[marny]

From the book: A Life of My Own by Karen Casey

"Other people's actions need not affect us.

Our program friends are showing us how to detach from other people and their problems. We have learned we aren't the cause of a family member's alcoholism or the never-ending trauma in a friend's life, though our family and friends may try to blame us for their difficulties. The program teaches us that we don't have the power to make others go against their will. But when others cast blame our way, it's been our nature to absorb it. Now we are learning how to refuse the blame.

Part of the problem is our desire to be liked. The anger or criticism that's directed at us hurts. Few people are wholly immune to barbs from others. Even strangers can trigger reactions in us. But we can change, we can learn detachment. Our program friends are good role models. Daily we can work at letting whatever someone else says or does roll off us. In time, detachment will become our nature."

I will ask my sponsor for help if I let someone get to me today."

[deebygrace]

Detachment has been very hard for me because as a raging codependent, I feel I can help people feel better, I can try and "fix" people. However, slowly, my HP has been showing me that I cannot even fix myself, so how can I fix others. I have to detach and allow the God of my understanding to take care of the problems.
I am learning that when I detach I am actually saying God you know better than me, and you can do a better job than me, so please do it.
Its a process but I am so happy I found it
Denise
P.S. Marny I love your little yoga baby

[marny]

Denise thank you for saying... God you know better than me. That is so simple, yet so powerful.

Maybe one of these days I'll start levitating in a yoga pose. Ha!

[charlenej]

Thanks for the quotes Marny. Detachment is my intention/meditation for the afternoon.

I struggle with this too....

I'm finding that I have and have had in the past, a hard time standing up for what I believe in whether it's politics, religion, my own beliefs based on my experience and especially recently, my own HP faith. I'm not saying that I need to be getting into debates with people because I prefer to remain neutral unless I am specifically asked, but even just in my own head when someone has challenged me (or even if they haven't) I can be defensive.

Deep down, I believe in the essence of who I really am wholeheartedly and hold dearly my faith in my HP as He/She has never ever let me down. But why do I feel threatened and defensive when I feel someone's judgment about the things/issues I care about and hold so dearly?


I don't want to care about what others think of me but just live and grow through the vision my HP has for me regardless of what others may think.

This to me would be Heaven on Earth and clear the way for great things to come.


**************
Has anyone ever read the book "The Four Agreements" ? I really like his take on living authentically and what others think of you. The book's premise is that the ancient Toltec Indians found "Heaven on Earth" by living four simple agreements and that they didn't need to worry about what others thought of them (good or bad opinions/judgments) or question themselves because they were living their lives in truth and authenticity to the best of their abilities. The agreements are:

1) Be impeccable with your word...use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love...including for yourself (this being the most important agreement)
2) Don't take anything personally...because you live in your own story and other people live in their own stories.
3) Don't make assumptions...because most assumptions are not truth.
4) Always do your best (whatever level that may be at that moment)

Thanks for gettin' the wheels turning!

Charlene

[marny]

charlene-
The feelings of defensiveness will ease as you work through the steps. Thank goodness we have promises in the big book:

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."

Wow. I could take each sentence of that and meditate on it for a full day.

[CrispyMama]

Great topic! I also love The Four Agreements. I will often grab this book to re-read sections when I catch myself making too many negative and painful assumptions about other peoples thoughts and actions.

Marny, I hear the promises at meetings, but I have never seen the words. It was powerfull to see and read for myself. Where can I find then in the big book?

Christy

[marny]

Christy-
Bottom of pg. 83

During meetings, a lot of these amazing things are read. However, depending on how fast they are read, how many other disruptions are in the room, or if we get distracted, it's easy to miss how amazing the message is. I like to volunteer to read at meetings because then I know that I'll for sure "hear" at least that part.