.
spanky - Super cool if you can "disconnect eating from emotion and boredom" - maybe the biggest strategy of them all. Jealous of your High End earphones. I always seem to end up with airplane headphones in my ears.
Karen (karenrn) - I have no wise suggestions - can only send supportive thoughts to get through your queasy. I still boggle over your down and up Grand Canyon hike - that's beyond me right now. Maybe I'll take it as an inspiration.
p.a. - Hope that head cold quickly disappears.
Ani (dailypractice) - Kudos for getting exercise led by a chicken, LOL. If I may, consider taking a break and doing only three personals a day for, say, a week (a Joy (gardenerjoy) idea) - burnout can lead to avoiding posting but the most important part is your own status to help stay on track. You'll notice that only one person posts all personals every day; obviously it's his personal path.
Readers -
Quote:
day 34Solve Problems
. . .Once you recognize that food
won't make your problems go away, . . . . . .dieting will be easier.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 235.
Last edited by BillBlueEyes; 04-19-2015 at 03:32 PM.
Reason: Typo
I am still reading and practicing my Beck skills daily...best I can. Life is difficult right now. I just "don't want to talk about it". Very personal and I am hurting. I find many sabotaging thoughts during the day regarding the current situation yet I find my practice with responding to sabotaging thoughts with food is helping me to respond to the many personal thoughts swirling around my head.
I am stuck in the middle of a lot of stuff right now. I am trying to remain positive and neutral yet both sides seem to have taken their own route of dealing with things and I am left holding much responsibility. In addition, we have 3 ft of snow and it's still snowing. DH left during a break in weather yesterday and I'm wondering how I will even get the pups to daycare and be to work at 630am. Response: plan ahead, leave early, wear boots and it will be ok. Credit for doing major shoveling to make sure vehicle will get out AND not taking off snow tires!
So: The good:
~New tenants (friends of our wonderful neighbors) moved into rental Wednesday.
~I continue to make good food a priority.
~I continue to weigh everyday and am still maintaining my weight
~I love my dogs.
~I am healthy and can work and accept added physical responsibility. (I shoveled almost 8 hours the other day.
~I have a "program" which reminds me "This too shall pass."
What finally triggered me into posting was crying a lot last night. Between my DH leaving and finding out my bro has sent my sis an airline ticket to visit him in SFO I was very depressed. I have no one to talk to right now, and it helps to write stuff down. I did go to an AA meeting yesterday but wasn't willing to share in a room where I was the only woman. Credit for going anyway.
So, today I have a life plan: Get through one more day....guess that's one day at a time.
DailyPractice, your words regarding stepping back and looking without emotion really helped me to get here this morning. Thanks!
Continuing to deal with allergies which leads to both increased desire to eat and increased hunger. I would prefer it if "reduced appetite" were a symptom, but no such luck.
I planted my lettuce and kale plants yesterday plus seeds for kale, chard, mesclun, and lettuce. We're getting a nice drizzle right now -- perfect!
WI: +0.5 kg, Exercise: +40 815/1300 minutes for April, Food: 90% op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
maryann: I like a neck wallet, like this: http://travelstore.ricksteves.com/ca...tId=124&id=157
In the airport, I just wear it like a necklace, so it's handy. For train trips, I wear it diagonally across my body over my shirt and under a jacket. Just the strap is visible (and I can even hide that with a scarf), but it's accessible without taking an embarrassing amount of clothes off.
BillBlueEyes: I'd love to know how your Waking Up White discussion goes. My book club specializes in books about race in America, so that might suit us well. We just read South of Haunted Dreams by Eddy L. Harris -- a memoir about a black guy (who grew up in St. Louis) taking a motorcycle journey through the south. We liked it and found it, ultimately, hopeful.
In a separate effort, I'm participating in one of many study groups set up by the St. Louis YWCA to gently lead white people into better ways of talking about race. Our study book is Witnessing Whiteness by Shelly Tochluck.
Lexxiss: so sorry about the continued stresses in your life. One of the down sides of getting one's own stuff together is that every one relies on you with the belief that you can take anything, whether or not that happens to be true.
Last edited by gardenerjoy; 04-19-2015 at 10:32 AM.
BBE, sorry to hear about the nut incidents. I went to a festival yesterday where there was an insect exhibit. I tried a toasted mealworm with BBQ sauce. Had I realized how squeamish the friend that was with me is about all insects beforehand, I would have skipped it. We accidentally switched beverages later in the day and I drank a sip of hers by mistake. She wouldn't it touch it afterward.
Lexxiss, I sent you a PM. Hang in there!!!
