Depression and Weight Issues - Ups & Downs Support Group: February 2014

01-31-2014, 11:35 PM
Hello :wave: and :welcome3: to the Ups & Downs Support Group thread for February 2014!!! Please post to let us know you made it to the new thread or post and tell us a little bit about yourself if you are new to the group. All are welcome! We named the group "Ups & Downs" to reflect the many ups and downs of life on meds, of the weight loss journey, and of life in general.

I am posting this thread just a little bit shy of February 1st because I have a busy day Saturday, so I'm not sure when I will be checking in again. I am also going to bed early for a change, but I want the thread ready for all of you in the morning! ;)

Hope all is well with everyone and that you make it onto the new February thread! Take good care! And thanks for being here! :hug:

02-01-2014, 02:00 AM

Fiona W
02-01-2014, 03:30 AM
Howdy guys, I really apologize for being away for so long. Jeez, I really appreciate the well wishes, and I'm sorry for making you worry, Kathleen. I am usually much more consistent when I join a thread, but I've been going through H-E-L-L over my Belgian friend, Robine. I know it probably sounds ridiculous to get so worked up over someone who lives way over on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean and we haven't even met in person yet, but she and I have a LOT in common in our family constellations and histories of abusive & controlling parents. And I went to all the trouble to learn how to read & write in French for her, so there's been a big investment on my part in this friendship.

Anyway, long story short, she went into a crisis over her invasive & cruel mother (who's dead now: Robine & I are both in our late 50s) still dominating her life, and finally on the 29th of January she broke up with me, more or less. There's still a slim chance for our friendship to survive her crisis, but Robine is no longer writing to me because she projected so much of her feelings about her mother onto me, ultimately seeing ME as invasive & controlling, which she rationally realized is ridiculous, but couldn't get free from.

Don't y'all hate it when other people project their problem relationships into their relationship with you? That has got to be my least favorite behavior.

So I've gone through a lot of tears and a lot of grieving, but the good news is, I haven't acted out by eating cookies. In fact, I've stayed remarkably close to my modified Atkins meal plan. And I am still binge-free, ever since November 22nd.

Exercise-wise, I've been kind of held back because of my cardiology workup after the episode of angina I had on the 4th of January. So far the word is that I have an abnormal EKG showing "nonspecific left ventricular strain," whatever the heck that is, but due to scheduling problems because of gas main construction right in front of our house (!), I still don't have the results of my repeat stress test. So I'm doing my nightly leg workouts—half an hour of leg lifts, for a total of 600—but I haven't been able to get back into serious cardiovascular exercise. To tell the truth, I'm afraid to even go for a walk because it would be so easy for me to overdo it and get angina again.

Now that I've blabbed about all that, I will be more consistent with checking in here and responding to other people's issues. I read three pages of the January thread to get caught up, so all of you guys are in my thoughts tonight. Take care of yourselves, try to stay mellow about your weight loss situation, and don't let the bedbugs (depression) bite.

02-01-2014, 06:54 AM
Fiona That is so much to go through with your Beligan friend! I'm sorry to hear she is projecting feelings towards you but am so glad you've stayed strong in your efforts for yourself regardless of what else is happening. As for your cardio I think we'd ALL agree it's best to do exactly what you're doing and stick with weights and strength until you are cleared on the heart stuff, no one wants to see you have any other issues!!!

Stay strong though, you've got this!

penmage WELCOME!!!! And congrats on your weight loss thus far! I'm sorry you are feeling lost in your life! I am very close in age to you (just turned 26) and know exactly how that feels. It does seem to me though that even my friends without anxiety/depression like me seem to go thru the same struggle around this age. It's just a hard time in life to figure out and feel where you should be. We're here for you though. Welcome and feel free to post as much or as little as you want whatever makes you feel the best.

As for me I'm feeling pretty good just busy busy!!!

02-01-2014, 03:00 PM
Hello friends! I have never introduced myself on this thread so here goes.

I have always had issues with anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed bipolar but the meds didn't help me at all and a second doctor later corrected my diagnosis to Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Over the years I have been on Effexor (which was HORRIBLE) and later Cymbalta, which I have now been on for several years and it seems to work very well for me at small doses.

For the past year my doctor and I have been working to wean me off of the Cymbalta and I have been using natural supplements which have a similar effect to make up the difference (5HTP & GABA). So far, so good. I am currently on a sub-clinical, VERY low dose of Cymbalta and I expect to be completely free from it by June.

02-01-2014, 03:59 PM
Hi everyone. My name is Donni. I am a 32 year old female who suffers from anxiety, depression and a 22 year seizure disorder that is crazy out of whack right now. They are currently arguing if the seizure disorder is a "true" seizure disorder or if I am going through so much stress and possible PTSD that my body is mimicking seizures. I check into Mayo Clinic on the 24th of this month for 3-5 days for a seizure clinic to go through some massive testing. :sorry:
I am also taking zoloft, well was taking it. I cannot afford my therapist right now and she wont let me stay on the meds under her script if I don't come and her. So now I am off of it. :shrug:
I have 3 daughters that live with there dad in another state that I am sure adds to the stress, it it is sometimes hard to cope. I want to be better for me, but also for them. I have days where other than having to go to work, I don't want to get up.
I am set to start WW on Tuesday with a girl that I work with and also to start weight training, but I am worried that I will hit a stent of depression and not get my bottom up and do what I need to do. I am tired of sitting on my bottom and not getting anything (even the small things) done. :dizzy:
So I am joining this thread in hopes of advice and support to get through this day by day. :df:


02-01-2014, 03:59 PM
Hi everyone.
I've been diagnosed as borderline personality disorder although they are in the process of re diagnosing me as they think I have bipolar.

At the moment I am on 50mg of sertraline and 150mg pregabalin daily

02-01-2014, 06:07 PM
Hi! I just popped on for a minute to check in and I am so happy to see some new members in our Ups & Downs group! :welcome2: And I am soooooooo happy to see a post from you, Fi!!! Glad that you are okay, but so sorry for the stress you have been through with your friend. That is so unfortunate that she projected the things about her mother onto you. :( Not fair! Hang in there and big hugs to you! :hug: shr1nk1ngme, I am happy to hear from you, too! It's been awhile. And thank you for the introduction to the group. I am on my way to a hockey game. Will try to check in later tonight. Stay strong everyone! :)

02-02-2014, 11:24 PM
Hello Friends!

No one has written since I did yesterday?!? Where is everyone? How are you today, Trish? Did you make it onto the new thread?

My food choices lately have continued to be poor. Also, I have to take a few weeks off of training because I had a basal cell carcinoma (localized skin cancer) cut out of my back, and I have stitches that could pull out with weight training. I really need to step up the cardio in the meantime! The constant vigilance I feel I need for this weight loss journey ~ especially on meds ~ with food and exercise can feel so overwhelming and exhausting. But I need to continue to fight the battle because I am not satisfied with being "fat" anymore. I hate that word, but that is how I feel at the moment. :( I just cannot seem to get off of my current weight. The only way the scale moves for me is UP. It is really trying my patience, but I will NOT give up on myself!!!

How is everyone else doing with your weight loss journeys? Any tips, thoughts, advice, or encouragement is welcome! :^:

penmage: Thank you for sharing about yourself. It makes me so sad to hear that you self-injured for several years, but it is wonderful that you don't do it anymore. HUGE accomplishment for you! You should be so proud of yourself! :) Sorry to hear that you are dealing with crippling loneliness at the moment and that you were let go from your job. Please hang in there and know that better things are in your future. Keep on posting here and we will keep you company in the meantime! :hug:

Fi: Again, I am so sorry for the troubles you have had to endure with your Belgian friend. :( Thank you for sharing the story with us, so that we know that you are going through a difficult time. Be extra kind to yourself and take things one day at a time. I am so happy that you posted to let us know that you are still part of the group! :hug:

LawGirl88: Thanks for checking in and supporting Fi and penmage! It is great to hear from you and to know that you are feeling pretty good. Take some time to just breathe during all of your busyness!!! ;)

shr1nk1ngme: I am so curious why Effexor was so horrible for you, because I have been on it for a long time now and it seems to be working for me, other than my weight loss resistance (which I THINK is mostly due to Abilify), which is actually a HUGE issue for me right now. Good luck weaning off Cymbalta. Good that you are tapering off slowly and that the natural supplements seem to be helping!

donijo23: Thank you for posting about yourself. So sorry to hear that your seizure disorder is "crazy out of whack" right now. I hope you are able to get things under control soon! Best of luck with your testing later this month at the Mayo Clinic. You should be in good hands there. I have been there, too, with not even being able to get the little things done, let alone the big things. It is a LOUSY place to be! :( My depression is well-managed now, but I still struggle with getting things done on a daily basis. Some days are better than others. You are wise to take it one day at a time! I hope you will go through with Weight Watchers. I think it would help you. I am tempted to try it, too. Tried it very briefly on-line only (no meetings) awhile ago. I know the meetings would help me, but for a variety of reasons, I am not going that route right now. Let us know how it goes on Tuesday! Good luck! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! :D

ushotmedown: Thank you for posting. Good luck getting a correct diagnosis! That must be a frustrating process. Please keep us posted on how things go.

Chelsea (CDubsGotGoats): I was so happy to read your long post at the end of our January thread. Glad to have you back in the group! ;) Please post on this thread when you get a chance, just so I know you made it over! :)

02-03-2014, 12:03 AM
shr1nk1ngme: I am so curious why Effexor was so horrible for you, because I have been on it for a long time now and it seems to be working for me, other than my weight loss resistance (which I THINK is mostly due to Abilify), which is actually a HUGE issue for me right now. Good luck weaning off Cymbalta. Good that you are tapering off slowly and that the natural supplements seem to be helping!

Effexor was effective, but problematic for me because it was so very time critical. If I was even 2 hours late on my dose, or God forbid skipped a dose, the side effects of withdrawal would begin. Unexpected shocks of sheer panic for no reason whatsoever (which I NEVER had before Effexor, nor again since the side effects wore off) and brain-frying electric jolts. Quitting Effexor was absolute misery. Took me a whole year to wean myself off of it and I continued to have withdrawal symptoms (jolts and panic) for several months afterwards.

Skipping a dose of Cymbalta produces similar side effects but they are much less intense. If you leave home without taking your meds and have to take it later in the day, you can still function in the meantime.

02-03-2014, 08:56 AM
Hello! so many new people here but I do recognize a few of you just from around the site , hi :welcome:

My food choices are terrible also, I start out well and then just disregard any of my resolve :rolleyes:

Fi I'm so sorry about what your friend did!

I will try to address all at some other posting time, really! take care .

02-03-2014, 01:25 PM
Hi! I am still plugging along. The diet is going ok. Still haven't been weighed yet so that is a source of stress. I'm worried it hasn't made much of a difference. I'm going to a book club this month. I don't get out much.

02-03-2014, 01:34 PM
shr1nk1ngme: Wow, that is terrible how the time-sensitivity of taking Effexor affected you!!! Thanks for sharing. Did it affect your weight at all? I hope I don't have such a difficult time weaning off Effexor if and when the time comes! :fr:

Holly: Great to hear from you! :)

So far today, I have been like a bump on a log. Took a power nap with my pups, when I should have been working on my house. :o But I admit it felt good! ;) I take my daughter to training later today, so I will get a good walk on the treadmill in there. :tread:

Waving hello :wave: to everyone!!!

02-03-2014, 01:38 PM
lilturtle: I just saw your post AFTER I posted. Great to see that you made it onto the new thread! Thanks for posting. Hope you enjoy your book club! Good for you for making that plan to get yourself out of the house. Did you order a new scale from Amazon yet?

02-03-2014, 03:01 PM
shr1nk1ngme: Wow, that is terrible how the time-sensitivity of taking Effexor affected you!!! Thanks for sharing. Did it affect your weight at all? I hope I don't have such a difficult time weaning off Effexor if and when the time comes! :fr:

Whatever you do, don't ever run out or stop taking it suddenly. Take it seriously when the label says "do not stop taking this medicine suddenly". You have to wean from it.

02-03-2014, 07:25 PM
Hi there...

It's so nice to have a fun and supportive group here, thank you to everyone who keeps it bustling!

Hi Coffeeshopgirl, it's great to see you. I can definitely relate to the ups and downs with mood swings, that can be very frustrating.

Chelsea, thank you for sharing your kind words. I love my lil Snickers! I hope I'm not allergic to him, I think I had a moderate or semi severe allergy to the Timothy hay and aspen bedding. My asthma acts up in the cold and hot weather, I was feeling a bit under the weather in the beginning of last week, so I'm not sure what's going on. I really hope that I don't have to part with my little Snickers, I think that things are better since removing the hay and bedding, at least for me, I hope he's not too out of his orient.

I've been a bit emotional lately, I'm not sure exactly why, other than a few things have been cropping up and I don't react well to feeling overwhelmed. I'm debating seeing a new therapist who is closer but I am not sure, I'll have to see. He does hypotherapy and I am considering trying that for pain management.

Take care and have a nice, safe and warm evening everyone.

Amy and Snickers ;)

Fiona W
02-03-2014, 08:43 PM
Howdy y'all... I'm still dragging a-s-s over the breakup with my Belgian friend, Robine. And I decided to step up my diet on February 1st by going back on the strict Atkins "induction" plan, so I don't even have the sugar-free muesli as a comfort food anymore. I'm trying to talk myself into thinking of cheese sticks as a comfort food. I do like the little zipper sleeves they come in, so at least they're fun to unwrap. =weak smile=

Why did I decide to go back on strict Atkins? For sort of a silly reason: my birthday is the 22nd of this month, and the 22nd is also the day of the month I weigh myself (I can't stand the stress of weighing any more often than that), and I want the scale to show a nice hefty loss as a birthday present to myself.

I just hope that the strict Atkins doesn't make me depressed. That's why I added the muesli in the first place, because I thought I was one of those people who gets depressed on Atkins. But I could've been wrong: it could've been the change in my meds finally kicking in that pulled me out of that depression last fall, not the muesli.

Such is the convoluted logic of a person still deep in grief over losing an amazingly wonderful friendship... :(

02-03-2014, 10:47 PM

02-04-2014, 04:20 AM
I hesitated so much before joining this group. I hope I'm taking the right step to join in. I'm saying this because I can easily get dragged down when others are giving up (which I hope won't happen too often).
I'm going through a depression, I started prozac 10 days ago but before that I had never taken any antidepressant. Ever since I started the medication, I exercised only once. The day after the first day I took the medication I tried to exercise and got lightheaded. I live alone and I exercise on a treadmill so I got scared and that was that.
Before then I lost 6 pounds (my goal for the month). And now since I've stopped exercising I can't stop cheating with my diet. For me that's how it works the more I exercise the less I feel like snacking/overeating.
I hope I'll give and receive support from this group throughout this month. I don''t want to give up this time around.

