Hi Kat117 and ! I really hope you can get your meds figured out. Really sorry about your pain but BIG congrats on getting over 100 lbs smaller! !!! glad you joined us OH and I like your words of trying to make frustration work FOR us instead of against!

Ohio, hi CONGRATS on being down 5 pounds!!!!!!!!! Hope the weekend goes quickly for you...not what I usually tell people but I work every weekend so I know what it's like.

Hi Kathleen thanks, I do think that it will be kewl to be the first woman prez of that group, in this state. Not that's it's a cutthroat competition, it's hard to get members at all, let alone officers, no one wants the responsibilities

Hi Fi and no way to mitigate your heartache but we do care. I must read that book you've recommended; and at the very least check out that blog.

Well my food was relatively in line yesterday, for a change (rolling eyes at myself) Yogurt in the morning; chicken breast at lunch; more yogurt in afternoon; about 4 oz roast beef later afternoon, 2 slices pizza at son and fiance's place, then a packet of peanuts (200 calories?) I found in my glovebox on the 22 mile drive home, lol.

might have groaned about it before, but my huge hurdle during the winter, is that i'm not given a break to eat something during the 7 hours at work; so the best I can do is quickly (like literally one or 2 minutes) slurp down yogurt; or something soft and squishy or cut up small, that I've brought form home (the soft and squishy so it doesn't need much chewing!)

I know, its freaking against the law to not give someone a break but I'm sure it is prevalent among stingy-@ss employers like mine. Then i get so angry and the hunger/anger kinda combine into one bad emotion and that's when i sneak-eat a huge cookie.

Well HI to everyone else and I hope this day is good for you at the best; and not awful at the least.

Here's something that comes under the heading of "small victories": my car was just about out of gas yesterday, so I pulled into the 7-11 where I usually fill up (they have the best price). Before I even got out of my car at the pump, I realized with a sinking sensation that I wanted very badly to go into the 7-11 and buy a bunch of the cookies I used to binge on. 'Scared the h-e-l-l out of me. So I peeled out of there as fast as I could. Well today, my car was still out of gas, right? Guess what: I was able to pull back into the same 7-11 and get gas—no problem. I thought about those cookies they had, going "Ha ha ha! You cookies don't boss ME around no more!" =big grin=

So I'm finally getting my mojo back—yay!

Holly— Thanks for your comment on my collage: I really appreciate it. That's so unfair (& illegal, of course) that they don't give you a break for 7 hours, it's making ME really P.O.-ed! But not wanting a cookie—praise be for that. I can't wait to hear your news about bein' president of your motorcycle association!

ohiofreespirit— Way to go on losing 5 pounds—woo hoo!

Kathleen— Thanks for what you said about my collage: I acually felt more torn through the heart—you know, that really painful sensation in your chest—but it worked better for the collage to rip the postcard in half. But I'm better now: making the collage turned out to be very helpful in moving me past the acute grief. You really do need to check out Kathryn Hansen's book, because some of the stuff you've said about overeating until you're miserably stuffed qualifies as a binge. And her technique works for resisting all kinds of food-related urges, not just binging.

Trish— Thanks so much for your comment on my collage! I'm glad to hear you're gettin' your scale soon...that'll be nice to see how you've been doing. I don't know why I haven't mentioned this earlier, but you know, taking your measurements is another good way of tracking your progress—even just one measurement at waist level. Often it will happen that someone will get smaller according to their measurements even when the scale is not changing. And if you happen to need an extra-long tape measure, they sell them at AmpleStuff (just google them).

penmage— I've really appreciated your supportive comments: they mean a lot to me, coming from someone else who is suffering from heartache! You're a stronger woman than I am, to be able to give like that to someone else when you're in the midst of personal pain. It really sucks what Justin did to you! I hope you've had some in-person support from a girlfriend or somebody for the trauma of that assault: that sounded like a horrible experience.

We just got back home from a sled hockey tournament in Ft. Wayne, Indiana for my 14-year-old daughter. They won 2 games Saturday night and lost 2 games this morning. She scored an awesome goal in one of the games this morning, so she was excited about that, but unhappy that they didn't win the whole tournament. I do like snow, but I have to say that I am getting sick of this bitter cold weather. There was so much snow in Indiana and it was FREEZING!!! BRRRRR!!! I can't wait until spring!!! I don't think I was cut out to be a "hockey mom" (because it is such a cold sport), but I guess I am one! Actually, sled hockey has been a Godsend for our daughter. She is handicapped (Spina Bifida) and being a part of a competititve team has been really special for her. She has a lot of potential, we are told. Her goal is to play sled hockey in the 2022 paralympics ~ IF women's sled hockey is an official paralympic sport by then. (Men's sled hockey is a paralympic sport already.) That would mean A LOT of traveling and lots of COLD places....... but I'd suck it up for her. She is SO worth it!!! I am really proud of her.

