[Indychick829]

ok, first off, yes - i realize this is a public forum and i know i'm asking for dating advice and many people have many different opinions.

Ok. Now. This guy. I met him 2 weeks ago at a dance club I go to. I'm 27 and he's 33. He's very cute and he started dancing with me that night - and by the end of the night - yes, he did ask me if i wanted to crash at his place (which is much closer to the club than where I live) - i declined and just gave him my number. He took it and called me 4 days later. We've hung out pretty much every other day since, and yes I have spent the night at his place once so far. HOWEVER with that being said - NOTHING has happened. As in we have NOT slept together (which is a big thing for me...) in fact I crashed on his couch. Not that he's not attractive - but I am just really trying hard to do this one right and take things slow.

AND he's totally cool with that. He's not pressured me at all any of the times we've hung out and he says he understands that I want to take things slow.

Thing is - this one really does truly seem like a GOOD guy. He's got a great job - a nice apartment - clean/nice car - he's NOT married - NO kids - and when we do hang out - he makes me feel that he wants me to be there. It's great!

Now - my problem? Well, this past year I've gone through a lot. The beginning of the year I went through a breakup that just totally and completely ripped me apart. Seriously - I didn't stop crying for months over him. He left me for his coke habit.

So - I started "dating" someone else back in August but dumped him at the end of September when he told me #1 that "in all honestly i don't want a relationship - I just want to have 'fun' with you" (if you get my meaning) and also #2 - I REALLY dumped him because he told me he had done cocaine. Since that's what my boyfriend had left me for at the beginning of the year - I dumped him on the spot and "ran" so to say.

So for about 3 weeks - I'd pretty much decided I was honestly going to stop dating. I really had finally moved past all that had happened to me at the beginning of the year with boyfriend#1 - and after that little sting with guy#2 in August I didn't feel like dealing with guys anymore.

But seriously - not even 3 weeks after I'd dumped guy #2 - I went dancing with my girlfriend at a dance club we normally go to and this new guy started dancing with me. I gave him my number - and we've been hanging out pretty much every other day since (it's been 2 weeks).

And no - I know I don't know EVERYTHING about him - but I'm trying to. I ask him questions - and he answers them - he's hidden nothing - at least he answers everything when I do ask. He understands that I want to wait and NOT rush into anything and he really honestly does seem "good".

But I'm just scared. I mean - part of me wants to just come out and ask him, "so, you ever done coke?" i want to say i trust he never has (but who knows now-adays). And after going through what I did - it scares me because I never thought I was the kind with "trust issues" but seriously - now - I WANT to trust this guy - he's given me no reason NOT to - and he's given me plenty of reasons TO trust him...it's just that - because of how i've been treated in the past - I almost don't know how anymore because I can't get hurt like I did before.

and it's not even just a "one time-burned" sorta thing - I also dated another guy 2 years ago - who - after only 3 weeks of dating - everything was "perfect" he called me and literally decided one day, "I don't like you like i thought i did. goodbye." so that little mess - along with the big mess from this past year...i'm just terrified.

But I'm also scared not to trust and really take things slow to get to know him - in case he really honestly could be a good guy for me.

tell me i'm just paranoid and i just need to take things slow (like i AM doing) and trust will eventually come.

[alinnell]

You're right to take it slow. Not only to get to know him better but to also let yourself heal from the past relationships. Be honest. Tell him you broke up with others because of their drug habits. Tell him you're concerned about entering a relationship because of recent events. Perhaps he'll be as honest and forthcoming as you. But if not, since you're going slow, you won't be quite as disappointed if he isn't Mr. Right afterall.

[lilybelle]

He sounds like a nice guy and one that is willing to take things slow. By all means, ask him about any drug use. At least you will either feel better about it or know upfront what you're getting into. Try to forget the past relationships and don't hold him accountable for what the others have done. I know that is easier said than done, but sometimes we have to just clean the slate and give love a chance once more. Good luck.

[lovinlifex2]

Why not just ask him? At some point you probly will discuss ex's and he may be more inclined to understand why you want to take things nice and slow after what you have been through.

I too have not been real lucky in love and now I think I am so on guard that I try to find things wrong with the men I date. It sounds like you have had it rough lately, but I think you should give him a chance. Maybe he is just what the doctor ordered...

Trust me honey none of us want to be the alone lady with 80 cats. Good luck to you!

[kateful]

It's been 2 weeks. You've hung out "every other day". That means you've had an opportunity to observe him for a total of, at most (7 days x 20 hours a day) 140 hours, although I'm guessing it's really a lot less than that.

The fact is that you can ask him whatever you want and he can answer whatever he wants. It's not what he says as much as what he does that matters. You will not know enough about what he does to make a decision about his character until you've had a LOT more time to observe him and his interaction with his friends and family.

I'm kind of rude and obnoxious, but even I can behave for 2 weeks.

[KristasMom]

Honey, in my dating years, I swear I must have been hanging out by the jailhouse door to have found the collection of losers I let my heart get trampled by.

I had decided that I wasn't going to date anymore when I met my husband thru friends - I thought he was married, and liked him, immensely. And respected him. Then I found out he was single, and sorta looking. I fell apart.

But he was kind and patient - we'd go out for coffee, or a walk, to talk. We did this for 6 months. I kept waiting for Door #2 to open, so the real scuzzy person would pop out.

Our first real out in public good-night kiss date was Halloween. We moved in together in January, and got married in April.

Relax and see how you feel. Take it slow, and never go faster that your gut feels comfortable doing.

This Halloween will be 19 years since our first date.