02-04-2014, 06:23 AM
Hi there!

Penmage- thank you so much for all of the hugs! I really appreciate them! That means so much. I am feeling better, my asthma is better tonight, thank God!!! I feel that my spirits are better too. :)

Fiona- Happy birthday!!! I understand wanting to lose weight, I want to lose weight too, but I just hope that restricting too much isn't too overwhelming for you. Sometimes when I restrict too much, I crave the forbidden fruit that much more. Good luck!

Thirti- welcome!! I hear you about getting dragged down easily, I do get dragged down too but I think that this is a great group. I was on Prozac about 15 years ago and it did help a little. Good luck with your meds, I hope you like your doctor. Take care.

02-04-2014, 09:17 AM
:df::df::df:I am losing 5.5lbs 12 times. I'm currently left with 11 times!!!:df::df::df:

I love this signature! What a great way to approach weight loss!:carrot:

Your body was probably still adjusting to the medication when the dizzy spell happened to you on the treadmill, or maybe your blood sugar was low that morning. Now that you are used to the medication, it should be better. I hope you can find a way to exercise without being too lightheaded. Just take it slow, start out with short sessions, drink water, and make sure you have a small amount of healthy food before you work out.

02-04-2014, 10:02 AM
Hey thirty4thirty, :welcome: and I hope you can find some companionship and know that these great chicks really care about us! :hug:

penmage - Oh I am just too embarrassed to say hi at the South Beach thread :( I did so well, and just slipped back into old, bad habits and am w-a-y up in weight again. And just can't seem to stick to my resolve for even more than one flippin day.

Hey it is just horrid that the eharmony guy has pulled away! maybe he needs some time to digest what happened (I know that sounds like I'm making excuses for him...YOU'RE the one who was assaulted!! but we know guys' minds work differently than ours) It just really REALLY sux when the victim is blamed, but that's how some people work with an unpleasant problem.

again no time to say HI and :hug: to everyone personally, i stayed in bed again 2 hours later than i should, now I have to get ready for work. Really glad you are all here :) :) :)

02-04-2014, 02:12 PM
Hello all, and welcome to all our new group friends! I can't post much today but wanted to let you know I found the thread and am keeping up. Fi it is good to hear from you and I am very sorry to hear what is happening with your friend. I have long distance friendships as well, and it doesn't effect the amount of impact they have on your life.

Things seem to be going well emotionally, though i did eat way too much bad stuff this weekend. I love food! It's a tough spot. My hands are still giving me a lot of problems that seem to be increasing again, but I have an appointment next week so hopefully that will start to help.

Good thoughts to everyone,

02-04-2014, 04:20 PM
Hi all! I haven't purchased my scale from Amazon yet. Waiting on some money issues. Hopefully soon. I am supposed to do some errands today but I can't get a cab and it is stressing me out. I am trying to let go of it. I will try again at 4 to get a cab.

penmage - I found my book club on Meet It has all kinds of groups. I haven't gone yet. It isn't until the 19th. I am still waiting on the book from Amazon.

02-04-2014, 06:57 PM
I did my first weigh in at WW today.... 186.6

Not too happy, but it is a starting point :df:

02-04-2014, 08:15 PM
Evening ladies!

thirti4thirty- Welcome! I've not been on Prozac so I can't offer any advice, but I hope you find it works for you!

seabiscuit- Glad you're feeling better!

Holly- Thank you! And don't feel bad about the re-gain, I gained back everything I lost last time. Only 23 to go to get back where I was lol. Stupid bread.

CDubsGotGoats- Hi!

lilturtle- I looked on MeetUp just now and voila! There one is. Unfortunately I'm way out in the boonies (farm country. My neighbors have a dairy farm) so the nearest one is 40 minutes away. I'll check with the library, but last I heard they just had knitting and crocheting groups.

donijo23- Fingers crossed you'll never see that number again!

02-04-2014, 09:11 PM
Wow, lots of communication going on in the group lately!!! I love it!!! I just ate a bunch of pizza :o and a little salad. Yes, I know, it should have been the other way around, if eating pizza at all! :( Ugggggh!!! I just can't seem to get back on board at the moment! I got in 35 minutes on the treadmill yesterday late afternoon and plan to get at least 30 minutes later tonight (after my food digests). I am finally exercising consistently, but I just HAVE to get the food part of this equation under control again if I am going to have success. I am driving myself crazy! :dizzy:

thirti4thirty: :welcome3: to the group! I hope you will find the support you need here to help encourage you toward your goals. I am so sorry that you are experiencing depression right now, but you are making the right move by reaching out for help (with medication and by joining the group). You just don't have to go through this alone. Sorry you got lightheaded while exercising when you first started your medication. Shr1nk1ngme gave you some great suggestions for when you are ready to try the treadmill again. That is interesting that the more you exercise, the less you are tempted to overeat. So I say definitely try that treadmill again, but take it SLOW and make sure you are well hydrated and not exercising on an empty stomach. Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!!! You are worth every effort you put forth! YOU CAN DO THIS!!! And we will be here cheering you on! :cheer2:

penmage: First, let me say how sorry I am about the sexual assault you experienced. :( That is just AWFUL!!! And as if that wasn't bad enough, your eHarmony guy didn't even acknowledge it..... or you?!? I don't get it!!! :?: Good luck going "back to the drawing board" as they say. That takes courage. You will find the right person when the time is right, I believe. eHarmony has a good track record, it seems. And, BTW, you are just fine to write as much as you want!!! So vent all you want if/when you need to!!! I am listening! ;) BIG HUGS to you! :hug: Thanks for pointing out that you are in Ohio, too. Are you a Buckeye fan? :D

Fi: It is so good to have you back on board! :hug: I am still so sorry about the current difficulties you are going through. YIKES! The Induction phase of Atkins again sounds scary to me! :fr: How strict is it? You can do anything you put your mind to, though. And I definitely like the idea of giving a big LOSS on the scale to yourself as a b-day present! Do you think your adjusted dose on your med is working better for you now? Any more episodes of angina? I hope not! When do you see a specialist? I hope things start looking UP for you soon! ;)

seabiscuit: Glad to hear from you! I sure hope you are not allergic to little Snickers!!! Sorry you've been emotional lately. I hate the feeling of being overwhelmed, too! :( Good luck with your decision about a new therapist and hypnotherapy. Trust yourself and your gut! You know yourself best! :hug:

Holly: Thanks for checking in and supporting everyone! It's always nice to hear from you. ;)

Chelsea: Thanks for posting to let us know you found the thread. Sorry you are having problems with your hands again. Hope you can get some relief soon! I sure hear ya on loving food!!! That is a problem for me, too! :o

Trish (lilturtle): Glad you have the book club to look forward to. You will have to let us know how it goes. :)

donijo23: Congrats on your first WW weigh-in! Your weight sounds GREAT to me right about now!!! ;) I'd take it! Just putting things in perspective....... it could definitely be worse! Good luck and let me know how you like WW! :)

shr1nk1ngme: Good to hear from you lately! Thank you for offering some great advice to thirti4thirty! :)

Keep up the great posts everyone!!! Each of you make this group what it is. It is so much fun to log on and read about how everyone is doing. It helps me to know that I am not alone in this battle with weight loss, especially on meds! So here's a hug for all of you! :hug:

Fiona W
02-04-2014, 11:02 PM
Sorry guys, but I'm still too deep in grief to be supportive to other people, other than saying that I'm reading all your postings and thinking good thoughts in your direction. My eating has gotten very simple: turkey slices and cheese sticks. And cream in my two cups of coffee in the morning. I think the grief must be affecting my appetite: I hope my metabolism hasn't dialed way down, too. I've even skipped my leg exercises for a couple of nights in a row, but I'll get back with the program tomorrow night.

But I made a collage today! I've relieved that my art is back. It was only gone for a few days, but when I don't want to make art, I don't feel human. I hope everybody has a stellar Wednesday.

02-05-2014, 09:21 AM
Yesterday was anxiety-free! After a lite dinner, I cranked out approximately 7 miles at the gym. I could tell some people were staring over in my direction a little bit, so I had to keep 'em entertained. Haha. Oh! And I watched Despicable Me 2. Good movie, much laughter.

02-05-2014, 12:33 PM
I went a night without my meds. No sleep. I'm having pharmacy/refill problems. The doctor blames the pharmacy and the pharmacy blames the doctor. It's frustrating. Also because of the weather I might not be able to go out today again. I have stuff that needs done.

02-05-2014, 07:18 PM
IBelieveInMe2- Hey, at least you're exercising! I'm the opposite of you. I've got the eating pretty well straightened out (although I'd absolutely eat a bread sandwich with a side of bread right now), but I'm piteously behind on the exercise. Maybe we should help each other :lol: And no, I'm not a Buckeye fan (I know, I know...), but in my defense I grew up in the South and didn't move up here til 22. So my football allegiance was already set! Also, I'm sending you a PM. :)

Fiona- :hug:

LilDazed- Cheers for an anxiety-free day! And way to go at the gym. I saw Despicable Me 2 when it was in theaters. I think I liked the first one more, but not by much! They were both super adorable. I want a minion.

lilturtle- I'm sorry you're having refill problems! I hate the stupid finger-pointing game of "Who messed up". I don't CARE who messed up, the pharmacy needs to give me my PILLS. :lol: Did you end up being stuck inside today? We got less snow than forecasted, and I initially thought I'd be stuck inside too. Granted, I didn't go anywhere anyway, but I COULD have! :lol:

I'm doing fair today. During the day it's much easier to distract myself, but nights are hard. I brought my cat into my room early this morning (like 3am) to cuddle with me so I could fall asleep.

I'm not overly bothered by what my former-friend did (obviously I didn't appreciate it and I'd prefer if it hadn't happened, but it could have been taken sooo much further, you know?), what I was bothered about was how Justin would react. He has a history of being cheated on, and I was afraid if he found out later, he'd think I invited the attention and deliberately kept it from him. So I told him the truth when it happened, hoping he'd see that I'm being honest and I'm not like his exes. Before this, we were just fine. Clicked great, texted most every day, talked on the phone a couple times, no problems. And then this. And now *poof*

The match is still open on e-Harmony and we're still friends on Facebook, but it's been 2.5 weeks now. Admittedly, I'm sort of giving up hope that he'll get in touch with me, but I can be stupidly optimistic at times, so there's a teeny little thread hanging on desperately.

I have sort of a rough dating history myself (dated a guy who turned out to be a molester, then I was engaged to someone who was emotionally manipulative and had an anger problem, then the most recent boyfriend told me to pick out a ring and then broke up with me weeks later because he just wanted to be friends), but I finally thought I'd found a good one, you know?

Is it too much to ask for something to go easy for me? :lol:

Have a great, safe evening all! You guys are the best. :hug:

[Added early 2/6 instead of making new post]

Ugh. Bad night, guys. I have texts and pictures from Justin I can't bring myself to delete. And any time I try to listen to a voice mail, it plays one he left me a few weeks ago first, back before he disappeared, and I can't bring myself to delete that either. So I have to hear it every time I miss a call and they leave a message. I feel pathetic being so broken up over this whole situation, but I really thought he was the one. Which I know sounds silly considering we've never even met in person yet (if ever...), but I feel like, sometimes you just know, and I knew. In that way that you know the layout of your house even in the dark. I suppose I metaphorically "stubbed my toe" in this instance though!

Even if he decides he's no longer interested, is it too much to ask to have him, oh, I don't know, tell me? At this point I don't know if it would hurt more or less than this horrible limbo. Maybe he needs time to process it, like Holly (I think it was you, Holly) said. And maybe I'm looking at this from a girl perspective, but if something awful happened to Justin, I wouldn't disappear for 2 weeks to think about it!! What all is there to process about "I went to a friend's house and he sexually assaulted me, so I left and called you because I care about you and don't ever want you to think I'm a cheater like your exes" ?

I just... I don't understand. He's sent me amazing texts, telling me how I'm the woman of his dreams, he can't wait to have me in his arms, I'm his one fish in a sea of a million... and then to just disappear! Am I so desperately lonely and so desperately wanting to be loved that I got played?

Part of me is pathetically hoping that he's just been insanely busy (I know one week, previously, he worked 97 hours. So it's possible) and will get back to me. The rational part of me is saying if I really mattered to him, he would have found time in the last 2.5 weeks to text me or call or message me on Facebook. Sometimes I don't like the rational part of me.

But even then, if he does show up, would I even really want to be with someone who could ignore me for weeks at a time? Where I'm clearly going to be second string behind his work? I told a girlfriend of mine, about a month ago, that if he really works as much as he says he works, I can kinda see why his previous girlfriends cheated. Being ignored is freaking lonely! Not that that's any excuse, I just understand the reasoning.

And to add just a bit of levity to the situation (because otherwise I'm seriously going to cry), the "creepy stalker" in me wants to look him up in the phone book and show up on his doorstep this weekend and be like "WTF dude?"

Sorry for the epic add-on. I just needed someplace to let it out. I can't talk to my parents, as they don't know about what happened, and they're not good "talking" people anyway. I'm glad I have you guys!!

02-06-2014, 01:23 PM
penmage: I am so very sorry about the h*ll this Justin guy is putting you through by not contacting you. :( That is really strange! :?: I would be going through many of the same thoughts as you are. I would guess he doesn't know what to do with the "sexual assault" thing, but it's hard to tell. If you were the "woman of his dreams" wouldn't he at least call and discuss things?!? Sounds like he has some issues of his own to deal with. I would suggest that, in the meantime of waiting (to hear from him ~ or not ~ and/or for a new guy) you focus hard on working on your own personal issues (we all have them!), so that you are as emotionally healthy as possible. The reason I say this is that we tend to attract people with the same level of issues as us, so the healthier you are ~ the more healthy the guy(s) will be that you attract. Just a thought/idea to help distract you while you sort out what happened with Justin. Sorry that you can't talk to your parents about this whole thing. I was the same way (still am at the age of 47). That in itself is sad. I am so happy that you took the time to vent to all of us. We really do care about you and want only the best for you! :hug: Please know that you can come here ANY TIME and reach out for support. Hang in there and know that you did not do a thing wrong!!! If Justin stays away now, it is HE who has the problem and maybe you are better off without him. I know that may be hard to hear right now, but it's really the truth. I strongly believe that things (other than crimes and other purely evil events) work out the way they are "supposed" to in the long run. We just can't see the "big picture" yet..... until all is played out. So try to be patient, have faith, and be the best YOU you can be! All will be well! :hug:

02-06-2014, 01:54 PM
I did 40 minutes on the treadmill at the gym yesterday while my daughter worked with our trainer. Still eating lots of extras and even "bad" desserts. :o Not just little bites either. :o :( I need to get back in control of myself and my food choices. I will never lose weight this way! :( Not sure what is going on :?: other than self-sabotage..... and it wouldn't be the first time I have sabotaged myself. :cry: I need to DIG DEEP and find the LOVE for myself that I lost somewhere along the way!!! I think that might be the root of my self-sabotage. :?:

Fi: So sorry that you are deep in grief at the moment. :( My heart breaks for you and I can just tell that you are not yourself right now. Please be extra gentle with and kind to yourself during this difficult time. Sending you many hugs! :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: We are here for you if/when you need us! And we do care about you. :)

LilDazed: HOORAY for an anxiety-free day!!! And, wow, 7 miles at the gym is AWESOME!!! :D I love those Despicable Me movies! The little children are my favorite..... along with the minions! :D

lilturtle: That worries me that you had to go a night (or more) without your meds. :( Did you get refills yet?!? How frustrating when the pharmacy and the doctor are blaming each other and you just want your daggone meds!!! Been there and done that, too. I hope things get resolved SOON for your sake! Hang in there on the weather! It is frustrating when you are stuck at home, too. Take some long, deep breaths and try to be patient. It'll all work out in time. Post and vent in the meantime if you need to! We are here for you! :)

Waving hello :wave: to everyone else!