Fi: I'd call resisting those cookies a HUGE victory ~ not "small!" You have been so distraught with heartache, so resisting those cookies you used to binge on is extra AWESOME!!! The last thing I need is another book, but I think I better check out Brain Over Binge. Thanks for the reminder. Keep on healing and take good care of yourself! You're worth it!

ohiofreespirit: Congratulations on losing 5 pounds!!! That must feel GREAT!!! Hope you enjoy your day off on Monday!

Holly (VermontMom): Wow, FIRST woman President is even KEWLer!!! Let us know if/when you are sworn in!!!

Trish (lilturtle): Please let us know how your weigh-in goes on Tuesday when your scale arrives. I so hope your efforts have paid off!!!

Tomorrow, we will be traveling (again) to Pittsburgh to my daughter's endocrinologist. Routine check-up. The drive is inconvenient, but she (the doctor) is THE guru on Spina Bifida and growth, so it is worth the drive. I find it difficult to make good/healthy food choices on road trips such as these, but I will do my best tomorrow. Ate so-so over the weekend while in Ft. Wayne. I really need to put all of my REASONS for losing weight back in the FRONT of my mind and make it a real PRIORITY again. I think I am about over my tantrum! I gotta get that scale to GO DOWN!!!!!

.

hi there Penmage - I can hear that you are hurting about this situation. I am sorry you have to go through all of this. I think you are a very brave lady and have a lot of strength in you to face situations head on. Kudos to you for being the one who is in control of your life.

Stay strong and know that should he choose not to respond - he is the one losing out on a wonderful person in his life.

I'm not getting the scale now. Long story. Fi taking measurements is a great idea. Thanks!

I've been sort of blah, mostly focused on churning out letters & postcards for the Month of Letters challenge. Last night I made a collage—actually, a mosaic—out of pieces of photographs taken by a friend of mine, and I was discouraged about how it turned out.

Ever since my Belgian friend pulled the plug on me I've been so paranoid about having a cookie attack that I've been eating very little. I guess that could be a good thing, but when it gets down under 1000 calories a day I worry that my metabolism is slowing way down. I won't know, I guess, until my weigh-in on the 22nd.

I sure am ready for my heartache to be over, but it's not....

Hi everyone, just caught up with you and am sending a big round of hugs!

Fi, your collage is wonderful. The simplicity of it shows the real, sharp, pain that you are feeling. Congratulations on not going for those cookies!! I have many times not been as strong this month for lesser reasons, it is a BIG victory not a small one.

Kathleen, You are the worlds best mom. I know that you will make that weight disappear, even if just a little at a time. Maybe Fi's suggestion of measurements would be good for you, since your scale seems to be broken Getting 40 mins on the treadmill is fantastic, btw.

Penmage, it is so good that you are able to confront Justin instead of letting the matter hang. With closure can come real healing. I am thinking about you.

Holly- Congratu-freaking-lations, Ms. President! Having worked in many a crappy food establishment, I am sorry that your employers are so terrible. Hanger is hard to control, eating becomes an act of spite and provides its own special type of satisfaction! I hope that those cookies don't let you drag yourself down. Yogurt is a good thing to eat on a quick break, maybe add some granola or a little carbs to help hold you through your day since you don't get real breaks?

Hello to everyone else!

We had SNOW!! almost 2 whole feet! If you know about the willamette valley, you know we don't really get snow much, so no one is ever prepared. I was stuck at home for 4 days and without power for 2. But, back at work today and starting an exercise program with 2 of my co-workers, so I am hopeful that I will keep with it better since they are around every day to check in with!

Hugs, good thoughts, and you are all amazing!!!
Chelsea

I have four pills left at the higher dose and then I switch to a lower dose in my journey toward weaning from Cymbalta. I'll check in here and let you know if I encounter any problems.

Hi everyone.

I went to see my nurse practitioner who gives me my meds. She upped my Gabapentin to 800 mg 3x a day. I have still been having on-going problems with anxiety. Hopefully this will help me even out and not be so anxious all the damned time.