I am in a meditative figure-out-live mode today. I am in a state of transition in many respects and really want to get my self-awareness and conscientiousness in order. I struggle with expectations of perfection and when I'm not perfect I give up easily.
My plan is to spend a few minutes re-reading Beck today, spending lots of time on self-reflection, and read a few articles from Psychology Today about these topics and associated research.
To everyone else, I hope you have a fantstic, on-plan day!
Hello, all! I hope you each get some good meditative time to yourself...even if just a few minutes in the bathroom to breathe...looks like it's been such a busy month for everyone.
We fly home this evening...yesterday we splurged with a very expensive meal atop the tower of the Americas...I like making reservations for lunches up on revolving towers bc you save the price of the elevator to get to the top, often $15 a person. Anyway the menu was not the lunch menu for some reason this festival weekend, but the dinner menu. $$$ decided to enjoy and make it up with cheesier other meals. Quality of the food was extraordinary, as was the server.
Walked miles but indulged in ice cream and a piece of chocolate. Not counting theses as on plan days but will resume with the next one...hopefully today.
Ani when I go to Italy, what is called the most thieving country, I still just use a small wallet with my bills not all together so I can pull one out, not a few st a time so they don't see your money...and just use a cross body bag that fits my passport...I'm alert and careful...also, I make two copies of my passport, bring a copy with me in another bag (I carried DH and he carried my copy)...and leave one with whoever you know will be available in a pinch. Then if it's lost, the prices to replace at the consulate is easier. Sorry for the long note...
Excuses hang in there...you are doing amazingly well with planning and executing smartly. Snow!!! Credits for the plan for work.
Just a quick note. Went to dinner with the old co-workers and spouses last evening. Always a good time, but boy did I over eat. I need to get the food back in control starting today.
It's a beautiful day and I hope for some pool time this afternoon. I've been working in the office this morning and doing shredding and organizing. I can't stand too much stuff around and with my only son in Thailand I always have in the back of my mind who is going to go thru this stuff if I don't. Of course I'm 61 and not planning on going anywhere soon, I hope.
For those traveling, if you have a smart phone take photos of the fronts and backs of credit cards and of your passport and email them to yourself. They will either be available on your phone or via your email at the hotel or whatever if necessary. I've don't this and luckily haven't needed them. I do the same as Nationalparker and carry a small cross body bag that is large enough for my passport and cash and I don't keep all the cash in one place. I also don't carry a lot at one time. The ATM's work great almost all over the world.
I'll get out for a walk again tomorrow and have signed up for a hike with my volunteer group on Tuesday. It's a fairly easy one and I don't think I should be out in the desert alone just yet. Feels good to get back out there though.
I don't remember who asked what area of Arizona I live in but it's Scottsdale, not a ritzy area of Scottsdale, just a nice neighborhood. I like Scottsdale because I think it's one of the prettiest in the Phoenix area, lots of parks and open areas.
I think the queasy hungry feelings have dissipated. I have no good reason not to get back on program, so I am declaring today is the day.
Credit for half day OP and then I began preparing DH Bday lunch and dinner. Hmmmm. Didn't I just write about not making exception days. And I had DailyPractice's potato chip excursion firmly in my head. Still I ate 10 of DH's bday cinnamon bears and several spoonfuls of the cake batter. Cake batter is my old nemesis. So I popped the cake in the oven ASAP and declared 2:00 as the start of my abstinent day. I have to stop eating this evening anyway for a procedure on Tuesday so it is good time. Sigh!!!! I learn the same lesson over and over again. It is the first bite not the last bite that causes the problem.
Thanks for all the travel ideas for my passports. I had been contemplating the passport necklace and the cross bag. I also researched a lace money belt that looks like a layering piece, a velcro pocket which attaches to the bra strap (sorry BBE) and a tank top with a pocket sewn in. There are all reasonable priced and I thought I might order a few to try them out.
Lexxiss: Good to here from you. Sometimes we are truly trudging, unable to raise our eyes beyond our next footstep. But both you and I know you are walking through to the other end not trapped in the insanity. This is because you are putting first things first.
After a glorious weather weekend tonight the air is shifting. It's cooler and windier and that's ok. My week has me tied up everyday with stuff. Oh well.
I have another downtown appointment on Tuesday and think I will fit a long gallery visit in pre-appointment. Jean-Michel Basquiat is showing at the Art Gallery of Ontario (AGO) and my two gallery friends have already gone though both say they would go again. I think I'll go alone and make a visit to the art store next to the gallery too. Then see the dr. then come home on the 3pm train. Sounds pretty pleasant if you ask me. I need the break.