Fiona W
02-06-2014, 02:03 PM
I'm miserable. Still over the same thing (I know it's boring)—the sudden break-up of my friendship with Robine. Last night I acted out with food: I ate a bunch of muesli. Sugar-free, but still, a lot of carbs. This morning I feel like I'll never be hungry again. And like I'll never be happy again.

I'm always like this with grief: it hits me like a ton o' bricks, and the acutely painful phase takes a long time to pass. And there are fluctuations, of course, in how bad it is. But it's a process, and it will move on, and even now I can tell my emotions are progressing in a healthy way. I just wish I didn't feel so busted up: she broke my heart!!

02-06-2014, 03:33 PM
Fi- :hug: :hug: :hug:
I wish I had advice to give, but I'm sort of in the same spot with Justin. PM me if you ever need to talk!

02-06-2014, 07:24 PM
I have trouble with relationships too. I have made so many bad choices. I lost a great guy not long ago myself. Penmage I might pm you sometime. When I read what you wrote we have something in common.

I got my meds yesterday thank God. I slept last night so that was good. I'm still keeping my calories under 1200-1400 a day so I should be losing weight. But no scale yet. I've really been craving ice cream lately. I don't know why, it is so cold out.

02-06-2014, 09:33 PM
lil turtle, I'm so glad you got your meds! and I APPLAUD you for being able to stick to your allotted, sensible calories!!! :carrot: (something I cannot seem to do) I hope your craving for that cold stuff goes away :)

Fi - so sorry you're miserable sweety :hug: a really hard blow you've been dealt. we all wish we could make it better for you!

Kathleen - 40 minutes is a hella long time on the treadmill! :carrot: You and me both need to somehow find the strength to make us remember our goals and our current unhappiness at what we want to change.

Penmage, I'm really glad you're here :) loved your description of a bread sandwich with a side of bread :rofl: You are a South Beach hero to me! and it is NOT too much for maybe life to go your way for a while :)

Lil Dazed - whoa, 7 miles....!!!! :cool:

30-4-30 (is that OK? :) ) VERY glad to meet you and that you are here. I hope the PRozac works for you, I am a wellbutrin person myself. It is SOOO very great that we have this group for :hug:

donijo, facing a starting point is good, you can only go down from there!

Hey Chelsea, sorry about your hands..

Hi seabiscuit and snickers :)

and also :welcome to shrinkingme !

I wasted SO much time today, and yesterday, in bed. To show you how bad it is, I did get up at 6:30 this morning. Drank 2 cups of coffee, did computer stuff, had a piece of pb toast, then went back to bed for 2 hours. Got up, vacuumed, worked out for 50 minutes, then WENT BACK TO BED. Ugh!! I did get up AGAIN and then went to town for errands, but I hate this behavior so much!!

Back to work tomorrow, with my struggle of getting hungry (who doesn't during a 7 hour shift) and not being given time to eat, and then I get so very angry, and 'act out' by eating a big (like 400 calorie) cookies. I hate my life in winter :(

02-06-2014, 09:52 PM
Maybe I need to post some reasons to TRY to make myself remember why I have to force myself to try to make some changes in my eating.

Next week, I most probably will be voted in as President of United Motorcyclists of Vermont (am currently vice president) I will be having to make some public appearences, at the least in front of crowds, at the most on TV (not really a big deal :D ) and I feel so much more confident when my weight is in the 140's.

Warmer weather - means tee shirts! and I can't imagine baring my arms at this point.

Back to my summer job - don't want the catty office manager to speak to others how "Holly's gained weight"

Current job - cant' stand the thought of my piece-o-crap boss and his wife commenting how I've gained weight

Summer - riding my motorcycle about non-stop; I don't want my thighs and @ss spilling out of my chaps!

Fall - my son is getting married! and I want to feel confident, and have him be proud of me, and if I spend time with the fiance's mother, not to feel so self conscious.

Fiona W
02-06-2014, 10:12 PM
Today I was finally able to express my feelings about the loss of the friendship with Robine in a new collage (

If any of you are inspired to say anything about this collage, I would really appreciate it. Feedback helps.

02-06-2014, 10:25 PM
Fi - one can see/feel the pain in that collage!

(I clicked through some of your others - WOW! loved the 5th Dimension one :D )

02-07-2014, 03:02 PM
I looked at your collage Fi and it's really great. Thanks for sharing it.

Not much new here. It kind of feels like ground hogs day......not much change. Scale will be here Tuesday.

02-07-2014, 06:00 PM
Hi all... I have been lurking a bit and thought I would say hello today.

I have a bevy of health issues, all of them involve lots of physical pain, which interestingly lengthy exposure to pain will change your brain chemistry permanently to a depressive state. So, I am on Cymbalta which helps the pain - and the brain.

Was doing very well on it until last fall when I experienced an extremely severe flare up of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Since then I have been struggling to avoid binge eating (unsuccessful there) and staying on the positive side of life. I finally recognized it a couple of weeks ago, asked around to some folks I know that if it is possible to become resistant to a medication after a while (or develop a tolerance?). No one knows, so I have a doctor appointment tomorrow to discuss this.

I was so excited, had gotten from 300 pounds down to 164. Then I bounced back and forth between 175-185 for a while, now I am back up to 198. Have been trying to do Atkins, but cant control the eating.

Hopefully tomorrow will resolve some of these issue

02-07-2014, 10:40 PM
Kat117: :welcome: So glad you posted! ;) I am no doctor, but ~ from my experience ~ I think you CAN develop a tolerance to a medication where it stops benefitting you any more. Before I finally settled on my current "cocktail" of meds, I had tried a few that worked great at first..... and then the benefit wore off and I had to try something else. I am very happy to hear that you are going to the doctor to discuss this, though. Please let us know what he/she has to say. Congrats on your awesome weight loss. Even 198 is much healthier than 300, so you have still improved your health a lot with what you lost. I hope the doctor will help you get things straightened out, though, so you can begin to lose weight again. Best of luck to you and thanks for having the courage to post! :hug:

Fi: Sorry that you are still feeling so miserable. :( At least you are in touch with your feelings and allowing yourself to progress through the grief. That part is good. When I first looked at your collage/postcard ~ torn right through the gut ~ it seemed obvious to me that she ripped your gut apart. That is what really struck me and probably the reason it hurts so badly. :( So sorry you have to go through this. :(

lilturtle: So happy to hear that you got your meds! Hang in there until that scale arrives on Tuesday. I think you are in for some good news!!! :) Please keep us posted either way. Crossing my fingers for you! ;)

Holly: You are so right that we need to remember our goals and our current unhappiness with our bodies so that we can make wiser food choices. Thanks for sharing that insight. It is helpful. :) Hey, and congrats on most likely being voted in as the President of United Motorcyclists of Vermont next week!!! Now THAT is KEWL!!! :D

Waving hello :wave: to everyone else!

Fiona W
02-07-2014, 11:23 PM
Kat117— Welcome to the group! I have a recommendation for you regarding binge eating: Kathryn Hansen's Brain Over Binge ( Hansen's technique is so excellent, I immediately became binge-free after reading the book, and have been binge-free since. You can also google her blog: look for "Brain Over Binge" blog. But the book is just fabulous...

02-08-2014, 03:30 AM
Hi everyone.

I am up late tonight but I need to get some rest. I just wanted to post and let everyone know I've lost 5 pounds. YAY!!!!!!!

I hope this post finds you all well. I have to work Sat and Sun this weekend. I can't wait until Monday comes. I need a day off. I'm kind of burnt out right now.

Well, I will try to pop back in later today. Maybe I will have more interesting things to tell you.

Much love to all.

02-08-2014, 09:02 AM
Hi Kat117 and :welcome:! I really hope you can get your meds figured out. Really sorry about your pain :( but BIG congrats on getting over 100 lbs smaller! :cheer2: !!! glad you joined us :) OH and I like your words of trying to make frustration work FOR us instead of against!

Ohio, hi :wave: :) CONGRATS on being down 5 pounds!!!!!!!!! :cheer2: Hope the weekend goes quickly for you...not what I usually tell people :D but I work every weekend so I know what it's like.

Hi Kathleen :) thanks, I do think that it will be kewl to be the first woman prez of that group, in this state. Not that's it's a cutthroat competition, it's hard to get members at all, let alone officers, no one wants the responsibilities :rofl:

Hi Fi :) and :hug: no way to mitigate your heartache but we do care. I must read that book you've recommended; and at the very least check out that blog.

Well my food was relatively in line yesterday, for a change (rolling eyes at myself) Yogurt in the morning; chicken breast at lunch; more yogurt in afternoon; about 4 oz roast beef later afternoon, 2 slices pizza at son and fiance's place, then a packet of peanuts (200 calories?) I found in my glovebox on the 22 mile drive home, lol.

might have groaned about it before, but my huge hurdle during the winter, is that i'm not given a break to eat something during the 7 hours at work; so the best I can do is quickly (like literally one or 2 minutes) slurp down yogurt; or something soft and squishy or cut up small, that I've brought form home (the soft and squishy so it doesn't need much chewing!)

I know, its freaking against the law to not give someone a break but I'm sure it is prevalent among stingy-@ss employers like mine. Then i get so angry and the hunger/anger kinda combine into one bad emotion and that's when i sneak-eat a huge cookie.

Well HI to everyone else and I hope this day is good for you at the best; and not awful at the least.

Fiona W
02-08-2014, 12:43 PM
Here's something that comes under the heading of "small victories": my car was just about out of gas yesterday, so I pulled into the 7-11 where I usually fill up (they have the best price). Before I even got out of my car at the pump, I realized with a sinking sensation that I wanted very badly to go into the 7-11 and buy a bunch of the cookies I used to binge on. 'Scared the h-e-l-l out of me. So I peeled out of there as fast as I could. Well today, my car was still out of gas, right? Guess what: I was able to pull back into the same 7-11 and get gas—no problem. I thought about those cookies they had, going "Ha ha ha! You cookies don't boss ME around no more!" =big grin=

So I'm finally getting my mojo back—yay!

Holly— Thanks for your comment on my collage: I really appreciate it. That's so unfair (& illegal, of course) that they don't give you a break for 7 hours, it's making ME really P.O.-ed! But not wanting a cookie—praise be for that. I can't wait to hear your news about bein' president of your motorcycle association!

ohiofreespirit— Way to go on losing 5 pounds—woo hoo!

Kathleen— Thanks for what you said about my collage: I acually felt more torn through the heart—you know, that really painful sensation in your chest—but it worked better for the collage to rip the postcard in half. But I'm better now: making the collage turned out to be very helpful in moving me past the acute grief. You really do need to check out Kathryn Hansen's book, because some of the stuff you've said about overeating until you're miserably stuffed qualifies as a binge. And her technique works for resisting all kinds of food-related urges, not just binging.

Trish— Thanks so much for your comment on my collage! I'm glad to hear you're gettin' your scale soon...that'll be nice to see how you've been doing. I don't know why I haven't mentioned this earlier, but you know, taking your measurements is another good way of tracking your progress—even just one measurement at waist level. Often it will happen that someone will get smaller according to their measurements even when the scale is not changing. And if you happen to need an extra-long tape measure, they sell them at AmpleStuff (just google them).

penmage— I've really appreciated your supportive comments: they mean a lot to me, coming from someone else who is suffering from heartache! You're a stronger woman than I am, to be able to give like that to someone else when you're in the midst of personal pain. It really sucks what Justin did to you! I hope you've had some in-person support from a girlfriend or somebody for the trauma of that assault: that sounded like a horrible experience.

02-09-2014, 05:21 PM
We just got back home from a sled hockey tournament in Ft. Wayne, Indiana for my 14-year-old daughter. They won 2 games Saturday night and lost 2 games this morning. She scored an awesome goal in one of the games this morning, so she was excited about that, but unhappy that they didn't win the whole tournament. I do like snow, but I have to say that I am getting sick of this bitter cold weather. There was so much snow in Indiana and it was FREEZING!!! BRRRRR!!! I can't wait until spring!!! :sunny: I don't think I was cut out to be a "hockey mom" (because it is such a cold sport), but I guess I am one! :lol: Actually, sled hockey has been a Godsend for our daughter. She is handicapped (Spina Bifida) and being a part of a competititve team has been really special for her. She has a lot of potential, we are told. Her goal is to play sled hockey in the 2022 paralympics ~ IF women's sled hockey is an official paralympic sport by then. (Men's sled hockey is a paralympic sport already.) That would mean A LOT of traveling and lots of COLD places....... but I'd suck it up for her. She is SO worth it!!! :love: I am really proud of her.

Fi: I'd call resisting those cookies a HUGE victory ~ not "small!" You have been so distraught with heartache, so resisting those cookies you used to binge on is extra AWESOME!!! :D The last thing I need is another book, but I think I better check out Brain Over Binge. Thanks for the reminder. Keep on healing and take good care of yourself! You're worth it! ;)

ohiofreespirit: Congratulations on losing 5 pounds!!! :D That must feel GREAT!!! :carrot: Hope you enjoy your day off on Monday!

Holly (VermontMom): Wow, FIRST woman President is even KEWLer!!! :D Let us know if/when you are sworn in!!! ;) :carrot:

Trish (lilturtle): Please let us know how your weigh-in goes on Tuesday when your scale arrives. I so hope your efforts have paid off!!! ;)

Tomorrow, we will be traveling (again) to Pittsburgh to my daughter's endocrinologist. Routine check-up. The drive is inconvenient, but she (the doctor) is THE guru on Spina Bifida and growth, so it is worth the drive. I find it difficult to make good/healthy food choices on road trips such as these, but I will do my best tomorrow. Ate so-so over the weekend while in Ft. Wayne. I really need to put all of my REASONS for losing weight back in the FRONT of my mind and make it a real PRIORITY again. I think I am about over my tantrum! :rofl: I gotta get that scale to GO DOWN!!!!! :crossed:

02-09-2014, 08:15 PM

02-10-2014, 10:44 AM
hi there Penmage - I can hear that you are hurting about this situation. I am sorry you have to go through all of this. I think you are a very brave lady and have a lot of strength in you to face situations head on. Kudos to you for being the one who is in control of your life.