I have an appt with my therapist later this month on the 20th. These appts are really important for me to go to, they really keep me on an even keel. My therapist is wonderful, I've been with her for a long time. I don't know what I'd do if I would have to change?

My dog died. It's been really really hard. His death was unexpected despite his being 11 years old. I found him, he had fallen asleep and did not wake up. It was hard, he was cold and stiff. I cried over him and hugged him like a child. I couldn't help it. I loved that dog so much. I am crying now as I write this. I got his ashes back today and I cried most of today, adjusting to the fact that he was really really gone and never coming back to me.

My other dog is doing really well, I wondered how she would do? They were both really close to each other and had never lived apart, ever.

I hope this post finds you all well.

Oh my heart is breaking for your loss. How very sad, and hard. It's OK to cry; our furbabies are family and we love them sooo much. Praying for you this week.

Hope the change in your dosage helps with your anxiety, too.

Ohio, I am so sorry for your loss. Cry as much as you need, and hug that other dog!

My thoughts are with you.

Ohio...I am really sorry for your loss. Pets are like family members. Big hugs.

Hello Support Buddies! I did a bit better food-wise on the road yesterday, but my body has suffered from the lack of movement and exercise lately. Stomach ached and just felt blah. I suffered through a tough workout this morning, but now I am feeling much better physically. I am struggling to stay in this game mentally. I weighed myself this morning and I am UP 2 more pounds. This depresses and scares the h*ll out of me!!! I am once again at a NEW all-time high weight and it only seems to creep UP higher. I am really starting to feel like I will NEVER lose this excess weight! I am NOT giving up though. I will not go down without a fight!!!

ohiofreespirit: I am so very sorry for the loss of your dog! I am a serious dog lover (we have 3), so my heart really breaks for you. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to grieve this real loss in your life. It helps to have your other dog, I am sure, but it still doesn't take the pain of losing the other one away. They are part of the family when you love them like we do. Hang in there! Sending you a BIG HUG!

penmage: I have been thinking of you and hoping that Justin will be man enough to at least let you know he wants to end the relationship. It sure seems like it would help you to have SOME closure in this situation. Please keep us posted! BIG HUGS to you!

lilturtle: So sorry to hear that you aren't getting the scale now. Hope everything is okay! Right about now I am tempted to say that scales are overrated. Mine only moves one way....... up!

Fi: Please make sure you take good care of yourself (including adequate nutrition) while you process your pain. Hang in there! I am sending you a BIG HUG!!!

Chelsea (CDubs): It is great to hear from you! Thank you for the compliment about being a good mom. It means a lot to me! Unfortunately, I found out today that my scale actually ISN'T broken, since it moved UP 2 pounds. Dumb scale!!! I don't even want to check my measurements right now, because I don't think (just from looking and the way my clothes feel) that I am losing inches either. I will consider it for later, but I can't risk any more discouragement right now. So sorry you were without power for 2 days!!! Since you aren't used to it, do you like the snow or is it driving you crazy? I actually like snow, but we have had so much ~ along with bitter cold temps ~ that I am ready for it to end. I hate the bitter cold! Good luck with the exercise program you are starting with 2 of your co-workers!!! Sounds great! Go Chelsea!!!

shr1nk1ngme: Hope the med taper goes well. Yes, please keep us posted. Thanks for checking in!

I'm doin' a little better today. Bob and I had a long discussion last night about how I need to be more self-protective, not only with respect to my Belgian friend Robine, but whenever I get into intense friendships with people who are deeply wounded. It helped me start focusing on taking better care of myself, and get free from obsessing about the loss I've suffered.

For about ten days there, I didn't do my leg exercises, but now I'm getting back into the habit. 'Couldn't quite do all 600 leg lifts last night or tonight, but if I keep at it, I'll get back to where I was.

And I'm finally starting to realize what an enormous accomplishment it is, that I haven't eaten one single cookie (or anything else with sugar in it) all through this heartache I've gone through. Whoa... I'm so pleased about that.

ohiofreespirit— I lost an 11-year-old cat very suddenly like that, so I know how hard it is to lose your sweet dog. Give yourself time with the grief, and know that our thoughts are with you.

Kathleen— I really feel for you, with your frustration over gaining those two pounds. Is it time to take a new look at your diet—like how many carbs you're eating? But whatever you decide to do or not do, please remember that I am rooting for you!

Chelsea— Thanks so much for your comment on my collage: it means a lot to me.