I'm sorry but this is strictly venting:

Okay so I'm still in my pajamas; it's almost 3pm. My son didn't have school today and we've been so busy lately that I said we'd have a mellow morning and go to the Denver museum or somewhere. We dorked around all morning and now it's too late and he's upset. I've been on the computer way too much. I played with him earlier for a little while and had lunch together but basically I feel like it's old times for me and shutting us in. My dog wants to be walked and is moping too!

I'm supposed to start my period on Sunday. Good news, I got on the scale and it said 162.5. I was at 163 and I normally gain 3-5 pounds before my period. So I think once it's over I'll be down about 3 pounds end of next week.

I bought a new flavor of ice cream a few days ago. It's definitely a new trigger food. Anyway, last night for my snack, I measured a half cup serving, but I took a little taste first. When the flavor got to me my eyes bugged out and I looked at the measly half cup and started breathing hard, so I put in another 1/4 cup of it and ate it in front of the TV in a slightly orgasmic way. Ice cream doesn't usually do that to me, but this kind whoa!!!

So today I had my lunch and "worked" a few bites of the same ice cream into my lunch. 1/2 cup later. I told myself to put the rest down the drain, but I couldn't!! It's in the freezer waiting for me tonight (although there's only about 1/2 cup left).

Tonight, I'm going to a Candle Lite Party (it's like a tupperware party but they sell candles) and the hostess says, "Come early, we'll have wine, appetizers and dessert!" The last two items are more than I can take today. But I want to go because I've been such a shut in today and I'm trying to make more friends here and my son will get to play with her kids tonight. I need to pray.

Charlene

Ice cream.

As soon as you get home..toss it. But before you toss it, destroy it in a way to make it so that it doesn't lure you to fetch it from the trash. Dump liquid soap into the carton. Melt the ice cream down the drain with hot water.

Get. Rid. Of. It.

I totally agree with Allycat. Trigger foods in your home is a binge waiting to happen. And... I have found my trigger foods change. Grow. Remember this is a progressive illness. I used to have cold cereal for the kids. The day I opened a new box of cereal and ate the entire thing myself in one sitting was the last day cereal crossed my doorstep. That feeling of craving like you have with the ice cream... for me that feels like insanity. I hate the way that feels. I'd rather NOT have the intense pleasure you got from the ice cream if it means I have to have the intense desire for more. Because more is never enough.

You seem like you have a lot on your plate. Your son needs you, the dog needs you, etc. Ask yourself: Are you putting your recovery FIRST? If you find a way to put this first, the other things will slip into place. Ask you HP to refresh you, to guide you, to give you the willingness and ability to walk in abstinence today.

You can do it!

Lindy

Thanks Lindy and Allycat. You're right. I was fooling myself thinking ice cream wasn't a trigger food because it hasn't been in the past. But since I've cut out the other trigger foods my brain had no problem replacing with what was in the house as the next best thing.

My emotions were rampant yesterday. Those darn hormones. I used to go on bike rides with my son all the time. And after I wrote this email, talked to my sponsor, and meditated for mindful peace, I went on a bike ride with him and the dog and then starting working in the garden on a makeshift coldframe I have going for spinach and lettuce. Then, I straightened up the house. Felt much better!

The ice cream is gone and not coming back! I definitely didn't binge on it and stuck to my commitment of when and how much, but know that I cannot have that in the house anymore. I'm learning and feel good about my progress which is what I would not have done in the past.

I went to my party last night. I talked to my sponsor and called someone from OA before I went to the party. I stuck to my commitment of one plate of food at the party and no dessert. It wasn't bad, I just stayed out of the kitchen. My son went to the movies with her kids and I got to hang out with some really nice women, so it was good I went.

It's so nice to have a place to vent and get support from people who understand. Thank you.

Charlene

Charlene,

I'm so proud of you for making it through the party! Congradulations.

Way to go!