Stay strong and know that should he choose not to respond - he is the one losing out on a wonderful person in his life.

02-10-2014, 03:55 PM
I'm not getting the scale now. Long story. :( Fi taking measurements is a great idea. Thanks!

Fiona W
02-10-2014, 06:09 PM
I've been sort of blah, mostly focused on churning out letters & postcards for the Month of Letters challenge. Last night I made a collage—actually, a mosaic—out of pieces of photographs taken by a friend of mine, and I was discouraged about how it turned out.

Ever since my Belgian friend pulled the plug on me I've been so paranoid about having a cookie attack that I've been eating very little. I guess that could be a good thing, but when it gets down under 1000 calories a day I worry that my metabolism is slowing way down. I won't know, I guess, until my weigh-in on the 22nd.

I sure am ready for my heartache to be over, but it's not....

02-10-2014, 07:05 PM
Hi everyone, just caught up with you and am sending a big round of hugs!

Fi, your collage is wonderful. The simplicity of it shows the real, sharp, pain that you are feeling. Congratulations on not going for those cookies!! I have many times not been as strong this month for lesser reasons, it is a BIG victory not a small one.

Kathleen, You are the worlds best mom. I know that you will make that weight disappear, even if just a little at a time. Maybe Fi's suggestion of measurements would be good for you, since your scale seems to be broken :) Getting 40 mins on the treadmill is fantastic, btw.

Penmage, it is so good that you are able to confront Justin instead of letting the matter hang. With closure can come real healing. I am thinking about you.

Holly- Congratu-freaking-lations, Ms. President! Having worked in many a crappy food establishment, I am sorry that your employers are so terrible. Hanger is hard to control, eating becomes an act of spite and provides its own special type of satisfaction! I hope that those cookies don't let you drag yourself down. Yogurt is a good thing to eat on a quick break, maybe add some granola or a little carbs to help hold you through your day since you don't get real breaks?

Hello to everyone else!

We had SNOW!! almost 2 whole feet! If you know about the willamette valley, you know we don't really get snow much, so no one is ever prepared. I was stuck at home for 4 days and without power for 2. But, back at work today and starting an exercise program with 2 of my co-workers, so I am hopeful that I will keep with it better since they are around every day to check in with!

Hugs, good thoughts, and you are all amazing!!!

02-10-2014, 09:27 PM
I have four pills left at the higher dose and then I switch to a lower dose in my journey toward weaning from Cymbalta. I'll check in here and let you know if I encounter any problems.

02-10-2014, 09:47 PM
Hi everyone.

I went to see my nurse practitioner who gives me my meds. She upped my Gabapentin to 800 mg 3x a day. I have still been having on-going problems with anxiety. Hopefully this will help me even out and not be so anxious all the damned time.

I have an appt with my therapist later this month on the 20th. These appts are really important for me to go to, they really keep me on an even keel. My therapist is wonderful, I've been with her for a long time. I don't know what I'd do if I would have to change?

My dog died. It's been really really hard. His death was unexpected despite his being 11 years old. I found him, he had fallen asleep and did not wake up. It was hard, he was cold and stiff. I cried over him and hugged him like a child. I couldn't help it. I loved that dog so much. I am crying now as I write this. I got his ashes back today and I cried most of today, adjusting to the fact that he was really really gone and never coming back to me.

My other dog is doing really well, I wondered how she would do? They were both really close to each other and had never lived apart, ever.

I hope this post finds you all well.

02-11-2014, 12:48 AM
My dog died. It's been really really hard. His death was unexpected despite his being 11 years old. I found him, he had fallen asleep and did not wake up. It was hard, he was cold and stiff. I cried over him and hugged him like a child. I couldn't help it. I loved that dog so much. I am crying now as I write this. I got his ashes back today and I cried most of today, adjusting to the fact that he was really really gone and never coming back to me.

My other dog is doing really well, I wondered how she would do? They were both really close to each other and had never lived apart, ever.

I hope this post finds you all well.

Oh my heart is breaking for your loss. :( How very sad, and hard. It's OK to cry; our furbabies are family and we love them sooo much. Praying for you this week.

Hope the change in your dosage helps with your anxiety, too.

02-11-2014, 01:23 PM
Ohio, I am so sorry for your loss. Cry as much as you need, and hug that other dog!

My thoughts are with you.

02-11-2014, 03:28 PM
Ohio...I am really sorry for your loss. Pets are like family members. Big hugs.

02-11-2014, 04:32 PM
Hello Support Buddies! I did a bit better food-wise on the road yesterday, but my body has suffered from the lack of movement and exercise lately. Stomach ached and just felt blah. I suffered through a tough workout this morning, but now I am feeling much better physically. I am struggling to stay in this game mentally. I weighed myself this morning and I am UP 2 more pounds. :cry: This depresses and scares the h*ll out of me!!! :fr: I am once again at a NEW all-time high weight and it only seems to creep UP higher. :o :cry: I am really starting to feel like I will NEVER lose this excess weight! :( I am NOT giving up though. I will not go down without a fight!!! :tantrum:

ohiofreespirit: I am so very sorry for the loss of your dog! :cry: I am a serious dog lover (we have 3), so my heart really breaks for you. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve this real loss in your life. It helps to have your other dog, I am sure, but it still doesn't take the pain of losing the other one away. They are part of the family when you love them like we do. Hang in there! :^: Sending you a BIG HUG! :hug:

penmage: I have been thinking of you and hoping that Justin will be man enough to at least let you know he wants to end the relationship. It sure seems like it would help you to have SOME closure in this situation. Please keep us posted! BIG HUGS to you! :hug:

lilturtle: So sorry to hear that you aren't getting the scale now. Hope everything is okay! Right about now I am tempted to say that scales are overrated. Mine only moves one way....... up! :(

Fi: Please make sure you take good care of yourself (including adequate nutrition) while you process your pain. Hang in there! I am sending you a BIG HUG!!! :hug:

Chelsea (CDubs): It is great to hear from you! Thank you for the compliment about being a good mom. It means a lot to me! :) Unfortunately, I found out today that my scale actually ISN'T broken, since it moved UP 2 pounds. :cry: Dumb scale!!! :devil: I don't even want to check my measurements right now, because I don't think (just from looking and the way my clothes feel) that I am losing inches either. :?: I will consider it for later, but I can't risk any more discouragement right now. So sorry you were without power for 2 days!!! Since you aren't used to it, do you like the snow or is it driving you crazy? I actually like snow, but we have had so much ~ along with bitter cold temps ~ that I am ready for it to end. I hate the bitter cold! Good luck with the exercise program you are starting with 2 of your co-workers!!! Sounds great! Go Chelsea!!! :cheer2:

shr1nk1ngme: Hope the med taper goes well. Yes, please keep us posted. Thanks for checking in! :)

Fiona W
02-11-2014, 11:17 PM
I'm doin' a little better today. Bob and I had a long discussion last night about how I need to be more self-protective, not only with respect to my Belgian friend Robine, but whenever I get into intense friendships with people who are deeply wounded. It helped me start focusing on taking better care of myself, and get free from obsessing about the loss I've suffered.

For about ten days there, I didn't do my leg exercises, but now I'm getting back into the habit. 'Couldn't quite do all 600 leg lifts last night or tonight, but if I keep at it, I'll get back to where I was.

And I'm finally starting to realize what an enormous accomplishment it is, that I haven't eaten one single cookie (or anything else with sugar in it) all through this heartache I've gone through. Whoa... I'm so pleased about that. :)

ohiofreespirit— I lost an 11-year-old cat very suddenly like that, so I know how hard it is to lose your sweet dog. Give yourself time with the grief, and know that our thoughts are with you.

Kathleen— I really feel for you, with your frustration over gaining those two pounds. Is it time to take a new look at your diet—like how many carbs you're eating? But whatever you decide to do or not do, please remember that I am rooting for you!

Chelsea— Thanks so much for your comment on my collage: it means a lot to me.

02-12-2014, 09:10 AM
I haven't stuck to the healthiest food choices these past couple days which is a bit discouraging (kept making excuses, gotta stop that) but mood has been up due to some really good news. My sister and I created our own personal card game in college (drinking applies, yay college) and it might be getting published by a gaming company soon. My sister pitched the game over the phone and the company loved it so they'll be bringing it to a conference this weekend. Cross your fingers it does well! =D

02-12-2014, 11:50 AM
Hi everyone,

I just wanted to let you know that I am doing alright. I miss Mocha and my heart aches for him but the other pets are helping me through this.

Fiona, congrats on no cookies. That is such a hard thing to do, staying away from the sweets. Stress or no stress, I eat sweets and it is so hard to stay away from them. I am so happy for you. I am also so happy that you are getting back to doing your exercises, also a big accomplishment. yay!!!!!

Kathleen, I am sorry you gained 2 pounds. I know what it's like to watch the scale inch up. It is so frustrating. *hugs*

lilturtle, thank you so much for your well wishes. It means a lot to me. *hug*

CDubs, thank you also. You're so sweet to give me some support. I really need that right now. *hug*

shr1nk, thank you so much. *hug* I am trying to do ok. I have good times and not so good times. I miss Mocha so much but I will be ok. He is at peace now and not hurting and he always, always has my heart.

Have a great day, everyone. Much love.

02-12-2014, 01:21 PM
I feel kind of yucky today. Something sad happened with one of the rabbits last night; I won't go into details but she decided not to keep her litter... so I am pretty bummed about that, and then my partner did something that was IMO very inconsiderate, even though it didn't register to him as something hurtful... but I still did my exercises, a huge accomplishment for me since I really wanted to go hide under the covers instead, and I think that the med adjustment from last month is working also. Trying to keep my chin up even though I feel exhausted and sore and sad and grumpy and didn't get to bathe this morning. So humph!

Kathleen, keep trying! I don't feel very inspirational this morning, but I believe in you! Maybe this would be a good time to look at your whole plan and see if anything needs to change a little bit? Also keep in mind, if you have been cheating at your diet lately then a little gain might be expected and you can compensate for it in your exercise and eating in the coming weeks. As for the snow, I like it ok, but only when I don't have anywhere to be :) Since we don't get a lot of snow, we aren't prepared for it so the roads don't get plowed/plowed correctly and it turns into a huge mess. Then everyone drives like an idiot so its dangerous to try to go anywhere. At my house, it was beautiful because we are surrounded by fir forest!

Dazed- Congratulations on your game! That is awesome!!!

Ohio, Still sending lots of hugs, and hugs from my dogs too.

Fi, I am so impressed that you have kicked those cookies! I intentionally have run out of brown sugar so I can't make any more, but then someone brought some in to work....And so many leg lifts, I can't imagine. I did a workout last night for the first time in forever, and barely made it down my stairs this morning. You are an inspiring lady.

Penmage, still sending you good thoughts. I hope that a resolution comes to you soon, one way or the other.

Hope everyone has a good day, thanks for letting me vent about my grumpy-ness. Hugs to everybody!


02-12-2014, 04:52 PM
Hi everyone,

I just got home from the Dr and according the that scale I am down 8 pounds. :cheer2: I am so excited. That is the first time in a long time that I have lost weight. I know what I am doing and I am going to keep up the good work. I haven't been eating as much. I know it sounds simple but I have just had so much on my mind, I just haven't had food on my mind. I also haven't been drinking as much pop. *nodding*

Chelsea, I am so sorry about your rough day. I wish I could cheer you up somehow. The fact that you did your exercises is FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!! It is so easy to just crawl right back under the covers but you didn't do that. *hug* I am so proud of you.

We'll, everyone, I have to work tonight but only for an hour. I hope it is a good hour. Sometimes, you never know?

I will check back in tomorrow. *hugs to all*

02-12-2014, 08:08 PM
I had a good day. A friend came up. I ate one little candy heart and chipped my tooth though. I guess I have no business eating any candy. lol We are getting a big snow storm starting tonight and tomorrow. Oh, well I don't drive and have no where to be tomorrow.

Fiona W
02-13-2014, 10:59 AM
I'm doing much better. It takes me a while to get over things, but if I'm patient, I do recover. And it's snowing this morning! We look to have gotten at least 5 inches overnight. Unlike those of you in northern climes, we in the DC area don't get much snow. And I grew up in tropical Houston, where it hardly ever snows, so the excitement of waking up to a world gone all white and wonderfully hushed never fades. It's a great day for reading and for writing letters—just my style.

My diet continues to be boring but pleasant, at least for me: cream in my coffee, sliced turkey, cheese sticks, and an occasional package of macadamia nuts (low carb!). Every few days Bob makes me a marvelous Mexican omelet: that's my one gastronomic delight. Strange to say for a person who was once 351 pounds, I've never been big on food in general—just sweets. Now that I've given up sweets, I like my fuel needs to be simply and easily satisfied.

I seem to have injured a muscle in my right lower back doing my leg exercises, and last night it was spasming, so I had to pamper it with slow yoga stretches. It's a good bit better today, but I think I'll have to work out just my left leg for a few days.

Trish— Sorry to hear about your chipped tooth! I hate it when that happens. Did you get yourself a measuring tape?

ohiofreespirit— Way to go gal for the 8-pound loss! That's a significant amount, and I bet it helps you feel you're moving in the right direction. Give up that soda pop if you possibly can: I switched to flavored seltzer a few months ago, and it's really quite satisfying.

Chelsea— Ooooo, that was indeed a bummer of a day you had! But if you kept your chin up, that's what counts. As for my 600 leg lifts, I do them in 5 sets of 120, with rests in between. I do half on my side, half on my back. All you have to do is work up gradually, increasing the number per set by 10 every once in a while. And I count them in groups of 10 or 20, so the counting part is easy. I also do my right and left legs on alternate days, so each leg gets a full day to recuperate in between workouts.

LilDazed— That is such cool news about your card game! It must be especially fun getting to do it with your sister. =grin=

Kathleen— You have been so supportive to everyone in our group, I hope you feel our support coming back to you during this time you've been so discouraged about your weight. I care about you, girl! :( Remember that losing weight is 80% diet and 20% exercise, so why don't you focus on changes in your eating for a while, if you really want to make a difference on the scale. Cutting way down on the carbs would be my first move....

shr1nk1ngme— I hope your Cymbalta taper is going OK!

02-13-2014, 12:19 PM
Ohio, I am so very sorry about your dear Mocha!!! I cried when I read what you wrote about finding him :( I read of someone who suggested telling our surviving pet(s) about the one who has passed, and I do that to our Eddie, about Tasha, who died five YEARS ago and I remember like it was yesterday.

