Weight Loss Support - Demotivated :(

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Hannah Baier
01-07-2014, 11:09 AM
Hi there, I'm Hannah and I'm new here on 3FC. I've been searching high and low for a good weight loss forum and have finally come across this one with so many supportive members!

I'm 17, 162lbs & 5'4 and a half. My goal is to reach about 130lbs in less than 4 months. I'm currently on the Totalife Total Diet-8 Plus, which is a meal replacement.

I was 149lbs once, and lost weight to 127lbs. BUT, the biggest demotivation for me would probably have to be people around me. I've always struggled with what people thought about me for as long as I can remember. I always feel like I'm doing a great job, until I visit my grandma (who I cannot really talk to, as I don't speak the dialect fluently) and she seems to always say that I've gained weight, when clearly.. the scales show that I've lost weight.

Basically, I'm just so demotivated by everyone saying that I'm fat, when I'm trying to lose weight. The only supportive person is my boyfriend. Is this even logical? :( I hope no one judges me on how much I care what people think of me. I just need some words of motivation & advice. Thank you so much for your time & every reply is appreciated!

Silver Snow
01-07-2014, 12:19 PM
So often we're told, "don't worry about what everyone else thinks." To a certain point, this is sound advice. But the hard reality is that how others perceive us actually is important, too. It affects many aspects of our lives. Some time ago, I was a licensed massage therapist and applied for a job. At the time, I was relatively thin. On the phone, before I even went in for an interview, I was asked if I was obese. What a question! But I made a choice then and there that I did not want to work for people like that. Life is too short and there are too many other opportunities. I wasn't going to waste my time on such shallow people.

An unfortunate truth is that our appearance can affect our social and professional lives. Yet, we are in control of how we respond to that. In my opinion, there is so much more to appearance than just the physical (odd as that sounds). Growing up, I knew a woman who was about 5'5 and probably in the 300 pound range. To this day I still remember her as being one of the prettiest women I ever met. She wore classy, dressy clothes. Her hair was always fashionably styled. She had her nails done regularly. Her makeup was glamorous and impeccable. But the thing I really remember about her was how confident she always seemed. When she entered a room, she had a presence about her that commanded respect. In her job, she was known as a shark because of how smart and efficient she was.

What all this boils down to is that we can always do things to improve our appearances. But there is so much more to how we look than just what the eye physically sees. The best advice I can offer is to just stay strong and keep doing what you're doing. Be your own motivation. It almost seems natural for people to find something negative first rather than positive. Just remember: that is their problem. Not yours. They are choosing to be negative. Let them deal with that bitterness and don't take it on as your own baggage. You don't owe them anything.

01-07-2014, 12:33 PM
I love what Silver Snow said, and I agree that weight can seriously effect your professional life. I am an accountant, so it isn't as bad for me. But, when I was in retail, I use to think the reason I didn't get a lot of the waiter jobs in the nice restaurant was my weight.

Honestly, No matter what size you are, how pretty you are, people will find something to criticize. If it's not your weight, you're too muscular or not "curvy" with the real curves men want. You're boobs are too small. Your hair is too frizzy. You have freckles you don't like. You will, and everyone else will, ALWAYS find a flaw. It doesn't matter how perfect you make yourself. I say don't let that get you down. I want to lose weight because I want to be healthy, I want to feel more confident. I don't want to be obese anymore. Mostly... I want kids some day. To do that, I need to be healthy in order for them to be! I want to run with them, play with them, set a great example for them, and be able to help them grow up so they never know what it's like to have an overweight BMI.
When I get discouraged, I think about my goals. I attempt to ignore other people. If I know someone is calling me fat, I just think "wait until this time next year, you'll be amazed at how much weight I'll lose!" It feels good imagining them seeing that. Especially if it's a guy that is shallow. I want to be the hottie he was cruel to.

01-07-2014, 01:05 PM
Yes, agree. People will always find something to criticize about.

Hit the reply before I could finish! Can you see your granny in a group setting? That could be one way of taking her attention away from you. Unfortunately I know only too well the poison some of the older generation can spread.