Today I felt so stressed I could have cried several times throughout the day. I am overwhelmed and I am asking myself why I am making so many small things again? what has happened to my plan to do large scale gallery work? It seems to have vanished in favour of the bread and butter small item. And that work is bringing me down without the other work to balance it for me. This whole thing about discovering I have mild osteo-arthritis in my thumb has bee weighing on me too If I have a limited shelf life to make things I really shouldn't be futzing about with the small stuff. If I am going to wear out my joints let it be with a grand vision and large sized works. I don't want to wear my joints out simply making cat pendants. Sigh. I have some hard decisions to make. It might be time to do that.
Foodwise I made soup from a hambone today. It was super (souper!) hearty. I counted it and it really added up but I have a tough time accepting soup will keep me fat. Really. Dried beans and lentils and barley are high on the tracker. I ate a lot in a large bowl and had seconds as well. Given my feelings today, I am grateful I only turned to soup. I will take a *credit* for that
Scale did jitter down to 276 this morning. -2.2 overnight. Tomorrow I receive my replacement dongle for my fitbit. The computer fell off the arm of the couch about a year ago and landed smack dab on the fitbit dongle cracking it and the edge of the usb port-though I didn't discover that until I had to get my computer screen replaced, also last year, and it was an unrelated incident. I now need to locate the charger for it and I look forward to the motivation of the fitbit once more. It helped when I used it.
Yesterday I got in my salad but not my smoothie. Today I did both. They really fill me up, make sure I get a lot of veggies, and crowd out room for much unhealthy stuff, so I’m happy to give myself credit for sticking to just this minor change for now. I also read advantages, really focused on seated, slow, mindful eating, and went for a nice run. I was pretty sedentary yesterday and today except for that run.
This week, I plan to add at least one more Beck day and focus on the third meal of the day.
p.a., hope you feel better. BillBlueEyes, congratulations on an on-plan day. Yesterday’s Easter salad sounds delicious. I love the Easter basket idea. Lexxiss, I’m sorry you’re experiencing pain right now. I hope things are better soon. gardenerjoy, sorry to hear about the allergies. FutureFitChick, good luck figuring things out. Those meditative days can be so valuable. nationalparker, hope you have (had?) a great trip home. spanky, congratulations on being on plan. I feel the same way about wanting more than just weight loss. The skills will make maintenance so much easier. I hate that white-knuckle feeling of staying on an artificial diet that I’ll never be able to sustain. karenrn, I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. Does ginger tea work for nausea for you? It doesn’t work for me, but everybody always recommends it. I love hiking around Phoenix. It’s so beautiful. One of my favorite hikes ever was with my husband and son in the Superstitions. maryann, I really like your response for sugar. I find it really easy to fool myself with sugar. It’s really hard to resist for me. Also, this is a slightly weird idea for your Ireland trip, but have you seen the Scottevest website? They make clothing with hidden pockets. Some of the items are more extreme than others, but I wore a travel vest on a trip to Europe and felt really comfortable carrying money and my passport. Magellan’s has dresses and other clothes with hidden pockets, too. dailypractice, congratulations on the chicken-driven walking yesterday. Made me laugh. onebyone, I’m sorry you’re feeling work frustration. Soup feels like some of the healthiest comfort food around, even if it does add up.
Thank you for all the kind wishes yesterday. It was very freeing to come "out of the closet" and acknowledge my difficulties and pain. We are so fortunate to have such a wonderful group of friends here!
I got my exercise in yesterday. We were so busy and it was my best $$ of the year. When I arrived, there were both donuts and coffee cake. It was too busy to even think about them. I brought my smoothie with me and additionally had 2 pieces of toast during my 9-1/2 hour shift. I'm amazed how stable my blood sugar is these days. Credit. I'm so happy with my way of eating. I came home and prepared my dinner which I ate in bed. I needed to be off my feet. I love that I keep my refrigerator/pantry/freezer stocked. It was easy to make my dinner. I have an old pizza stone which works great. I had a vegan patty/organic tater puffs and brussel sprouts (frozen) which all cooked on my stone. I mixed a salad w/blueberry balsamic vinegar and olive oil. (Appetizer was fresh cantaloupe). Later I had a piece of angelfood cake with fresh strawberries. I find, especially right now, that I need to eat healthy and leave a little leeway for an evening "treat" since I don't usually have a meal at work and I get plenty of exercise.
Today, I will have a meal at work. I have written it into my plan. My dinner will be the same....it was easy last night and will be the same again tonight.
I have a multitude of books to keep my mind active during these stressful times. I've started "Tails Wagging in Heaven", a Christian perspective on animals and their afterlife. I've always believed I'd see my beloved pets again and especially thoughtful, since my lil' Cocker is in his (probably) final year with me.
I was going to try and fit personals in but I think I need to just make a fresh start with posting. I'm getting towards time to prepare for work.