Hello to everyone else, sorry I"m not able to say hey individually right now :hug:

02-13-2014, 05:39 PM
I didn't sleep at all last night and I feel awful today. Just an emotional wreck. I've barely eaten though so the diet is still good. I have a tape measure somewhere, I just have to find it.

02-13-2014, 05:42 PM
shr1nk1ngme— I hope your Cymbalta taper is going OK!

Funny you mention that. Even though I am on a very low sub-clinical dose of Cymbalta, I had occasion to discover that I can definitely tell when I miss my meds. Two days ago I was a basket case, feeling all emotional and panicky, raising my voice at the (annoying teenage) kids, losing my keys even though they were in my own pocket, etc. I figured out halfway through the day that I had forgotten to take my Cymbalta the night before. Ugh!

Then today I was feeling jumpy, rushed, and irritable, but I know I took my Cymbalta last night, so that couldn't have been the problem. Then I figured out that the iced tea I made, which I thought had no caffeine, actually DOES have caffeine - and I drank a TON of it. Oops.

So, lessons learned: no skipping meds (oops!), and no extra caffeine (beyond my regular morning coffee, that is).

I guess I will have to see how the taper goes. So far it is a very small difference in amount (something like 2mg less than last month) so I would be surprised to notice a difference.

02-13-2014, 07:36 PM
Hello Friends! Just wanted to check in really quickly before I have to leave my house. No time for personals but I am reading along. Just came from the gym with my daughter. I so did not feel like working out when I got there, but I managed to do 35 good minutes on the treadmill and feel a lot better now. I need to remember this...... that I feel better (usually) after working out..... for the next time I feel resistant to it. Eating has been a tad bit better, but I know I have a long way to go in that department to get back on board with healthy eating and portion control. As you said, Fi, I need to really focus on the eating part since it is so critical to weight loss. I have thought about joining Weight Watchers. (My hubby is doing Nutrisystem for a month to jump-start his weight loss.) Then, when I think about all the work I would need to put into counting points, etc. ~ I figure I will put a real targeted effort into healthy food choices and portion control, and hopefully I can get that scale to budge DOWN!!! I really don't want to do another major commercial diet, since I lost weight on Jenny Craig awhile ago and gained it all and more back. I need to learn to be able to stay in control of my eating MOST of the time. I did order 3 books, including a cookbook, about the DASH diet, which is just eating focused on healthy principles (originally focused on preventing hypertension and type 2 diabetes, I think). Will tell you more about it once I receive the books. I am hoping it will give me some guidelines to follow while I focus on healthy eating and portion control. :crossed: Another option is to also work with a nutritionist at the gym we go to, but I really don't want to go that route if I can avoid it. Trish, I am so sorry you are having a lousy day due to lack of sleep. :( Hope you can get a good night's sleep tonight! Hugs to everyone! :hug: Also sending good vibes to all! :goodvibes

02-14-2014, 05:36 PM
I finally got some sleep today. Of course it screwed up my hours as I slept from 7am to 2 pm. Hopefully I can get back on track.

Fiona W
02-15-2014, 04:00 AM
Bob and I have been goin' through a rough couple of days. His sister called him and laid a MAJOR guilt trip on him for not being more involved in the lives of various children in the family, especially his niece and her 7-yr-old son. It was nasty, because she got it all mixed up with the feelings from her messy divorce which took place 30 years ago and what she felt like as a single mom. Ugh. Poor Bob. He has treatment-resistant depression, and she's doing this to him!

Bob and I are an anomaly in his ever-expanding family for two reasons: (1) we have a successful marriage, and (2) we chose not to have children. We also both suffer from mental illness. So while we empathize with the problems of the profusion of single parents, we just don't feel like it's our job to be babysitters for them.

But it looks as though Bob may have been bullied into providing after-school care for the 7-yr-old. Bob is both extremely agoraphobic and social-phobic, so this is going to be really stressful. And of course his sister thinks it will be good for him: he hates it when people try to tell him what would be good for him. We're going over to his niece's place on Sunday to see what the deal is.

I am on the brink of buying cookies in response to all of this! I don't want to have a 7-yr-old whose only interest is in video games in our house! We don't even have any video games...I am SO craving sugar.

02-15-2014, 02:11 PM
Trish: Glad you got some sleep. Hope you can get back on a regular sleep schedule soon!

Fi: Please don't succumb to the cookie monster!!! :devil: You have been so strong in RESISTING the cookie temptation. I don't want you to do something you will regret. Is there a more healthy (in all ways) substitute? How about writing about your feelings in a journal? That might help. So unfair of Bob's sister to bully Bob into taking care of HER child. Isn't that HER responsibility to figure out? Why do you guys have to solve HER dilemna?!? Hmmmmm....... I can see why you are upset. Just don't sabotage yourself over this. It is NOT worth it!!! Could you or Bob call her back and say that, upon further reflection, you are NOT going to be able to provide after-school care for her son? You would both be SO relieved!!! Let us know what happens! I am sending you :dust: to help you RESIST those cookies!!! STAY STRONG, FI!!!!! :hug:

Waving hello :wave: to everyone else! Hope everyone had a happy Valentine's Day! :val1: We went out with our daughter and sister-in-law to hear our brother-in-law sing (Frank Sinatra style). We had a good time! :love:

02-15-2014, 02:15 PM
ohiofreespirit: Just wanted to check-in with you and see how you are doing. I know you are heartbroken over Mocha. :( I hope you are being extra kind to yourself and hanging in there! Sending you BIG HUGS! :hug:

Fiona W
02-16-2014, 02:51 AM
Well, I'm just posting to say that my thoughtless sister-in-law has not caused me to eat cookies, or anything else with sugar in it. I'm hanging in here, stubbornly sticking to the diet, come what may.

Thanks so much for the support, Kathleen! It does indeed make a difference.

02-16-2014, 03:25 PM

02-16-2014, 09:26 PM
I am coming here instead of eating more food after dinner. I have been hungry all day long, it seems. Made some poor choices in the afternoon (eating extra stuff), but had a good dinner after working out for 30 minutes on treadmill and doing some step-ups on a step platform. I was really disgusted with myself this afternoon for eating extra when I have so much weight to lose, so I am happy that I was able to regroup this evening. I guess I need to focus on one meal and one workout at a time again..... and not just one day at a time. I am so sad and frustrated about what a serious food addict I am (or have become). :cry: I don't think I was always addicted to food. It became a problem after my difficult pregnancies (several years ago). We lost one of our twins (1st pregnancy) due to extreme prematurity. :cry: They were born at 28 weeks. Thankfully, our (surviving twin) 17-year-old son is alive and well today! Then we had another difficult journey when we learned (about 3 years later) that our daughter would be handicapped. We had her Spina Bifida lesion repaired in utero..... and that was downright surreal. Then, she was born at 31 weeks, so back to the NICU we went. I didn't sign up for THAT twice in one lifetime!!! :( Anyway, after each of these events, and with the toll it took on our marriage, food became my comfort. In addition, I began another healing journey from sexual abuse and major family-of-origin dysfunction around this time. I continue to touch base with my therapist when needed. I am doing so much better than back then and our marriage was miraculously saved, but the food addiction remains. :( I feel weak for not being able to conquer this problem. :cry:

penmage: I am so sorry that another guy disappeared on you. :( Please hang in there!!! You are NOT ugly and you are NOT fat!!! That was rude and insensitive of your mom, IMHO, to say what she did. If she wanted to offer help, it could have been stated much gentler. I get sick of people trying to "help" and make things seem so easy..... when they haven't walked in my shoes. Even at the age of 47, my parents aren't always very tactful when trying to "help." :( Sometimes, they drive me downright CRAZY!!! :dizzy: My point is that you are NOT alone. Keep on doing the best you can and all will be well. :hug:

Fi: You are SO strong!!! Great that you have not succumbed to the cookie monster during this stressful time!!! :D That is a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT!!! :carrot: You should be so proud of yourself! :)

Hello :wave: to everyone else! ;)

Fiona W
02-17-2014, 12:08 AM
penmage— I just want to back up what Kathleen said: you are NOT ugly. I don't need to see your photo to say that, because your sweet personality comes through in your postings, and that personality is what lights up your face. These guys who bond quickly and then un-bond just as quickly are not what you are looking for: you want a real friendship, because the friendship is the foundation of any good relationship, and a real friendship takes time—face time, in person. Do you know what I mean, or am I just sounding old-fashioned?

Kathleen— Wow...that's some serious stress you've been through, for most of your life, it sounds like. I am SO impressed with how you've held your marriage and your family together! As for your turning to food for comfort, that's completely understandable. One of the truisms about overweight women (I prefer the term "fat" because it's just descriptive, but I can tell you don't like it) is that they get in the habit of give-give-give to everyone else in their lives, and the only way they give to themselves is food. It sounds like you're off to a good start, with your workouts, in giving more to Kathleen, but you need to develop some more ways that you soothe and comfort yourself. Reading, meditation, listening to music, a hobby, a class, taking naps...I'm sure you know the list. What do you like to do, or what have you always wanted to explore, that you've been denying yourself?

02-17-2014, 12:18 PM
Well it has been a while since I have been here. I have not really been trying to diet lately. I think with the holidays and several family birthdays over the last couple of months that I got off track. Oh and yes the exercising has not been going that well either. It is no wonder that I have been getting sick lately. So perhaps it is time to get back into some type of normal activity.

02-17-2014, 02:06 PM is that guy's loss for just disappearing. You don't want a guy who will do that. Sometimes it takes a long time to find someone. I've been told they often appear when we aren't even looking.

My diet is going ok. Still haven't been weighed though. Sigh......maybe I need to just suck it up money wise and buy the scale.

02-17-2014, 03:32 PM

02-18-2014, 12:47 PM
good morning all, sorry it takes me so long between posts. I don't have internet access at home and i have to be cautious about how much time I am on the message board at work.

I hope that everyone is doing as well as they can. Life always seems to be throwing these challenges at us and it is impressive to see how strong all of you are and how well you manage each challenge. No one is perfect and sometimes we may slide backward a bit, but I do seem to notice that when that happens, I usually (not always) have an ah-ha moment that helps propel me even further forward than I was before.

I went to a psychiatrist and she has added Paxil to my already existing dose of Cymbalta. Seems that 120 mg of Cymbalta is the max dose they will prescribe. I get to start that tonight to see if it helps. Oh and she also added valium so I can sleep at night. I have a very hard time sleeping because of the pain that is non-stop.

So, now if I can only sew my mouth shut so i stop eating, the world will be peachy. ;)

02-18-2014, 08:11 PM
Today, I ate much better than I have been, but now my heel hurts really bad and has since last evening when I did the treadmill at the gym. My hubby thinks I probably have plantar fasciitis. :( I feel like I can never get the whole picture right! :cry: I know my foot problems are not helped by the excess weight I am carrying, but I need my foot health so I can do cardio to lose the fat and weight! Arrrrrrgggggggh!!! I cannot tell you how frustrated I am!!! :mad: I ordered a special pair of shoes from Footsmart and a foot stretcher that helps plantar fasciitis and I bought some orthotics for pain in the heel/plantar fasciitis. I will do all I can to work around this condition until it heals, but I also want to just rest it if that is best. I will probably call my foot doctor to get advice. (I've had 2 foot surgeries on the OTHER foot in the past year. That has been the foot I've worried about..... until yesterday when this pain popped up.) I began taking Advil Liquigels today for the pain, which helps. I think I must have done it the night before last when I ran for one minute (during my walk) on the treadmill at home. I also did some step-ups at home, which I had only done at the gym until then. I haven't run since my 2 foot surgeries due to pain and swelling. I noticed that I was struggling on the treadmill at the gym last night, and ~ when I put my regular shoes on ~ my heel hurt so bad I could barely walk! :( I swear there is always something holding me back! And when there isn't, I hold myself back! :?: I could just scream, but that won't help anything, so I am writing this to all of you. Thanks for listening to my rant!

Fi: You gave me some great "food" for thought! I am thinking about my answer to your question about what have I always wanted to do that I have been denying myself? I need to ponder that one for awhile. Thank you for sharing your insights. BTW, I ordered Brain Over Binge last week. It should arrive sometime this week or next (free economy shipping, so it's taking awhile).

meandu: Thank you for posting! Best of luck to you in getting back on track! :)

lilturtle: Glad to hear the diet is going okay! I hope you get to weigh yourself soon. That must be so frustrating not knowing! :?: Keep on plugging away in the meantime! :hug:

penmage: Good luck with South Beach this time around! You can do anything you set your mind on!!! :carrot:

Kat117: Don't worry how often (or not) you post. Just do your best to post when you can! It is always good to hear from you. Glad to hear that you went to a psychiatrist. I hope the addition of Paxil will help you! Your non-stop pain sounds terrible!!! :( Glad she gave you something to help you sleep as well. I sure wish your pain would subside. Hopefully, getting more/better sleep will help at least some. Haha, I need to sew my mouth shut to stop eating, too!!! :lol:

Waving hello :wave: to everyone else! Please post when you can to let us know how you're doing!

Fiona W
02-18-2014, 11:44 PM
Howdy folks! Sorry I was MIA for a few days...I got quite distracted by the issues with our niece with the 7-yr-old son for whom she needs an after-school babysitter. Some very good news on that front: I chose to exhale the negative energy of being angry at how Bob's sister treated him, and inhale the positive energy of how much I do care for this niece and am pleased that she's moved into a place that's just 1/2 mile away. (She's always been my favorite of our 4 nieces & 5 nephews.)

In other words: (1) I haven't even spoken to my sister-in-law about the whole thing and don't plan to; (2) on Sunday night Bob & I went over to our niece's new place to admire how she's fixed it up, meet & greet the youngster, and make tentative plans for Bob to pick up the boy after school at least 1 or 2 days a week, perhaps more, and take him home to play games, watch TV, or whatever he & Bob choose to do. We're also planning to have our niece & her son over to our house soon: Bob will keep the boy amused with computer games or TV, while I get to renew my longstanding friendship with our niece, and show her some art we have that might look nice on the bare walls of her new place. She even volunteered to help me organize my messy piles of books and art supplies! This deal could potentially work out great for all four of us.

Meanwhile, I'm continuing to work through my feelings about the break-up with my Belgian friend—every day a little closer to feeling at peace. My handful of new French-writing correspondents is a big help. And because the theme on my collaborative collage blog was "Love" this past week (for Valentine's Day), I even made another collage about the breakup (, incorporating a French phrase that some of you might find useful...although I hope you won't need it!