01-07-2014, 01:08 PM
It is so hard and discouraging when our family members poke at us - especially in your teenage and young adult years. I grew up getting the same. I'm 5'7", and even when I weighed 136 lbs, my dad still teased me for being "fat", because my older sister was tiny. I look back at my yearbook pictures and think, "What the H*&*? I was not even close to fat." Even when I weighed 170.

Your family members, including your grandma, probably don't realize the damage they're doing to you by commenting on your size. They might even be under the delusion that pointing it out to you is motivating. Did I mention that they're deluded? ;) If you feel beaten down by it, you could respond by saying something like, "When you say that, it makes me feel really badly," or "Stop it - your comments are hurtful." I know that's easier said than done, especially if you have relatives like mine, who would always turn it on you and make it your fault.

Until you're out on your own, you may just have to put up with their crap. Come here for motivation, and to supportive friends. Once I was no longer under their financial care (I'd moved out), I took a different tactic. When the negative comments started, I'd look at my watch or cell and say, "Oh, look at the time - I have somewhere else I need to be. Love you, bye." And I'd leave. Even if it was 15 minutes BEFORE dinner. Even if I'd just gotten there. After awhile, it actually trained them to stop being ugly, or they wouldn't see much of me. ;)

Hang in there - and seek support where you can find it. When your grandma pokes at you for your weight, think inside your mind how sad it is that she feels she needs to do this, and give her a pitying look. Take the power back, at least internally.

01-07-2014, 02:35 PM
Hi Hannah! :welcome: I'm so glad you've joined us, because you are safe here. We know what it's like, we know how hard the struggle is, and we want the best for each other. Believe it or not, most family members mean well. Unfortunately, they don't always communicate well. They really don't mean to be hurtful. They just don't understand how to be helpful. Your grandma grew up during a time when women were expected to be stick thin, and they were judged almost solely on their beauty and bodies, so she was conditioned to think in those terms. It doesn't make it right but maybe it can help you to understand why she focuses first thing on your weight. All I can say is just keep trying to lose weight for you. I must admit, I wish you weren't doing a meal replacement plan because usually when you start eating meals again, the weight just comes back on. Maybe once you have your hunger under control, you can consider another more sustainable option like counting calories or watching carbs, some plan that will allow you to eat real food in a smart way for the rest of your life, so that you don't end up yo-yo dieting. Anyway, I wish you the best! Good luck!

Silver Snow
01-07-2014, 03:23 PM
I have to agree with what Jacqui said about meal replacements. One of the biggest mistakes I've always made with weight loss is that I think too much about right now. You have to think beyond that. So ask yourself this: Will I be on meal replacements for the rest of my life? Is this a diet I can maintain long term? The biggest key to weight loss and management is changing your eating habits so they are healthier. It is a lifestyle change. Simply going on a diet doesn't work because the weight comes back on. It has to be a permanent change that you can manage long term. This doesn't mean limiting yourself to just "rabbit food." Learn how to measure portion sizes. Find small tricks that help you feel more full. Sometimes I drink a glass full of warm water before a meal because it helps me eat a lot less. Also, learn how to distinguish between true hunger and simply wanting food just because it tastes good or gives you something to do. So often I've gone into the kitchen for food because it's a habit, not because I was truly and honestly hungry to the point of my stomach rumbling. I've found that it helps tremendously to find other things to do to occupy my mind so I don't dwell on food. Find a hobby, leave the house to do things, talk to someone on the phone, etc.

Hannah Baier
01-17-2014, 04:38 AM
Thank you all so much for your helpful replies! I love how much everyone in this forum understands :)

My family typically eats healthy. We don't eat junk food, stay away from fried foods, and use less salt and sugar, and oil. We eat tons of vegetables and fruits too! I think my real problem is that, I'm such a lazy bum, haha. I'm always sitting around and am too lazy to get any exercise done. I'm definitely trying to incorporate more exercise into my diet routine. As for the meal replacement, I'm only going to be taking it for 3 months.

Mrs Snark
01-17-2014, 08:16 AM
It is great you can rely on your boyfriend for support, maybe you 2 can do sporty stuff together for exercise -- bike rides, walks/jogs, hiking -- that kind of thing. Make it fun! I've also found that doing that kind of thing with your significant other deepens the relationship, so Win-Win! :)