Monday - Patriot's Day in New England. Boston Marathon.
Diet Coaches/Buddies – Bird walk in the morning, CREDIT moi, where we saw 26 species despite not a single warbler. We'd hoped they'd be there since they arrive each year at some unpredictable date between mid-April and early-May. The Robins are in abundance. nest-building. LOUDLY. It looked and sounded very Spring-ish even as I wore a coat against the morning chill.
Eating was good enough - perhaps on-plan, CREDIT moi. I had a morning snack that I try to avoid on Sundays from a table of food attempting to attract. But I kept it to exactly one along with my cup of coffee - this fits my plan even though I'm happier when I ignore all snacks. Today we both celebrate and commemorate the Boston Marathon on the second anniversary of the bombing. Every law enforcement officer in the state is on duty here, it seems.
onebyone – Planning a full day in Ontario sounds fun. I always feel that I'm doing well when I have soup - despite the usual salt. Yay for a kilo of scale jitter in the right direction.
Joy (gardenerjoy) – Congrats for getting your veggies planted. And thanks for the link to your description of your Travel Photography workshop. I especially like the chain maker because of the two bright hot spots in the center. [Thanks for the two book suggestions. The discussion/workshop about Waking Up White, led by the author, was more powerful than I expected even though it closely paralleled the book I'd just read. In the micro one-on-one discussions it was possible to say stuff that I don't usually talk about. She frequently leads three day workshops. I learned that the seemingly gracious "Where are you from?" question isn't always received as gracious by folks who are used to being pigeon-holed. I recommend the book.]
Debbie (Lexxiss) – Kudos for being able to see your list of good even as you're shouldering your family struggles. I especially admire the "I shoveled almost 8 hours the other day" - while gently reminding Colorado that it's Spring in the northern hemisphere, LOL. Continue to send supportive thoughts your way. Your pizza-stone creation is super creative. Yep, posting and receiving support are more important than personals.
FutureFitChick – Kudos for recognizing your "state of transition" so that you can think/plan your response. LMAO at your friend's squeamish response to insects - I'm afraid that might be common.
maryann - Thanks for "It is the first bite not the last bite that causes the problem" - so easy to forget.
nationalparker – Your meal atop the Tower of the Americas sounds super - I've never taken the trip to the top despite several visits to San Antonio. Yay for an occasional splurge. Thanks for the travel tips.
Karen (karenrn) - Kudos for "today is the day" marching forward. Seems smart to recognized that being alone in the desert isn't a good idea yet.
CheatinVegan - Sounds like a terrific day with salad, smoothie, and run - Kudos.
Readers -
Quote:
day 35Get Ready to Weigh In
Tomorrow marks the end of your fifth week using the Beck Diet Solution. If you've been following all the steps in this book, chances are good that you'll see a lower weight tomorrow.
Judith S. Beck, Ph.D., The Beck Diet Solution (Pink book), pg 236.
I never wrote a plan yesterday, but ate reasonably well anyway. With both hunger and a desire to eat as allergy symptoms, I've been eating a bit oddly. The right foods (but in generous portions), but odd timing for me. It seems to be working, for the moment. The risk, of course, is that I'll get to a normal snack time with all my snacks already eaten. So far, I've managed to make that my exercise time and it's all worked out. Something I want to keep an eye on, though.
I wrote a plan for today -- credit!
WI: +0.4 kg, Exercise: +40 855/1300 minutes for April, Food: NA op, Read my Advantages and Responses: yes
BillBlueEyes: Thanks for the book recommendation. That does sound helpful.
FutureFitChick: glad to see you here and in a meditative mood. My birthday is in mid-May so I always do a bit of a repeat of New Year planning around May Day. Right now, I'm considering all the many possibilities.
Sunday I went to the top of my calorie range at the parish pancake breakfast, but made sure I didn't go over that--very easy to do in the face of quarter-pound blueberry pancakes! Plenty of salty stuff so my weight is up a bit this morning. Today the plan is set for lowest calorie amounts and lots of fluids!
Thinking about the phrase I read in the green book saying "For a while, you need to become an inflexible eater..." For some reason, this way of putting it appeals to me, as negative as it may sound. Whenever I fly by the seat of my pants menu-wise, I usually crash right into overeating.
Today's Advantage for me was "I really DO care about making it to the next number on the scale." I know my weight number is not my self worth, but it IS information about whether I stuck to my plan or not. Want to see that next pound down on Saturday.
stupid scale bugging me today
Sunday
Response: plan ahead, leave early, wear boots and it will be ok. Credit for doing major shoveling to make sure vehicle will get out AND not taking off snow tires!