Kathleen— Sorry to hear about your plantar fasciitis! I've had that before, so I know how painful it is and how long it takes to heal. Do you have any trails near you that you can take walks on? I find that my feet do much better when I'm walking on a earth/gravel type trail than on sidewalks or gym floors or treadmills: the earth is spongy and has some give to it, which is easier on your heels and soles. On the subject of food: I don't want to burden you with excess advice here, but have you made a habit yet of assessing your hunger and fullness on that -10 to 0 to +10 scale? I've found that if I consciously pause partway through a meal and ask myself what level of fullness I'm at, I'm quite comfortable with much smaller meals. You know the drill: when you get to +2 or +3, stop eating. You don't have to clear your plate, and when you do that little pause every time you eat, you'll find that you'll be giving yourself smaller portions quite naturally. The food is always there to warm up or whatever if you get hungry later. And if you only eat to +2 or +3, your stomach will shrink, adapting itself to your not eating as much.

Those of you who are at, over, or just under 300 pounds: Please consider joining us on the 300+ February Chat thread—in the 300+ support section. It's an amazingly supportive environment, and you'll get lots of positive feedback. I like to post both there and here—2 threads bring you double the positive energy! And those of us over or in the neighborhood of 300 pounds have a much longer journey ahead of us, so we have issues in common, like how to maintain focus over the long haul.

02-19-2014, 12:44 PM
Fiona I'm going to check it out. I get so overwhelmed at the amount of weight I need to lose so often. It feels hopeless at times. I've cut my calories by more then half and the weight should be falling off of me but I don't see it. A few people have noticed but I just can't tell. It's really making me feel like giving up.

02-19-2014, 02:11 PM
Hi Everyone, sorry I have been out. I can't really post much today but wanted to get some stuff off my chest. On thursday last week my partner was in a serious bike accident and we were at the hospital for 4/5 days. At first they thought he had a seizure, but after many many expensive tests have ruled that out as well as anything related to his heart. We are still dealing with a scapula that is broken all the way through in two places, and a concussion which has caused him to not remember anything that happened(wear your helmets!!!!) I haven't had a good cry about it yet, so am carrying lots of stress in my tummy which has caused me to not eat enough, and when I have been able to eat it has been something fast(read bad) so I could get back quickly. Also, since I have been at the hospital and at the hotel with his parents(they flew in from HI) I haven't done any exercise at all. Aaaand my hands are doing terrible. I dreamed last night that I could wear skinny jeans and was super thin and stuff, then woke up this morning still squishy. BAH.

Sorry for the yucky negative post, I'll try to get back to each of you soon and in the mean time am sending hugs and good thoughts. I wish I could do more.


02-20-2014, 12:19 PM
Chelsea: I am so sorry to hear about your partner's bike accident!!! That sounds awful! :( Was it a bicycle or motorcycle? Yikes! No helmet?!? Scary stuff!!! He is lucky to be alive! Yes, you are carrying a lot of stress from this and everything else. Allow those tears to flow if need be! :cry: Sometimes a good cry really helps! Be patient with yourself during this rough time. I am sending you BIG HUGS!!! :hug: :hug: :hug:

Fi: Good for you for reframing this thing with your sister-in-law in a positive light! Yes, exhale the negative and inhale the positive energy! Right on! :carrot: Glad to hear that you are getting closer to a place of peace each day after the break-up with your Belgian friend. You just keep making those collages. Just looking at them, I can tell they would be therapeutic! You do great work! I don't really have any trails nearby, other than paved walking trails/paths. I am babying this foot and icing it, and it is beginning to feel a bit better already. Spoke with the nurse at podiatrist's office yesterday and got some guidance for treatment until it feels better. She said to keep a close watch because it can easily become a chronic condition. I definitely do NOT want that!!! :( So I will take it easy while it heals. I was able to ride the bike yesterday at the gym (okayed by dr.) and worked out with weights with trainer this morning. I just HAVE to keep moving so my weight loss program doesn't suffer. I feel ready to lose this weight now. Interesting enough, I am reading Geneen Roth's workbook called Why Weight? and she advises having a dialogue with your/my fat. As odd as it sounds, I did the exercise and it really helped me. I realized that, in addition to food, my fat has become a companion through some really tough times for me. And as painful as those times were and as much as I hate the fat, I am hesitant to let that part of me go. Wow! What an insight that was! Thinking it through, I have made a conscious decision that I DO now want to let go of the fat. I am ready to move on from that part of my life. My life is much better now and those tough times are over. I do not need the fat to be my companion anymore and it isn't protecting me from anything! My new healthy body will be a better companion than my fat body ever could be. I will feel better and my outside will match my inside (which is much healthier now). Anyway, I have tried to keep Kathryn Hansen's hunger scale in mind, but I so easily forget all of my tools when eating. I am really working on eating only until satisfied, because I have developed a bad habit of eating until I am full. Then, I feel overly stuffed moments later. I don't like that feeling anymore. Also, as you said, I need to shrink my stomach with smaller portions so that I am satisfied with less food. I appreciate you reminding me of that hunger scale. Your advice is always wise and helpful and I welcome it! :)

Trish: I know what you mean about feeling overwhelmed with the amount of weight you need to lose. I feel that way, too, since I am at a new all-time high. Sometimes, I feel like giving up, too, but I have made a conscious decision that I will NOT give up on myself. I don't want to just "let myself go!" I will lose this weight or go down fighting!!! :D Fi's over 300 pound group sounds great! I hope you will check it out and get support there, too! You really do deserve to be healthy! Try to take things one day and even one meal at a time. You WILL get there one pound at a time! Remember that the weight didn't come on overnight, so it won't come off overnight either. I can't seem to get that through my thick skull! :lol: I want immediate results and tend to want to give up when I don't get them. But I will NEVER give up on myself! And I hope that you won't give up on yourself either! :hug:

02-20-2014, 12:32 PM
I'm not doing well with the other extreme. I've probably only had about 1000 calories the last two days combined. I've been kind of down and stressed though. I just don't feel like cooking and for the most part all the food I have needs to be cooked. I never find a healthy balance.

02-20-2014, 12:39 PM
Stressed for my sister who is having some boyfriend issues. They've been together a while now (over a year) and since graduation, she's starting to doubt his work ethic and at this age that's not a good thing. He's been looking for work for months now with NO MONEY being put away into savings. I know the economy is hard, but he's had experience as a waiter. As least try and get something part time so a little bit is being put away.

I'm worried. They're so good together, they motivate one another, and they click so well, but financial crisis can put a huge strain on relationships, and if he doesn't put forth some more effort, I'm afraid things are going to get rocky over here. =(

02-20-2014, 11:40 PM

02-21-2014, 06:23 PM
I continue to baby my right foot. My new foot stretcher and orthaheel shoes (to help plantar fasciitis) arrived today, and I have put both items to good use. I hope to be back "on my feet" completely ~ soon!!! I really HOPE I still WANT to do ALL that I want to do now ~ once I am able to again (like walk the dogs, exercise full force and often, etc.)!!! Our weather finally warmed up this week and I can just FEEL Spring in the air! We put a new swimming pool (underground) in late last summer in our back yard, so I am hoping to get a lot of laps in this summer for exercise!!! I dread putting on a bathing suit, but I need to do all I can to get this weight off! We are going to Florida for Spring Break, and I am in no condition to be seen in a swimsuit. :o I have a little less than 2 months. Hoping I can shed at least a LITTLE weight by then..... or at least tone up a bit. I have a call into my psychiatrist to see if I can lower my dose on one of my meds. I KNOW the meds are making me extremely weight loss resistant, so I am on a mission to lower all of them! I hope my doctor cooperates! :lol:

Trish: So sorry to hear that you are down and stressed. :( I am worried about you cutting back your calories too much, because your body will go into starvation mode and store fat. Your metabolism will slow way down, too. I know I am always saying this, but I am really just trying to help. If you can, try to eat at least a little something about every 3 hours to keep your metabolism going. I know this is hard when you don't feel like cooking anything, but you could keep some mini carrots or other veggies or berries or nuts on hand which would be easy to grab pretty quickly for a small snack. Other good easy options are cheese sticks or cubes. Just eat something so that your body can rely on the fact that it will be fed and stay out of starvation/fat-storing mode. I just don't want you to sabotage your efforts by eating too few calories! :?: You CAN find a healthy balance!!! It is much easier said than done, believe me ~ I know ~ but YOU CAN DO IT!!! For now, maybe aim at just finding a healthIER balance; shoot for a little improvement each day to keep you working toward positive changes. It all adds up. I believe in you, Trish!!! :hug:

penmage: I think you did the right thing by taking matters into your own hands and deleting Justin. I am so sorry that your heart is hurting over this whole thing. :( It was extremely rude the way he handled (or more like avoided) the situation. I so agree with whoever said that it is his loss, though, and not yours. He is the one who had the problem that damaged the relationship. NOT you!!! And, considering this, though it might be difficult to accept or understand right now, I feel that you truly ARE better off without him in the long run. If it truly WAS/IS meant to be, he will come back to you. I really believe that. Sending you BIG HUGS and lots of support! :hug: :hug: :hug:

LilDazed: Sorry you are stressed about your sister's boyfriend issues. Remember that they are HER/THEIR issues, though, and NOT yours. It is important to take care of youself and maintain your boundaries. NOT trying to discount anything, I promise. Just trying to help put things into perspective! Hang in there! :hug:

Waving hello :wave: to everyone else!!!

02-21-2014, 06:23 PM
penmage....relationships can be such huge triggers. They are for me. I'm trying to stay out of one for now until I can get healthier. I just recently destroyed one.

I am cooking tomorrow. I have been living off of granola bars and pbj sandwiches for awhile now. I'm making chilli. I just need to watch my portions. I will still try and keep my calories under 1600. Most days lately I have been coming in under 1000.

02-21-2014, 09:38 PM
Trish: So sorry to hear that you are down and stressed. :( I am worried about you cutting back your calories too much, because your body will go into starvation mode and store fat. Your metabolism will slow way down, too. I know I am always saying this, but I am really just trying to help. If you can, try to eat at least a little something about every 3 hours to keep your metabolism going. I know this is hard when you don't feel like cooking anything, but you could keep some mini carrots or other veggies or berries or nuts on hand which would be easy to grab pretty quickly for a small snack. Other good easy options are cheese sticks or cubes. Just eat something so that your body can rely on the fact that it will be fed and stay out of starvation/fat-storing mode. I just don't want you to sabotage your efforts by eating too few calories! :?: You CAN find a healthy balance!!! It is much easier said than done, believe me ~ I know ~ but YOU CAN DO IT!!! For now, maybe aim at just finding a healthIER balance; shoot for a little improvement each day to keep you working toward positive changes. It all adds up. I believe in you, Trish!!! :hug:

I've read different things on metabolism and the whole starvation mode thing. Your body really can't slow down or speed up your metabolism that much some studies say. That said I do need to eat healthier and eat more real meals. Snacks like you mentioned are a good idea.

Fiona W
02-22-2014, 01:58 PM
Today I turned 59, and I got a good number on the scale! 284, which is down 7 pounds since last month. I don't have much else to report: tonight's festivities will be at home with Bob, with a big Greek salad and a dark chocolate bar (with ginger—yum!) for dessert. And a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio, my favorite white. Plus I see at least three presents wrapped and waiting. =grin=

My rule about birthdays is that you absolutely do not have to do anything you don't want to do. In this phase of my life I rarely do anything I don't want to do anyway. =laugh= So I may work on a collage, I may write a letter or a postcard, or I may just be totally lazy and read a crime novel. In other words, an ordinary happy day.

02-22-2014, 03:32 PM
Fi: :bday2you:!!! I hope you are having a wonderful day and not doing anything you don't want to do! :D Good rule of thumb for a birthday! ;) Congrats on losing 7 pounds in the last month!!! That is awesome!!! :carrot: :bravo: Keep up the good work!!! :)

Trish: I hope your chili tastes yummy!!! :T I really need to work on portion control, too. It is so difficult when the food tastes good. But WE CAN DO IT!!! :D

Waving hello :wave: to everyone else!

Busy day so far. But my hubby and I did make time to take our dogs for a short walk. Didn't want to overdo it on my foot, but all seems to be well with it after the walk. :) Whew! It is a bright, sunny day here today, so the walk felt so good!!! :sunny: I soooooooooo can't wait for Spring!!! I can feel it in the air today!!! :D My eating has been better the past couple days. I think I finally got my tantrum out of my system. :tantrum: My main focus right now is on portion control. Doing a bit better with portions lately, thank God! I need to be constantly vigilant, it seems, though, at least for now. I hope I can begin to naturally eat less one of these days. :^:

02-22-2014, 04:03 PM
I finally worked up the courage to delete Justin from Facebook tonight. He didn't delete me, and wouldn't talk to me, after I asked him to please do one or the other. So I took matters into my own hands tonight. I couldn't take it anymore. Seeing him post things and completely ignoring me.

I was going to marry that man, and I'm certain of that beyond a shadow of a doubt.

My heart hurts.

That took courage to do. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. :hug:

02-22-2014, 06:35 PM
Today I turned 59, and I got a good number on the scale! 284, which is down 7 pounds since last month. I don't have much else to report: tonight's festivities will be at home with Bob, with a big Greek salad and a dark chocolate bar (with ginger—yum!) for dessert. And a nice bottle of Pinot Grigio, my favorite white. Plus I see at least three presents wrapped and waiting. =grin=

My rule about birthdays is that you absolutely do not have to do anything you don't want to do. In this phase of my life I rarely do anything I don't want to do anyway. =laugh= So I may work on a collage, I may write a letter or a postcard, or I may just be totally lazy and read a crime novel. In other words, an ordinary happy day.

Happy Birthday, Fi. I hope you have a great day!!!


I am struggling today, ladies. I must have missed some meds because I am so down today. I am gathering all my strength just to get through, I worked today. It was the hardest thing to do, being so down. I wanted to call in but I didn't.

I took all my meds today and got myself a pill reminder, to separate my pills so I don't forget them anymore. Hopefully, by in the morning, I might feel a little better????? I have to work for an 1.5 hours in the morning and 1 hour in the evening. I am a home health aide, I work with elderly people.

I hope you all are alright and this post finds you well.

02-22-2014, 09:37 PM
ohiofreespirit: Sorry you are feeling so down today. I hope your pill reminder will help and that you will feel much better in the morning. I will say a prayer for you! :hug:

Fiona W
02-23-2014, 02:58 PM
Thanks, y'all, for all the birthday wishes, all the happy faces and balloons! :)

I hope the rest of you will be emboldened to announce your birthdays as well. The support for healthy choices even when celebrating is really nice to have. How about everyone go ahead and tell us your birthdays, so we can jot them down in our datebooks? Come on, don't be shy...

I had a nice little party with Bob last night. That's the second recent occasion for which we've had a party for two with the food just bein' a large Greek salad. He likes it, I like it...I think we have the makings of a tradition. Nothing like crunchy veggies and olives and feta cheese to lift the spirits! I had one little piece of garlic bread, then left the rest for Bob to eat. My dark chocolate bar with tiny chunks of ginger in it was sublime. But the real highlight of the party was that Bob bought me five (!) new books with gorgeous images in them that I can either scan or cut up (yes, I do cut up new books) for use in collage: lizards of the American Southwest, textiles of India, folk art from all over, science & technology, and strange maps. We both had lots of fun playing with them, and I am SO inspired!

I'll make more personal comments tomorrow, when I've finished the collage I'm working on right now: it's got some time pressure on it. I hope everyone's psyched for an AWESOME week!

(Sorry to be so chirpy...I know that can sometimes be annoying when you're feeling low...but I am BI-polar...)

02-23-2014, 10:42 PM
Thank you for your thoughts. So far no change. I feel like a zombie. I did go to work today and that helped me.

I am doing all the things my therapist would tell me to do so I will be alright in time. My meds will stabilize me in time. I have faith.

Much love to all.

02-23-2014, 11:08 PM
Ate well most of the day, but I allowed myself a bit of leeway at dinner, because tomorrow I am going to begin following the DASH diet principles. There is a two-week PHASE ONE which includes lean proteins, non-starchy veggies, low and non-fat unsweetened yogurt, nuts and seeds, and NO fruit. No bread, pasta, rice, or potatoes the first 2 weeks either, so tonight I allowed myself to have a baked potato with just butter and a roll and a half with cinnamon butter. There are sample menus in the DASH Diet book I finally received, so I will pick and choose what I like from each meal and snack suggestions offered over a 2 week period. I am excited but nervous about starting this new way of eating. Many more foods will be introduced in PHASE TWO (after the 2 weeks in phase one is up), such as fruit, whole grains, and other low and non-fat dairy items. It looks like sugar-free Jello will be my new best friend! :T I can eat lots of it as a fruit substitute and dessert in phase one. The DASH diet has been ranked the #1 best diet overall by U.S. News & World Report for the past 4 years. It is supposed to be a diet/way of eating that I can sustain for a lifetime. So I figure it is worth a try. I am really focusing on this as a "way of eating" rather than a "diet." It will only work if it works FOR ME ~ for a lifetime! Phase One will be challenging, but Phase Two sounds pretty doable. Wish me luck! :D

Fi: Happy to hear that you enjoyed your birthday! And keeping it healthy is awesome!!! :broc: My birthday already passed on December 4th. I turned 47. I want to get my health back this year! :carrot:

ohiofreespirit: Sorry to hear that you don't feel much better today, but glad that work helped. It sure sounds like you have a handle on it and you know that you will balance out with time. Good for you! Hang in there in the meantime! :hug:

02-24-2014, 02:29 PM
I cheated on Saturday. It was the first time since Christmas. I'm really frustrated not knowing if I am making any progress.

02-24-2014, 08:28 PM
Trish: If Saturday is the first time you cheated since Christmas, YOU ARE MAKING PROGRESS!!!!! :D :carrot:

Rode the bike for 30 minutes again (foot still hurt) at the gym while daughter worked out. I work out with our trainer in the morning. Began the DASH diet today. So far, so good. I am HOPEFUL that I can lose some weight if I follow Phase One of this diet properly. It is mainly just very healthy eating. For lunch, I had 3 deli-sliced turkey "roll-ups" in sliced mozarella cheese (along with a coleslaw salad). I thought I would really miss the bread, but I didn't at all! It was incredibly delicious! :T So I already found a new healthy lunch item that I love! :broc: WooHoo!!! :D

Oh, and I received news from my psychiatrist's office today that I can cut my dose of Buspar in half. I have been taking 30 mg twice a day, and I am going to try 30 mg once a day for now. I am hoping it will give me more energy. I tend toward fatigue. It makes me a little nervous to go down on Buspar, because I am an anxious person, but I really want to go as low on my meds as he will allow (and as my body/mental health will allow) since all of my meds seem to be making me so incredibly weight-loss resistant.

02-25-2014, 08:58 AM
Belated Happy B-day to Fi!

very sorry I have not checked in, I had to deal with President's Heck Week (in a ski industry town, it is huge, even busier than Christmas/New Year's week)

IBelieve, best wishes with the new way of eating! I will look that DASH up, it sounds very South-Beachy which can also be a new way of eating for life, and it also has a 2 week intro period.

I will catch up with all of you when i get a day off! working 6 day/s week and more hours, and I've been putting my cash tips into my moto leather jacket pocket for when the glorious riding days begin.

Yesterday I completed ONE DAY of being on a sensible diet . Yeah one day. I haven't been able to do that in sooo long. It is weak of me to blame someone else but my DH buys ice cream, mini chocolate bars, a whole cheesecake last week. Yikes.

02-25-2014, 02:52 PM
Hi All,

Happy birthday Fi!
Kathleen how exciting that you are starting a different type of eating, I hope that it works well for you so you can continue it and start seeing some results. Good luck with your med changes, that can be scary but it seems like you are really ready for a change. I am sorry that your foot is still bothering you, how do you like biking? Before my back injury a few years ago I rode a lot, and it was very satisfying and helped with my anxiety in itself.

Ohio I am sorry that you are struggling right now. Keeping you in my thoughts and sending hugs!

Trish, only cheating once since xmas is great! You are making progress with yourself internally every day that you control your eating and it doesn't control you.

Penmage, good job on making the decision about justin. That took a lot of strength, courage, and respect for yourself and I really applaud you. You deserve better than that, and if you keep the respect for yourself then you will find the right man. I am sorry for the pain that you are feeling right now, and I hope that you know it will fade and better things are coming to you. Hugs and love!

well i am not doing super great. Feeling burned out and spent the weekend having ugly cries under my blanket. Also have been pretty grumpy and irritable, and eating bad things... the girl scouts are out and partner is doing fine but the residual stress from the whole incident is really pulling me down. Sirens just about give me a panic attack, and if I don't get a response from him within a couple of minutes same thing. I don't want to be a crazy lady, but its very stressful. I don't even want to say all the things I ate last night and my depression level has been off the charts and scary. I upped my vitamin D intake, and have started seeing my acupuncturist again so hopefully that will help. Does anxiety count as exercise?? I think I found a psychiatrist I am interested in seeing but still need to make an appointment. Was hoping to find more patient reviews for her first but not a lot of luck so far so I guess I'm just going to go for it and see if it works out.

Thanks as always for listening, sorry for those I missed and Hugs to everyone!

02-25-2014, 02:57 PM
I have ice cream, carmel and rediwhip in my kitchen. It was from when I cheated on Saturday. I haven't touched it since Saturday but it is still there. I wish I could say it is because I hate throwing away food but no, that is not true. I want to eat it right this instant. I haven't eaten yet today so I am hungry. Ice cream isn't very filling though. And it doesn't last very long.

Off to grab a granola bar.....chilli for dinner.

02-25-2014, 03:09 PM
I have ice cream, carmel and rediwhip in my kitchen. It was from when I cheated on Saturday. I haven't touched it since Saturday but it is still there. I wish I could say it is because I hate throwing away food but no, that is not true. I want to eat it right this instant. I haven't eaten yet today so I am hungry. Ice cream isn't very filling though. And it doesn't last very long.

Off to grab a granola bar.....chilli for dinner.

Throw away the ice cream and caramel. The RediWhip has so few calories, you can have a few tablespoons of it in a small ramekin and it will be a delicious treat that won't hurt your diet much. Hint: it's hard to find, but FatFree RediWhip has only 5 calories per 2 tbsp. I try to always have some in the house; I often put a little squirt on top of my sugar-free jell-o. With the fat-free variety, even if you mac out and eat the entire can you haven't really done that much caloric damage. It's too bad I can only find it in the store about once every few months. Most of the time they don't have it anywhere.

Fiona W
02-25-2014, 04:18 PM
Hey folks, I'm busy-busy-busy with replying to mail, since it's the last week of the Month of Letters challenge, but I wanted to report that I finally got to see the cardiologist today, and guess what!! the results of that ultra-stressful stress test I had last month are normal, normal, and more normal! :carrot:

Now that dancing carrot is the first animated image I've ever used, so you know how truly thrilled I am to hear that my ticker is in tip-top shape. And the cardiologist even ooh-ed and ahh-ed over my weight loss since the last time I saw him. So whatever the deal was with that chest pain I had in early January, apparently I have nothing to worry about. Even Bob was happy, and he's clinically depressed!

I'll be back after I make it through this pile o' mail...Oh, and Chelsea, hang in there girl! I'm thinkin' about you, and sending my strongest healing vibes toward you & your partner both!

02-25-2014, 06:06 PM
Hi ladies,

I just wanted to update you. My nurse practitioner upped my Pristiq to 150 mg today. Let's hope this works. Pristiq has saved my life, It's worked so well for me these past few years. Let's hope it works again this time.

Chelsea, thank you for your warm thoughts.

I will check back in soon and let you know how I am doing.

02-25-2014, 09:30 PM
I need to catch up with all you!

Ohio (Lisa :) ) I hope so much also that the change in meds will help you. Do you think you might feel results soon? I read a little of your blog and you are a wonderful-sounding mother when you speak of your daughter :)

Fi - YAY!!! to a clean bill of heart health!!! :cheer2: and for the doctor giving kudos about your weight loss! Hey I looked at your collage with the French words, very powerful. Is it really postcard sized or is that an art expression? HOw is the situation working out with the child-care? Oh and my birthday was right near Kathleen's - December 2 and I turned 53. And I wanna be a fit and flexible old lady in 20 years :D

Chelsea - I am SO sorry about your partner's accident! how scary. You said he's doing okay? so no problems with the concussion? I guess he'll have to do physio therapy once his scalpula heals? and I KNOW what the unhurt partner has to go through...its ****. Not diminishing the injuries of the victim, but the partner has to do everything and not complain because that would be horribly selfish, right :rolleyes: When my husband crashed my motorcycle and had a brain bleed, and we had no insurance and had to scrape for money (and I took a job as a waitress in a private home for 2 awful people even) things were so awful for MONTHS but you get through it somehow! and some day you will look back and be amazed that you were strong to get through it. Best wishes on managing this crappy situation! :hug:

penmage - I hope the deletion gives you a sense of closure and 'that's that' and you can move on somehow. How did your interview go? and how are you doing on your South Beach ?

Lil'turtle - I agree that if you possibly can, dump out the ice cream and carmel, and eat some of your good chili! did you make enough to freeze for future? that works well for me. Portioned out in 1 cup measures. And truly if that was your first cheat since Christmas, that is small in the big picture. About the scale...I actually do better without one. I get so crazy with ups and downs, I tell myself that as long as I know I am doing the work (diet and exercise) then EVENTUALLY some weight will come off.

Kathleen - I am so sorry you are having the foot issues, it is SO VERY frustrating when one has the will to exercise but something derails you. I am on day 2 of eating sparingly yet healthy. I can only go for one day at a time, or one hour, or one minute at a time! Hey when you are into your Stage or Step 2 of the diet, I sprinkle Jello sugar-free lemon over my nonfat tastes like a tangy lemon dessert! I love it. Oh and your description of what you went through with your pregnancies - Oh my gosh :( I can't imagine. and the way you support your daughter with her sports is fantastic :) Hey you have an inground pool??? can I come over this summer? :D

Maybe I also need to order that book Brain Over Binge..I have tried to analyze myself, what is my problem with food?? and obviously, for over 40 years, I've had a problem. I just LOVE how I feel when I am at a weight that seems okay and attractive for me, it just changes my personality, I am so much more outgoing and CONFIDENT. and due to the teasing when I was a kid, I just cannot accept that I am as acceptable a person when I am overweight :( What a way to live.

Lil'Dazed, I hope the situation with your sister and her guy are not having you stressing still.

02-25-2014, 10:17 PM
Day #2 on my DASH eating plan (I prefer that to "diet") has gone well. My 17-yr-old son was home sick from school today and had me get him Tim Horton's for breakfast, Five Guys Burgers & Fries for lunch, and Graeter's ice cream (my 2 favorite flavors) just because it sounded good to him. I thought to myself, "He doesn't realize it, but he is REALLY tempting me with all of this yummy food!" I kind of laughed to myself and decided I didn't need any of it. I passed on the Tim Horton's (where I used to frequently get a decent breakfast), passed every fry from Five Guys, and ~ at first, I passed up the ice cream. But then, as I scooped his out, I admit that I took a small bite of each flavor. :o I tried not to feel too badly about this little slip since I have been really eating well otherwise the past two days. Now I know it's only been two days, but I have HOPE once again that I might be able to actually shed some weight!!! :carrot:

Fi: HOORAY for your wonderful news that your ticker is NORMAL!!! :carrot: What a relief that must be!!! And I noticed before that you don't use emoticons, so I loved seeing your happy dancing carrot!!! Way to go on the weight loss, too! Glad the doc noticed and was impressed! :D I read Part 1 of Brain Over Binge tonight and found it fascinating. I am thinking that I might be able to use the technique she describes for even more than just overeating. Knowing how much the book and her technique helped you become binge-free has me excited and hopeful that it might help me with binges and overeating in general, too. I am going to try to extend the principles she describes about the animal brain to things such as procrastination and avoidance, too. Not sure if it will work there, but it is worth a try! I am in control of my actions! If my (animal/lower brain) thoughts can really be overridden with my true self (higher brain) voluntarily controlling my actions by distancing myself from those thoughts and keeping emotion out of the equation, this could be used in so many different situations! I will be trying this out in the days ahead.

Holly: Great to hear from you! So are you the official FIRST female President of the Vermont Rider's Association?!? Let me know how DASH compares with South Beach. I have 2 great days under my belt, so I am feelin' good tonight! :broc: It sounds like you are keeping really busy with work. When do you start your summer job? And when does the riding officially begin? Hang in there until then..... :D

Chelsea: So sorry that you are having a rough time. :( I hope you will make an appointment with that psychiatrist. She might really be able to help you a lot! You don't have to go through all of this alone. I WISH anxiety counted as exercise!!! I FEEL LIKE I've run marathons in my mind half the time! :lol: It is exhausting. I sure hope you will find some relief soon and be patient with yourself during this difficult time. Sending you a great big hug! :hug: Oh, and the stationary bike is OKAY, but I much prefer the treadmill. I am just thankful that I can do the bike in the meantime. Can't wait til I can bike outside with my hubby! Thanks for your support, even in the midst of your grief. :)

Trish: I agree with shr1nk1ngme..... throw away the ice cream and caramel, especially if it is tempting you so much! You don't need to do that to yourself. It just isn't worth it. Hang in there!

shr1nk1ngme: Good to see that you are still around. How are things with you?

ohiofreespirit: Thank you for keeping us updated on you. I hope the increase in Pristiq will do the trick!

Waving hello :wave: to everyone else!

02-25-2014, 10:31 PM
Holly: Great to hear from you AGAIN!!! :D I was writing so long that I missed your last post! You AND all of our neighbors want to use our new pool!!! :lol: Hey, with the diet, I agree about going one day, one hour, or one minute at a time! If I think of it as "for life" it becomes overwhelming. One day or one meal I can usually handle. Thanks for the tip on sprinkling sugar-free lemon Jello on my non-fat yogurt. I can actually have yogurt right now (in Phase One), so I will try it. I usually buy the Greek Dannon non-fat Light & Fit kind in a flavor (still only 6 or 7 gms of sugar), but plain with sugar-free Jello sprinkled on top would be an even better choice! ;)

02-25-2014, 11:07 PM
LOL @ everyone flocking to Kathleen's house for swimming :D Yes I am the first female President of United Motorcyclists of Vermont. Maybe the thought of having to be more in the public's eye will help me to my goal! (might be a quick local TV spot in August). Up here, we won't be riding regularly until May...though we will be able to take quick "sanity" rides hopefully in April.

Penmage would help better wtih knowledge of South Beach basics, though I am pretty sure that the following is true - you start with a strict 2 weeks of no starchy carbs at all; you can have lean meats, eggs, small portions of nuts;just about all veggies except corn, potatoes, etc; no pasta, rice or grains; no fruits yet either. Yes to non fat dairy. After the first 2 weeks, then one introduces small servings of healthier carby foods, like 100% whole grains.

Your lunch of turkey rollups was one of my South Beach staples!! I would cook a regular egg with some egg substitute for added mass, then eat it rolled up in turkey slices. I guess I love to eat with my hands :rofl: so I wouldn't miss bread or a wrap so much with that meal.

YOu are a nice mom to get that food for your sick teenager! how tempting it probably smelled but yay for resisting almost all of it.

I accidentally took 2 of my Wellbutrin pills yesterday morning :shock: I thought I was popping 2 of my Motrin for my knee! guess I just wasn't awake. I haven't flipped or tripped so I guess it's okay :D

02-25-2014, 11:44 PM
Here are my horrible temptations at work!

02-26-2014, 09:59 AM
Holly: A HUGE :congrat: on becoming the FIRST female President of the United Motorcyclists of Vermont!!! :celebrate: That is awesome! Yes, use it as incentive to look your best for the camera and for "your" public! ;)

I just have to tell you that if I worked at that place with those scrumptious desserts :T, I'd be in BIG trouble!!! That is A LOT of temptation to resist!!! :devil: However, once you make your mind up that it is off limits (except for the occasional PLANNED indulgence of a bite or two), YOU CAN DO IT!!! :D

02-26-2014, 01:30 PM
ohiofreespirit I'm glad you have a med that works for you. I've never had much luck with meds.

I'm still plugging along diet wise. I don't know if I am making any progress though which is discouraging.

02-26-2014, 08:21 PM
Hello everyone,

lilturtle, meds have kept me alive over the years. I am strong but when not on them, I melt down, not a good situation.

VM, (Holly) I love my daughter so much. I feel like such a failure when it comes to giving her the kind of life she deserves. I know it is just the depression talking but it is the way I feel right now. She is almost an adult now, in a way, it almost makes me feel like I owe her more than what I was able to give her. I know we don't owe our children anything except love and a safe environment's just hard to explain. I feel like a failure financially is what it boils down to. I feel like I can't do anything right. She deserves better.

So as you can see everyone, my depression is rampant. Hopefully, the meds can help. I will stay in touch.

IBelieve, I will certainly keep in touch and I hope you are right and that the meds change helps me come around.

02-27-2014, 12:15 PM
Hello everyone,

lilturtle, meds have kept me alive over the years. I am strong but when not on them, I melt down, not a good situation.

VM, (Holly) I love my daughter so much. I feel like such a failure when it comes to giving her the kind of life she deserves. I know it is just the depression talking but it is the way I feel right now. She is almost an adult now, in a way, it almost makes me feel like I owe her more than what I was able to give her. I know we don't owe our children anything except love and a safe environment's just hard to explain. I feel like a failure financially is what it boils down to. I feel like I can't do anything right. She deserves better.

So as you can see everyone, my depression is rampant. Hopefully, the meds can help. I will stay in touch.

:( oh that brought tears to my eyes..your daughter is in college, and that is something wonderful!! And when you have described the times you have together when she is home, she sounds loving and grateful to have you!!

I have such guilt when I think of how I was when my 2 boys were young, when I was not on my lifesaving med and every second I think I was always angry or frustrated and I hope to heaven that they don't have awful memories of me being snappy or quick tempered or not a nice mom :(
I feel I need to know this but I can't ask them, that would be putting them on the spot and I can't do that.

02-27-2014, 12:19 PM
I just have to tell you that if I worked at that place with those scrumptious desserts :T, I'd be in BIG trouble!!! That is A LOT of temptation to resist!!! :devil: However, once you make your mind up that it is off limits (except for the occasional PLANNED indulgence of a bite or two), YOU CAN DO IT!!! :D reality is that I have to be around those items but I need to reinforce 'just because they are there, doesn't mean I have to try them!" Someone who works in a bank can't just pick up a $10 whenever they want, right :rofl: And i have to try to remember, that if I was working in a retail store of let's say hardware, I would still have the same hunger/non-hunger level...little mind tricks that I have to employ.

02-27-2014, 03:07 PM
I stepped on the scale I do have that hasn't gone up high enough. I was 24 lbs away from using it at the end of November. It might be 10 lbs off too as a friend used it and it weighed her higher then her doctor's scale. I am very discouraged as it looks like I haven't lost as much weight as I hoped to by now. I have a doctor appointment in two weeks so we shall see then.

02-27-2014, 09:48 PM
Holly, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. Jennifer and I do have wonderful times when she is home. Things are usually hard financially though. Sometimes, I don't have money for food and I have to find it somewhere. Life for me is really hard but I keep going, I just feel bad that things aren't easier for Jennifer having to watch me struggle so damned much. She deserves so much more.

Well, anyway, I hope this post finds you all well. I really do.

02-27-2014, 11:22 PM
Holly, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. Jennifer and I do have wonderful times when she is home. Things are usually hard financially though. Sometimes, I don't have money for food and I have to find it somewhere. Life for me is really hard but I keep going, I just feel bad that things aren't easier for Jennifer having to watch me struggle so damned much. She deserves so much more.

Well, anyway, I hope this post finds you all well. I really do.

Oh gosh I'm okay, really :) Just really feeling your words and sending :hug: :)

02-27-2014, 11:26 PM
I stepped on the scale I do have that hasn't gone up high enough. I was 24 lbs away from using it at the end of November. It might be 10 lbs off too as a friend used it and it weighed her higher then her doctor's scale. I am very discouraged as it looks like I haven't lost as much weight as I hoped to by now. I have a doctor appointment in two weeks so we shall see then.

I'm so sorry you're discouraged! :( It is hard to not see what seems like tangible results..but I'm sure you are making good changes that maybe are harder to see but just as real.

Fiona W
02-28-2014, 02:21 AM
I'm super busy with the tail end of the Month of Letters challenge, but I wanted to check in briefly. Especially because I have good news about my Belgian friend, Robine: she sent me a lovely birthday present that arrived a few days late, with a sweet note to the effect that she still wants to be my friend. It looks as though now that our email correspondence is over, we will still be in contact by mail. I'm looking forward to writing my first paper-and-ink letter to her, some time in the next week.

I'm reading everyone's postings and thinking about y'all a lot. ohiofreespirit, I'm feeling for you. I've definitely been there, in multiple deep depressions, so I know what you are going through. Your words are coming through, so know that I am listening, even though I don't know what to say. You are a brave woman. This will be over one day, maybe when the winter is over. Hang in there!

02-28-2014, 12:43 PM
Having a really horrible day last night and today. I mean, REALLY horrible. Due to a bizarre set of circumstances, a folder with my original social security card and my son's got lost at a huge meeting of thousands of people last night. Now I am in complete panic mode and I'm coming unglued. I haven't had such a hard time in YEARS. Please pray for me, as I am in an (unrelated) huge time crunch this morning, no time to even think about the lost/stolen social security card crisis, and I don't have time to go into it here. Took an anxiety pill last night for the first time in a year, just so I could sleep.

I'll post a follow-up Monday morning. Ugh.

02-28-2014, 02:10 PM
Still not doing super hot but feeling a little better. Just wanted to stop in and send out a Hi and some hugs to everyone before the weekend. And say THANK YOU for the support. It means a lot to me, I don't like to talk to the people in my every day life about this stuff too much since they don't really get it and its such a downer if you don't understand. Sorry I don't have time right now to touch base with all of you personally, I will catch up soon.

Thinking of all of you,


Fiona W
02-28-2014, 05:59 PM
I'm doing well—not quite caught up on answering all the cards & letters I've gotten this month, but I put 8 things in the mail today, so I feel good about that. And I'm enormously relieved to be back in contact by snail mail with my Belgian friend. Plus, I have that clean bill of health for my heart, so as soon as it gets a little bit warmer, I can start walking around the lake again.

And things seem to be working out well with our niece and her son: Bob is fine with helping with the after-school care for his great-nephew, a few days a week, and we're having the two of them over to our house this weekend. Bob's going to entertain the boy while his mom and I get a chance to talk: i'm really looking forward to that!

shr1nk1ngme— So sorry to hear about your social security cards hassle, and about all the stress you are feeling...I'm sending out a special prayer for you as soon as I finish this posting. Is there any chance you could give us a first name to call you, instead of your handle? It doesn't have to be your real name.

ohiofreespirit— I've been thinking about you, last night and also today. Keep posting, and let us know how you are doing: don't worry about being repetitive or bothering anyone. This is a safe place where you can talk freely. As I said to shr1nk1ngme, it would be nice to have a name to call you, just a first name you don't mind giving us.

Chelsea— I'm glad to hear you're doin' a bit better, but you don't have to have good news to write a posting: please keep telling us about what's on your mind. And you don't need to touch base personally if you're not up to it. The important thing is that you can talk openly here about how you are feeling.

Trish— Sorry to hear you're discouraged about scale issues. Please remember that the important thing is that you're making longterm changes in your lifestyle, not whatever that 3-digit number is. Did you ever locate your tape measure?

Holly— I'm sorry to hear that you feel guilty about when your boys were young. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you this, but whatever may have happened in the past is out of your control now, so try to let it go. The present and the future are what you should focus on. And I'm sure that anger & frustration you felt back then was much more obvious to you than it was to your boys: all mothers instinctively shield their children from the stress they're feeling.

Kathleen— 'Haven't heard from you in a couple of days: I hope things are well with you. Tell us what's on your mind...

02-28-2014, 06:09 PM
I haven't been sleeping real well, It seems like ever other night I miss an entire night's sleep. I feel sick. I feel anxious. My doctor was supposed to call in some ambien for me and never did. I'm overwhelmed right now.

02-28-2014, 08:11 PM
Today is Day 5 of my DASH way of eating. I am finally getting consistent with BOTH food and exercise at the same time. I weighed 222 lbs the day I started this diet 2/24 (Monday) and Thursday morning I was down to 216!!! :broc: I am doing my healthy happy dance because it is literally the first time in years that the scale has budged DOWN at all!!!!! It seemed that no matter what I tried (ever since losing weight on Jenny Craig in 2009 and then gaining that and more back), the scale only continued to slowly (and sometimes not so slowly) creep back up..... all the way to new highs each time I would weigh myself. I still feel as though I never know what the scale is going to show at any given time, but it is finally going DOWN and I know it is true weight loss (and not just fluctuation) because I have been doing really well with food and exercise all week!!! I just hope and pray that I can keep this up and continue to lose weight, because I have about 75 pounds to lose ~ ONE pound at a time, of course! ;) And that's just to get to a normal BMI for my height. If I ever get back down to 145 lbs, I will be one very happy camper!!! :D Sorry to dominate this conversation. I don't have time now for personals, but I am reading along. I am sad to hear ohiofreespirit and Holly talk about how they feel badly for their kids due to their depressions and other struggles, but I must say I can really relate. I was a total wreck after my handicapped daughter's birth, since one of our twins had just died 3 years prior to her birth and then not knowing if I had the (mental and emotional) strength it would take or what it would require to take care of a baby with Spina Bifida, and our marriage suffered big blows with each event. I really worry about my son because he remembers my one manic episode and always knew that Mommy didn't have much energy most days. I was in a very deep depression during his very formative years. When I was able, though, I was a very attentive and devoted mother. I had my degree in child development, thank God, and had worked with children birth through preschool, so I felt somewhat capable to be a parent (though my son was extremely premature and came home on oxygen and monitors and my daughter was also very premature and came home on monitors and with a handicap which I didn't yet understand). My husband and I were extremely close during my/our difficult pregnancies, and then we handled things very differently (so grew apart) after each of our children were born (and after the one twin died). It was a part of my life that I really regret my state of mind and many of my choices at the time (and feel like I lost some years to depression and grief), but now I do consider myself a survivor after having come through all of those difficult events at least somewhat intact. After many years of therapy and finally getting the correct combo of meds that worked FOR ME and working very hard privately on all of my issues and past traumas, I feel mentally and emotionally stronger than ever! BUT man, did I have a lot of years of grief and depression, so I can still relate like it was yesterday. I hope and pray for healing and acceptance of YOURSELVES just where you are at this moment. You are doing the best you can with what you have been dealt up to this point in your lives. YOU ARE SURVIVORS!!! You are courageous and strong to keep on putting one foot in front of the other each day!!! I have to run now, but please hang in there and know that this difficult time WILL pass and that there IS light at the end of the dark tunnel you feel yourself in right now. I am sending you BIG hugs :hug: and keeping you all in my prayers! This is a special little group we have here and I am thankful for the contribution of each and every one of you! :)

shr1nk1ngme: So sorry about your social security cards!!! What a nightmare! Hope all is resolved for you soon!

Trish: Take some deep breaths and talk yourself through this. You are OKAY and this too shall pass! Hope you get some sleep tonight!

Chelsea: Glad to hear that you are feeling at least a bit better. Hang in there, too! :hug:

Fi: I admit that I have some mixed feelings about your Belgian friend's reappearance, but ~ if you are happy about it ~ then I am happy for you! Just be careful not to get your heart broken again! Sorry, but I am just looking out for you! ;)

I really gotta run now!!! Have to be somewhere! Hope I didn't leave anyone out! Take care and BE STRONG everyone!!! LilDazed: Hope I didn't scare you off with my "boundaries" comment; again, just trying to help!

Fiona W
03-01-2014, 01:30 AM
Kathleen— That's terrific news that you're finally losing weight! Yay!! Good for you that you've figured out an eating plan that is working for you! And I appreciate your concern about my friendship with Robine, but believe you me, I'm being very cautious about thiis. I'm taking it very slowly—through snail-mail to and from Belgium, which is indeed slow. I haven't even begun to write my reply letter to her after the birthday gift & card: I'm carefully weighing in my mind exactly what I want to say, so that things will go smoothly. No more hot-n-heavy daily email correspondence—never again.

03-01-2014, 11:29 PM
Just a note to say that I am starting the new March 2014 thread, so please look for us there and post to let us know you are on board!!! Thank you! :)